Have you ever stayed in a relationship when you felt it wasn't right?
- Thread starter MissJ
- Start date
No, I personally run after the first sign. 
But my cousin does this. I mean she stays for 5 to 7 years at a time. She's done this with 3 main guys going on her 4th and STILL not married. It NEVER works
.
I used to be in awe of her thinking "how does she get these relationships" but it was cause she puts up with all that crap knowing deep within it's not going to work. She can't be alone.
erplexed
But my cousin does this. I mean she stays for 5 to 7 years at a time. She's done this with 3 main guys going on her 4th and STILL not married. It NEVER works
. I used to be in awe of her thinking "how does she get these relationships" but it was cause she puts up with all that crap knowing deep within it's not going to work. She can't be alone.
erplexed
Vanity1
Well-Known Member
No, I personally run after the first sign.
But my cousin does this. I mean she stays for 5 to 7 years at a time. She's done this with 3 main guys going on her 4th and STILL not married. It NEVER works
I used to be in awe of her thinking "how does she get these relationships" but it was cause she puts up with all that crap knowing deep within it's not going to work. She can't be alone.
Sorry off subject, but it is kinda related to the topic....
I like the quote in your siggy, Kia....that's tha truth!
SvelteVelvet
Well-Known Member
Twice.
The first time, the relationship lasted 2 1/2 years and there were 'signs' that gave me alarm on the first date. But I allowed myself to look over them, a part of me allowed myself to feel sorry, feel that he 'needed' me, that I could be good for him.. Basically they were signs that the guy had very deep emotional & mental issues due to his upbringing when it came to relationships, as well as other habits I was never a victim to due to my spiritual and mental strength, I just came from a more solid background where I didn't fall into certain things. There were great great things about the relationship and I learned alot but it ended up dissolving because of those 'signs' I saw from day one. His issues became heavy burdens on me, and started tearing away at my strength. I learned that weak people are drawn to strong people, but in a relationship it can be draining.
With another guy long after that relationship, I got that same feeling from the first date that little something that said 'RUN!". But I decided to give him a chance to change that, didn't want to make assumption and lose out on a good thing, I was very very attracted to him. But 6 weeks and a few nightmares later I cut him loose. He had even worse issues than the last one. Psychotic pathological liar, lives in a fantasy world of himself, drug dealer and user (didn't know this from jumpstreet, led me to believe he had a job) product of a very unhealthy environment, and had the nerve to be spoiled, greedy and selfish. Thankfully I didn't waste anymore time, but he became a stalker.
I've learned to trust my gut from those situations, because they were always on point. I'll never stick around to 'find out' if I'm right again, if it's there I know it is for a reason.
The first time, the relationship lasted 2 1/2 years and there were 'signs' that gave me alarm on the first date. But I allowed myself to look over them, a part of me allowed myself to feel sorry, feel that he 'needed' me, that I could be good for him.. Basically they were signs that the guy had very deep emotional & mental issues due to his upbringing when it came to relationships, as well as other habits I was never a victim to due to my spiritual and mental strength, I just came from a more solid background where I didn't fall into certain things. There were great great things about the relationship and I learned alot but it ended up dissolving because of those 'signs' I saw from day one. His issues became heavy burdens on me, and started tearing away at my strength. I learned that weak people are drawn to strong people, but in a relationship it can be draining.
With another guy long after that relationship, I got that same feeling from the first date that little something that said 'RUN!". But I decided to give him a chance to change that, didn't want to make assumption and lose out on a good thing, I was very very attracted to him. But 6 weeks and a few nightmares later I cut him loose. He had even worse issues than the last one. Psychotic pathological liar, lives in a fantasy world of himself, drug dealer and user (didn't know this from jumpstreet, led me to believe he had a job) product of a very unhealthy environment, and had the nerve to be spoiled, greedy and selfish. Thankfully I didn't waste anymore time, but he became a stalker.
