Give me some hope

[Spongebob]

Hi ladies

Forgive my ignorant question, I hope at least 1 wiser/older member on here reads this and gives me some advice.

I am not completely naive and I understand that men are more 'physical' and women are more 'emotional'.

A man is more strongly guided by physical attraction, where as a woman can love a man who may not be attractive to most people with all her heart.

My question is are there men out there, who do not let physical attraction be the main factor in a partner?

I'm asking this because, when you live with a person every little thing that you can usually hide during dates (or dating) comes out. There is no hiding place. You wake up, he's there staring right in your face.

Or when you get pregnant, and you gain nearly 2 stone, and your BP rises and your face and legs swell up. And when you are not in mood for..

And when your children take up all your energy, and you look scruffy.

I'm not close to any of these things yet, haven't even finished school yet. But it makes me think about the kind of person that I need to avoid.

How do you find a man who is not so superficial. The first thing that will capture a man's eye is how you look. There is no hiding from it. That is why he comes to you and approaches you.

Is every guy superficial?

Is there any hope?

 

[caltron]

You definitely have reason to hope.

Yes, for whatever reason, men are visual creatures. I don't want to say *all* men, but definitely the vast majority of them are. However, I think women put more significance into looks than a *good* man does. As women, we are much, much harder on ourselves looks wise than the average man will ever be.

Men are visual, but they are also very simple and not super critical. They see lipstick and high heels and think "pretty". They see boobs and and booty and think "sexy". It's women who are the ones who are looking for the corns on toes, a pimple on the forehead, and trying to figure out whether the woman is a size 4 or a size 8.

The visual is what first gets a man's interest, but after that they are looking for the same things that you are. They want a good woman with a great personality, character, loving, etc. So even if their woman lets themselves go lookswise, they will still love you as much as when you were looking your best.

I think sometimes women like to test their men's love by deliberately not trying in the looks department, which I think is a shame. Even though a man will love you the same, any man--or woman for that matter, appreciates a partner who takes pride in their appearance. I don't think that's superficial.

 

[Evolving78]

dating and being married is not the time to let yourself go. it's not about wearing heels and dresses, with full makeup everyday. but taking the time out to keep yourself neat and clean. men are very visual. they appreciate the effort and time you put in to take care of yourself. and during those times, you have to give more attention to your man than before.

this is about doing whatever you need to do to keep your partner happy. i have been told, don't ever let your partner leave the house without getting what he/she needs.

people forget about that. being in a relationship is not about what you get out of it, but what you give to each other. that is your man. find balance in your life to take care of the special people in your life as well as yourself. even when you are not in the mood, be in the mood. even when you are pregnant and swollen, still make an effort to look nice. even when you got babies to take care of, brush your teeth, wash your face, and take off the shirt that has baby spit up on it. there is no excuse to walk around like you are still pregnant and you gave birth two years ago.

some new age folks might not agree with me, but it's the truth. love and take care of your man and everything else will fall into place.

 

[hopeful]

In my experience most men can see beyond a bad hair day or a few extra pounds. I think when a man really falls in love he kind of becomes blind to the things you mentioned. However, extreme weight gain and/or extreme neglect of your appearance and/ or hygiene, etc. can be a big turn off. Hopefully during the dating stage you will be able to tell if the guy is superficial. Does pick at you? Talk about any and every woman's flaws? Does he fret about his wife "letting herself go"? Just be yourself while dating. Some days you will be sick or not in the mood to dress up etc., just be observant and see how he responds.

 

[Mis007]

I think physical attraction to a person can grow, if you really like them as a person. I don't know if anyone else has ever noticed it, but the longer you know someone, the harder it is to be completely objective about their looks...the nicer a person is, the more physically attractive the person becomes and the meaner they are, the uglier they get just my two cents !!!