Friends
- Thread starter Windsy
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Make sure YOU're not the one who is going to catch feelings. IMO, he has to have a "dealbreaker" going on, one that cannot be overcome.
Make sure you can safely get away from his crazy a$$ when you do walk away.
Worst case: You may have to call his mama if he starts stalking you or your family.
Make sure you can safely get away from his crazy a$$ when you do walk away.
Worst case: You may have to call his mama if he starts stalking you or your family.
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TrendySocialite
Well-Known Member
Limit spend time outside of the "benefits" part of your relationship (that's how you catch feelings)
I will say this. I was in this type of relationship for 5 years. I really thought I was cool and that I wouldn't have any feelings for him like that. I mean we were both seeing other people and all. We only saw each other for hook-up purposes. But I trusted him implicitly! He was my first in a lot of things... But the day he told me he was getting married, I cried like a baby. I had no idea that I actually had feelings for him...so be careful!!!! We probably stayed together too long, so I'd say another thing is to consider putting some sort of ending deadline on it. For me, 5 years was longer than any other relationship I had....
I will say this. I was in this type of relationship for 5 years. I really thought I was cool and that I wouldn't have any feelings for him like that. I mean we were both seeing other people and all. We only saw each other for hook-up purposes. But I trusted him implicitly! He was my first in a lot of things... But the day he told me he was getting married, I cried like a baby. I had no idea that I actually had feelings for him...so be careful!!!! We probably stayed together too long, so I'd say another thing is to consider putting some sort of ending deadline on it. For me, 5 years was longer than any other relationship I had....
TrendySocialite
Well-Known Member
Yeah that's the way mine was....he called me. No matter how many safeguards you put in place, this has the potential to not work.
nappystorm
Well-Known Member
Realize the situation for what it is. Don't play gf. Don't play therapist. Date other people. I go to social events but I have little or no contact electronically. Be care though, these are usually the people who you end up falling for the hardest. Funny thing is you don't realize it until he get serious with someone eles or you guys stop seeing each other.
cicilypayne
Well-Known Member
DON'T DO IT most women can not deal with this type of relationship without suffering major self esteem blows.
If you must make sure you maintain some space and so should he.
#1. No sleepovers. Overnight cuddling is great but it can confuse things. No matter how late or even if daylight is breaking leave. This is not your man man and he should'nt get to have all of you.
#2. No excessive calling. He calls you, you call him back. You call him, he calls you back. No repeaters..don't be desperate..don't chase..don't act like he does'nt know what you want when you call..that should be understood.
#3.Don't meet each others family, friends may understand, but family is another. You don't want to be out on a real date and see his cousins or aunts and they confront you or later confront him and he or you have to explain
#4. Don't borrow money or recieve money or any elaborate gifts because that can really complicate things.
#5. Don't loan money either he is NOT YOUR MAN, you may feel mutual respect but money makes people act funny. If you don't believe me,spend a afternoon watching court TV and count how many women loan men money and when the judge ask "Are you two in a relationship" She says "yes" and the guy is only too quick to say "It was just Sex..your honor". Don't loan, or give any money.
#6. No double dipping..A friend's with benefits relationship should only be with people who are both single and looking. If you have a boyfriend or meet somebody great, let your buddy know and end it. If he has a girl and you just want him physically STEP OFF that's nasty and people could get hurt or something worse. Let him know while he is dating other women please protect, and inspect. Because you don't want nothing but Love
If you must make sure you maintain some space and so should he.
#1. No sleepovers. Overnight cuddling is great but it can confuse things. No matter how late or even if daylight is breaking leave. This is not your man man and he should'nt get to have all of you.
#2. No excessive calling. He calls you, you call him back. You call him, he calls you back. No repeaters..don't be desperate..don't chase..don't act like he does'nt know what you want when you call..that should be understood.
#3.Don't meet each others family, friends may understand, but family is another. You don't want to be out on a real date and see his cousins or aunts and they confront you or later confront him and he or you have to explain
#4. Don't borrow money or recieve money or any elaborate gifts because that can really complicate things.
#5. Don't loan money either he is NOT YOUR MAN, you may feel mutual respect but money makes people act funny. If you don't believe me,spend a afternoon watching court TV and count how many women loan men money and when the judge ask "Are you two in a relationship" She says "yes" and the guy is only too quick to say "It was just Sex..your honor". Don't loan, or give any money.
