Does Walking in Love Make Me a Doormat?

[Laela]

A recent thread has compelled me to toss this out for discussion. Feel free to vote, and if you desire, to express your thoughts on this question.

Personally, I think walking in love and feeling like a doormat are polar to one another. No one has to be a Doormat to walk in Love. That's not what "turning the other cheek means" IMHO.

The Word of God admonishes us to not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good (Romans 12). To walk in love actually keeps others from dominating us so that we are free to love them. It protects our hearts and keeps us from being controlled by others -- feeling like a doormat. Think about it: If someone easily agitates me or gets me angry, they have some control over me or my emotions. IOW, they know how to push my buttons. I, in turn, would react negatively toward them or with spite in my heart - and that puts me at a disadvantage. I'll be at their mercy and even though I may "appear tough," (telling them a piece of my mind), they are the ones who are really in control.

When we allow how others treat us to get to us to the point of torment, we are subjecting ourselves to evil. God tells us to not allow this to happen. If someone disrespects me or continually treats me poorly yet I show them love and respect (iron sharpeneth iron), I won't feel like a doormat. Why? I'm not so easily offended because I am in control of my emotions, allowing them to be who they are while keeping myself from being overcome with evil (thinking bad thoughts towards them, resenting, hating). This is true freedom to me.

Further down in that same chapter of Romans, God says that "If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men." IF IT BE POSSIBLE: This means it's not always possible to live at peace with others and the best remedy is to keep some distance, for the sake of peace. Does that mean I don't love them. NO! It means I've done all I can in the Natural to live in peace and the other person just won't meet me there. I leave the rest to God, as he says for me to do, and my heart is at peace.

It's fascinating to me, every time I read God's Word, what he really is saying to me.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I think it actually takes strength to be able to know yourself and love others with the love of God. Loving as God loves is not easy or normal. Its a very superhuman (or holy) quality.

 

[mrselle]

Thank you for this thread. The scripture from Romans is one that keeps popping up. If a person is not “prayed up” or constantly walking in the Word and in the Spirit it can easily become a situation where they either (1) become a doormat or (2) become bitter. Does that make sense? To walk in love, especially when dealing with difficult people, requires one to have such a strong faith that no matter what someone says or does, you are not moved…..your spirit is not broken.

Shimmie brought up an excellent point in another thread. She said to not be like Lot’s wife. When Lot’s wife looked back she back a pillar of salt. Salt is bitter. I’d never looked at it like that before. If a person keeps looking back, replaying different offenses in his/her head, nursing the wound, eventually he/she will become bitter and resentful. For me personally, I’ll look back at a situation and think to myself, “Why didn’t I say something? Why did I just sit there and smile and shrug it off? How could I let this person enter my home and disrespect me this way?” And then the devil really starts messing with my head….”Your husband just lets them walk all over you. A man who really loves his wife would never let that happen.” Walking in love is not always easy. I think it’s one of those things that takes practice. A person has to constantly shut down those negative thoughts and constantly focus on God’s Word, His mercy and His goodness. I look back over my life and I see where sometimes I did something because God told me to or I trusted God to do something in my life that seemed impossible to others, but God did it. I looked like an idiot to some, but in the end God proved to be a man of His word.

 

[Laela]

ITA... girl you are on point!!

Yes, that (super)strength comes from God. There is strength in weakness and weakness in strength.

I think it actually takes strength to be able to know yourself and love others with the love of God. Loving as God loves is not easy or normal. Its a very superhuman (or holy) quality.

 

[Laela]

To walk in love, especially when dealing with difficult people, requires one to have such a strong faith that no matter what someone says or does, you are not moved…..your spirit is not broken.

I remember nodding when I read Shimmie's post.... the Lot's wife reference makes alot of sense.

I agree that we have to constantly fight off evil thoughts/attacks with good thoughts...that's why sometimes it's good to sing/give praises throughout the day or meditate on the Word we've read. When God or his Word is always on our minds, there's little or no room for evil thoughts to invade. It's very difficult, but practical. As for the looking like an idiot.... being free from people bondage is what keeps us from "feelings" like that. LOL

I hope I'm making sense tackling this discussion....

Shimmie brought up an excellent point in another thread. She said to not be like Lot’s wife. When Lot’s wife looked back she back a pillar of salt. Salt is bitter. I’d never looked at it like that before. If a person keeps looking back, replaying different offenses in his/her head, nursing the wound, eventually he/she will become bitter and resentful. For me personally, I’ll look back at a situation and think to myself, “Why didn’t I say something? Why did I just sit there and smile and shrug it off? How could I let this person enter my home and disrespect me this way?” And then the devil really starts messing with my head….”Your husband just lets them walk all over you. A man who really loves his wife would never let that happen.” Walking in love is not always easy. I think it’s one of those things that takes practice. A person has to constantly shut down those negative thoughts and constantly focus on God’s Word, His mercy and His goodness. I look back over my life and I see where sometimes I did something because God told me to or I trusted God to do something in my life that seemed impossible to others, but God did it. I looked like an idiot to some, but in the end God proved to be a man of His word.

