Dr. Phil giving advice to single black women

Now why would he open his mouth to address SBW? I'm so tired of white folks offering unsolicted advice about black women and black peoples most intimate details of their lives. they really do believe in the white mans burden lie
 
It was later in the show. I don't think it showed the entire show. I wish it did. Maybe it will come on again or someone will put it on youtube.
 
Whateva- the reason so many of us are single is because there's a man shortage. Black men are gay, in jail, with white or asian women, or not worth putting up with, cheating, and the few that have it going on want 2-3 women. The men that want to get married only do so when they are ready to have kids.

Men of other races are with women of their race. There are a few who will date black women and I hope more will so we dont have to be single.
 
Lynnery said:
Whateva- the reason so many of us are single is because there's a man shortage. Black men are gay, in jail, with white or asian women, or not worth putting up with, cheating, and the few that have it going on want 2-3 women. The men that want to get married only do so when they are ready to have kids.

Men of other races are with women of their race. There are a few who will date black women and I hope more will so we dont have to be single.
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:ohwell: Cynical much?
 
men of other races luv blk women---not sure y sistahs think the opposite

dr phil giving sistahs dating advice--stick to the health topics doc...wtbleep
 
I think that everyone's standards are different, and therefore, what one might find "eligible", another might not. I think "man shortage" definitions are open to interpretation.

Now...We as Black Women have many different issues when it comes to dating/marriage, but one thing is universal among races: Men will do women wrong. Women will date a cheater, beater, lazy bum...None of those subjects are racially exclusive, so when it comes to relationship advice, I don't think it's fair to suggest that a "white person" can't help. White, Black, Asian, Latino women/men have been cheated on and overcome...why wouldn't I want some tips if I'm going through that situation, you know?
 
Bunny77 said:
What did he say?
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He was repeating the same mumbo jumbo that we should settle. He called out his black producer for having a list that is long. People told her to settle and she said back that depends on what you mean by settle. I agreed with her. They were talking about two different things. She was talking about character issues. They were talking about superficial issues.
 
LadyFayard said:
I think that everyone's standards are different, and therefore, what one might find "eligible", another might not. I think "man shortage" definitions are open to interpretation.

Now...We as Black Women have many different issues when it comes to dating/marriage, but one thing is universal among races: Men will do women wrong. Women will date a cheater, beater, lazy bum...None of those subjects are racially exclusive, so when it comes to relationship advice, I don't think it's fair to suggest that a "white person" can't help. White, Black, Asian, Latino women/men have been cheated on and overcome...why wouldn't I want some tips if I'm going through that situation, you know?
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I believe they can help but they also have to not generalize our situation to theirs. It is more complex. Recognizing and tailoring your one size fit all comment would be helpful as well.
 
Adel10 said:
He was repeating the same mumbo jumbo that we should settle. He called out his black producer for having a list that is long. People told her to settle and she said back that depends on what you mean by settle. I agreed with her. They were talking about two different things. She was talking about character issues. They were talking about superficial issues.
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Thanks.

Okay, knowing that, then I agree that Dr. Phil needed to sit down and shut up.
 
Shoediva said:
who would be an authority to give advise to SBW?
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I wonder this, too.

Married black women? Maybe, depends on when they got married and who they got married to and how many marriages they have under their belt.

Married black men? Maybe, depends on when they got married and who they got married to and how many marriages/OOW kids they have under their belt.

Single black women? Nah, because if she's still single, she doesn't know what she's talking about.

Single black men? :lachen: No.

Single non-Black women? :lachen: No.

Married non-Black women? :look: Doubtful.

Married non-Black men? :look: Doubtful.

Adel10 said:
He was repeating the same mumbo jumbo that we should settle. He called out his black producer for having a list that is long. People told her to settle and she said back that depends on what you mean by settle. I agreed with her. They were talking about two different things. She was talking about character issues. They were talking about superficial issues.
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What made her list so long? Character, or superficialities? :lachen:

I agree with both of them - settle for superficial, stick with character.
 
JustKiya said:
I wonder this, too.

Married black women? Maybe, depends on when they got married and who they got married to and how many marriages they have under their belt.

Married black men? Maybe, depends on when they got married and who they got married to and how many marriages/OOW kids they have under their belt.

Single black women? Nah, because if she's still single, she doesn't know what she's talking about.

Single black men? :lachen: No.

Single non-Black women? :lachen: No.

Married non-Black women? :look: Doubtful.

Married non-Black men? :look: Doubtful.


I'm gon tell you who CANT tell ish. Dr. Phil. Not much white people can tell me about intimate details of ME. I'm good honey. I'm tired of hearing about how black women should settle and how their is a man shortage. Shut that mess up and go tell becky and Susie that. thanks. They sure in hell wouldnt tell them to 'settle' aka get whatever you can and suck it up. So dont turn around and dictate to me how I should live MY life. Now they are telling black women to "settle' for any ole thing and any ole body as if this is slavery again and we have no say in who we mate and marry. PUH LEASE! He giving advice to black women as if black women and white men are chums. dont get me started
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"When you feel the pressure of time, you can make mistakes, overlook important details, or misjudge someone. Don't base everything on chemistry, because marriage is not one long date. Let the natural rhythm of a relationship run its course without getting too impatient or forcing things."

