Feeling Disconnected From My Church Home, Thinking About Leaving

[mz.rae]

So I posted this in the random thoughts thread, but I felt the need to make a thread on it. So back in 2011 I started attending this church around the time it was just starting up. I really felt fed there, people there weren't afraid to say they aren't perfect. and they had a very active community involvement. I didn't join until March/April 2013, after some thought. Anyway fast forward to December of last year we had out grew our old building and moved into a bigger building. When we first visited our new building, I got a nagging feeling that something just wasn't right about the building. And since then I have just felt a disconnect from the church, it is so weird. I believe the move and an incident that involved me, my then SO, and a guy from church has something to do with it. It's like praise and worship will happen and I will be there but not feel it and have some pinned up anger during it. The pastor will preach a message and his message could be exactly what I'm going through, but as soon a I leave it's like it's never happened, and its like I've been trying to get into building a social group of friends even from day one of joining in 2013 especially now after the end of a friendship this past summer. But it's too no avail, however, now that I have started dating a guy who is a deacon there it seems as though people are coming around. Before at the end of service I would just kinda fade out, now because of my SO (it seems)I'm getting invited to things.

Anyway this past Sunday I visited a church that fellowships with the church I attend. And after an incident that happened at my church a few of the people left and started going to this church. I really just wanted to see what their church was about. Their church is quite similar to ours, same set up almost. The service was very wonderful! It's like the spirit flowed through that place! Like some times at my church I feel like my pastor tries to push us to get into the spirit instead of just letting it flow. Not trying to compare churches this is just something I've observed. And the sermon really spoke to me, and its like at the end all the things I was worried and had been worried about for the past year disappeared! Even the things that I was holding a grudge about from this past summer are gone! Today I just feel free, I'm thinking about visiting again next Sunday. And for some reason I feel like I can open up to the pastor and his wife more than my pastor and co pastor. Not saying my pastors aren't open or available I just feel like some people I have a more likely hood to open up to than others. I just feel like I just need a break from my church if that makes sense. I don't want to cause any strain in my relationship though, being my SO is at one church and I am at another. Nor do I want him to come with me either because he is the deacon and has a job to do. Sunday is usually the day we hangout, though I don't see how going to a different church would change that since both start and end at about the same time. Anyway this was just on my thoughts right now.

 

[ms.mimi]

people there weren't afraid to say they aren't perfect.

I can accept that I'm not perfect, the struggle comes when I have to love others and their imperfections. When I become frustrated or judgmental I have to remind myself we are imperfect and most of the time trying to do the best we can.

The pastor will preach a message and his message could be exactly what I'm going through,

That's great! You are still being fed here. When I was hurt at church I caught myself one Sunday being so judgmental. Just picking apart people, the choir selections and the sermon. I was hurt and holding resentment in my heart. Thank You Lord for helping me out of that trap.

its like I've been trying to get into building a social group of friends even from day one of joining in 2013 especially now after the end of a friendship this past summer. But it's too no avail, however, now that I have started dating a guy who is a deacon there it seems as though people are coming around. Before at the end of service I would just kinda fade out, now because of my SO (it seems)I'm getting invited to things.

I know it looks phony and fake and it very well may be, but you now know what not to do when someone new reaches out. Teach the older sisters by example. I also go through this at my church and even when I visited other churches. My husband doesn't go to church often so many times it's just me. Even though I have my engagement ring & wedding band on, most married sisters stay clear of unaccompanied women they don't know much about. I even had one mean mug the crap out of me. Even though I can laugh now, I was so hurt. It took prayer,focus, forgiveness and understanding to move pass it. I still to this day have some sisters not speak. And it's ok. I'm not there for them or their husbands. I know when my husband finally comes to church and gets into a ministry they will do a complete turn around just like the ladies at your church. That's their issue. I can't let that make me hold anger or resentment, especially where I'm being fed, absolutely not.
After reading what you have written it seems like you have some hurts here. And it's natural to feel someway about the whole situation. But don't go anywhere unless you hear it clearly from the Lord. You have to surrender this to the Lord. Give this to Him. Even though He may be using this situation to mature and use you for His work, He'll help you through it. I used to wonder why the bible didn't speak to church hurts more. But it does.

I'm not going to give you the answer that was given to me because my answer speaks completely to my situation.But I will tell you to seek Him first and learn to wait on Him.

You just have to get into that Bible and read and mediate on the Word to see your way out of this. Get on your knees and pray your way out of this. If it is meant for you to go, the Lord will let you know. Learn to wait on Him.

 

[mz.rae]

I can accept that I'm not perfect, the struggle comes when I have to love others and their imperfections. When I become frustrated or judgmental I have to remind myself we are imperfect and most of the time trying to do the best we can.

