frustrated with my 4b hair

[natdream]

Hi everyone,
I've never post before. I would read different post to get an idea of what to do with my hair. Well my hair gives me the blues sometimes. I love the texture of my hair and would not want it to be anything else, but I feel like I can't learn how to treat my hair right. It is either breaking or shedding. I went to the hair salon, and the stylist said you must have been using a curling iron on your hair. I responded I haven't been using one -maybe a couple of timeserplexed. She said some other stuff, but it wasn't what I was doing. The stylist does such a good job, and once she is finish doing my hair, it isn't shedding at all. What is the magic that she is working. My hand in my hair, I am pulling hair out every time I touch my hair. She is so expensive. I spent $115 for a perm, color, condition and trim today. She said that I need to come back for scalp conditioners. I was thinking when she said that I can't afford this. I can condition at home. Wait a minute , I have done this myself and it's not working.
My hair is relaxed, thick and I have been doing air dry method with a wrap, but when it is time for a perm, my hair seems to shed more. I'm thinking I probably need heat when my hair starts shedding because the stylist said that you don't need to perm all the time. I don't know. Can I get some thoughts on this? A totally no heat regime I don't know if that works all the time. I'm confuse.
Thanks. I would appreciate any thoughts or comments.

 

[cici22]

Welcome to the forum! Sorry to hear that you are having trouble w/ your hair. There's alot of great information here and I'm sure the ladies here will be able to help you!

What's your regimen and how often do you get a relaxer?

 

[lisana]

There's a great sticky thread that may help you

 

[natdream]

Hi cici22,

I get a perm every 6 to 8 weeks. I have gone longer and sometimes I can't because my hair gets tangle and starts shedding. But this new hairstylist that I have told me that you don't have to perm hair that much. She blow dryed my hair, then used a straighten comb and she curl it with the flat iron. My hair last 2 weeks. Normally I wash my hair once or twice a week. I will wash it with shampoo, deep condition for 15 min and wrap it and mouse, heat protection and some oil with a scraf to hold it together. Sometimes I will sit under the dryer with the scraf on for 30 min and let the rest of my hair air dry during the night.

 

[Eiano]

I'll tell you what about that stylist. She's probably taking out more of your hair than you are, and you don't realize it.

Think about it. She's combing your hair. Do you see the comb when she's done? Probably not.. cause she removes all of the hair off of it. And sure, you hair will look good when you're done with her, but all that damage & heat CAN NOT be good.

Try weekly rollersets a la Macherieamour. Your hair will feel better and your ends healthier.

or.. try braids for now until you get to the length you want.

 

[DivaRox]

Hi Natdream,

I wonder about that visit you had that included a perm and color on the same day. Hopefully, that was a rinse right? Other wise, I'd be wary of overprocessing with dual chems.

Some things to consider: What are you deep conditioning with? You have to be sure the product you're using is not an instant conditioner and that you're not just leaving it on for 15 min. Also, are you alternating your deep conditioners that are for protein and ones for moisture? Are you using leave ins? If you are trying to avoid heat, try to opt for twist or braidouts which don't require a bone straight look.

 

[natdream]

Thank you lisana for the sticky and thank you Eiano for that link. Boy she has a nice web page. It looks very professional. I have a hard time roller setting, but the way her hair looks make me want to give it a try again.

Hi DivaRox, I did get a rinse in my hair, and she did say my hair is damage. She said she would let the damage grow out and she would slowly trim it away instead of cuting away my length. Which is different from any stylist I have every been to. They are quick to cut it off. But I don't understand is that the stylist will reprimand you for using curing irons, but they use the same thing in your hair. Maybe it has to do with the amount of heat.
For deep conditioner- I do use the ones that say for deep condition. But the protein thing , I don't have a regime for that. It is off and on.

 

[Barbara]

You will find a lot of information/threads pertaining to type 4a/b hair.

 

[winterinatl]

Well, if your stylist is going to go "all out" the few times a year you see her; in that case I wouldn't mind the low dry and curling/flat iron.

It is the habits you have at home she may be referring too. You said you use the curling iron sometimes, how many times a year? I used to think once a week was stingy and my hair was always breaking, never could grow it very far past my shoulders. Now I only flatiron sporadically (like 5 times) a YEAR!!
It has made a huge difference.

I think you should read up on deep conditioning as well. I agree with the poster that said you stylist probably took out a bunch of hair too, especially b/c she used a hot comb, and then flat ironed it which I think is a bit much.

And I agree with you you don't need her to condition. She wants you to be one of those once a week customers. No problem with that if you have the money.

