Forgiveness

[sweetvi]

I know the bible has many scriptures regarding forgiving. 'Forgive us our trespass as we forgive those who trespass against us'.

I had an incident where a trusted cousin of mine and I had a falling out.. she looked through my phone as I was taking a shower one day to be nosey and thought I was talking about her to my BF at the time. So she proceeded to reveal all my secrets that I shared with her to my uncle who then told my mother. My mother and her had a falling out and I stopped talking to her although she tried reaching me.

Now that I started to rededicate my life and walk with Christ...I can genuinely say I forgive her but we still have not spoken. She is a gossiper in our family so everyone avoids her like the plague and she will also add lies with her gossip to throw someone under the bus if she is upset with them.

I do forgive her but my question is can I do from afar or do I have to call her and say I forgive you lol. ( kind of don't want to lol )

 

[sweetvi]

..... Bumping...

BostonMaria
Shimmie
@loolah

 

[auparavant]

My 2 cents worth? Calling her to say you forgive her will send her over unless she called to ask you to forgive her. You can definitely let it go in prayer, in private and she doesn't even have to know. Just that, the next time you see her, let her see you have forgiven her with no mention of her treachery. Hope this helps.

 

[sweetvi]

auparavant

Thank you... I wanted to keep our relationship at arms length but I forgive her....

I have to go now but will appreciate more responses. Will be back in am to read more advice. I really appreciate this forum.....

 

[BostonMaria]

UNFORGIVENESS is like drinking poison and hoping somebody else will die LOL I read that somewhere. Its hard to forgive and I have a hard time forgiving people that I have to still keep in contact every day. You can pray to the Holy Spirit to help you release the bitterness and resentment that you feel towards your cousin. You don't have to call her and ask for forgiveness, but you will probably have to confront her at some point in your life. I guess that's the true test. Will you give her a hug? or sucker punch her? LOL I'm exaggerating of course.

Tell God that you release the anger you feel and instead of curses, you bless this child. Because the devil is using her to get to you so in reality its not really her (this is hard to swallow as well). I once wrote a letter to somebody that hurt me. I tore it up after it was done and I actually felt great after. I forgave her and she never even knew I was mad at her. It was between me and God.

I have a great prayer that you can work off of. Let me try to find it and I will edit this post...

 

[DaiseeDay]

Forgiveness* is like drinking poison and hoping somebody else will die LOL I read that somewhere. Its hard to forgive and I have a hard time forgiving people that I have to still keep in contact every day. You can pray to the Holy Spirit to help you release the bitterness and resentment that you feel towards your cousin. You don't have to call her and ask for forgiveness, but you will probably have to confront her at some point in your life. I guess that's the true test. Will you give her a hug? or sucker punch her? LOL I'm exaggerating of course.

Tell God that you release the anger you feel and instead of curses, you bless this child. Because the devil is using her to get to you so in reality its not really her (this is hard to swallow as well). I once wrote a letter to somebody that hurt me. I tore it up after it was done and I actually felt great after. I forgave her and she never even knew I was mad at her. It was between me and God.

I have a great prayer that you can work off of. Let me try to find it and I will edit this post...

*un-forgiveness?

 

[BostonMaria]

*un-forgiveness?

Ooops! LOL Thanks for telling me

 

[DaiseeDay]

Ooops! LOL Thanks for telling me

Lol I was like huh? Hmm let me think about that one. Then I got it

 

[PinkPebbles]

I know the bible has many scriptures regarding forgiving. 'Forgive us our trespass as we forgive those who trespass against us'.

I had an incident where a trusted cousin of mine and I had a falling out.. she looked through my phone as I was taking a shower one day to be nosey and thought I was talking about her to my BF at the time. So she proceeded to reveal all my secrets that I shared with her to my uncle who then told my mother. My mother and her had a falling out and I stopped talking to her although she tried reaching me.

