First few dates...

[MissMariee]

Being new to the dating game I'm just trying to figure out of I'm doing this right...

What are some topics you discuss?
How often do you get together?
How often is communication between dates?
How deep do you get into things?
(by this I mean how personal do you get? I seem to have issues asking certain questions during the first few dates as were still getting to know eachother)

 

[PeaceFlow]

What are some topics you discuss?

Anything. Love, life, entertainment, politics, hobbies, background, aspirations, social life, work/study etc...

How often do you get together?

2x Per week
How often is communication between dates?

I've found most communicated almost daily, but one only preferred in person. He was a bit awkward

How deep do you get into things?
In terms of more serious questions..

1. Why are you dating, what are you looking for?
2. When was the last relationship, duration, why did it fizzle (brief explanation at this point).
3. Are you a multiple dater?

Honestly I fit most of these questions into the first date and maybe touch on them a bit more on the second.

I know it sounds a little interrogator ish, but I don't ask in that way. I really don't care much about men early on, so it weaves into the conversation in a relaxed manner, or I lead it on the right path. I cant tell if I want a relationship etc.. with someone early on either. I just like to know the beast I'm dealing with lol ASAP

 

[Fine 4s]

I generally kept it very light. I like to laugh and have fun so that's the goal. It's also the most important aspect of a relationship to me. How well do I like his personality? The other important stuff I'll find out shortly.

 

[MissMariee]

What are some topics you discuss?

Anything. Love, life, entertainment, politics, hobbies, background, aspirations, social life, work/study etc...

How often do you get together?

2x Per week
How often is communication between dates?

I've found most communicated almost daily, but one only preferred in person. He was a bit awkward

How deep do you get into things?
In terms of more serious questions..

1. Why are you dating, what are you looking for?
2. When was the last relationship, duration, why did it fizzle (brief explanation at this point).
3. Are you a multiple dater?

Honestly I fit most of these questions into the first date and maybe touch on them a bit more on the second.

I know it sounds a little interrogator ish, but I don't ask in that way. I really don't care much about men early on, so it weaves into the conversation in a relaxed manner, or I lead it on the right path. I cant tell if I want a relationship etc.. with someone early on either. I just like to know the beast I'm dealing with lol ASAP

How did you get into discussing the deeper things?
I know theyre essential subjects that need to be covered, but Im not sure how and when to ask without interrogating him. Weve only been on two dates.

 

[MissMariee]

I generally kept it very light. I like to laugh and have fun so that's the goal. It's also the most important aspect of a relationship to me. How well do I like his personality? The other important stuff I'll find out shortly.

So Im not crazy! Lol. I was criticized for not finding out about all his past relationships and the possibility of a future with me, all on the second date.
I was like, Im still trying to get to know the guy in general.. I dont want to push this, we need to develop a friendship first. Were not planning our wedding.

 

[ladysaraii]

In Marry the Man of Your Choice she talks about "interviewing" your date, but it doesn't start with stuff like where are we going and past relationships (initially). She suggests starting in the past with non-invasive questions about his childhood to start a dialogue and get him comfortable talking to you. And gradually you'll bring it more to the present and into deeper topics.

It's a very interesting book.

BUt overall, I agree with keeping it light and fun the first few dates. After all your objective is to get asked out on future dates at this point, not get a marriage proposal

Here is the link. If you do a seach you will find a thread which talks about this in more detail, than my quick overview

 

[kismettt]

What are some topics you discuss?
work, school, hobbies, interests--hopefully the conversation unfolds naturally.

How often do you get together?
usually once a week or every other week

How often is communication between dates?
a couple of texts throughout the week, maybe a phone call

How deep do you get into things?
(by this I mean how personal do you get? I seem to have issues asking certain questions during the first few dates as were still getting to know eachother)
i'm not sure what you mean. like i probably won't reveal my biggest insecurities and childhood trauma. i tend to be cautious when revealing my political/social opinions b/c i am not interested in being around a man who will become aggressive/hostile/argumentative (there are some). i can usually feel out what he would think/believe without talking directly about certain things. religion is usually a no-go unless he's agnostic or atheist. and even then it can turn it religion bashing, which i'm not here for either.

 

[PeaceFlow]

How did you get into discussing the deeper things?
I know theyre essential subjects that need to be covered, but Im not sure how and when to ask without interrogating him. Weve only been on two dates.

It depends if its internet dating, or not.

If I date someone off a dating website then I will talk about what they think of internet dating and say what I think. Maybe share a few horror stories about quality on the sites. Then it may lead into what drew them to online dating. Usually what they were looking for will also come out here. I don't tie it to me like "what do you want from me". I think I am irrelevant at that point because I haven't decided he's right for me. What his dating mindset is in general and how he's finding the dating game is a fair question IMO. If it doesn't contain any pressure to answer a certain way it wont create an atmosphere. I find men respond fine and honestly when there's no emotional pressure. Its harder to create this after emotional investment starts IMO.

If its a guy not from a dating site I'm usually acquaintances with them first, so get to talk about important topics before getting involved. Again this is low pressure because I don't expect any particular answer.

Its an individual thing really. I tend to ask when they are relevant to the topic at hand, so it doesn't sound like an out of the blue question. In some cases I've had guys breathe a sigh of relief that I brought something up that they also wanted to talk about.

So far every guy I have ever dated, or been with have always said they had a great time with me and been keen to see me again even though I worked a few fact finding questions in there, so it works for me. I do think it's how its delivered though. If its framed in a "lets talk about life" kind of way, it should flow naturally.

Anyhoo, you have to do you really and see what works for you and your emotions. There was a thread in OT that was related to this topic and some women preferred to wait to find out certain info and others preferred to know early. I'm an information type of woman and it's worked for me. I've known other women who prefer to see what happens , or wait.