I've learned to trust my gut from those situations, because they were always on point. I'll never stick around to 'find out' if I'm right again, if it's there I know it is for a reason.
I stayed with my exhusband a year too long, thinking that it would get better and it didn't. He had to the nerve to act like he didn't know what was going on after I told him millions of times. He completely disconnected from our marriage and thought we were fine because we lived in the same home and didn't argue and I smiled while were were together publicly. How can you argue when a person is so nonresponsive?
mrsjohnson75
Well-Known Member
Yes, because I was young and stupid, then I grew up and became wiser. If it doesn't feel right you need to leave.
Sorry off subject, but it is kinda related to the topic....
I like the quote in your siggy, Kia....that's tha truth!
Thanks
. It sure is the truth . The more I grow to love myself the more it bothers me when I don't honor myself in this way.
Kenedie
Active Member
Yes - for a year and a half. He had a temper and swore he would try to change and I fell for it. He would get mad at me for something someone else would do. Some random dude checked me out while I was walking with him, he would get mad at me as if I did it. Two guys were in a car in front of us once, they were turning around waving and he got mad at me. I didn't know them and didn't wave back. The last time we argued he raised his fist up at me, turned around and hit the wall instead. I left and I haven't seen him since and that was 7 years ago.
MissYocairis
Well-Known Member
Yes. I knew while dating him that we weren't right for each other but I wanted to be married sooooooo bad so that I could have a fairytale family complete with a BABY! (sounds like a lot of thread topics around here) So when he proposed...I happily accepted. Then, during the engagement, I realized AGAIN that dude wasn't "The one".....my intuition was almost SCREAMING at me....but......I didn't care....I wanted a wedding and a baby! I was hard headed....and conflicted and fearful. I went back and forth....called the wedding off, then on, then off, then on.....all because I was fighting against my better judgment, my gut, just because I was tired of being single and childless (I was only 23!) and I had no idea what marriage and motherhood was really all about.
Anyway....I ended up leaving an abusive husband with two young children 8 years later. Needless to say, I NEVER ignore that feeling now....
Anyway....I ended up leaving an abusive husband with two young children 8 years later. Needless to say, I NEVER ignore that feeling now....
MissJ
Well-Known Member
Wow, most people don't take it that far to marriage... I don't think. It seems like you knew all along that it wasn't working. Calling off a wedding several times, wow.
MissJ
Well-Known Member
YES---I LISTENDED TO MY DAMN FRIENDS..I WOULDA BEEN LEFT THE RLP BUT MY FRIENDS WERE LIKE --YOU ARE SO HARD ON HIM GIVE HIM SOME TIME..
MY *** SHOULDA JUST WENT WITH MY GUT FEELING...
This is kind of funny. Maybe you should have told your friends to get with him instead of you, if they liked him so much.
treybaby2005
Well-Known Member
I think I'm in one now.I moved in with my so 3yrs ago when my gut told me to keep my own place.Now we are still living together with a child and no ring yet!I hate it,I shouldve stuck with my gut instinct and not moved in with someone without an engagement or marriage.
MissYocairis
Well-Known Member
Yes. Wow is right. 'Tis true. I did know and ignored that gut instinct anyway. I posted this here so that perhaps someone in a similar situation will pay attention to their gut and avert years of difficulty. It should also be noted that I was in the NOI at the time and highly desirous of having a family like all of my peers...I was way too young...and in that congregation, being a wife and mother gave you status. Many in the NOI took it as far as marriage too soon and much to their regret. It wasn't uncommon in that context though it was premature.
aja1121
Well-Known Member
I think I'm in one as well. There were so many red flags in the beginning and there are still some now. Everytime I get the strength to leave, he does or says the right thing to pull me back in. It is truly an emotional rollercoaster. It's harder when I live with him 2 hrs away from my family. Me moving in with him was the worst mistake of my life. But no regrets...I am learning so much about what type of man I want and don't want in my life.
