Finally told my mom I was transitioning and...

[TrulyBlessed]

it didn't go well at all ...I need all the support I can get right now. When my hair was relaxed I was brastrap and now that I am transitioning a lot of my relaxed ends are thin and brittle but my newgrowth is coming in nicely. Well today I was getting my hair ready for wash day and my mom started examining my hair and she let me have it. "you used to take good care of your hair but now it looks a mess." (But a few days ago she and everyone were complimenting me on how nice my twistout style was) I told her I was going natural and she then proceeded to say, "I'm sorry but you don't have good hair, your hair looks like it belongs on a homeless person" (cringed at the moment she said this) If you plan on going to grad school and applying for another job in the future, you won't get it with your natural hair. I explained that I can show her pictures of different natural styles and then she said, I dont want to see them because internet pictures could have been fixed and airbrushed, and people already wearing natural hair probably have good hair. I even showed her my spirally new growth and she accused me of trying to grow dreds which is not my goal. She also refused to touch my new growth as if it is something evil growing out of my head. She kept commenting about how thin the relaxed part of my hair is but would not acknowledge this extremely thick head of natural hair that is thriving. She also asked me how long is this "phase going to last" This is my second transition and there is no way I want to give up but the comments she made are discouraging. She said that she and my sister were talking the other day trying to figure out what was going on with my hair, and I'm sure after today they'll be ganging up on me. She was like if going natural is your goal, then you should be going to the hairdresser so they can do (press) it.

Right now I havent been using heat but just wearing buns and twistouts, but should I go to the stylist and press my hair the rest of the transition to keep her quiet? So far I have been trimming about an inch every two months, is that no frequent enough? How many naturals/transitioners have gone to the stylist or pressed througout their transition and what style did you get? Is it easier or harder to transition with shorter relaxed hair? Right now I have about 12 in of relaxer and 3.5 in of natural. Thanks ladies for reading

 

[Nay]

Tasha, sorry to hear that your mom is giving you such a hard time. Family can be the worst!! They are so used to seeing us one way that if we try to change, they just can't imagine our "change" being for the better.

When I first used to wear my braidout hair, my brother would tell me I looked like a poodle. Now, other folks said it was pretty, but not him. Nowadays he just looks at it and doesn't say much of anything. Whatever.

The bottom line is, you know that your hair can be beautiful whether relaxed or natural. Try not to let other folks' negative comments keep you from doing what YOU want to do with your hair.

 

[CandiceC]

Hi Tasha. I agree with Nay. Don't listen to anyone's opinions of how you wear your hair. You're the one that has to be comfortable with it at the end of the day. Just use this as an opportunity to show them that natual hair can be beautiful!

 

[Ayeshia]

Prove her WRONG!!!! Parents and family are some of our most harshest critics. Use her as a motivator to get better for the health of your hair

 

[deedabug]

i dont think u should get ur hair pressed because ur mom said tht u should...

all the advice i can give is keep peepin albums...do it every nite if u have to and go to a "special place'' in ur mind when family starts talkin...

personally i either got crunk or laughed hysterically loud until they forgot about my hair and became worried about my mental condition lol...i find that laughing at ppl seems to knock them down a notch which i think is necessary when they feel the need to bring u down about ur own hair...but everyone isnt me and u may find this harsh and disrespectful...but expect the same as u have alredy been gettin from fam and probably worse...

 

[Ms Red]

Hi Tasha!

FIRST of all... let me extend a ! I am a new transitioner and I know how hard it can be when your friends and family don't share the same vision of that thick, healthy, natural head of hair that you are aspiring to have. Hang in there, though! It gets harder because as the two textures become more apparent (to you and everyone else), it's more difficult to blend them in a style. I think that your mom is just projecting her dislikes of natural hair (and that theory of "good hair/bad hair") onto you, which isn't right!

You have made the decision (again) to transition, and you should be applauded for it. You have your own personal goals and although it's hard to hear your mom's negative and pessimistic opinions about your hair, I think you should follow your gut instinct and your heart. Of course your relaxed ends are starting to look thin-- but it's not because of your lack of haircare, it's just because your beautiful new growth is so strong, resiliant and texturized-- qualities that are to be admired, not shunned.