That's great! You are still being fed here. When I was hurt at church I caught myself one Sunday being so judgmental. Just picking apart people, the choir selections and the sermon. I was hurt and holding resentment in my heart. Thank You Lord for helping me out of that trap.

I know it looks phony and fake and it very well may be, but you now know what not to do when someone new reaches out. Teach the older sisters by example. I also go through this at my church and even when I visited other churches. My husband doesn't go to church often so many times it's just me. Even though I have my engagement ring & wedding band on, most married sisters stay clear of unaccompanied women they don't know much about. I even had one mean mug the crap out of me. Even though I can laugh now, I was so hurt. It took prayer,focus, forgiveness and understanding to move pass it. I still to this day have some sisters not speak. And it's ok. I'm not there for them or their husbands. I know when my husband finally comes to church and gets into a ministry they will do a complete turn around just like the ladies at your church. That's their issue. I can't let that make me hold anger or resentment, especially where I'm being fed, absolutely not.
After reading what you have written it seems like you have some hurts here. And it's natural to feel someway about the whole situation. But don't go anywhere unless you hear it clearly from the Lord. You have to surrender this to the Lord. Give this to Him. Even though He may be using this situation to mature and use you for His work, He'll help you through it. I used to wonder why the bible didn't speak to church hurts more. But it does.

I'm not going to give you the answer that was given to me because my answer speaks completely to my situation.But I will tell you to seek Him first and learn to wait on Him.

You just have to get into that Bible and read and mediate on the Word to see your way out of this. Get on your knees and pray your way out of this. If it is meant for you to go, the Lord will let you know. Learn to wait on Him.

Thank you so much for your words! And after this past Sunday I have really been thinking. And you are right I really do need to consult God about the mattermatter before leaving. And I do believe I do still have some hurt feelings that I have really been trying to get over for awhile. It just seems like being there takes me back. But I feel the need to stand firm and not leave, because I do feel I have grown a lot since being there.

 

[CoilyFields]

It is not God's will for us to go from one church to another because of offense.

You've already identified that you are holding a grudge. Give it up. Truly forgive. And I guarantee that those "feelings" that you are experiencing will vanish as well. Unforgiveness and bitterness blocks the flow, thats why its important for us to not hold it in our hearts. Once the relationship has been mended, then listen for Gods prompting to leave...if its there. When stuff goes wrong and our feelings are hurt its normal for us to want to extricate ourselves from the situation and move on to where the grass is greener (supposedly...cuz every institution that includes humans will include human flaws).

I pray that if you do move on, its with a clear heart and no offense.

 

[mz.rae]

It is not God's will for us to go from one church to another because of offense.

You've already identified that you are holding a grudge. Give it up. Truly forgive. And I guarantee that those "feelings" that you are experiencing will vanish as well. Unforgiveness and bitterness blocks the flow, thats why its important for us to not hold it in our hearts. Once the relationship has been mended, then listen for Gods prompting to leave...if its there. When stuff goes wrong and our feelings are hurt its normal for us to want to extricate ourselves from the situation and move on to where the grass is greener (supposedly...cuz every institution that includes humans will include human flaws).

I pray that if you do move on, its with a clear heart and no offense.

Thank you so much! I went to my church's Bible study last night as I haven't been for awhile due to school. They have been looking at the book of Hebrews for a couple of months. Anyways, it was interesting, because we were talking about marathons vs races. And the minister made a statement talking about things weighing us down like past hurts. And he was talking how people jump from ministry to ministry every time they are hurt or something doesn't go their way. And as they go from ministry to ministry they end up in the same situations at the new ministry, leave, and repeat the cycle all over again. The minister was saying when this happens it's not the ministries that's the problem it is us, and that we have to examine ourselves. I was really taken aback by this. Because it's so amazing how every time I feel a certain way, I get to church and it gets spoken on in the sermon.

 

[mz.rae]

.....................

 

[felic1]

I am puzzled about how the saints refuse to acknowledge (speak) or interact with others. I do not understand how the love of God is demonstrated in such cases. It is not easy to go to church and be treated with contempt. I am aware that I am not called to all in the church. I do not try to ostracize or get people to leave the church. This is just a practice that is painful to those that experience it. Thanks for reading.

 

[blazingthru]

@mz.rae,
If your church is not teaching about whats coming over the world right now its time to get out. Walk away and not look back, Ask the pastor what is going on out there and as Christians what should we be doing? If he doesn't have an answer its time to go. Its time to find out what is happening and how we should be dealing with it. God is calling his people out of Babylon - babbling nonsense- doctrines of men, the world is falling to pieces and he has already told us it would be happening who is teaching on it. My father comes in every Sunday and has NOTHING TO SAY, NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT WHAT IS GOING ON. I am not shocked either.