Hair Intervention

[Cholet112]

I need to vent. Everyday this weekend I went swimming with some friends and I washed my hair saturday night. Unfortunately I fell asleep mid process so Sunday morning I had to go with the wet look for church. I havent worn my hair down since January so when everyone saw how long and pretty it was they couldnt stop fawning. We decided to go swimming again after church and some of my married friends (im single) sat me dow and was like "Amber, why dont you wear your hair down more? You are so pretty but you walk around here with your hair pulled back in a raggedy ponytail or bun (believe me it aint raggedy I be slick and tight but not too tight )or whatever you do and you never let your hair down. Whats the point in having all this hair you been growing if you dont let no one see it. You single, but you walking around here like you are married (I dress real nice, just dont wear make up or my hair down). We know the kind of men you are attracted to but you arent presenting yourself like someone they would want". Im like WHAT??????? All this because I dont wear my hair down????? You would think I was walking around here in a trash bag smeared with poo all over!!!!!!!!!!!!! My feelings were really hurt because Im focused on my goal and bunning is helping me reach that but all everyone else seems to see is a girl who dont get her hair did. *Sigh* ok im done. Im just sad and it makes what want to just chuck it and go back to wearing my hair down, getting relaxers at 6 weeks and trims with ever relaxer and staying at the same length.

 

[silvergirl]

ive been there. i had the entire church try an intervene when i chopped 7+ inches of relaxed ends off and went from midback to armpit length :O a couple months ago.

they all thought i had gone completly insane lol. but you have to do whats best for your hair. the reason theyre all fawning over it is because your taking great care of it. just keep doing what your doing. and when you want a break. let it all hang out an reap the rewards

 

[napbella]

Why do you want to appease these folks, when you just said what you are doing is helping you achieve your goals? Will they be happy when your hair is thin and scraggly like theirs? Will you be happy when you stop doing what you do (which works) and begin wearing your hair down more and perhaps halt your progress? I say do you. These folks don't know/care what your trying to achieve and are just giving you their spin on your life. If you were over weight would they tell you to show more "skin" to get a man? erplexed

 

[mango387]

Hi, Cholet. You are one of my hair inspirations, so I have to respond. You are doing an excellent job at retaining the length, and I really do think that your friends mean well. As a fellow LHCF member and a single woman who wants to be married but not yet (I'm 22), I have mixed feelings on this.

I am from B'ham, and I have had numerous people there say in no uncertain terms ponytails/buns=unkempt hair. You can have your fried/dyed/brown gelled hair stuck to your head, and that counts as done, but a bun is undone even if accesories are worn. One person (family member who I love dearly) told me in a Madea way "Girl, if you don't take that ole' ugly bun off yo' head." . B'ham and buns just don't mix!!!

At any rate, I am working on rollersetting my hair before I move back home. I wash once a week (usually on a Saturday), and I plan to wear it out for Sat/Sun/Mon/Tues and bunned W/R/F. That way I can protect my hair and be stylish (local interpretation at least). Also, here is a hint: The best relationship that I ever had was with a gentleman who thought I was beautiful without my hair done. If I had been an ounce more mature and he an ounce more confident, he and I would be still be together. I do believe you have to give men something to work with, but ultimately, a good man will recognize your beauty w/wo a bun.

 

[Lavendar]

Also, here is a hint: The best relationship that I ever had was with a gentleman who thought I was beautiful without my hair done. If I had been an ounce more mature and he an ounce more confident, he and I would be still be together. I do believe you have to give men something to work with, but ultimately, a good man will recognize your beauty w/wo a bun.[/quote]

I was gonna say it, but you are a smart young woman. I also believe Cholet, that your friends mean well and did not mean to hurt your feelings. I'm sure they want whats best for you, they just may not really know what that is. Stick with your goals for your hair and protect it as you have been. If you don't, who will. There is absolutely no need to compromise yourself and what you want for anything or anyone, especially not for anyone else's opinion. You may just have to speak up and let them know that so they can just drop the whole hair issue. You too Mango. And furthermore, Mr. Right will find you if he is worthy of you. You don't have to go chasing him down with you hair flying all out behind you! Now let me see that smile...

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Girl as long as YOU know why you are wearing your hair like you do and not doing certain things, that's all that matters. Because once you reach your goal then yeah, you'll have plenty of time to 'let your hair down' and according to them 'attract' a man. Plus that just sounds like a bunch a married women itching to see you become one of them. Everybody has their time. If they make comments again just say "I have my reasons, and it's not laziness" and leave it at that.

 

[Cholet112]

You guys are so awesome. Thank you for the encouragement. I havent stopping thus far and I wont. It just gets frustrating because you get tired of explaining yourself. Im like if I dont have a problem with it, and it MY hair, then why do you? P.S. I have NO problems attracting a man hair in bun and all. We have been programed to think that we have to have weaves, and gel and such in our hair to equate that as been "done" but I know that I will get the last laugh when I finally do let it all hang out.

 

[mango387]

^^^I know. My mom hates for me to wear a bun, but when I wear it down (Bozo sides and Rapunzel back per my last hair thread about scarfs), she is like "Mango387, your hair is sooooooo pretty). I'm thinking to myself "Ma, it became pretty by wearing those buns you dislike." Of course, I don't say that, but I sure think it.

 

[Lavendar]

I know that I will get the last laugh when I finally do let it all hang out.

Exactly! There ya go!