To answer your question about pressing, IMHO I don't think it's a great idea to press all the way through your transition, especially not to please your mom. Just think, if you press all thru transitioning, what happens when you BC and stop pressing. You're left with a TWA or BAA and your mom's WRATH! She won't be happy then either, and all of that pressing thru transitioning will have been for naught. Experiment with your natural hair and new growth as often as possible! As long as YOU are happy with your styles. You already know that if you decide not to press all the time you have SO many other options!!!
Good luck to you and just brush it off! Look at the forest, despite the trees-- think of how happy you will be with a head full of natural hair. It will be hard letting go of the relaxed ends but I think you will fall in LVE with your natural hair!

cupcake

 

[Poohbear]

Hey Tasha! I'm here for you girl, my hair twin! Transitioning was a hard time for me too. That's why I went on and cut all my relaxed hair off. You don't have to do that though. Several ladies here have transitioned without Big Chopping. Feel free to PM me anytime!

 

[ThursdayGirl]

Hi Tasha!

FIRST of all... let me extend a ! I am a new transitioner and I know how hard it can be when your friends and family don't share the same vision of that thick, healthy, natural head of hair that you are aspiring to have. Hang in there, though! It gets harder because as the two textures become more apparent (to you and everyone else), it's more difficult to blend them in a style. I think that your mom is just projecting her dislikes of natural hair (and that theory of "good hair/bad hair") onto you, which isn't right!

ITA... I think your Mom is just afraid of what it may look like. Maybe she hasn't seen how fly and dope (yeah I know I went old skool with that) natural highly textured hair can be. I think you should try it. Its your hair. Mom will probably have stuff to say for awhile... but yanno... she doesn't have to like your hair...she's not wearing it. Just let it roll off your back. She's used to seeing your hair looking one way and now its changing. I think she will come around in time... she just needs to get used to it.

As for the not being able to get into school..etc. That's just more fear to try to pressure you into perming/straightening your hair again. I truely believe that so long your hair is neat and clean...everything will work out. Those people are more interested in whether you can succeed in their program. Trust me, I have been there. Good Luck... (and stay away from too much heat, unless you are comfortable with it and want to press your hair... if you get heat damage... you'll just have to transition that out too!).

 

[TrulyBlessed]

Thank you all for the advice ..I guess I transitioned twice for a reason, because my mind is so much stronger now than my first transition. Uhhh, I now see what you all mean by family being the harshest critics! I knew she probably wouldnt agree with it but she straight out attacked me. I agree, I guess she was hoping I would feel bad and head back to the relaxer.

Right now I'm looking through hair albums to keep me focused. Hopefully when her shock wears off she will look at them too. Even in the midst of the argument I told her that I'm not offended because she is speaking out of ignorance. She replied that she's not ignorant, but just telling me how it is in the real world. Thank God my closest friends are already natural...I think I will continue to lay off the heat but will probably get a few inches of relaxed hair chopped off so the difference in textures isnt too obvious..

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Tasha, I'm going thru the same thing u are. What kills me is that my fam is not gung ho for my decision, but I've just come to the realization that it's not their head that's gonna be jacked up. They have the mentality that relaxed hair is the standard for all black women with "bad hair", whatever that is. Meanwhile, stick to your guns. Hearing stories like this make me happy that I chose to stick with transitioning. When they see u with long natural hair, they'll eat their mean words!

 

[Enchantmt]

ITA... I think your Mom is just afraid of what it may look like. Maybe she hasn't seen how fly and dope (yeah I know I went old skool with that) natural highly textured hair can be. I think you should try it. Its your hair. Mom will probably have stuff to say for awhile... but yanno... she doesn't have to like your hair...she's not wearing it. Just let it roll off your back. She's used to seeing your hair looking one way and now its changing. I think she will come around in time... she just needs to get used to it.

As for the not being able to get into school..etc. That's just more fear to try to pressure you into perming/straightening your hair again. I truely believe that so long your hair is neat and clean...everything will work out. Those people are more interested in whether you can succeed in their program. Trust me, I have been there. Good Luck... (and stay away from too much heat, unless you are comfortable with it and want to press your hair... if you get heat damage... you'll just have to transition that out too!).

I agree. She probably has a bad view of natural hair and she is projecting it on you. I also agree to stay away from the heat. I have heat damage from trying to maintain a straight look , but now that I can do wash n go's its not noticeable.

 

[Jewell]

I bet when you are completely natural she will be able to see first hand that natural hair is just as versatile and "professional looking" as relaxed hair. My mom and one of my sisters laughed at me when I told them I was going natural. My sister said, "Girl please. I love my relaxers." Well, okay, but I am going to do my thing. One of my friends said, "Ooh your hair is gonna be somethin 'knotty'" (in other words, somethin nappy). Well, I don't believe in "good hair" vs. "nappy/knotty hair." Any hair that is well cared for/healthy is good hair in my book.

