Getting your guy to understand!

[libertysince05]

compromise? how and on what, and why?
how do you compromise about your appearance and personal preferences that concern primarily you?
your BF is being unreasonable, and i dont think many on this thread would mention a compromise if he was talking about you being overweight or too thin. why are men given passes and compromises concerning womens appearences? is he offering to compromise/ change something about himself for you?

 

[BomBShell♥]

compromise? how and on what, and why?
how do you compromise about your appearance and personal preferences that concern primarily you?
your BF is being unreasonable, and i dont think many on this thread would mention a compromise if he was talking about you being overweight or too thin. why are men given passes and compromises concerning womens appearences? is he offering to compromise/ change something about himself for you?

I must say....i like the way you think liberty

 

[ladysaraii]

compromise? how and on what, and why?
how do you compromise about your appearance and personal preferences that concern primarily you?
your BF is being unreasonable, and i dont think many on this thread would mention a compromise if he was talking about you being overweight or too thin. why are men given passes and compromises concerning womens appearences? is he offering to compromise/ change something about himself for you?

Yo must have missed the thread about should a husband tell his wife she's overweight or something like that

 

[Curlybeauty]

For some reason he doesn't mind.
He asks a lot of questions at first like why are you putting yogurt in your hair? I was going to eat that! Or what does that do? Do you need me to get any avocados?

I told him my hair is like football to him ( he loves sports ) it so calming and soothing to me and I think he sees that. I can't stand watching sportscenter for two hours but if I'm detangling my hair or doing a search and destroy on my ends I will sit down on the couch and watch sports with him. He just gets it I guess....

That is soo cute.

 

[ZkittyKurls]

OP i completely understand how you feel and know what you are going through. i experience a similar situation months ago. i have been wearing weaves since october, but i had this boyfriend that i met 3 years prior and i never, wore weaves, just couldnt get into it. it would usually be a relaxer or braids every now and then. but when i had a weave a step show i did and it was over a week later he was like soooo when are you gonna take that mess out the show is over? :axehunter::hardslap:

i told him or at least tried to tell him i was transitioning and he just insisted that i get a relaxer and i told him that would defeat the purpose..he said oh i remember when your hair was around your neck and you would go to salon to get it straightened...mind you for those years i have always been at nl!!!! no progress whatsoever.

anywho i dont see him often so everytime he brings it up i either tell him...you still on that? or i tell him that my other guy friends get where im comin from and said its pretty bold of me to go natural..he usually shuts up after that. :buttkick:

but you can also try evading the question and then after a while he wont bring it up because its obviously pointless.

sorry for being so long, i just really take it personal when men cant relate to women but we are supposed to always know where they are comin from.ffrant: hope i was somewhat helpful

 

[Boujoichic]

Ive just noticed how guys can have a say in our appearences and never think twice about giving you their opinions or demands. Ive had guys tell me they dont like makeup or braids and etcc. on me and expect me to change it (not happening) but thinking back I have never told a guy I was seeing to change his appearence or that I didnt like something about his appearence. I did tell my last SO that I loved his hair the way it was but I never presumed that he would change his hair because of my opinion because it's his hair. I say nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand does he allow you to tell him how to dress and make suggestions on his hair even though he is a grown man probably not.

 

[Nubenap22]

My SO loves it when I do my hair, change my hair style, or wash it!! He hated the wigs tho (ha so did I I just wasn't used to the itchy mess), He massages my scalp when I wash it or oil it ( I do the same). He gets that I'm transitioning and he wants me to help him grow his hair....so far we've got it from 360 waves to a supa thick fro of about 3 inches...

But another guy I was dating at the same time( lol yea I know) just didn't get it....Our first date I had a braid-out and the next time he saw me I had braid extensions....In so many words he said he wanted to see my hair and even wanted to pay for the braids to get removed....yea control issues so he had to get the steppin!!

 

[Miss_C]

I keep my sewn in as a protective style because Im a hooters girl.

Aww, sisterhood of orange shorts! I was a Hooters Girl too once upon a time too, fun times . That hair policy is a *****! No ponytail holders, bobby pins, nothin to help a sista out on a bad hair day. Try bunning or braiding under half wigs as a compromise. Wear your halfsie to work, take it out and take your bun down after work. I know several girls who used to do this.
Good luck OP!

 

[EccentricRed]

The guy I used to date (and is still a friend of mine) always questioned me when I was transitioning, because I was the bun champion. Everyday when I was in his apartment, I would cowash my hair at night before we went to sleep. He would complain because I was bunning. But what made him stop talking was when he saw the results I had going.

