Getting Used To Living With a Man

chiprecious

chiprecious

New Member
We and my finance recently purchased a home together. We fight at least once a week about taking the garbage out, cutting the grass, dishes around the house, and the upcoming wedding. :wallbash: My mom and sis say its normal since it is a major adjustment for us both, but how did you ladies get used to living with your sweetie? How long did it take?

BTW, my mom has been married for 40 years and still gets into arguments about house stuff. I understand it doesn't ever really end, but how do you get used to it all? Is it simply better ocmmunication about needs & expectations???
 
You all need to talk about it during a "non-heated" moment and really figure out what expectations are. If you have shared responsibilities and you're not able to equitably see that something needs to be done and do it (sometimes men don't "see" that the dishes are overflowing in the dishwasher), then you've got to hash out a schedule for handling things. You also need to come to a common understanding of what "dirty" is. For example, does the floor get swept every day or only when there's visible dust? Does the laundry get done every Saturday or only when you're out of underwear? Does the refrigerator get scrubbed once a month or only when something spills and begins to stink?

At our house, it's easy...I do all the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and laundry. He really believes he's "helping me" when he does it. And you know what? That works for us. Largely because we both expect him to do all the outdoor work, including lawn care, garden care, shoveling snow, replacing exterior lightbulbs, cleaning outside windows, and keeping the cars gassed-up and washed. He does all the barbecuing, spider killing and carcass disposal, and pays the mortgage (I pay most other "household" bills). We have REAAALLL old-fashioned gender roles because of how we were both raised, but the expectations are really clear.

He's going to get on your nerves with his annoying habits, just like you'll get on his with yours, but you'll work it out. As long as you can honestly say that you are happier living under the same roof WITH your FI than WITHOUT him, you will be okay. Congrats on the wedding!
 
Katt73 said:
You all need to talk about it during a "non-heated" moment and really figure out what expectations are. If you have shared responsibilities and you're not able to equitably see that something needs to be done and do it (sometimes men don't "see" that the dishes are overflowing in the dishwasher), then you've got to hash out a schedule for handling things. You also need to come to a common understanding of what "dirty" is. For example, does the floor get swept every day or only when there's visible dust? Does the laundry get done every Saturday or only when you're out of underwear? Does the refrigerator get scrubbed once a month or only when something spills and begins to stink?

At our house, it's easy...I do all the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and laundry. He really believes he's "helping me" when he does it. And you know what? That works for us. Largely because we both expect him to do all the outdoor work, including lawn care, garden care, shoveling snow, replacing exterior lightbulbs, cleaning outside windows, and keeping the cars gassed-up and washed. He does all the barbecuing, spider killing and carcass disposal, and pays the mortgage (I pay most other "household" bills). We have REAAALLL old-fashioned gender roles because of how we were both raised, but the expectations are really clear.

He's going to get on your nerves with his annoying habits, just like you'll get on his with yours, but you'll work it out. As long as you can honestly say that you are happier living under the same roof WITH your FI than WITHOUT him, you will be okay. Congrats on the wedding!
Click to expand...

Thanks, your last paragraph I guess is the key!:yep:
 
chiprecious said:
We and my finance recently purchased a home together. We fight at least once a week about taking the garbage out, cutting the grass, dishes around the house, and the upcoming wedding. :wallbash: My mom and sis say its normal since it is a major adjustment for us both, but how did you ladies get used to living with your sweetie? How long did it take?

BTW, my mom has been married for 40 years and still gets into arguments about house stuff. I understand it doesn't ever really end, but how do you get used to it all? Is it simply better ocmmunication about needs & expectations???
Click to expand...


(((hugs))) Gurl, funny that you started this thread because I am going through the same thing. Since my bf and I moved in together in the middle of July, little frequent arguments over household work keep arising....and were both kind of like ..hey wait a minute...we hardly argue unless it's over food to be cooked (I don't wanna do it b/c im tired from going to work and school both full-time) and cleaning...(him leaving the clothes on the floor, messy in the kitchen, and taking care of the cat). So we both had to take time out to discuss what needs to be done about it so there won't be anymore petty annoying arguments. That's the best way to go about it. When you really love someone then changes inevitably happens.
 
It's pretty normal. Even roommates go through the house duties squabbles.

Delegate tasks or days... that helps.

And try to sit down and talk about it as if you all were scheduling events... cuz laundry, mopping, garbage day, etc... are all events, basically.
 
Learning to choose your battles is key for us. If DH forgets and leaves his shoes in the living room floor, but he remembers to put the toilet seat down so I don't fall in, good day for me. If I forget and put his shirts in the wash, but I give him a killer backrub, good day for him. Compromises. :look:
 
Arguments aside...congrats on the purchase!!! :)

...I wouldn't know - but I think it's a combination of learning a new side of someone (you know how they say "you don't know a person until you live with them") and adjusting to the big step ya'll just took.

My only piece of advice: keep the lines of communication open. Say what is and isn't work for you.

Congrats again! :)
 
:ohwell:I still havent figured this one out......we've lived together since Feb, and we fight all the time! Not as much now as we used to but still, it's pretty draining. The only good thing is the make up sex (it's SO intense when you kindof still hate that person)
 
Well I just dont know what to say.. lol, for a change...

It seems like its normal. And from talking to others and reading responses, the 1st year is the hardest.

WHY DIDNT ANYONE WARN ME!!!!??? :whyme: I feel like I'm unprepared to deal with him and I'm quite sure he feels the same way about me.

And gurl!! makeup sex... PLUEHZE!!! We dont have that. :nono: He is such a girl in that way. He wants to talk and really work it out for real which I guess it good, but sometimes its like, can't me finish talking AFTER..while I'm still so mad that I want to work some aggression out...
 
Yes they do say the first year is the hardest...
U two will get through and its good that he is willin' to talk and try to work it out.

Some men are not even willin' to do that.
 
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