 

[Netta1]

My mother acted a fool and made silly comments about my hair for the longest time, until I sat her straight and put her in her place. At one point my mother told me that I needed to "Go back to Africa" if I wanted to be natural. I also have been compared to a homeless person in the past...(sigh), but like I said that was in the past... nowadays my mother tells me that my hair would looked better picked out (which is still "ignit" because its implying that I have to do something to my hair in order for it to look right), BUT its alot better then what she used to say. Anyway, keep the faith and don't do anything you didn't intend to do to your hair.

 

[TrulyBlessed]

Well I just washed and conditioned and put twists in my hair for a fresh twistout and it looks shiny, healthy, and fabulous once again.

@ Nay and Candice- thank you for the support. I agree that this transition will prove that this "change" is a good change and healthy natural hair is beautiful in every texture. I love your hair Nay!

@Ayeshia- I wonder if she knows that today's argument will make me even stronger and motivated about my decision at the end of the day. If she wont look at natural hair albums then teaching by example is the only other way she will learn btw your hair looks great!

@ deedabug- this board, albums, and my best friend who is natural is my "special place" when I told my friend what happened, we laughed together and she shared some comments her mother made and still makes. I definitely see a mental change because if I was brand new to transitioning, I would've either cried or got an attitude, but instead I nodded and smiled knowing she would possibly react negatively.

@ cupcake- Thanks girl and good luck with your transition . I agree that she is projecting negative views of natural hair on me, but I wonder why they are so strong. She got her first relaxer when she was 40 and when I was 12 she refused to perm my or my sister's hair but gave in when we pressured her and now she acts like natural hair is forbidden? Either way, my shoulders are brushed off and I'm back on track stronger than ever!

@ poohbear- my hair twin thanks for having my back girl... this transition is starting to get better now that I know what products and technique works for me...I'm sure at the end of my transition I'll be consulting you for natural tips btw your 2nd chop looks great, work it!

@ thursdaygirl- i agree that she is afraid of what it will look like, which I know will look "fly and dope", lol ..she kept asking what I will do with it when I'm completely natural but she wasnt convinced that a twistout on natural hair will look "right" she was like the twistouts on your hair look nice now because you still have relaxed hair, but your natural hair wont do that Once again, the opportunity to prove her wrong is in progress. As for a job and grad school, my friend who is natural and sports her 4b hair in its fro state has gone on interviews and received jobs with several fortune 500 finance companies. I don't think my mom believed me when I told her this since she has never seen her hair without braid extensions. As far as the heat, my blowdryer and flatiron are still nicely tucked in the back of the closet

@ Natrlchallenge- yeah I agree about her feeling relaxed hair is the standard. She says that all people with "bad" hair are supposed to relax. As if there is a law that states this. I am glad that more people are transitioning everyday so that soon when someone says I am going natural, they can say cool and move on, instead of acting like the world is ending in the next 10 minutes.

@Enchantmt- I definitely don't want to risk heat damage considering I want to keep my curl pattern. I guess I was thinking of pressing at that moment because I kinda wanted to do something to silence her mean comments, but that's not doing what's best for me and my hair goals.

@ Jewell- I myself used to feed into the whole good hair bad hair notion, but as my friends and aquantances became natural and through reading hair boards and looking at albums, I changed and that's how I am here today as a transitioner. I just have to use myself as the example for her to see that naturals are as succesful. She said that most naturals probably were relaxed when they interviewed and then went natural after they got the job

@Netta- thanks for the support..you are another prime example that natural hair is beautiful and very stylish..it's helpful to see your album and know that you endured comments that were made to hinder you from having the beautiful natural hair you have today..i'm staying strong and more focused than ever

 

[Daughter]

Sorry to hear about what you've been putting up with! I want to encourage you to persevere, your natural hair IS good, it IS beautiful because that's how God made it to be It will be difficult at times but be fully persuaded in your own mind and continue to be determined what you believe to be right for your hair.

When I transitioned, I had short relaxed hair. I didn't go to the salon often, once for a set of single braid extensions then I had my own hair cornrowed as it grew, and learned to braid extensions myself until I cut off the relaxed ends 11 months later. It can be difficult learning to handle your natural hair if you haven't done so before (as was my experience) but it CAN be done. I'm looking forward to seeing some pictures girl!