Evil Me...a confession

[Kimberly]

I don't know if I'm feeling bad or guilty but I feel like I need to get this off of my chest.

One of my co-workers has beautiful hair. She self-relaxers with whatever box relaxer she gets her hands on ever 5-6 weeks. She trims her hair with every relaxer. She doesn't take any vitamins or supplements and she only washes it maybe every two weeks and she hardly ever uses a conditioner. I think she told me once that she will deep condition under her hooded dryer for 20 minutes when she relaxes. Still, her hair has thrived! It's about 2 inches from BSL but she has recently grown out some layers. It takes her about 6 months, it seems, to grow her layers out. I have to admit that I have on more than one occasion found myself to be a little jealous of her. It just doesn't seem fair that I have to work so hard to get a fraction of the growth that she obtains without even trying! And her hair is thick and gorgeous but most of the time it looks a mess because she doesn't seem to do anything with it. Like she just walked by and honestly, she looks like she needs a comb.

Anyway, yesterday, we were talking about hair and some other stuff but hair came up because it was our first day back to work and I'm wearing a half-wig. One of my plans for the new year is to wear the wigs, phony-ponys and buns until at least June. And she starts talking about how she needs to trim her ends. She really doesn't. Her ends look fine. She's practically got a blunt cut now after growing out her layers and usually, I'll tell her "no you don't" "You're ends look fine" and she just wants to trim them .....because.... no real reason....she just thinks she should. Yesterday, I told her...."Yeah, you probably should get a good trim" ...

What I thought was, I'm at APL, if she keeps trimming like she does, I should be able to catch up with her pretty soon and pass her...Is this bad? I almost felt like the devil made me say it. I found myself wishing she would go ahead and cut off the last couple of inches and then her layers would be completely out and she'd only be a couple of inches longer than I am! I can make that up in no time, right?

There is something wrong with me. I'm supposed to be better than this. It's just hair. It's not a competition. Still, it just doesn't seem fair. She's got like 9 or 10 siblings....5 brothers, the rest sisters....and she said that she's the only one in her family with hair like that. So, if it is genetic, it's recessive because no one else in her family seemed to get it.

 

[Supergirl]

Well, I'm glad you see the problem here--LOL!

I don't think it's a race between you and her. Your hair will be long if you take good care of it--it doesn't matter if you catch up with her or not. Your hair journey is about you girl.

 

[HoneyDew]

I don't see any real reason to be jealous of someone else's hair. If anything admiration would be nicer. It is just not worth it. When you are secure in yourself and your goals, there is not reason to be jealous of another woman. Since she is pretty carefree (at least it seems that way) I am sure she may not even care if you "past" her or not so it really does not seem worth the stress.

I think it is good that you are analyzing yourself and coming to board with your feelings, though. Admitting your feelings like that is very brave, I think. I am not sure I would be able to, so I admire that.

Don’t get yourself all jealous like that. It is not worth it. The very thing that you are jealous about, there may be many more people that look at you a feel the same way.

 

[Elizabeth26]

The way I look at it you have other features or things going on for yourself to make up for the things you are lacking. I have a friend that has pretty bsl naturally curly hair and she always get jealous over the girls with the "big booty". I be like girl you better work that hair! So use your good qualities to your advantage.

 

[blessed]

I think that if we all be honest we have all thought that way about someone or something but it doesn't make it right. I have envied peoples hair but I am realizing that my hair is beautiful too no matter what length or texture. Having these feelings is normal but you don't want to act on them b/c then you could find your self in trouble and not being able to continue you friendship with her over something so small. Society encourages women to desire certain things instead of finding the beauty within our selves. Its ok your not a bad person just human.

 

[foxybrownsugar]

Girl I feel ya! I started growing my hair out in the mid/late 90s from the toni/halle cuts. My aunt "discovered" what I was doing and the race was on!
When I went home around 2002 she was well past bsl and past me. When I went home this thanksgiving 05 I see she is waist length. I could tell she was shocked to see me transitioning. I told her about my scalp condition etc and she was understanding. We have always had a silent competition going since we were children (she is only 5 yrs. older than me & more like a big sis). I can't wait to see her hair next yr. I bet you are wondering if I told her about LHCF? NOPE! THIS SECRET BELONGS TO ME AND IM SURE IF I TOLD HER, THAT HER HAIR WOULD SOON BE TO HER KNEES! But I did feel alittle guilty for not telling her.....oh well.

 

[MissYocairis]

I am not even going to lie. That was mean. But, you know it wasn't right and I am sure you wouldn't do that again. Be genuine toward her as you would expect the same from her toward you. It's not like she is growing her hair effortlessly to spite you. Want for your sister what you want for yourself. ((((((Huggs))))))

 

[blueabyss333]

I totally agree with what HoneyDew said- especially in the second paragraph. But I highly doubt you're the only one that feels that way. I even find myself comparing to others and how quickly I can catch and then beat them. It's not a competition but it's something for me to reach towards, and something for me to laugh about inside.

 

[Phoenix]

Girl, I understand. I'm the most competitive person ever! I've only told a few people about this site. In general, I plan to keep this site to myself until I've reached my hair goals.

One of the few people I have told is my cousin, who is also trying to grow her hair long. I tried to tell her about LHCF and she was like, "Um yeah, I don't need anyone to tell me how to grow my hair!" So now it's on. Once I reach my hair goal, she'll have to eat her words and come to me for hair advice.

I'm not saying what you did was right, but it's understandable...atleast to me.