Now that I started to rededicate my life and walk with Christ...I can genuinely say I forgive her but we still have not spoken. She is a gossiper in our family so everyone avoids her like the plague and she will also add lies with her gossip to throw someone under the bus if she is upset with them.

I do forgive her but my question is can I do from afar or do I have to call her and say I forgive you lol. ( kind of don't want to lol )

sweetvi you mentioned that your cousin tried reaching out to you. When did she try reaching out to you, was it recently? Did she want to apologize or make amends?

 

[loolalooh]

I know the bible has many scriptures regarding forgiving. 'Forgive us our trespass as we forgive those who trespass against us'.

I had an incident where a trusted cousin of mine and I had a falling out.. she looked through my phone as I was taking a shower one day to be nosey and thought I was talking about her to my BF at the time. So she proceeded to reveal all my secrets that I shared with her to my uncle who then told my mother. My mother and her had a falling out and I stopped talking to her although she tried reaching me.

Now that I started to rededicate my life and walk with Christ...I can genuinely say I forgive her but we still have not spoken. She is a gossiper in our family so everyone avoids her like the plague and she will also add lies with her gossip to throw someone under the bus if she is upset with them.

I do forgive her but my question is can I do from afar or do I have to call her and say I forgive you lol. ( kind of don't want to lol )

Because of the bolded, I would suggest that you call her. She tried to reach you, so return her call and let her know that you've forgiven her. It doesn't mean you should start sharing your secrets with her again. Just let her know you have forgiven her.

 

[PinkPebbles]

Because of the bolded, I would suggest that you call her. She tried to reach you, so return her call and let her know that you've forgiven her. It doesn't mean you should start sharing your secrets with her again. Just let her know you have forgiven her.

I agree.

I'd like to add when you call your cousin talk about the situation. Let her know that she over-reacted. You were hurt by the situation b/c you confided and trusted her with your secrets.

Also, let her know in the future if she is upset with you about something come to you about it. It may simply be a misunderstanding.

 

[Shimmie]

sweetvi...

I have a similar family member. I forgave 'them' and I also called to let 'them' know this. I also had to let them know that forgiving them does not give them license to take my love and forgiveness for granted neither to take my forgiveness for weakness. In other words, what they did, they cannot ever do again.

 

[sweetvi]

loolalooh


She tried calling me a couple if months after it happened but I did not respond... And then she called my mother after and started to try to bring up more gossip on me. My mother reprimanded her and basically embarrassed her and we have not heard from her since. This was about a year ago

 

[sweetvi]

PinkPebbles

I do forgive her but I rather not reach out to her. She has history of this in the past with other family members, including her brother who literally Threatened to destroy her and the reason I say this because we (our family) have a sense a peace without her interference. She is my family member and I will have to see her again so I will let her know my feelings but like Shimmie said.....not to ever do that again.

 

[Rainbow Dash]

You forgive your cousin and you want to past to pain to be gone but you do not want to let her back because she is messy. When you forgive you do not become a doormat for sinful behavior. We are not to be a partaker of anyone's sin. You do have to love her but you do not have to allow her to bring messy gossip into your life.

Forgiveness is no grudges, your account is clear, you don't owe me anything.

 

[Shimmie]

PinkPebbles

I do forgive her but I rather not reach out to her. She has history of this in the past with other family members, including her brother who literally Threatened to destroy her and the reason I say this because we (our family) have a sense a peace without her interference. She is my family member and I will have to see her again so I will let her know my feelings but like Shimmie said.....not to ever do that again.

Exactly Jesus is our perfect example. Whenever He expressed forgiveness of anyone's sin, He made it clear and in love,

"Go and sin no more..."

Over and over, Jesus said this to those forgiven.

Folks have to know what caused the rif and to avoid future rif's to stop the sin committed. Your cousin needs help; gossiping is a disease of separation and alienation. Even non-Christians are hurt and affected painfully by gossip. It's like having a knife stuck in your back... (hence the term 'backstabber'). Jesus calls it 'backbiting'. Gossip is what one does behind one's back. It's wrong and it pushes people away.

