Hair Dresser Guilt Trips

[pattyr5]

I am new to the board and new to hair care. After a few years of having long, thick and healthy hair, I decided to start going to get my hair done at a Dominican hair salon (big mistake). The salon I went to assign customers to whatever hairdresser was available. There was one hairdresser that I liked but I couldn't always get her. If I took a break from going (because I was broke) I would get the third degree about who was doing my hair. The stylist I liked eventually left and I was re-assigned to a woman who seemed to have a negative affect on my hair. She said I needed a trim, but she cut off a good 4 inches!!! erplexed I was pissed and stopped going there altogether.

The hairdresser I did like opened her own shop so I started going there. But for some reason my hair had taken a turn for the worse and was coming off too much. She said it was do to the cheap products that the "other salon" used, but it wasn't much better with her. I was trying to get my hair back in shape by doing deep conditioners at home on my own, but she said the conditioners I used werent any good. And like at the other salon, she was constantly questioning me whenever I skipped a week or two.


After all the heat and product abuse my hair was very damaged and weak. My hair was getting shorter and shorter with every visit, then after a botched color process, my hair just broke off. I was devastated. She took no responsibility for some of the problems and seemed to think it was no big deal. Needless to say I didn't go back to her.

I stopped doing anything to my hair in an attempt to keep some length but I ended up having to chop alot of it off. I went to a different stylist to cut off the damaged hair and although she wanted to cut more she said we would work on getting my hair back with protein treatments and deep conditioners. I really wasn't about to let anyone touch my hair again so I just try to nurse it to health on my own. Eight months later my hair has grown a bit but is no where near where it was. I realize that I need to visit a salon every now and again for trims and such, but I really hate the pressure they place on my being a "regular" customer.

Does anyone else have these issues with hairdressers?? How do I go about finding someone that I can go to occasionally for service without them pushing me to visit weekly???

 

[tnorenberg]

First of all, where do you live? Members here have had the same or similar problems and would be more than happy to refer you to someone they know who they trust. Your other choice is to learn to be self sufficient. That's the route I chose because I looked back on all my experiences and realized that most hairdressers could care less about the health of your hair. They are in the business to make money! That's what they do. And their business is to get you in their chair as often as possible, whether you really NEED to be there of not. if you learn to do more yourself you will not have to feel so dependent on them. LHCF has hundreds of resources to help you learn to do basically everything yourself. HTH

 

[ladytee2]

I can definetly relate. I was always a regular salon goer. My hair got damaged from color. I drop that stylist with a quickness. I found another lady she was good but my hair wasnt growing. When I found LHCF I started trying things for my self. My hair is growing and retaining length and its healthy. I called her a few times because she asked a couple friends about me and she was having some personal issues. I just wanted her to know that I was praying for her. I confessed that I wasnt happy with how limp and lifless my hair would look a day after she did it. She had the nerve to suggest I get a light texturizer. I was like WT...... I havent had a perm in over 10 years. My guilt was cured right then and there. Now that I think about it she was probably just trying to get me to come back regularly because everyone knows you have to go to the shop for a perm.

 

[pattyr5]

@tnorenberg ....I live in New York....and I know you are right about doing more for myself. I had always taken care of my own hair, but started going because I was getting lazy. And I was never able to get my hair as straight from my own blowouts so I followed the advise of others who said Dominicans do good hair. Now I wish I had just come here and learned more about how to deal with my hair.

 

[pattyr5]

@ladytee...How interesting that evertime we have a hair problem the hairdressers always suggest something that makes them money. They never say take some vitamins or give your hair a rest. The funny thing is, if they don't do the right thing with our hair we will eventually stop going. Seems to me that they should rather have a once in a while customer that lose the business altogether.

 

[Essensual]

...anytime I determine that someone is after my money and not out for my best interest...they're done. Period. I'm so sorry you had to experience this. I think you will definitely feel better if you were to start a simple but effective home health care program. Be consistent. Be patient.Also, try to find a friend who is also on a healthy hair journey and trade services.

