Equally Yoked Marriages

M

metamorfhosis

New Member
Hello-

Well, the dating world can be challenging. However, I know there are some loving marriages out there.

If you are in an equally yoked marriage (meaning both saved/believers), what is it like?

You don't have to tell your personal business. But could you share somethng about your marriage in general?

:hug3:
 
I'm in one. I love and appreciate it 99% of the time. The other percent is when I'm not acting right and I'm called into account for it. What kind of thing would you like to hear about?
 
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I appreciate the fact that we are always able to rely on The Word of God as our "last word". In the rare case our opinons differ on an issue we are able to refer to the Bible as a reference.

Also, I thank The Lord for a husband that is submitted to His Word and tries to live a life that is pleasing to Him. If his life is pleasing to God, then that takes care of the relationships around him (i.e. me and the children)
 
tmichelle said:
I'm in one. I love and appreciate it 99% of the time. The other percent is when I'm not acting right and I'm called into account for it. What kind of thing would you like to hear about?
Click to expand...

LOL Girl you and me both, I thank God that I married a mature Christian who was patient and long suffering when dealing with my behind...a lesser man would have put me out on the streets years ago.

That was my question as well, what type of dynamics are you interested in knowing about?
 
I can tell you not being in one is extremely challenging and not just being equally yoked in the Lord but equally yoked period is very important in a relationship.
 
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My husband and I were married and then we both were saved. At first it was intimidating because my husband had grown up in church and already had more biblical/spiritual knowledge than me. I used to rely on him and often felt I needed to 'catch up'. My husband entered minister's training and all of that and I was kinda lagging behind in a sense. I then discovered my own gifts and learned to depend on God more and we were told that we would both walk in ministry together. Now I see how our separate gifts and passions complement one another and its great.

Presently things are good. When trials come we have God to rely on, we identify spiritual attacks, pray together etc. It can be hard at times when one of us falls because there is accountability and a tone of "you know better" sometimes. My husband experienced a struggle with lust and God informed me that something was not right when I was praying for him. My husband told me and I experienced a lot more peace that he was honest and knowing that he was working with God on it. It takes away anxiety for me at times because i KNOW that I cannot change things, only God can. This was hard because I used to have control issues, but now I can live my life with less stress!!
 
metamorfhosis said:
:grin:

Oh just anything that you feel comfortable sharing.
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Well one of the things about being married to a strong Christian is that I am able to share with him all my trials which for me have included some pretty bad stuff. I had an issue with jealousy, anger, hatred (fruits of the flesh). I plan to write about it in the next coming months. I was able to share all these struggles with my husband throughout the trial. I knew as my husband he was supposed to present me a pure bride as Christ does the church so I knew by sharing them he would be able to help me. He never looked down on me (which I wouldn't have blamed him if he did) but he prayed for me and firmly told me that my behavior was not acceptable and spoke to me from the scriptures. Sometimes you need straight talk. Since as a Christian he does not prescribe to divorce (unless I become unfaithful than perhaps he would consider it) I knew he would stand by me no matter what. It gave/gives me comfort in sharing my trials. He is usually the first person I confess to.

Also being married to a strong Christian I know what my role is and he knows his. He knows that he is responsible for me, that he will answer to God if he does not lead his family in a relationship with Him. He takes it seriously (which I hate to admit sometimes gets on my nerves when I want to wear something "stylish" and dh vetos it because it is immodest). He appreciates the money I bring in by working but he does not expect me to work. Our first child is due at the new year (we've been married 10 years but my aforementioned trial was due to many miscarriages and infertility). I plan to stay home with the baby and he is grateful for that. In fact several years ago I stayed home for a couple of years as a "stay at home wife". He did not have a problem with it at all. He just wanted to make sure I was busy around the home and I took time out to visit with the sick and others and go to ladies' Bible class. He really enjoyed coming home to home cooked meals and me willing to stay up to 11pm when he finally walked through the doors to eat them with him.

One of the biggest assests of being a wife to a strong Christian is that I have a recourse if I feel his behavior is not what it should be. As a wife we are supposed to submit and respect our husbands and the Bible says an unbelieving husband will be won over without words by his wife's behavior. This totally goes against my grain. I am one to engage, not back away when it comes to a conflict. I have learned that God was right and I was wrong (go figure :rolleyes:). If I have a conflict with my husband and I actually do the right thing instead of my tendencies I have found that the outcome is always positive.

