Emotional suppprt

[New2me]

Ladies,

Do you get emotional support from your SO?

We were in a single car accident on Saturday, I was driver (my car) and no one got hurt. It was my very first accident in my first car because of the damage to the frame an passenger side the car has been deemed totalled. The exterior of the car didn't look to bad imo but back on topic.

I got the call today from my insurance about the status and called my SO. He said "Oh, ok well at least you get the blue book value back." Wtf? Is it just me or should he have said more? I feel like I'm dying here. I feel terrible about the accident, about losing my car, about all of it. Not even sure I'm going to drive again. Don't get me wrong I'm very thankful that we are fine, but I still need him to understand.

Instead of understanding I'm getting attitude and one word answers.

Am I expecting to much?

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[*CherryPie*]

Tell him how you feel and see what he says. If you get nothing after that....then something is wrong. Because, although some men are of few words, him knowing that you've just been through something traumatic should make him want to know if you're okay.

 

[New2me]

I will tell him tomorrow. Tonight I'm to pissed and its going to be more of a shouting match than a heart to heart.

Thanks

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[Evolving78]

nope. but i got used to that. you shouldn't have to. i think that is the biggest thing to have in a relationship. if that isn't there, nothing else matters.

 

[TayMac]

No you are not expecting too much. You should definitely address it with him when you feel calm enough to do so.

My SO can give those type of robot responses sometimes and I let him know he acts like cold canned tuna (which made him laugh) and it opened up the floor for discussion. He does so much better.

 

[Hairsnob]

Most men are just like this, it's either black or white for them. He feels like okay, your car is fine, you're fine (he thinks) so all is well. He will NEVER read your mind to know how you feel. So either you have to tell him or let it be. He's not really being inconsiderate. They're just wired different from us.

Steve Harvey said in his book how men are problem solvers and once they think it's solved it's done. His example was something about a woman in the office wearing the exact blouse as you so you tell your hubby how humiliating it was or whatever. His answer is oh, well just don't wear the shirt again. Problem solved according to him. But we just wanted to talk about it. Mars and Venus!!

 

[ChasingBliss]

Most men are just like this, it's either black or white for them. He feels like okay, your car is fine, you're fine (he thinks) so all is well. He will NEVER read your mind to know how you feel. So either you have to tell him or let it be. He's not really being inconsiderate. They're just wired different from us.

Steve Harvey said in his book how men are problem solvers and once they think it's solved it's done. His example was something about a woman in the office wearing the exact blouse as you so you tell your hubby how humiliating it was or whatever. His answer is oh, well just don't wear the shirt again. Problem solved according to him. But we just wanted to talk about it. Mars and Venus!!

Great post and so true. And the bolded sums it all up. I used to get very upset about it. Sometimes we just want empathy, they dont seem to understand why we want to "whine and wallow and experience feelings" or however they'd want to put it... when we could simply solve and get over it.

 

[ThickHair]

OP you have to tell him you need the support. I agree with the poster who said men are problem solvers. You are being paid for your car and as far as he is concerned the issue has been put to bed. Still not much else he can do, also no need to have a huge discussion about it.

 

[NaturalRed]

Most men are just like this, it's either black or white for them. He feels like okay, your car is fine, you're fine (he thinks) so all is well. He will NEVER read your mind to know how you feel. So either you have to tell him or let it be. He's not really being inconsiderate. They're just wired different from us.

Steve Harvey said in his book how men are problem solvers and once they think it's solved it's done. His example was something about a woman in the office wearing the exact blouse as you so you tell your hubby how humiliating it was or whatever. His answer is oh, well just don't wear the shirt again. Problem solved according to him. But we just wanted to talk about it. Mars and Venus!!

The bolded is so true. He may not know how you truly feel about this accident. It was probably not a big deal to him since no one was hurt. You may just have to tell him how you were affected.

 

[Britt]

Most men are just like this, it's either black or white for them. He feels like okay, your car is fine, you're fine (he thinks) so all is well. He will NEVER read your mind to know how you feel. So either you have to tell him or let it be. He's not really being inconsiderate. They're just wired different from us.

Steve Harvey said in his book how men are problem solvers and once they think it's solved it's done. His example was something about a woman in the office wearing the exact blouse as you so you tell your hubby how humiliating it was or whatever. His answer is oh, well just don't wear the shirt again. Problem solved according to him. But we just wanted to talk about it. Mars and Venus!!

This is soo true.... I had problems at work, and would complain to my SO about it, and while he'd listen ... I could tell he didn't truely get my emotions over it... he got it, but not in a way that a woman would. He just kept offering a solution to me. Something else was bothering me about a friend of mine over a birthday and I spoke to several women about it and they all gave me advice. My SO listened, but a few days later he was like "yo, if this were me and my friend I'd blah blah blah".. it was just so cut and dry for him. His solution was practical, made sense, and lacked the emotions that bothered me with my friend. In the end, I don't think it's b/c he doesn't care, he's just not as emotional as I am. As he says, my problems all have simple solutions and wouldn't bother him they way it bothers me.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I agree that men are problem solvers but usually, when it concerns someone else. When something happens to them they are whinning, complaining and looking for emotional support too. Depends on the guy, some will keep it in and just suffer, they don't want to come off as weak. Let us get flippant and we get ignored or called out on it. Men need to be told how you feel and informed when they are acting detached.

 

[MizAvalon]

Yes, my SO is very emotionally supportive. He, like most men, is a problem solver but his first priority is my safety, my feelings, and my emotional well being. Once he is sure all of that is in check, then he goes about the business of solving any problems.

 

[New2me]

Thank you everyone for your comments. We finally talked and he really was clueless about how I felt. He really thought nobody was hurt get a new car no problem. Smh!

Once I told him he was so comforting and understanding.

The poster who mentioned Steve's book thank you I remembered that part about the problem solving and it all made sense.



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[hopeful]

I'm glad you talked to him about it. You deserve emotional support. All that robotic, detached crap doesn't cut in the long haul. Over time couples go through so much from deaths of relatives, health issues, financial problems, and on. Most of us need warmth and compassion to get through this life.

 

[ChasingBliss]

I'm glad you talked to him about it. You deserve emotional support. All that robotic, detached crap doesn't cut in the long haul. Over time couples go through so much from deaths of relatives, health issues, financial problems, and on. Most of us need warmth and compassion to get through this life.

Truth in deed, they always say life can harden folks....but this is a good example of how life can soften folks too (men in particular), especially in long term relationships/marriages. At the end of the day, for the most part, all you really have is each other.

 

[Windsy]

I'm glad you talked about it with him sometimes just telling the person works wonders and can avoid unnecessary arguments or assumptions.

I'm also glad you were ok and no one was hurt.

When it comes to emotional support, I'm the one that gets blamed for not being emotionally supportive......I try, I really do but sometimes I EPIC FAIL in that area.

 

[Mai Tai]

OP, I am so glad you talked to your sweetie, and realized that he cannot read your mind. Many men are not fine tuned on how to read emotions like women are and that's ok. It's what makes us different and unique.

It is ok to tell him plainly when he has hurt you or done something to dissapoint you because most of the time they truly don't realize how their pragmatic attitude can be offsetting to the women that love them.

It is also ok to help him find opportunities to support you emotionally. A good man will love being that "rock" and will jump at chances to try to make you as happy as he can. When my honey is oblivious to my feelings, I simply tell him "Hey...this is when I need you the most" and he takes it from there. It took us a while to get to that point because again, he had absolutely NO clue how to emotionally support a woman.