 

[naijamerican]

Hi Natdream,

Welcome (I guess - I mean, you have been here for a year but it's your fifth post or so! ). I also have 4B hair but am currently natural. I struggle with my hair and I suggest that part of your problem may lie in using the right products for our hair type. For example, I have come to the realization that for some reason, my hair does not respond well to Shea butter (although other women with type 4A/B hair do not share that same problem), but that it does like olive oil and honey. In other words, the daily styling/moisturizing products may need to be reviewed. I hope this helps and I'm sure that you will find the answer to your questions from the other great women in this board.

 

[natdream]

Thanks Barbara, winterinatl and naijamerican for your comments.
I know naijamerican that is funny this is my first post. I was thinking of taking pictures of my hair and never did it. So I got so frustrated that I made a post which I should have done a long time ago.

 

[TLC1020]

Don't be frustrated the key is finding the right products and regimen for YOUR hair . I used to feel like that and try different products that others say works for them, Boooo!!!

I found that product and regimen and my hair loves it and I'm sticking to it.. That's what you have to do.. HHG

 

[natdream]

Thank you TLC1020 for your comforting comments. You made me feel good. I've been looking at Macherieamour site. It is very informative. I'm going to try her regime and see where it takes me. What I'm going to have to learn is how to do roller sets. It's hard to get my head under the dryer with those rollers in.

 

[Poohbear]

Maybe you need to be more gentle with your hair. Treat your hair like silk or like a newborn baby whenever you touch it, comb it, brush it, and style it.

 

[Katt73]

Your stylist relazed, colored, pressed, and flat ironed your hair all in one viist? I am inclined to think that she's the one damaging your hair!

Welcome to the boards! I'm a fellow 4b-er and I've discovered a wealth of information here that has helped me grow out a pixie cut to neck length in a little over a year. Happy growing!

 

[seeminglysweet]

Thank you TLC1020 for your comforting comments. You made me feel good. I've been looking at Macherieamour site. It is very informative. I'm going to try her regime and see where it takes me. What I'm going to have to learn is how to do roller sets. It's hard to get my head under the dryer with those rollers in.

I think that you need to incorporate a protein conditioner into your routine, I would also only shampoo once a week and if you need to restyle (i.e. wet) your hair then just do a co-wash.

I also agree with your stylist that relaxing 6-8 weeks isn't necessary, however neither is using a pressing comb. Ask her to give your a rollerset next time and blow out the roots ONLY. In the meantime work on your rollersets at home.

Also, what length is your hair? If you are shoulder length you may want to wear protective styles until you reach APL in order to prevent your ends from rubbing on clothing and becoming more damaged.

What products do you use? How do you moisturize throughout the week? How do you sleep on your hair at night? You have to give us more information so that we may really be able to make some more specific recommendations.

 

[shocol]

Thank you lisana for the sticky and thank you Eiano for that link. Boy she has a nice web page. It looks very professional. I have a hard time roller setting, but the way her hair looks make me want to give it a try again.

Hi DivaRox, I did get a rinse in my hair, and she did say my hair is damage. She said she would let the damage grow out and she would slowly trim it away instead of cuting away my length. Which is different from any stylist I have every been to. They are quick to cut it off. But I don't understand is that the stylist will reprimand you for using curing irons, but they use the same thing in your hair. Maybe it has to do with the amount of heat.
For deep conditioner- I do use the ones that say for deep condition. But the protein thing , I don't have a regime for that. It is off and on.

The ladies here have given great suggestions. My suggestion would be to immediately start looking for a new stylist. She told you to your face that your hair is damaged, but that didn't stop her from perming, coloring, blow-drying, pressing and flat-ironing your hair all in the same visit. This lady does not have your best interests at heart. A halfway decent stylist would know that one or more of those things have to go until your hair is in better condition.

 

[DivaRox]

Thank you lisana for the sticky and thank you Eiano for that link. Boy she has a nice web page. It looks very professional. I have a hard time roller setting, but the way her hair looks make me want to give it a try again.

Hi DivaRox, I did get a rinse in my hair, and she did say my hair is damage. She said she would let the damage grow out and she would slowly trim it away instead of cuting away my length. Which is different from any stylist I have every been to. They are quick to cut it off. But I don't understand is that the stylist will reprimand you for using curing irons, but they use the same thing in your hair. Maybe it has to do with the amount of heat.
For deep conditioner- I do use the ones that say for deep condition. But the protein thing , I don't have a regime for that. It is off and on.

ITA, Macherieamour has some fantastic tips. You'll also want to check out Sistaslick-she has some great links in her siggy to articles she's written about developing a regimine, assessing your hair and knowing when to use protein vs moisture.