Having a casual arrangement with an ex?

S

Stephanay

New Member
Having a casual arrangement with an ex?worried how i no longer want to date black men

So i started talking to my ex now and we are in talking terms of hooking up. Not rekindling our relationship just hooking up.
Well, thats what he believes anyway
all my partners since him have paled in comparison.

Because of him I think hes subconsciously the reason why I no longer date black men. I no longer find them attractive like I used to. Dont get me wrong Ill appreciate a handsome brother but thats it for me.
I rebuff their advances also as many of them have hurt me and proved deceitful. Many in my age range have underlying self hatred issues too. You can see this on twitter with them bashing black women using # and constant comparisons to other races. Many do it for jokes but theres deeper issues

I miss how my ex made me feel. hes an older white male and whilst most guys my race and age dont find me attractive my nose is too wide,im ugly, i look like a man, im not thick and curvy i dont have a booty, im bald. (these are the things that have been said)
he makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. makes me feel special and amazing. I miss that.


I know this wont end well. But I dont care. I crave intimacy and affection.
i have been with countless men despite losing my v this time last year due to some issues ive been facing and me losing myself(check recent post) but at least now i can have a steady partner and some happiness.
Something to look forward to even if its fleeting. Someone who will look forward to me. right now i have nothing i have no one. i stay in bed all day everday because im miserable and demotivated.
this will get me out the house even if its into another bed. I miss dressing up to impress, doing my makeup and brushing my wigs all nice:lachen:

I think subconsciously why I tend to go for wg now is because of him, its like im looking for him in everyone else with colour being a filter.
I dont have self hate issues. Im a proud african and lover of my food, culture and music. I know my history, can trace back my family in the generations and understand my native language.
(So please dont come with the post traumatic slavery disorder diagnosis. see i dont play that ****!)

I more or less had to persuade him to consider this lol but when i did the "okay bye ur loss have a nice life" routine he quickly recons.
at least now i cn have some stability and at the very least a hug. I cant remember the last time I had a sincere embrace. :grin:
 
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Is this a dear Abby letter?


If not, shouldn't you, a teenager, be in school studying or something and not worrying about older white peen.

Also, it is NOT Sunday!
 
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My heart hurts for you. I am falling asleep and will come back to this later on. I hope you will be okay tonight.
 
LovelyLouboutin said:
Is this a dear Abby letter?


If not, shouldn't you, a teenager, be in school studying or something and not worrying about older white peen.

Also, it is NOT Sunday!
Click to expand...

im at university with a scholarship okay, im graduating at 20 years old.
Whos abby? who said it is sunday?
is this some sort of a-a ebonic lingo im not familiar with...
Please dont patronise me.
 
I don't believe this post!! Too many ridiculous comments for it to be true.

BUT good luck with your wg and practice safe sex!
 
ETA: Read your other thread, this is not a joking matter and he is taking advantage of you if he said yes.
 
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If this is real, Im sad for you. You think youre getting something (intimacy, companionship, ect) but youre not. Its not just you, a lot of women make this mistake, and some waste years on it. When youre older, you'll regret this. Trust me. Maybe you should seek companionship with friends, or if you dont have any, find a nice church and join the young adults group. Also, you're 20. You havent experienced enough men of any color to write anyone off.

ETA: I just read your other thread. Step away from that man. He is a temporary distraction that will leave you lower than when you started. Go to church. Judt try it.
 
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I'm sorry you are going through a rough time. You really need to get into counseling to help resolve your issues from childhood and so on because it reads like you have dealt with a lot in life and lack self esteem. Surround yourself with positive people.

This arrangement with your ex is a bad idea because you will still feel empty and possibly even worse than how you feel now. You do not have the upper hand here.
 
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Read your other thread. This arrangement is the LAST thing you need right now. Please get some help. I'm sure if you walk into an ER and explain how you feel, they will work with you on a road to recovery.
 
Clearly there is background info. Can someone like the other thread.

And no OP there was no African American ebonics lingo in my post. Just because this is an African American board doesn't mean that every word or phrase you don't know and understand is Ebonics.

I don't know the background story but I believe you should focus on school and cultivating a meaningful relationship with someone. If you are depressed and not confident about yourself or your looks then a friends with benefits situation with an ex will mentally wreck havoc on you and might make you even more depressed and damage your confidence even more. Ex's are ex's for a reason.
 
Stephanay said:
im at university with a scholarship okay, im graduating at 20 years old.
Whos abby? who said it is sunday?
is this some sort of a-a ebonic lingo im not familiar with...
Please dont patronise me.
Click to expand...

I was gonna offer a real response, but I'm all set now. Good luck.
 
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MzLady78 said:
I was gonna offer a real response, but I'm all set now. Good luck.
Click to expand...

I read her other posts...................sigh...............she's young. And being British, she probably does not get all of our vernacular. We will need to exercise patience.
 
How are you doing lovie? I hope you are in a better frame of mind currently. I really hope you find some things to do without involving your ex. I know what it feels like to feel appreciated by a man but as I said in the other thread, he is an ex for a reason. You have many issues to deal with and could use some professional help honey. I am sorry you feel unattractive but we are often our toughest critics. Just because you see a woman that you perceive to be beautiful means she sees herself the same way. You are still young, have been through A LOT and can totally live the life you want to live. Consider us your e-big sisters. I wish you all of the best.
 
Since he's so great why has he demoted you to F-buddy status. Shouldn't y'all be in a real relationship

Anyway no sure what you were hoping to hear so um get it girl?
 
I don't think you can have a casual relationship...You have too many feelings involved.

Take some time to become comfortable with yourself, and realize that you are worth more than being a sex partner to a guy.
 
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