 

[Laela]

If it's one thing I've learned about forgiveness is that it's never for the other person's benefit but for mine...it's God's way of refining.

sweetvi - Think of your heart as silver, being refined in God's Hands, so that He can see His image when He looks at you. That has worked for me...

Forgiving is a heart issue and an act, not an emotion. It's not an excuse for people to walk all over you or abuse you. Love won't do that, nor allow it.

 

[PinkPebbles]

@sweetvi you mentioned that your cousin tried reaching out to you. When did she try reaching out to you, was it recently? Did she want to apologize or make amends?

@PinkPebbles

I do forgive her but I rather not reach out to her. She has history of this in the past with other family members, including her brother who literally Threatened to destroy her and the reason I say this because we (our family) have a sense a peace without her interference. She is my family member and I will have to see her again so I will let her know my feelings but like @Shimmie said.....not to ever do that again.

Thanks for the clarification .
I wasn’t sure if she was calling you to apologize or gossip which is why I asked the question. Apparently, she hasn’t changed her ways; therefore, it wouldn’t be wise to form a new relationship. “What fellowship can light have with darkness!?!” You have done your part which was forgiveness.
Continue to let your light shine.
Be Blessed.

 

[PinkPebbles]

If it's one thing I've learned about forgiveness is that it's never for the other person's benefit but for mine...it's God's way of refining.

@sweetvi - Think of your heart as silver, being refined in God's Hands, so that He can see His image when He looks at you. That has worked for me...

Forgiving is a heart issue and an act, not an emotion. It's not an excuse for people to walk all over you or abuse you. Love won't do that, nor allow it.

Beautifully Stated!!!!!

 

[MSee]

OP your post is giving me flash backs. I used to do the 'above and beyond' type of forgiveness until God used His word through plain scripture and sound teaching to correct me. What I'm talking about was that when I forgave a person I use to go to the extreme to let them feel comfortable around me again even if they didn't repent, even if they try to make 'me' feel and look bad for simply acknowledging what they did was wrong.

God used His Word to teach me balance since doing that has not once helped the individual. They just got bolder and it took a toll on me. I had to learn to forgive but set boundaries, especially when it came to persons using slander, lies and gossip to destroy me. Forgiveness is a must but you have a choice with the relationship. I've heard many messages that used what Jesus said on the cross as a reason to just forgive and embrace the individual back into your life. They forgot that to enter the kingdom of God through Christ and have a relationship with Him, those same people at the cross had to repent and change their ways by following Christ. A relationship or reconcilliation was not automatic because Christ said Father forgive them. We are to follow Christ's example. Forgive but be wise.

Sorry for the long post but some scripture comes to mind. Enough has been said about forgiveness, these are about gossip, lying etc.

Proverbs 26
18 Like a maniac shooting
flaming arrows of death
19 is one who deceives their neighbor
and says, "I was only joking!"
20 Without wood a fire goes out;
without a gossip a quarrel dies down.
21 As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire,
so is a quarrelsome person for kindling strife.
22 The words of a gossip are like choice morsels;
they go down to the inmost parts.
23 Like a coating of silver dross on earthenware
are fervent lips with an evil heart.
24 Enemies disguise themselves with their lips,
but in their hearts they harbor deceit.
25 Though their speech is charming, do not believe them,
for seven abominations fill their hearts.
26 Their malice may be concealed by deception,
but their wickedness will be exposed in the assembly.
27 Whoever digs a pit will fall into it;
if someone rolls a stone, it will roll back on them.
28 A lying tongue hates those it hurts,
and a flattering mouth works ruin.

You should keep on praying for your cousin though. She will destroy herself if she doesn't change.

