For those of you with little girls

[MissB]

Hello everyone,

I mentally and physically exhausted. I spoke to my girlfriend on Friday and she stated that she wanted to put a relaxer in her 4 year old daughter's hair. I told her no way because the high ph would kill the child's hair. I told her that I would come over today and wash, blowdry, and flat iron her daughter's hair.

Apparently, the little girl is tender headed and she screamed bloody murder the entire time. I barely touched her and she would scream to the top of her lungs for no reason. I was able to wash and condition her hair with Bumble and Bumble products. Her mother immediately noticed a difference in her hair. It detangled very easily. The blow drying and flat iron made a huge difference.

If you have a little girl, what do you do to alleviate the fears? I was very gentle and never yanked or pulled her hair but she was still afraid. Any advice would be appreciated? Thanks in advance! MissB

 

[miss_brown]

Has her mother been not-so-gentle with her hair? That might explain why she was still yelling at the sight of the comb - out of fear of the experience, not because you were actually hurting her.

Of course, it may be possible that she really is the tenderheaded

I don't have a little girl, but I do have a head of natural hair, so I know a little about this. On a board suggestion, I picked up Kids Organic Shea Butter Detangling Lotion, and this stuff works like MAGIC

When I apply it to my wet hair, the comb just slides through. It's available at most DC beauty supplies. HTH

 

[cutebajangirl]

I guess you at this point can't do anything with the girl. Maybe her mom is really rough with her hair so now she has already associated hair with pain ?

 

[Armyqt]

I have little girl and I've never had this problem with her. I do get the ocassional ouches though. I've always tried to be very gentle with her hair and choose products that detangle her hair easily. Maybe she's had many negative enounters with her Mom doing her hair. She's probably already programmed to yell. She's already anticipating the pain, even though there probably wasn't any. Unfortunately for some children, there parents aren't equipped with the knowledge needed to properly care for their natural hair. That's why it's all too easy for them to grab a box of relaxer and slap it on. It only makes it easier for the parent. But in turn, it teaches the child that their hair is not "good". And it toally ruins it.

As a Mom, I have always made it a point to tell my daughter her beautiful her hair is. It's been challenging at times, but I've got it down to a science almost now. Although she sometimes wants straight styles, she loves her beautiful natural hair. It's becuase I instilled a sense of pride in her. I doubt she'll be all too eager to get a relaxer as she gets older. Your friend just needs a little help and guidance. And you can provide that for her. Introduce her to pantene spray detangler, some sta-sof fro and some creme of nature shampoo. That's a simple start for her. She can take it from there.

BTW, I'm totally in love with the B&B leave-in. It's awesome

 

[Supergirl]

The first time I ever got my hair curled with a curling iron, I was 5 and it was for my grandparents 50th anniversary--they were renewing their vows. So one of my older cousins was curling my hair and everyone kept telling me that if I was still, I wouldn't get burned. Well shoot--I was scared with them just telling me that and I pitched a fit and cried the whole time. If they'd just told me to be still without mentioning the "burning" part, I would've been fine. I would've had no clue that my cousin was using something that could potentially burn me.

After that, even when my mom tried to curl or press my hair, I threw a fit.

Said all that to say--it's probably some previous experience that the little girl has had.

 

[MissB]

Thanks for the replies. The mother gets frustrated because the dad doesn't like to hear his little girl suffer. Therefore, the mom is a little rough to get it done and over with. She commented today that she has never been able to comb her hair out from the root because she gets very frustrated with the screaming.

I am going to write down all the product recs for her mom and see if we can get her hair properly trained. She has 3C hair that would be bra strap lenghth (if she wore one). But due to improper care it just looks matted to her head.

The B&B leave-in is awesome on both relaxed and natural hair. I did use this today and the results were amazing.

Thanks for the support and recommendations!

 

[SweetNic_JA]

MissB, I'd normally talk the child through the entire process. I would tell her that I'm about to do her hair and as I worked on each section, I'd ask her if it hurt. Then I'd move on to the next section, ask again and continue. You basically have to coach the child through the process- especially if they've had a history of bad hair experiences.