R
Reslnt1
Guest
Shoot, i just left one and although it was only two months, it was two months from hell!!!
I thought i knew him, we had met 4yrs ago and bumped into each other in July. things were fine for the 1st couple weeks but then the unexpected weekend trip....shady...then there was the time he was supposed to come over and never showed up and when I took a trip to his house to see if something had happened to him on the way to mine, his car wasnt there....then there was the delayed text responses and the unanwered phone calls, the v/m from other females.....all the while him teling me how much he wanted to be with me.... all the while i would feel like i was about to have diarrhea everytime we made plans b/c i knew he wasnt going to follow thru......i walked away so many times....i remmeber when he told me that i would regret leaving him and i said to myself, "maybe i am making a mistake and tried again...but this was the first time being 30 affected my judgement......i felt like if i let him go, here would b yet another failed relationship at the age of 30....I believe in LOA and i knw that i attacted him into my life but I was living by default which is where i messed up....anyway at the end of the day i left .....bruised but not broken
I thought i knew him, we had met 4yrs ago and bumped into each other in July. things were fine for the 1st couple weeks but then the unexpected weekend trip....shady...then there was the time he was supposed to come over and never showed up and when I took a trip to his house to see if something had happened to him on the way to mine, his car wasnt there....then there was the delayed text responses and the unanwered phone calls, the v/m from other females.....all the while him teling me how much he wanted to be with me.... all the while i would feel like i was about to have diarrhea everytime we made plans b/c i knew he wasnt going to follow thru......i walked away so many times....i remmeber when he told me that i would regret leaving him and i said to myself, "maybe i am making a mistake and tried again...but this was the first time being 30 affected my judgement......i felt like if i let him go, here would b yet another failed relationship at the age of 30....I believe in LOA and i knw that i attacted him into my life but I was living by default which is where i messed up....anyway at the end of the day i left .....bruised but not broken
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angelz214
New Member
I am in the same boat as treybaby, but I have two kids with him. And he hides things from me and lies. He had a secret friendship with a female from his last job bc he said he couldn't talk to me and she listen. Then he contacted his ex and hide that from me. I don't know what I am looking for to change. Our relationship is a circle. Ladies give me strength.
Suerte
New Member
The guy I am with now...I know he will not be my husband or the father of my children.
He's not abusive in any way and is a very respectful man, however I know that his dedication to his job/career/family will never change and he has some personality traits that I know I couldn't deal with for 50 years.
He is right for right now. I have learned a lot from him about relationships and communication. This relationship is serving its purpose.
He's not abusive in any way and is a very respectful man, however I know that his dedication to his job/career/family will never change and he has some personality traits that I know I couldn't deal with for 50 years.
He is right for right now. I have learned a lot from him about relationships and communication. This relationship is serving its purpose.
NYAmicas
Seeker
SvelteVelvet
Well-Known Member
OMG, ALL trifling men say this, or something else like "Good luck finding a dude as real as I am" Lol, my response to the last guy that said that to me was "With luck, I WON'T find a dude as real as you are because you are as fraudulent as they come"
I swear they are all delusional, every other sentence that comes out of your mouth is a lie and you believe you are the realest thing out there? It's like they all studied from the same mind-screwing book.
But you know they say this because THEY know they have a good thing, YES, even though they don't know how to act or treat you they still know what they have, even in their greed and selfishness and you being one of 2 or many they are still afraid to lose you on YOUR terms, it frightens them to know YOU wouldn't be afraid of losing them. Deep down they are insecure and NEED you to feel that way about them. It's definately more of a pride/ego thing than to do with love. But once they see you may be seeing them for who they really are, they let a bunch of bold-faced lies come out of their mouth like that one and hope that you'll believe it.
Congrats on coming out of it the way you did though, and not wasting any more time on someone who didn't deserve you.
R
Reslnt1
Guest
I like that one, hopefully I won't have to use it but I will keep it in the aresenal...lol