 

[Kimberly]

Thanks, everyone. Normally, I'll tell her her hair looks cute and stuff when she does something with it and we really do get along. I'm not usually a jealous person....not about your car or your house or your figure or whatever...just something about this girl and her hair. Maybe because her texture seems to be close to mine but if I treated mine the way she treats hers, I'd probably be bald-headed...She told me once that she runs the relaxer through the length of her hair about twice a year...I'd be an over-processed, bald-headed mess. I used to think "If I had her hair, I would keep it done and cute all the time..." Now I can think "When my hair gets that length" I don't know, ya'll.

I have another co-worker who grew her hair from an ear-length bob shaved up the back to almost waist-length in about 3 - 3 1/2 years. I've not ever felt like this about her hair.

She does, BTW, tell me all the time that I need to cut my hair but I don't think she's trying to impede my progress. Probably just the opposite. She's really a sweet person and her hair has been able to grow and withstand all of the trimming...even thrive, I guess.

I know, I'll get there with patience and diligence and persistence...

 

[foxybrownsugar]

Good luck on your hair journey & be patient you will get there. I'm almost never vicious with other women either, it's just a competition that's been going on between myself and my aunt for years(but not vicious or catty). We still laugh and talk together.And like you said, I think it's because we are so similar.

 

[~*~ShopAholic~*~]

Well, at least you see that it was wrong and not trying to sugar coat it. But Envy is a serious thing and like you said,"it's almost as if the devil made you say it," ya better becareful. Plus you have APL hair girl and that is considered long to me, I thing APL is where the title "Her hair is looong" come in at, so swing it girl enjoy it a little more and have fun w/your hair. Maybe because she doesn't do much to it is why her growth is easier to retain. Like they say, "little means more". HHG

 

[Kimberly]

Ya'll are right. It's funny because I never really thought about her hair until last year. I had to take a leave of absence from work where I was gone for almost 3 months and, when I got back, it seemed like her hair had grown like weeds. Then we both went and had layers put in but hers have already grown out and I feel like my hair has hardly budged. When I first started on my hair journey, I just wanted enough hair for a "decent ponytail". My hair was so short I could barely get it together for a phony pony. I used to part it down the middle and make two little pigtails that were about an inch and a half long and the sides only came to about my cheekbone. I am quite pleased with the progress I've made. We say on here all the time that the same things don't work for everybody.

I'm going to be content with my progress...bad karma and my hair will end up on the floor...it still wouldn't hurt her to get a trim, though...I mean, it could never hurt...even if she doesn't need it, right?

 

[HairPhoenix]

Are you evil? Not from what I have read in this post. Are you jealous? Maybe a teeny bit. Are you envious? Looks like it. But envy can be okay if it helps you to strive for your goals.

Don't forget that what works for some does not work for all. So your hair is not growing as fast as hers, but at least your hair is growing and it is healthy. The next time you feel that way when you see her hair just remember this... she's probably got hair growing like crazy in other places too! ...and I'm sure you don't want no parts of that.

Be thankful for what you've got and do the best you can with it!

 

[blueabyss333]

Are you evil? Not from what I have read in this post. Are you jealous? Maybe a teeny bit. Are you envious? Looks like it. But envy can be okay if it helps you to strive for your goals.

Don't forget that what works for some does not work for all. So your hair is not growing as fast as hers, but at least your hair is growing and it is healthy. The next time you feel that way when you see her hair just remember this... she's probably got hair growing like crazy in other places too! ...and I'm sure you don't want no parts of that.

Be thankful for what you've got and do the best you can with it!

LMAO! You ladies crack me up.

 

[CinnaMocha]

You know what, the green-eyed monster can creep up on the best of us (we're human). But look at where you are! You will reach up to her in no time and if not, you still have accomplised a lot on your hair journey (but you know you will).

 

[locabouthair]

i have to agree with what somewhat else said. You're a little jealous because her hair is longer but you shouldn't be because you never know who could be jealous of your hair. Some people like myself are struggling to make it to armpit length. So just appreciate what you have. I know it doesn't seem fair that you have to work hard for something that comes naturally to others. I feel that way too about life in general not just hair. It's not fair but what can you do. Just keep trying.

 

[honeisos]

I don't know if I'm feeling bad or guilty but I feel like I need to get this off of my chest.

Anyway, yesterday, we were talking about hair and some other stuff but hair came up because it was our first day back to work and I'm wearing a half-wig. One of my plans for the new year is to wear the wigs, phony-ponys and buns until at least June. And she starts talking about how she needs to trim her ends. She really doesn't. Her ends look fine. She's practically got a blunt cut now after growing out her layers and usually, I'll tell her "no you don't" "You're ends look fine" and she just wants to trim them .....because.... no real reason....she just thinks she should. Yesterday, I told her...."Yeah, you probably should get a good trim" ...

What I thought was, I'm at APL, if she keeps trimming like she does, I should be able to catch up with her pretty soon and pass her...Is this bad?

There is something wrong with me. I'm supposed to be better than this. It's just hair. It's not a competition. QUOTE]


it is bad ... but i do understand ... I want my hair to be waist length so bad .. and whenever i see someone with hair like that .. I find myself staring mg: hard.

 

[Suri]

I totally agree with what HoneyDew said- especially in the second paragraph. But I highly doubt you're the only one that feels that way. I even find myself comparing to others and how quickly I can catch and then beat them. It's not a competition but it's something for me to reach towards, and something for me to laugh about inside.

I agree with this in a small way. If you have someone who is always sayingsomething, you might want to conduct a silent competition, but in the end setting the goal for yourself always gets you ahead.