We had an issue that we did not see eye to eye on a while back. Instead of my continual engagement of him with this conflict (we never yell and scream by the way, we usually talk through everything with tears sometimes but always respectfully) I finally told him what Sarah told Abraham when she wanted him to put Hagar away she said, "May the Lord judge between you and me". I finally said that to him very simply as my last word. It was kind of funny looking back on it because he looked pretty nervous after I said it and said kind of timidly (and he is never timid) "okay". He was nervous because he knew he didn't have to answer to me, but he knew he had to answer to God and that is not the most comfortable position to be in. It is amazing how the Lord stepped in not two weeks later and resolved the issue and I felt protected by the Lord.

Also, if I know because dh is a Christian he has a lot of respect for his father who has been walking in the faith for years as well as the elders of our church. If we have an issue that we can't resolve (which is rare) we know we can and have gone to these men to help us. They always do and dh listens to them because he respects his elders (as is fitting for a Christian and many non-Christians would not care about what these other people had to say but would "exercise their freedoms").

One last thing that I personally love about being married to a strong Christian and this is kind of personal but I'll share it anyway. I get turned on when he's leading singing or teaching a Bible class. :blush: Having such a strong Christian man is such a blessing from God and I seem to respond to that. :)
 
tmichelle said:
Well one of the things about being married to a strong Christian is that I am able to share with him all my trials which for me have included some pretty bad stuff. I had an issue with jealousy, anger, hatred (fruits of the flesh). I plan to write about it in the next coming months. I was able to share all these struggles with my husband throughout the trial. I knew as my husband he was supposed to present me a pure bride as Christ does the church so I knew by sharing them he would be able to help me. He never looked down on me (which I wouldn't have blamed him if he did) but he prayed for me and firmly told me that my behavior was not acceptable and spoke to me from the scriptures. Sometimes you need straight talk. Since as a Christian he does not prescribe to divorce (unless I become unfaithful than perhaps he would consider it) I knew he would stand by me no matter what. It gave/gives me comfort in sharing my trials. He is usually the first person I confess to.

Also being married to a strong Christian I know what my role is and he knows his. He knows that he is responsible for me, that he will answer to God if he does not lead his family in a relationship with Him. He takes it seriously (which I hate to admit sometimes gets on my nerves when I want to wear something "stylish" and dh vetos it because it is immodest). He appreciates the money I bring in by working but he does not expect me to work. Our first child is due at the new year (we've been married 10 years but my aforementioned trial was due to many miscarriages and infertility). I plan to stay home with the baby and he is grateful for that. In fact several years ago I stayed home for a couple of years as a "stay at home wife". He did not have a problem with it at all. He just wanted to make sure I was busy around the home and I took time out to visit with the sick and others and go to ladies' Bible class. He really enjoyed coming home to home cooked meals and me willing to stay up to 11pm when he finally walked through the doors to eat them with him.

One of the biggest assests of being a wife to a strong Christian is that I have a recourse if I feel his behavior is not what it should be. As a wife we are supposed to submit and respect our husbands and the Bible says an unbelieving husband will be won over without words by his wife's behavior. This totally goes against my grain. I am one to engage, not back away when it comes to a conflict. I have learned that God was right and I was wrong (go figure :rolleyes:). If I have a conflict with my husband and I actually do the right thing instead of my tendencies I have found that the outcome is always positive.

We had an issue that we did not see eye to eye on a while back. Instead of my continual engagement of him with this conflict (we never yell and scream by the way, we usually talk through everything with tears sometimes but always respectfully) I finally told him what Sarah told Abraham when she wanted him to put Hagar away she said, "May the Lord judge between you and me". I finally said that to him very simply as my last word. It was kind of funny looking back on it because he looked pretty nervous after I said it and said kind of timidly (and he is never timid) "okay". He was nervous because he knew he didn't have to answer to me, but he knew he had to answer to God and that is not the most comfortable position to be in. It is amazing how the Lord stepped in not two weeks later and resolved the issue and I felt protected by the Lord.

Also, if I know because dh is a Christian he has a lot of respect for his father who has been walking in the faith for years as well as the elders of our church. If we have an issue that we can't resolve (which is rare) we know we can and have gone to these men to help us. They always do and dh listens to them because he respects his elders (as is fitting for a Christian and many non-Christians would not care about what these other people had to say but would "exercise their freedoms").

One last thing that I personally love about being married to a strong Christian and this is kind of personal but I'll share it anyway. I get turned on when he's leading singing or teaching a Bible class. :blush: Having such a strong Christian man is such a blessing from God and I seem to respond to that. :)
Click to expand...

This post was awesome especially the bolded...I am going through that very issue now and it is tearing our marriage apart.

Mind you for the last 3 years I was not working to take care of my ill Mom who passed aways last September - yes financially it has been terrible close to losing everything, working 60+ hours per week etc etc but that was the hand we were dealt...I prayed he did not. God saw us through.

