Fatigued and Giving Up: Relax?

[hairaffair]

I was a long-time natural. Several weeks ago, I put a texturizer in my hair to help "tame" it. As my hair has gotten longer, I have had terrible problems with comb-outs, styling and dryness. For example, length that I gain is repeatedly lost to the ends of strands intertwining on each other to the point it is such a "nap" that it cannot be untangled. This is especially a problem when I wear twists.

Anyway, I put the texturizer in, left it in for about 10 minutes and emerged with what I thought was more manageable, easier to comb hair. My hair texture itself did not change too much. Anyway, in the weeks since I applied it, it seems like my hair is "defying" the texturizer, if there is such a thing, and my 4A hair is so thick, so tightly amassed and so recurringly dry (no matter how diligent I am with castor oil and shea butter and deep conditioning). I totally attribute my dilemma to my hair texture and the amount of length it has - shoulder-length, though no one would ever know.

At this point, I am more commited to growing LONG healthy hair, be it natural, texturized or totally relaxed. I am beginning to think that I am ready to totally relax my hair. Has anyone been down this road? I have not had relaxed hair for more than a decade, so I would feel like a novice in many ways. I want the ease of combing and retaining length I think relaxed hair will provide, but I still would like to limit the use of heat implements and style with twist- and braid-outs.

How do I apply the relaxer myself? Would I do so like I had not texturized it, especially since much of my hair was barely altered texture-wise?

ANY and ALL suggestions welcome!

 

[caralexis2005]

Awww man, I'm really feeling for you right now. Just a few questions before you go the straight route (cause i'm trying to grow natural hair poss. texturized and have 4a TIGHT hair)
1) Do you detangle your hair before you wash? A suggestion would be to get some Sebastians Laminates Silicone Spray and a spray bottle with distilled water. Spray the silicone spray throroughly and a light mist of water. Detangle with your fingers.
2)Do you section your hair before washing and wash in sections? A suggestion would be to section hair into three buns in the front and three in the back after detangling. As I get more curls I do more sections. Let the water rinse your whole head but undo the buns one at a time and shampoo them one at a time then rinse and put the bun back in place with seamless bobby pins or roller clips.
3) Are you combing with conditioner in with a wide tooth comb or finger combing? I really wouldnt comb with out a detangling cond.This does not necessarily mean a deep cond. you might need a second cond. that detangles like pantene s&s or motions moisture plus.
All these will prevent your hair from springing back on itself and getting tangled matty messes. Trust me I got them when I was relaxed bone straight and now that I am more texturized. Patience and commonsense will help you prevail.
In any case, if you have tried all this and just want to relax again, I would say use a quality relaxer like mizani, affirm, elasta qp, or elucence lye in a mild, protect your scalp and hair, and use your gloved hands to work it in to wavy -not straight! If you know someone with healthy hair ask them for a rec. stylist and tell them what you want and make sure they will do just that. don't let someone else ruin your hair. that will just make you angrier than anything else.
whew..... I really feel you...
I hope it all ends well
caralexis

 

[Shinka]

I think you should check out nappturality.com for some hair types for women with natural "tightly coiled" aka nappy hair. and read about how they manage it. Maybe it's the products you use. I have seen women with hear to their bra strap of thick 4A healty hair.


Relaxers and texturiers won't stop the dryness, if anything your breaking your hair down by using it. if you feel longer hair is better than healthy hair, then do u. But if care for your hair take the time to find mositurizing products, good combs etc, conditioners that can help you detangle it.

Deep condition ( maybe your hair needs conditoners other than castor oil and shea butter), use a good mosituring shampoo. Also on that site they give you tips on how to wash your hair in sections instead as as one mass to lessen matting and tangles.

But if your going to relax, I suggest you let a professional do it for first time and then let them give you care instructions along with the info on this board, and remember to let you know that you texturied you hair, because chemical on chemicals is no no and may reult in hair loss.

Good luck

 

[TinyT]

I totally agree with caralexis. All of her tips are ones you will find on nappturality. Some people's photo albums even have pictures of the sectioning method. My hair isn't as long as yours, but I have gone through the process of finding the right conditioner to combat dryness. Some of my conditioners had to much protein, so I had to try alot before I found the Kenra, and Jason Sea Kelp. Anyway it doesn't hurt to try them, because if you hate all the conditioners, you can just relax your hair afterwards. Hope that the sectioning method of washing helps.