**sometimes it helps when you tell them how pretty it looks and let them touch their hair***

 

[MissB]

Sweetnic,

I tried all of that today and it just didn't work. I bribed her with lollipops and even turned on her favorite video. I told her she was pretty and would look prettier when we were done. She didn't buy any of it.

 

[MissB]

Supergirl,

I kept the blow dryer on medium and I didn't apply the flat iron anywhere near the roots. I knew it would be traumatic if she got burned. I remember getting my hair pressed as a teenager and the heat from the pressing oil and the comb would wreck havoc with my scalp. Eventually, my mom gave up and gave me the relaxer...

 

[Supergirl]

I hear ya Miss B--

that curling iron never got near my scalp either--but everyone scared me into thinking I was gonna get burned

That little girl just had fear from prior experiences.

 

[jainygirl]

the whole "doing the hair" thing is why i'm glad i dont have a daughter. i can barely take hearing my son scream at the barber. (he thinks the clippers are gonna cut his ears off

and no matter how hard i try, i cannot reassure him enough that the clippers dont eat ears...)

 

[qtpi]

Wow! That poor little girl! I agree, it's probably just previous bad experiences that cause her to act this way, and maybe she is tenderheaded. But, I agree thatafter timewhen she experiences that it doesn't really hurt when combed out gentle, hair combing can be fun. Keep trying to instill a sense of pride in her hair ( and her mother about the girls hair)
Oh, Miss B, would you mind sending me a list too of all the products too (pretty please!) (smile) I'm always looking for things to make the "hair experience better for my little girl. Thanks

 

[honey_jammz82]

My friends daughter is the same way! She screams at the sight of a comb or brush. Her mother has no idea how to care for her hair, and it is a shame, I try to tell her but she does not care.
When I do her hair, I tell her everything I am about to do. I am very gentle, and use good products that detangle.

 

[KinksnCurlz]

My daughter USE to cry everytime I did her hair. But not anymore. Someone on this WONDERFUL forum told me to section her hair b4 i wash it. I've been doing that (using detangling shampoo -CoN or Keracare-; IC deep conditioner mixed with Hollywood Olive Cholestero -or Humectres; and i spray Aroscio leavein along with Salerm. When I braid her hair (or style it everyday) it is always detangled so she doesn't whine anymore.

I also use sta soft fro spray to 'soften' her hair up more. I'm going to start using honey in her conditioner as well (for shine).
The only time she cries now is when water, YES I SAID WATER, in the shower touches her hair. She's a little nutty

 

[nita4]

Hummm, never had this problem. I'm sure it's from previous experience and a mother's frustrations. Her hair doesn't need to be relaxed, just combed regularly. My baby complains a lttle but she knows, Wednesdays and Saturdays is hair wash day - she is five. I use CON diluted shampoo, Lustersilk cholestoral conditioner, Humectress and ORS Olive Oil as leave ins, shea butter for the ends. I texturized her hair at the age of 4 with texture and tones mild relaxer. She has 4a thin, fine hair with very tight coils. She lost more hair when she was natural and we did have some difficulty then. Now it's no problem and her hair is growing fine. I touch it up whenever it gets totally out of hand - in between 16 & 20 weeks or more.

 

[GodMadeMePretty]

Best thing to do is to wash her hair in sections. My daughter still tries to scream bloody murder sometimes. The one and only time that I have not gotten even an *ouch* out of her was when I washed her hair in sections and then when detangling, I detangled with my fingers first. I finger parted smaller sections and basically went strand by strand (not literally one strand at a time). It was time-consuming but sooooooooo worth it. The comb just glided through. It was absolutely amazing. I got that technique from Robin off the crownnglory website.

But she could actually be tenderheaded. My stepdaughter cried every time she got her hair combed. And that was up to the age of 12 when she finally got a relaxer. Literally, tears were streaming down her face and I could also see that emotionally, she was hurting. She did need something. Now that I know about texturizing, that probably would have been the way to go for her. And when I say tenderheaded, I mean, literally, if you touched her scalp with your finger, she was flinching. When *she* touched her scalp, she was flinching. She had pain in the scalp.