I now have a job as a Teachers Asst with the school system #1 he feels it is not enough money coming in the house and I need either a different job paying more money or a PT job #2 he feels I am on "vacation" lounging, not wanting to work and being lazy in the summer.

So being unequally yoked he does not understand the mans responsibility and the womans.

In his words I am not holding up my end. :wallbash:

Mind you when we met and he fell in love with me I did not have a traditional JOB - I was a Realtor and I told him my choice in that profession or one similar is that I wanted a flexible schedule and to be able to write my own paycheck.

I got a JOB after we got married because he was getting out of the military ( we lived in different states) and one of us needed a job at the time.

Oh well I went on a little too much.
 
It's the most beautiful amazing thing ever :love: And I reallllly appreciate it because I had my fair share of being equally unyoked relationships (neither saved) and it was disastrous.
My DH is the most important thing in my life second to God.
 
MzRhonda said:
This post was awesome especially the bolded...I am going through that very issue now and it is tearing our marriage apart.

Mind you for the last 3 years I was not working to take care of my ill Mom who passed aways last September - yes financially it has been terrible close to losing everything, working 60+ hours per week etc etc but that was the hand we were dealt...I prayed he did not. God saw us through.

I now have a job as a Teachers Asst with the school system #1 he feels it is not enough money coming in the house and I need either a different job paying more money or a PT job #2 he feels I am on "vacation" lounging, not wanting to work and being lazy in the summer.

So being unequally yoked he does not understand the mans responsibility and the womans.

In his words I am not holding up my end. :wallbash:

Mind you when we met and he fell in love with me I did not have a traditional JOB - I was a Realtor and I told him my choice in that profession or one similar is that I wanted a flexible schedule and to be able to write my own paycheck.

I got a JOB after we got married because he was getting out of the military ( we lived in different states) and one of us needed a job at the time.

Oh well I went on a little too much.
Click to expand...

I'm so sorry you are going through this! Don't let it destroy your marriage, don't let satan win on this one. Know that the Lord is your protector. Even if you have to go get a different job or second job b/c dh does not rely on the Lord, know that the Lord will deliver you. Whether that means that you will find a job that will be very fulfilling/fun for you or that dh will change his mind, or something else. Know that if you do the right thing and "win your husband over without words but by your chaste behavior that the Lord will honor you because you honored Him.

This is all so counter-intuitive. Especially for someone like me who has relied heavily on convincing people by logic/reason. Men are definitely different and they are won over without words, in fact, although most men would be loathe to admit it in this day in age, I am convinced that women do more harm than good to their cause when they argue with men. Men (no matter how modern they say they are) do not look on women (even their wives) the same as they do men. I think God actually told us this in the scripture not just so that women would submit to men but because He knows how He made us and He knows how to get a woman what she needs from a man.

Anyway, don't despair, give honor to God by submitting in this issue to your dh and we will all see and glory in how the Lord delivers you.
 
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MzRhonda said:
This post was awesome especially the bolded...I am going through that very issue now and it is tearing our marriage apart.

Mind you for the last 3 years I was not working to take care of my ill Mom who passed aways last September - yes financially it has been terrible close to losing everything, working 60+ hours per week etc etc but that was the hand we were dealt...I prayed he did not. God saw us through.

I now have a job as a Teachers Asst with the school system #1 he feels it is not enough money coming in the house and I need either a different job paying more money or a PT job #2 he feels I am on "vacation" lounging, not wanting to work and being lazy in the summer.

So being unequally yoked he does not understand the mans responsibility and the womans.

In his words I am not holding up my end. :wallbash:

Mind you when we met and he fell in love with me I did not have a traditional JOB - I was a Realtor and I told him my choice in that profession or one similar is that I wanted a flexible schedule and to be able to write my own paycheck.

I got a JOB after we got married because he was getting out of the military ( we lived in different states) and one of us needed a job at the time.

Oh well I went on a little too much.
Click to expand...

This is something that many marriages have to deal with. I thank God for giving you the desire to be a woman who tends to her home. In my studying, I feel that is what God's will is for women - to be keepers of our homes when we become a wife. I also pray that your husband will truly seek The Lord and submit to Him about His will for your family, not taking cues from the culture (we see what type of job they are doing).

I think this is a topic worth discussing. Is anyone interested in having a discussion about gender roles in the Christian home? Opinions and ideals concerning this are from one end to the other so it may be in danger of "the lock down":lachen:
 
I totally agree.

I think there is a problem in the black community that being a woman - wife and/or mother and staying at home is a sign of laziness.