 

[mw138]

Now that I think about it she was probably just trying to get me to come back regularly because everyone knows you have to go to the shop for a perm.

I haven't gone to a salon for a relaxer in probably ten years. After years of my scalp burning b/c they had other customers' heads to do or the fact that they would just spritz a little water in the burning area and let the rest sit, I started having my mother do them. Then when I joined LHCF, I learned how to do my own relaxers. I will never let another stylist put a relaxer in my hair. They want you to think they they are needed for perms, but they're not. Plenty of beautiful long-haired ladies here will vouch for that.

Now, I only go to a stylist to get my hair trimmed every six months. She occassionally makes a remark that she hasn't seen me in a long time, but after looking at my hair she realizes that I'm taking care of it and don't need a trim every 8 weeks like she suggested when I first started going to her. Even she is amazed by my hair growth. When she cut it first time, she cut it at my shoulders (it was then that I found LHCF), now I have to stand up for her to get my trim straight.

 

[Lady Esquire]

I agree with many comments. Firstly, this is a great opportunity to learn to maintain healthy hair on your own. Meanwhile, you can nuture your hair while scheduling consultations and taking your time to pick and choose. Secondly, it takes a minute to damage hair but months to repair it. So, it is okay to speak up and express your expectations to stylists. There are stylists who will respect your wishes and care about you becoming a regular member by giving you superior services. Don't give your money away to people who did not earn it. I had a bad experience and it was all it took for me to start becoming a DIYer. Best thing that ever happened.

 

[mscocoface]

There are 50 crascrillion threads here about hairdressers and 99% of them are negative. It is almost an unwritten rule here that most hairdressers do NOT have your best interest at heart.

Not ALL but MOST. We do have some hairdressers on this site that are educated and understand more than what they were taught in beauty school as well as through the salons they have worked in. I believe there is a section also where folks have even recommended some people in different areas of the US because of their unique ability to do hair well and help to to be healthy. I call it unique because normally that is not the case.

You will find that most of us a DIY'ers here unless we have found someone who knows how to help us reach our goal of healthy, strong hair.

 

[TonicaG]

I wholeheartedly agree with the ladies that have posted comments. For starters this gives you an opportunity to discover what works for you. It will take time and patience but it will be time well spent on you!

Secondly, that's why I do my hair myself for the exception of relaxers. I don't do that because I can't see the full view of my head. Everything else, I do on my own. I enjoy my freedom and I ain't trying to go to jail for whippin' somebody's tail about my "do". I have worked too long and too hard and suffered many setbacks because the stylists are consumed with the almighty $$$... I'd rather keep my money and my hair and do it myself, that way when something isn't right with my hair, I can troubleshoot what the problem is and immediately remedy the issue.

Best wishes to you and all goes well for you on your hair journey.

 

[pattyr5]

LOL@ TonicaG...I have wanted to "whip somebody's tail" for messing up my do also. Many years ago I went to "black Hair Is' in NYC and this guy jacked up my hair. I went in for a relaxer, wash, set and style...and in the end I was a HAM!!! I got upset cuz I looked worse than when I came in and I called it to his attention. A couple of friends were with me and said it was uncalled for that I showed my disatisfaction with the service...but I thought it was my right to speak up. I didn't cuss him out just spoke my mind, but once everyone jumped on me and just learned to keep my mouth shut....not an easy thing for me to do.

 

[TheGrimPhreaker]

LOL@ TonicaG...I have wanted to "whip somebody's tail" for messing up my do also. Many years ago I went to "black Hair Is' in NYC and this guy jacked up my hair. I went in for a relaxer, wash, set and style...and in the end I was a HAM!!! I got upset cuz I looked worse than when I came in and I called it to his attention. A couple of friends were with me and said it was uncalled for that I showed my disatisfaction with the service...but I thought it was my right to speak up. I didn't cuss him out just spoke my mind, but once everyone jumped on me and just learned to keep my mouth shut....not an easy thing for me to do.