 

[Shimmie]

OP your post is giving me flash backs. I used to do the 'above and beyond' type of forgiveness until God used His word through plain scripture and sound teaching to correct me. What I'm talking about was that when I forgave a person I use to go to the extreme to let them feel comfortable around me again even if they didn't repent, even if they try to make 'me' feel and look bad for simply acknowledging what they did was wrong.

God used His Word to teach me balance since doing that has not once helped the individual. They just got bolder and it took a toll on me. I had to learn to forgive but set boundaries, especially when it came to persons using slander, lies and gossip to destroy me. Forgiveness is a must but you have a choice with the relationship. I've heard many messages that used what Jesus said on the cross as a reason to just forgive and embrace the individual back into your life. They forgot that to enter the kingdom of God through Christ and have a relationship with Him, those same people at the cross had to repent and change their ways by following Christ. A relationship or reconcilliation was not automatic because Christ said Father forgive them. We are to follow Christ's example. Forgive but be wise.

Sorry for the long post but some scripture comes to mind. Enough has been said about forgiveness, these are about gossip, lying etc.

Proverbs 26
18 Like a maniac shooting
flaming arrows of death
19 is one who deceives their neighbor
and says, "I was only joking!"
20 Without wood a fire goes out;
without a gossip a quarrel dies down.
21 As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire,
so is a quarrelsome person for kindling strife.
22 The words of a gossip are like choice morsels;
they go down to the inmost parts.
23 Like a coating of silver dross on earthenware
are fervent lips with an evil heart.
24 Enemies disguise themselves with their lips,
but in their hearts they harbor deceit.
25 Though their speech is charming, do not believe them,
for seven abominations fill their hearts.
26 Their malice may be concealed by deception,
but their wickedness will be exposed in the assembly.
27 Whoever digs a pit will fall into it;
if someone rolls a stone, it will roll back on them.
28 A lying tongue hates those it hurts,
and a flattering mouth works ruin.

You should keep on praying for your cousin though. She will destroy herself if she doesn't change.

Good Word

A few of Life's Lessons:

* A 'battered' wife can forgive her abusive husband, however he cannot continue to abuse her. He has to seek serious help and make serious changes in his heart as well as his behaviour. The wife cannot be with him until the change has truly taken place in his heart. No excuses allowed.

* * We can forgive someone for 'stealing' from us, but they can't be in our lives and continue to steal.

* * * We can forgive the 'sister' who comes to Church and flirts with all of the men, however she cannot continue to be a temptress.

 

[sweetvi]

MSee

Thank you. That scripture describes her perfectly!!!!!

Laela

Thank you... That is why I chose to stay away... My own cousin who is a pastor stays away from her. She mentioned to me that she is afraid of how malicious she can be.
She has done this many times before but not as cruel until now. I am such a people which I have mentioned before in a previous post that I sometimes end up getting used and manipulated. My mother has warned me about her and said she is jealous and a gossiper but I did not listen because I LOVE hard.. But unfortunately people take advantage.

I will love Jesus Hard now..that is what he always wanted and he will never disappoint or forsake me.

Thank you everyone

 

[Shimmie]

MSee

Thank you. That scripture describes her perfectly!!!!!

Laela

Thank you... That is why I chose to stay away... My own cousin who is a pastor stays away from her. She mentioned to me that she is afraid of how malicious she can be.
She has done this many times before but not as cruel until now. I am such a people which I have mentioned before in a previous post that I sometimes end up getting used and manipulated. My mother has warned me about her and said she is jealous and a gossiper but I did not listen because I LOVE hard.. But unfortunately people take advantage.

I will love Jesus Hard now..that is what he always wanted and he will never disappoint or forsake me.

Thank you everyone

Just continue to love her in prayer...

 

[Baggettcindy]

Note...I didn't read all the responses. As others have said forgive her. If you don't, you become TRAPPED by the situation. Forgive, but that doesn't mean you have to trust/tell her stuff. You know she is a gossiper, so.....don't give her stuff to gossip to others about you.