Fear of losing myself = self-sabotage in dating

[Glib Gurl]

So gals, I'm forcing myself to get back out there.

And I use the word "forcing" because that's really what it is . . .

Most days I work 12-14 hour days and come home exhausted.

I don't have time (or a desire ) to cook. I barely have time to keep myself dressed and fed most of the time.

I think the idea of "giving away" the precious little free time I do have to a man is keeping me single . . . .

Even though I *know* that I would be gaining a lot in a relationship, I do worry about losing myself.

Can anyone relate to what I'm talking about?

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

Yeppers.

I know for me, I get lazy in a relationship so I try to avoid them, like the plague. Too date, I've only had one real relationship and, compared to my single self, I was just uper lazy.

I was the friend that dropped off the radar when she found a bf bc it's so much fun staying in and watching a movie than getting dolled up and going out. I also don't keep up with the gymming and things that I do for myself.

I have no complaints when I'm in a relationship, but I'm not my best self in a relationship and I don't like that.

 

[Tamster]

tuffCOOKiE maybe you just need someone who will also go to the gym and go out with you, etc. Maybe it was just who you were with?

 

[Fine 4s]

But then she's just doing stuff with him...
I'm a lazy relationship person too and also a lazy single one!

 

[hopeful]

Brave people feel fear then still go for it. And if you really don't have time for someone then if someone comes along that you like, you will simply have to make time for them. If you are not willing, able, or capable of making time for someone then you have to own that because most people, men or women, are not going to beg you to spend time with them, they will simply move on.

 

[Evo-ny]

This is so me! As much as I'd love to be in a relationship, I honestly feel that I don't have enough time for myself, much less another person.

I had this problem with my ex, he would say I'd never make time for him, but there really was no time to be made. I'd have to make sacrifices such as running on less sleep or wasting my sick days and near the end I felt that it wasn't worth it (for him). I averaged 50-60hr work weeks back then, I think he maybe did 20? It was quite the mismatch.

I'd have to find someone EXTREMELY special to even consider wanting to put in the time and effort necessary. They have to be worth it.

But as of right now, I'm alright with how the way things are.

 

[vevster]

Good Luck Glib!

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

Tamster You may be onto something but I'm just really scared of not achieving my goals bc I'm suc a lazy fart in relatioships...

Maybe the guy has to be just as motivated as I am?

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Hmmm, I think a relationship would have an energizing/motivating effect since you generally want to be your best self around that person.

 

[Evolving78]

going grocery shopping together, going to the gym, etc.. getting some snacks and watching a funny or scary movie together. cooking together etc... those are things that won't disrupt your life and it will motivate you to not just live to work. you still gotta make time for yourself.