Actually I don't see much of the roles of man/woman husband/wife really being preached in the black churches. Also sadly many black churches are full of women.

We are married with 2 children. I have no problem contributing financially to the household but not at the expense of the children...ie them being latchkey kids or with babysitters. So I chose to take a tremendous paycut and give up my career path to work in the school system so that my schedule would coincide with theirs. I see his career as the one to nuture and support.
 
momi said:
This is something that many marriages have to deal with. I thank God for giving you the desire to be a woman who tends to her home. In my studying, I feel that is what God's will is for women - to be keepers of our homes when we become a wife. I also pray that your husband will truly seek The Lord and submit to Him about His will for your family, not taking cues from the culture (we see what type of job they are doing).

I think this is a topic worth discussing. Is anyone interested in having a discussion about gender roles in the Christian home? Opinions and ideals concerning this are from one end to the other so it may be in danger of "the lock down":lachen:
Click to expand...

Gender roles in the Christian home would be a good thread.

MzRhonda said:
I totally agree.

I think there is a problem in the black community that being a woman - wife and/or mother and staying at home is a sign of laziness.

Actually I don't see much of the roles of man/woman husband/wife really being preached in the black churches. Also sadly many black churches are full of women.

We are married with 2 children. I have no problem contributing financially to the household but not at the expense of the children...ie them being latchkey kids or with babysitters. So I chose to take a tremendous paycut and give up my career path to work in the school system so that my schedule would coincide with theirs. I see his career as the one to nuture and support.
Click to expand...

You definitely have a good heart for your family.

To the bolded I think a lot of this has to do with the roles the women take on in the church. I have been a member of black, white and mixed churches depending on where I have lived. All of them are the same kind of church and I haven't seen this issue in them like I have seen in some denominations where there are definitely more women than men or where the majority of the active members are women. There are just as many men at all the congregations I have been a member of as there are women. I think it is because any role/position that you find in scripture that a man had is occupied by a man in our church as well. We have clearly defined roles. Not popular these days at all, but we believe and seek to fully practice what scripture teaches even if it isn't "popular" and even if our culture is "different than the culture during Biblical times".
 
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momi said:
I appreciate the fact that we are always able to rely on The Word of God as our "last word". In the rare case our opinons differ on an issue we are able to refer to the Bible as a reference.

Also, I thank The Lord for a husband that is submitted to His Word and tries to live a life that is pleasing to Him. If his life is pleasing to God, then that takes care of the relationships around him (i.e. me and the children)
Click to expand...

This inspires me. DH is a preachers kid..so he was more rebellious than me when we married. He let's me get away with a little too much sometimes and he blows off my admonishments like if he cussing too much or something.

But when the pressure's on the truth comes out and we've both know the way we should go. We just really need to do a better job of living with God top of mind daily. We can be a little more worldly than I would have thought we'd be. And we throw off the pressure of being an example because it gets hard sometimes. Young and dumb.
 
tmichelle said:
Gender roles in the Christian home would be a good thread.
I think it is because any role/position that you find in scripture that a man had is occupied by a man in our church as well. We have clearly defined roles. Not popular these days at all, but we believe and seek to fully practice what scripture teaches even if it isn't "popular" and even if our culture is "different than the culture during Biblical times".
Click to expand...

I agree with you here...i think that would be a great thread as well, the Bible has lots to say regardless of what society thinks!
 
My husband who is a Pastor did a series called "God's Order". The first one was about God's order and how he built the earth in 7 days, but he built in order. Example, he didn't make the animals before man because there wouldn't have been anyone to care for them. The second was on "Being the Man" where he talked about what role the man has and some of the misconceptions that men have when it says the man is the head of the household. Then there was "Being the Woman, The Family and the last one was "The Other Stuff". It was a very eye opening series.
 
I am not married yet but engaged to a man of God. He is a preacher's son, he was rebellious at first but God made it so i met him after he got over it lol and was already seeking Him, we're both seekign now and workign and praying for the gift of the Holy Ghost. And we know it was teh Lord's will and i'm uber thankful that i'll marry a God fearign man who knows the order of a house and his place and my place

i'm used to be independant, and to tell u the truth for the first time in my life i'm relieved to know my husband will take care of me the way he should and vice versa

our plan is to work together in HIS company so basically as his assistant i'll decide when or if i go to the office any given day, once kids arrive, i'll stay home or give them to grandparents or family if the company reaaally needs me then when they grow up since they'll be home schooled they'll come with me sometimes to the office see daddy and daddy's clients (which will be seniors that's a plus sometimes) and voilà

but yeah i'm already thankful for our plans and for a god fearign fiance striving to be a man of God makes everything so much easier !!
 
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