Here is a piece of advice I pulled from his website that I think can work well for single woman...Black, white or in-between. If it's sound advice that I can relate to as a person, gender/race shouldn't matter in some cases. At least I don't think so.
 
I just watched the Astra clip. Did you notice the 2 WW in the audience :D cheesing as soon as she stood up? They just KNEW she was gonna be on some neck rolling clownish behavior. Those smiles QUICKLY disappeared once she spoke in an intelligent manner about her personal refusal to settle for less and the specific way she was going about finding Mr. Right-for-Astra.

I think Dr. Phil did have a decent point though... 100 things to have on that list is too long. Even Jesus couldn't meet alla that. Some things on that list have to be more important than other things, and some of those standards could possibly be ridiculous. 100 things!!! That's getting a bit ridiculous with it.
 
LadyPaniolo said:
I just watched the Astra clip. Did you notice the 2 WW in the audience :D cheesing as soon as she stood up? They just KNEW she was gonna be on some neck rolling clownish behavior. Those smiles QUICKLY disappeared once she spoke in an intelligent manner about her personal refusal to settle for less and the specific way she was going about finding Mr. Right-for-Astra.

I think Dr. Phil did have a decent point though... 100 things to have on that list is too long. Even Jesus couldn't meet alla that. Some things on that list have to be more important than other things, and some of those standards could possibly be ridiculous. 100 things!!! That's getting a bit ridiculous with it.
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The list was long. It depends on how specific that list was. She may need to go into general categories which says the same thing. She was just one of the women who spoke but the general advice was to settle.
 
Adel10 said:
The list was long. It depends on how specific that list was. She may need to go into general categories which says the same thing. She was just one of the women who spoke but the general advice was to settle.
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I think that's perhaps less than optimal, as well...... depending what it was.

I dunno. I'd have to see her list. I should go and dig up mine. :lachen:

ETA: I wrote this when I was 23.

1) Know his past dating history. If he has cheated before, he will cheat again. If it has been a few years since the last cheat, he MAY have changed, but beware.
2) He has to be able to talk about more than sports and sex.
3) He should have no problem with the concept of ‘No ring, no ****ing’. The actuality can be something very different. :)
4) He has to have ambition, a sense of planning, and awareness that God helps those who help themselves.
5) He has to be able to take responsibility for his own life
6) He should be maturer than your average 19-year-old.
7) He should have a job.
8) He should be dependable, reliable, responsible, steady,and any other word referring to dependabilty. If he says he is going to do something, I shouldn’t have to worry about it getting done.
9) He should have been on his own for at least two years.
10) He is honest, and has no shame in admitting that he is dating other people.
11) When we argue, he should not cuss at me.
12) If we have been platonic friends for more than three years, LEAVE IT ALONE.
13) If you loan him money, and he doen't return it promptly, be worried.
14) He should be proud enough to stand up for what he believes in, and humble enough to admit when he is wrong.
15) He should not refer to other women as *****es, ho's, broads, tramps, skanks, sluts, or any other derogatory term.
16) He should have a healthy relationship with his mother, his sisters, his aunts, his cousins, his daugthers, his nieces, and any other female family member that he may have.
17) Gentle horseplay is good. Slapping and hitting is a felony. (thanks Rella!)
18) Pampering is a must, and it can go both ways. (thanks Zoe!)
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To me, that's a reasonable list. :lachen: Which, being mine, it would be - and I don't think there is any 'desire' to settle there.

Now, ten years later, I'm gonna think about what I should add now that I know what I know.
 
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JustKiya said:
I think that's perhaps less than optimal, as well...... depending what it was.

I dunno. I'd have to see her list. I should go and dig up mine. :lachen:
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Ex. Instead of saying his character has to be A,B,C,D,...
I say he must hold the same values I do. A list of 20+ things got condensed into one.
 
Adel10 said:
Ex. Instead of saying his character has to be A,B,C,D,...
I say he must hold the same values I do. A list of 20+ things got condensed into one.
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Precisely!!! And I think the more 'condensed' your list is, the easier it is to see if a man fits it, and where he doesn't fit, and whether the 'doesn't' fit is a dealbreaker.
 
My list in my early 20's:

1) He had to be Fine
2) He had to be Smart/In school
3) He had to be a Christian
4) He had to be a Virgin (long story)
5) I was color struck back then...He had to be tall and Light skin and Did I say FINE.


I elongated the list after some Christian told me I had to be specific because I would miss God or get any old thing if I didn't.
 
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