Girl, please. Forget being quiet. Before I came to this forum my hair was looking fine. Almost APL length, THICK, and shiny. I wanted to try the Mizani relaxer because everyone was raving about it but what I didnt know is even though its good, you have to put it on the hair fairly quick because it relaxes your hair at a fast pace. I told the girl it was burning-- she sprayed in some water (which right after I knew I was going to have a big scab because the water made it burn big time) and went back to checking her voicemail like LA, LA, LA...finally after feeling my whole head tingling up a storm I coughed REAL loud... my hair came out real stiff and had minimal swing and my hair started breaking off after that. Your friends are wrong IMO. Telling the hair stylist you are not satisfied is a good thing-- if they are a legit stylist, theyll take a lesson from it and try to up their skills. But most of the time they won't. erplexed

 

[back2relaxed]

My advice is to do some research. I have had 3 great stylists in the past 7 years. I have had 1 bad one. The 1 bad one continued to chop my hair off until I was natural...against my better judgement! The other 3 listened to what I wanted. It usually was a convenience or money issue as to me not going to them. Before I chose my current stylist I visited many hair salon websites to see what products they used, what their philosophies were, etc. After that I called and asked questions. Then I scheduled appts with the top 2. The first stylist was good...especially for hair care, but I wasn't wowed by my hair. The 2nd stylist is the one I have stuck with. She sent out a questionnaire about my hair, and has listened to me about me knowing when I need a trim(about 1x every 6 mos). And then it is a trim, never a cut. She listens to my goals, and doesn't criticize that I am stretching my relaxers, and do my own hair more than I come to her! I think you can find someone that will have the same outlook as you do, you may just have to put in work to find them. Good luck on your HHJ!

 

[pattyr5]

Oh, I had the same reaction to the Mizani relaxer. It was like I was being relaxed down to my brain....I was on fire. And whenever I say something about burning, they come with a can of oil sheen to spray the spot....How about just washing it out??? After all it is my money, if the relaxer doesn't take, then oh well...my money to waste. Damn I'm sorry I put up with the crap for so long.

 

[Fine 4s]

I am new to the board and new to hair care. After a few years of having long, thick and healthy hair, I decided to start going to get my hair done at a Dominican hair salon (big mistake). The salon I went to assign customers to whatever hairdresser was available. There was one hairdresser that I liked but I couldn't always get her. If I took a break from going (because I was broke) I would get the third degree about who was doing my hair. The stylist I liked eventually left and I was re-assigned to a woman who seemed to have a negative affect on my hair. She said I needed a trim, but she cut off a good 4 inches!!! erplexed I was pissed and stopped going there altogether.

The hairdresser I did like opened her own shop so I started going there. But for some reason my hair had taken a turn for the worse and was coming off too much. She said it was do to the cheap products that the "other salon" used, but it wasn't much better with her. I was trying to get my hair back in shape by doing deep conditioners at home on my own, but she said the conditioners I used werent any good. And like at the other salon, she was constantly questioning me whenever I skipped a week or two.


After all the heat and product abuse my hair was very damaged and weak. My hair was getting shorter and shorter with every visit, then after a botched color process, my hair just broke off. I was devastated. She took no responsibility for some of the problems and seemed to think it was no big deal. Needless to say I didn't go back to her.

I stopped doing anything to my hair in an attempt to keep some length but I ended up having to chop alot of it off. I went to a different stylist to cut off the damaged hair and although she wanted to cut more she said we would work on getting my hair back with protein treatments and deep conditioners. I really wasn't about to let anyone touch my hair again so I just try to nurse it to health on my own. Eight months later my hair has grown a bit but is no where near where it was. I realize that I need to visit a salon every now and again for trims and such, but I really hate the pressure they place on my being a "regular" customer.

Does anyone else have these issues with hairdressers?? How do I go about finding someone that I can go to occasionally for service without them pushing me to visit weekly???

I was just about to tell you. Most DR salons I've been to don't know anything about protein treatments which could prevent a lot of the breakage issues women who go there experience due to excessive heat.