#6. No double dipping..A friend's with benefits relationship should only be with people who are both single and looking. If you have a boyfriend or meet somebody great, let your buddy know and end it. If he has a girl and you just want him physically STEP OFF that's nasty and people could get hurt or something worse. Let him know while he is dating other women please protect, and inspect. Because you don't want nothing but Love
nappystorm
Well-Known Member
And if you do get in this situation, make sure it's someone you would never consider marrying.
Windsy
New Member
ouch!!!!!!!
I'm struggling because this guy has everything on my list. We are both single and looking but enjoy each other company while looking. We both feel that we don't want a booty call but friends with benefits would work because we can connect other than sex. Now I'm even more confused!!!!
glam-
Well-Known Member
ouch!!!!!!!
I'm struggling because this guy has everything on my list. We are both single and looking but enjoy each other company while looking. We both feel that we don't want a booty call but friends with benefits would work because we can connect other than sex. Now I'm even more confused!!!!
Then why wouldn't you just want to give dating a try?
Windsy
New Member
When? He works 7 days a week, goes to sleep at 9pm at nights. When I ask him why does he work so much, he says, he has to eat. I'm really leaning to just walking away completely.
nappystorm
Well-Known Member
My fwb situations are always with cute, not so smart, bobble,head type guys who I soley keep around because I'm bored or he's a guaranteed orgasm. Funny thing is, they usually end up falling for me.
I would walk away if he was someone who I actually wanted to be with but couldn't. In that type of situation, you only end up getting hurt. I did this several years ago and it took years to get him off my mind after it was all over.
nappystorm
Well-Known Member
*IMO* fwb and booty calls are both the same. Fwb is just a nicer way of saying it. Many of my male friends feel this way also...
Windsy
New Member
Thanks I agree 100% also with the FWB being the same as booty call. I actually emailed him and I'm going to walk away and just KIM.
Thanks for the input ladies.
You have to be very careful about this one. My cousin loved this guy, they were FWB and she would proudly proclaim the friend role. He let her no upfront that is all it would be and She got caught up.
Dude got a girl, during her and married her. Years later they ran into each other and exchanged numbers. It was supposed to be platonic and old friends shooting the breeze. She invited him to her party and she got his home address and mailed the pictures to the WIFE!
I told her she was bogus and he was dumb as hell to be there! Apparently years aren't enough time to heal over someone you really love!
Strangely, enough women do this thing all the time and I don't get it. That's too much energy to waste!
Dude got a girl, during her and married her. Years later they ran into each other and exchanged numbers. It was supposed to be platonic and old friends shooting the breeze. She invited him to her party and she got his home address and mailed the pictures to the WIFE!
I told her she was bogus and he was dumb as hell to be there! Apparently years aren't enough time to heal over someone you really love!
Strangely, enough women do this thing all the time and I don't get it. That's too much energy to waste!
Le Papillon
Well-Known Member
ouch!!!!!!!
I'm struggling because this guy has everything on my list. We are both single and looking but enjoy each other company while looking. We both feel that we don't want a booty call but friends with benefits would work because we can connect other than sex. Now I'm even more confused!!!!
Don't do it girl! You already think he can be a potential and you'll eventually fall for him. I tried that once and I got burned big time. Never again!
Highly Favored8
Well-Known Member
DON'T DO IT most women can not deal with this type of relationship without suffering major self esteem blows.
If you must make sure you maintain some space and so should he.
#1. No sleepovers. Overnight cuddling is great but it can confuse things. No matter how late or even if daylight is breaking leave. This is not your man man and he should'nt get to have all of you.
#2. No excessive calling. He calls you, you call him back. You call him, he calls you back. No repeaters..don't be desperate..don't chase..don't act like he does'nt know what you want when you call..that should be understood.
#3.Don't meet each others family, friends may understand, but family is another. You don't want to be out on a real date and see his cousins or aunts and they confront you or later confront him and he or you have to explain
#4. Don't borrow money or recieve money or any elaborate gifts because that can really complicate things.
#5. Don't loan money either he is NOT YOUR MAN, you may feel mutual respect but money makes people act funny. If you don't believe me,spend a afternoon watching court TV and count how many women loan men money and when the judge ask "Are you two in a relationship" She says "yes" and the guy is only too quick to say "It was just Sex..your honor". Don't loan, or give any money.
#6. No double dipping..A friend's with benefits relationship should only be with people who are both single and looking. If you have a boyfriend or meet somebody great, let your buddy know and end it. If he has a girl and you just want him physically STEP OFF that's nasty and people could get hurt or something worse. Let him know while he is dating other women please protect, and inspect. Because you don't want nothing but Love
WOW I like this
So, True.Similar threads