Of course when I BC'ed, he about spazzed (even though I only cut maybe 2 inches off on average) but he understands what I'm doing this for. We would talk about it, and I'd answer his questions everytime he asked!

 

[BomBShell♥]

OP i completely understand how you feel and know what you are going through. i experience a similar situation months ago. i have been wearing weaves since october, but i had this boyfriend that i met 3 years prior and i never, wore weaves, just couldnt get into it. it would usually be a relaxer or braids every now and then. but when i had a weave a step show i did and it was over a week later he was like soooo when are you gonna take that mess out the show is over? :axehunter::hardslap:

i told him or at least tried to tell him i was transitioning and he just insisted that i get a relaxer and i told him that would defeat the purpose..he said oh i remember when your hair was around your neck and you would go to salon to get it straightened...mind you for those years i have always been at nl!!!! no progress whatsoever.

anywho i dont see him often so everytime he brings it up i either tell him...you still on that? or i tell him that my other guy friends get where im comin from and said its pretty bold of me to go natural..he usually shuts up after that. :buttkick:

but you can also try evading the question and then after a while he wont bring it up because its obviously pointless.

sorry for being so long, i just really take it personal when men cant relate to women but we are supposed to always know where they are comin from.ffrant: hope i was somewhat helpful

aw thanks! Yea im just not going to mention it anymore or even entertain the topic if its brought up in the future...guys will never truly get it! Hopefully my hair will grow healthy and long to prove him wrong ...nothing better than being able to say, "Hunny..i told u so"

 

[BomBShell♥]

Aww, sisterhood of orange shorts! I was a Hooters Girl too once upon a time too, fun times . That hair policy is a *****! No ponytail holders, bobby pins, nothin to help a sista out on a bad hair day. Try bunning or braiding under half wigs as a compromise. Wear your halfsie to work, take it out and take your bun down after work. I know several girls who used to do this.
Good luck OP!

awww yay! I love hooters. Its such a fun place to work...even if they are a little demanding on the looks part but hey...
anywho, im sooo afraid of wearing halfies because my old roommate use to wear them all the time and she would gel down the fronts, and just have terrible breakage from it...not to mention it looked a hot *** mess!!! i rather do full wigs! lol

 

[Lenee925]

I think you're giving a guy you've only dated for 2 months a lot of say-so concerning something you were doing way before you met him. That's just me though.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

My DH hates a lot of the ways I wear my hair. He hated when I did the BC. He hates my fro. (he hesitantly gave me his opinion on this)

However, even he has never asked me to wear my hair a certain way. For my DH, I will explain in detail to him why I wear protective styles and try to compromise occasionally by wearing my hair in the ways that he likes it.

For someone I've been dating 2 months, I would explain to him that it's wayyyy to early to be changing anything about myself for him. If he didnt' like your weave, why is he dating you?

Ask him to chop off his dreads and see what he says.

 

[bravenewgirl87]

It's only been two months. Break up with him. That's how I would deal with it.

 

[Mazza64]

I keep my OH happy by telling him how wonderful my hair will be when I eventaually have it down. He even helps me un pick my weaves and unbraid me hair.
But I think if it were up to him I would have it relaxed and out.

 

[Honey Bee]

So... you really feeling dude like that?

I ask because, as a lot of other people have mentioned, he's getting a lot of consideration for you to have only been together a few months. The ladies in this thread are talking about husbands, for whom they may have to go to work events/ mama house/ church, etc. You're talking about a guy you just started messing with.

Giving him too much control over your appearance might not be healthy at this stage of the relationship. I've been with my man almost 10 years, and the only time I ask his opinion on my appearance (outside the house ) is for a work event. Otherwise, unless he's paying for it, like my last (ever?) weave, his opinion on my hair is largely irrelevant. And I generally say it with the stink look on my face = ++

 

[bravenewgirl87]

I dunno. I don't have these struggles with SO for three reasons:
1.) He has far too many important things to worry about than my hair. The only time he complains is when he finds little pieces all over his house, bed, and bath.
2.) If he does have a problem with it, he will make one statement and done. Every now and again he can be a smart alek with his one-liners but, he does not make a big hullabaloo about it.
3.) My SO is not black PLUS he has Botticelli curls that he shaves off everyday. Trust me! He knows a thing or two about the struggles with curly hair and maintenance.