Tracy

 

[CurlyCrly]

What type of relaxer did you use? No Lye relaxers made my hair very dry. I don't have that problem since I started using lye for all relaxing.

What are you using to deep condition and how often are you doing it?

I've used shea butter in the past and it did nothing for me except make my hair dull/coated. No added moisture.

Are you following the Curly Girl (no poo) routine? If not, perhaps you could give that a try. This is where you use conditioner to "wash" instead of shampoos containing SLS type chemicals. This routine also advocates staying away from products containing 'cones. If you don't know what that is, do a search on "no poo" or "condition wash". Many use suave to do their "washes", but for me that's like using nothing. I prefer White Rain (passion flower) for my hair. I'm not crazy about the floral scent, but I don't buy my conditioners for the fragrance. I apply Elucence Moisture Balancing Conditioner afterwards when I lightly condition.

One more thing, have you tried using Lusters s-curl for added moisture? Instead of buying that, I mix water/glycerin/conditioner in a spray bottle and use that after washing. On subsequent days, all is needed is a spritz with water to moisten my hair to rejuvenate the curls after sleeping.

 

[SVT]

I agree with the previous suggestions and especially with Shinka when she said:

[ QUOTE ]
Relaxers and texturiers won't stop the dryness, if anything your breaking your hair down by using it.

[/ QUOTE ]

Definitely try new methods of moisturizing your hair before you put more chemicals on it. Have you tried an overnight conditioning treatment? How about using less oil based moisturizers and more water based ones?

 

[henrilou]

You know, your hair sounds like mine. That is why I only wash every 2-3 weeks and pressing helps alot. Because when it's pressed I can oil the scalp and hair easily and I feel like the oil can penetrate because the hair shaft is laying down. I experience alot less breakage that way. I usually wear it in a bun between presses, and I use NO heat. But if you have 4b nappy hair, the only way to really get in there is to press it.

 

[hairaffair]

Thanks for all the replies, ladies!

Caralexis offered some suggestions I have not employed yet. For example, I don't pre-detangle my hair before washing it, though it is something I do afterwards. Nor do I wash my hair in sections. I think I might start to do these things, if it will potentially help alleviate the current hair drama I am enduring.

Last night, I was -------> <----------- this close to cutting it all off and having a TWA. I even went to the grocery store looking at hair magazines because I had talked my fiance, who very much adores my huge Afro halo, into cutting my hair off. Well, in looking at the magazines, something funny happened. All the styles that really appealed to me were created on hair that already looked like what was on top of my head. All the crinkly afros, cornrows and unique twist styles. Of the relaxed styles, the only ones that really appealed to me were the ones of longer lengths that looked like "natural" styling methods had been used, like twist- or braid-outs.

So I went to sleep on my huge Afro and this morning awoke with a bit of new determination to nourish, nurture and keep this hair.

Someone mentioned something about not using so much OIL as WATER-BASED moisturizers. That is something I really don't use much/enough of. I deep condition weekly with a heating cap with a mix of jojoba oil and Queen Helene or Lekair Cholesterol conditioner. I have been washing weekly, too.

I think what I am going to do, as Henrilou suggested, is washing less frequently. Also, I will use more water-based moisturizers and try to develop the patience to wash my hair in sections. I also think I will be wearing more protective styles, like cornrows, flat twists and extension braids (on occasion). I think it is improbable that hair like mine will retain length while being "exposed" most of the time, which I have been doing lately in wearing puffs and twist-outs. That might be contributing to dryness.

On another note, Henrilou (and anyone else who can respond), would it be safe to occassionally press my hair, given that I had applied that texturizer? I mean, the texture did not change much at all, so I wonder ...? I think pressing intermittently could help me, too.

 

[sbg4evr]

You need to moisturize hair daily when you have a texturizer. I suggest that you either wet completely or spray hair with water daily. Then spray in a leave in conditioner or a creamy leave in conditioner and then apply some curl activator. Your hair will remain moist all day and keep a great curl.