I have a former friend who is also tenderheaded. Literal pain in the scalp no matter how gentle she was.

 

[Lindy]

Well, my daughter is a teen now, but I definitely remember the trials & tribulations I had to go through with her hair!!

First of all, she hated water being in her face, so I had to buy one of those visor-like hat thingies that go all around the head. She would sit in the tub and I'd wash her hair with that stupid cap around her head. A little awkward, but at least I could get the job done without the screaming and crying that water & soap was in her eyes!! As she got older and her head grew, the cap didn't fit her any more

, so I had to buy another similar contraption which I found in a catalog. Man, I was happy when she got tall enough that she could bend over the kitchen sink!!

Detangling wasn't THAT much of a problem for us -- she did have a lot of hair, so it was time-consuming, but not awful.

 

[MissB]

Thanks for the info and the support. I will have to work hard to get my friend to change her methods. I was blessed to have a little boy. He goes with dad to the barber every two weeks. We wash his hair twice/week and moisturize daily.

 

[flyjump00]

My daughter has thick hair and is only 17 months old. She sits in her high chair to get her hair comb. Only Cheerios work right now. Hopefully she will never be tender headed! Is there anything that will distract a 4 year old? Reading? Game? Movie? Cheerios?

 

[KinksnCurlz]

Movies always did it for me. My daughter LOVED barney so she'd watch a barney movie everytime i had to do her hair. Be it 2 ponytails or 10, cornrows, whatever, barney always did it for her

 

[flyjump00]

I know Dora the Explorer works for my sisters little girl and she is Almost 4.

 

[kitten73]

Hi, I am in despereat need of help with my little girl. She is goign on 7 and has beautiful thck curly hair. I would say it is a little like Kelis the entertainer, add a little coarsness. It's not growing and I am not sure what to do. I was considering getting her a good trim since it is so un even but evryone is telling me not to. When I talk about perms they all say, her hair texture is so soft and curly, why would you wan to perm it. I tell them it's because it doesn't hold braids that well and ponytails schrink up and get fuzzy. I wish her hair was coarser, I think it would be easier to manage. I have use sooooo many different products. Do you have any suggestions and a regimine for me to start?

 

[flyjump00]

I have trimmed my daughters hair. Some people say not to and some people say it's ok. I went with my own instincts. I thought she need a trim. She has had 2 and is almost 17mo old. Her hair is very thick and getting pretty long. The back is past her shoulders. I say give her a little 1/4" trim and keep it conditioned really well. I don't know about the perm though. I have not crossed that bridge.

 

[KinksnCurlz]

I've given my daughter a trim to (1x) and she's 3. She was very upset with me tho when she saw those little hairs on the floor.

 

[flyjump00]

Girl, I had to do my daughters when she fell asleep. She is too wild and too nosey.

 

[The Girl]

LOL I have a lil girl who won't let me wash her hair. She loves the salon but hates the bathtub/kitchen sink, etc. I compromise and take her to Fantastic Sams/BoRIcs for cheap washes...spoiled diva...lol

 

[angie10]

I have two little girls, they cry sometimes but never the way you discribed. I think talking to children or singing with them while doing hair helps. That might take the attention away from their hair and also probably give her a doll and a small comb, so she could pratice doing hair too.

 

[angelita842002]

I usually put on dora the explorere or little einsteins and she will stay pretty still. I also give her the comb and brush so she can play with them. She gets her hair combed almost every day so it doesnt get tangled.

 

[angie10]

I usually put on dora the explorere or little einsteins and she will stay pretty still. I also give her the comb and brush so she can play with them. She gets her hair combed almost every day so it doesnt get tangled.

That's exactly what I'm talking about. I meant to say something about your daughter earlier. She's soooooooo cute

 

[MonaRae]

I used to have a hard time with my niece but then I told her I was going to make her look pretty and I had no problems after that.

Till this day she sits still and get her hair done. That was about 4 - 5 years ago. All girls (especially little princesses) love looking pretty!

HTH!
MonaRae