Has past abuse effected your ability to have a successful relationship?

[SummerSolstice]

I have been really encouraged by some of the advice and testimonies in this forum. I was wondering if any of you have been victims of abuse whether it be from a family member or a spouse. If so, how has it effected your romantic life, and what do you do to keep things normalized?
I am currently in a relationship and it is very hard for me to trust and be comfortable with many things. Sometimes he feels that it is b/c of things that I have previously experienced. If that is the case I often feel like I will not be able to have a successful relationship. I would be willing to go more into detail if other people respond.

 

[Makenzie]

For me, what helped was time. My marriage was not a good one. The relationship after that was filled with my baggage and bad decision making skills. Once I decided what I want and do not want I was able to move forward. First though I had to really re-evaluate myself and understand why certain things were happening. Once I understood 'why', it was a bit easier to change. It truly is easier said than done, and definitely a journey. But so worth it.

Hope that helps.

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

I struggle with this also I trust no one not even my family I am all ways on the denfense then comes allong the greatest guy I ever met and I don't want to repeat past mistakes so I tell my self I deserve a great guy I am worthy

 

[SummerSolstice]

I sometimes believe that people who say that they are in a happy marriage or have a stable lifestyle cannot be telling the truth. I know that notion is false, but it seems impossible to me.
I read through that cheating thread and I can't imagine going through something like that, especially since I don't trust men even when they don't cheat

 

[miss stress]

I think its difficult, but definately possible. I was sexually abused as a child and that led to alot of other things that this thread is not long enough to get into and thus alot of baggage. I am currently in therapy working all of it out but to answer your question no it doesnt reflect on my mairrage. I have a very loving great mairage(and I'm not lying) Because whn u marry the right person how can it ever b wrong?

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

Just my relationship with my father.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

I know that my past sexual abuse and physical abuse from my stepfather has harmed me in relationships not just romantic ones but just friends as well.Im working on knowing when something pops up what is the root and dealing with it..I don't want to be the black fat christian woman who is never getting laid and is bitter..I want a real man..it makes my perspective of me so bad..like I say well a real good man wont want me bc Im big..it stems from my stepfather telling me your fat ugly and no one will want to be your friend unless you pay for them

 

[belldandy]

I don't think normal relationships are truly possible

 

[MissJ]

Past abuse has taught me that if a man cannot respect me, then he will respect the law. If a man is violent toward me, I will call the police and press charges. I missed two opportunities to do that last year, with an ex, and with a stranger. The ex tells all his business to his friends, so after the altercation, his friend messaged me on facebook and asked me what happened. He thought it was funny at first until I told him what really happened. I also told him that his friend was trying to break me down mentally and that if he ever came near me again, I would get a restraining order against him. The next day, they both call me on 3-way, while I am in a judge's chambers, no less, and the ex wants to discuss the "breaking-me-down-mentally thing." I don't talk about it, and he never comes near me again. I'm sure the restraining order message was relayed. That is why you should never deal with anyone who has less to lose than you do (ring a bell, Tiger Woods?) Some people don't care about going to jail or having their reputations tarnished. Others do.

Abuse has not affected my ability to have successful new relationships. I don't automatically assume that a person is going to be lying and cheating, but I probably should. For some reason, I think people feel like they can get over on me, because I am nice, quiet, and always composed. Those people are not the kind of people I would like to or need to be in a relationship with, however.

 

[nappystorm]

I had a strict list of requirements like Chilli. Well I eventually got lonely, that coupled with people telling me I'm too picky, I lowered the bar. In walks my ex. He verbally, emotionally and sexually abused me. It affected my next relationship because I was really hardcore in what I wouldn't put up with.

It's been years so I've calmed some down now. I reflected on that relationship alot and thought of things I could have done differently and what to do in the future. I'm working on keeping the bar up without building a wall.

The next one who tries it is going to end up like this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJikLZ8hX9Y

 

[luthiengirlie]

I have been really encouraged by some of the advice and testimonies in this forum. I was wondering if any of you have been victims of abuse whether it be from a family member or a spouse. If so, how has it effected your romantic life, and what do you do to keep things normalized?
I am currently in a relationship and it is very hard for me to trust and be comfortable with many things. Sometimes he feels that it is b/c of things that I have previously experienced. If that is the case I often feel like I will not be able to have a successful relationship. I would be willing to go more into detail if other people respond.

To This question I have to say yes. Abuse has definitly impacted how I view relationships. I am taking the time t be single and learning how to change that. I confess that I don't know yet how to look at the big picture when a man doesn't have honest intentions and I concentrate on the small intense moments. I do want to fall in love and its funny because I look back on the men who have hurt me and I realized, I never truly loved em, I didn't even LIKE some of them I just dated them because It meant some man felt that I was worthy in some way. I am 23 and in college and the past 4-5 years of constantly dating and jumping from men to men. I didn't date much just the wrong ones. I'm taking a sabbatical. I am focousing on school and I am learning how to have relationships ALL over again. It is quite a process. I said NEVER AGAIN will I allow myself to be in an abusive relationship and I promised God and myself that I would wait for marriage. I deserve someone who loves me and doesn't treat me like a child due to my deafness. I'm sorry for unloading but this is truly helping.

 

[deltagyrl]

I know that my past sexual abuse and physical abuse from my stepfather has harmed me in relationships not just romantic ones but just friends as well.Im working on knowing when something pops up what is the root and dealing with it..I don't want to be the black fat christian woman who is never getting laid and is bitter..I want a real man..it makes my perspective of me so bad..like I say well a real good man wont want me bc Im big..it stems from my stepfather telling me your fat ugly and no one will want to be your friend unless you pay for them

I get what you're saying though.