 

[Bosslady1]

I wouldn't bother with them...judging from your meez, you are 1 hot mama!

 

[Missi]

I'm sorry u went thru that: sometimes I think is havin ur feelins hurt the price to pay for havin long hair...the next time u go 2 church: wear ur hair in a bun and see wat they say: and if they have somethin to say: just be like: bunning allowed my hair 2 get this long: i'm pretty sure u'll see one of those ladies w/ a bun in church one day

 

[Soliel185]

I personally think that alot of buns and updos are very pretty and sophisticated. People always want to have that swingning shiny hair so they think it has to beat down and stretched as straight as possible to be pretty, hanging on to busted ends to show "length" but a nice sleek french twist or elegant chignon are more attractive in my book any day.

 

[MizAvalon]

I need to vent. Everyday this weekend I went swimming with some friends and I washed my hair saturday night. Unfortunately I fell asleep mid process so Sunday morning I had to go with the wet look for church. I havent worn my hair down since January so when everyone saw how long and pretty it was they couldnt stop fawning. We decided to go swimming again after church and some of my married friends (im single) sat me dow and was like "Amber, why dont you wear your hair down more? You are so pretty but you walk around here with your hair pulled back in a raggedy ponytail or bun (believe me it aint raggedy I be slick and tight but not too tight )or whatever you do and you never let your hair down. Whats the point in having all this hair you been growing if you dont let no one see it. You single, but you walking around here like you are married (I dress real nice, just dont wear make up or my hair down). We know the kind of men you are attracted to but you arent presenting yourself like someone they would want". Im like WHAT??????? All this because I dont wear my hair down????? You would think I was walking around here in a trash bag smeared with poo all over!!!!!!!!!!!!! My feelings were really hurt because Im focused on my goal and bunning is helping me reach that but all everyone else seems to see is a girl who dont get her hair did. *Sigh* ok im done. Im just sad and it makes what want to just chuck it and go back to wearing my hair down, getting relaxers at 6 weeks and trims with ever relaxer and staying at the same length.

Unbelievable! How did you respond to them?

 

[EbonyHairedPrincess]

Don’t let those meddling females distract you from your goal. Those ladies are sadly mistaken if they believe you have to advertise to get a man. Your beautiful, focused and intelligent and believe me the men are noticing. You keep up your game and ignore the “mothers”. Soon the right man will notice you’re a proverbs 31 woman and will approach you. Later on you’re going to decide to get married. When this happens please make sure you share the beautiful wedding pictures of you with waist length hair.

 

[Cholet112]

Unbelievable! How did you respond to them?

I was kind of speechless. I just didnt feel like defending my right to do my MY hair the way I wanted to. I just let them say what they needed to say and kept it moving. It just made me mad because I felt like they were saying Im not going to met my husband because I wear a bun. How fricking ludacris is that?! And I know they mean well because they love me, but these preconceived notions drive me bananas! erplexed

 

[Cholet112]

Don’t let those meddling females distract you from your goal. Those ladies are sadly mistaken if they believe you have to advertise to get a man. Your beautiful, focused and intelligent and believe me the men are noticing. You keep up your game and ignore the “mothers”. Soon the right man will notice you’re a proverbs 31 woman and will approach you. Later on you’re going to decide to get married. When this happens please make sure you share the beautiful wedding pictures of you with waist length hair.

Thank you so much for your words. I believe that also so Im not worried. Right now Im so not even focused on that anyway.

But I will be sure to post those pics!

 

[caribeandiva]

just ignore them. it's your hair and wear it how you want.

 

[Gryphyn]

They're just trying to make you conform to what they think is normal. Just do your own thing and it will definitely pay off.

 

[ClassicBeauty]

I agree that you should wear your hair any way you want to, but at the same time, don't be mad at your friends for telling you the truth. My SO loves ME with my hair in a ponytail, a bun, a messed up wash n go, or whatever, but he ADORES my hair when it's down. Do I think he is superficial or only into outer/stereotipical/white/american beauty (I tried to throw them all in there )? NOT AT ALL! He loves the real me inside, but he also loves to see me fixed up with my hair down, and in my opinion and experience, most men are that way.

I'm not denying that you can get a man with your hair in a bun, but we should acknowledge that your friends have a point about most men and most people's perceptions about hair. I'm all for hair goals, but you have to personally decide how you want them to impact your life. If your decision is to wear the bun forever, that's your decision, but I'm just saying...don't be so mad at your friends.

ETA: I'm just learning here on LHCF that a bun is actually a "style." In my world, that was the thing you did when you didn't want to do your hair, your hair was dirty, or it was raining outside, etc. Now I have worn them A WHOLE LOT in my lifetime. (Especially in college) However, it wasn't something that I aspired to do... it was more like a fall back plan. There are definitely others in the world who probably think or previously thought that way too. As another poster mentioned, when my hair is in a bun, my mother is constantly offering to take me to the salon. It may be different in different parts of the country, but that was my experience.

 

[Evazhair]

Don't worry about anything. The man who is for you will appreciate your beauty and even more when he knows that you are wearing your hair protectively. Do you. Sometimes friends can be sabotaging, whether they mean it or not. You are not trying to attract them or their husbands, so don't worry about their views of attractiveness. My mother's hairdresser who's done hair for 40 years says that people with long/ healthy hair know how to leave it alone. You seldom see most of them always doing things to it. He has longtime clients that maintain long healthy hair.

 

[EMJazzy]

Your siggy pic says it all! 'Nuff said!