 

[inthepink]

This is something I've struggled with. It has only been in the last week, that I had a really good talk with myself and God and determined that I was allowing satan to rule my thoughts. It is hard to walk in love - say loving things - when someone is saying evil things to you. But it's what we are called to do. How can I be angry at myself for doing what God requires of me? Once I sorted this all out - the "second thoughts" (shoulda woulda coulda saids) have all but ceased!

As far as being the doormat part of it, God doesn't ask me to like everyone (only love). He doesn't require me to always say yes to everyone and everything. Boundaries are good.

 

[Laela]

Morning hairlove,

That's a very good question to ponder today... I appreciate your comments.

I agree walking in love is hard..it's hard for me, too. But I have to put what God says before my feelings.

I love you!

Laela

. How can I be angry at myself for doing what God requires of me? Once I sorted this all out - the "second thoughts" (shoulda woulda coulda saids) have all but ceased!

 

[mamaore]

I voted yes. I'm on my way home, but will edit this post later with my reasons.

Edited to add:
I think the phrase "doormat" neeeds to be further defined.

In some situtaions when we practice walking in love the way 1Cor13 says, it may seem as being a 'doormat'; allowing others to walk over you and not fighting back in the flesh.

In the world eyes it appears we are 'doormats' when we walk in love.

However I agree with the OP post that we need to keep our emotions in check so as not to allow our feelings to dominate us. Walking in love is tough, but when I practice it, I feel my spirit rejoicing within me and my heart does not condemn me.

 

[momi]

I voted no - I believe some use the word as a reason to walk in fear. Fearful of speaking up when they are being abused, fearful of confrontation and use "walking in love" as their banner for this type of behavior.

I wholeheartedly agree with OP's observation as noted above...

 

[Laela]

To discuss the word further...

Merriam-Webster defines doormat as:
1 : a mat placed before or inside a door for wiping dirt from the shoes
2 : one that submits without protest to abuse or indignities
3 : a team that regularly finishes last

From my understanding... Christ never submitted to the abuse/indignities, he submitted to the call of God's WILL on his life. This is why on the cross, he told his Father, not my will but thy will be done. This is a very good example of strength in weakness.

The Bible clearly says we will suffer persecution, for his sake. But it also said we ought to be bold in our beliefs and our walk. Being a doormat, then, goes against the Word of God. CHOOSING to submit to the will of God is what keeps us from acting out on our feelings as human beings.

I'm always open to understanding a different view, so I look forward to your response...

I voted yes. I'm on my way home, but will edit this post later with my reasons.

Edited to add:
I think the phrase "doormat" neeeds to be further defined.

In some situtaions when we practice walking in love the way 1Cor13 says, it may seem as being a 'doormat'; allowing others to walk over you and not fighting back in the flesh.

In the world eyes it appears we are 'doormats' when we walk in love.

However I agree with the OP post that we need to keep our emotions in check so as not to allow our feelings to dominate us. Walking in love is tough, but when I practice it, I feel my spirit rejoicing within me and my heart does not condemn me.

 

[mrselle]

From my understanding... Christ never submitted to the abuse/indignities, he submitted to the call of God's WILL on his life. This is why on the cross, he told his Father, not my will but thy will be done. This is a very good example of strength in weakness.

Thank you for this. This has really blessed me. If Christ could withstand all that he did while on the cross, then surely I can handle not being liked, lied on, picked on, talked about, etc... All of that is small compared to what Christ went through.

 

[inthepink]

I voted no - I believe some use the word as a reason to walk in fear. Fearful of speaking up when they are being abused, fearful of confrontation and use "walking in love" as their banner for this type of behavior.

I wholeheartedly agree with OP's observation as noted above...

This is a great observation. How do you suggest one balances this?

 

[Laela]

Stay blessed, mrselle !

 

[PinkPebbles]

A recent thread has compelled me to toss this out for discussion. Feel free to vote, and if you desire, to express your thoughts on this question.

Personally, I think walking in love and feeling like a doormat are polar to one another. No one has to be a Doormat to walk in Love. That's not what "turning the other cheek means" IMHO.

The Word of God admonishes us to not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good (Romans 12). To walk in love actually keeps others from dominating us so that we are free to love them. It protects our hearts and keeps us from being controlled by others -- feeling like a doormat. Think about it: If someone easily agitates me or gets me angry, they have some control over me or my emotions. IOW, they know how to push my buttons. I, in turn, would react negatively toward them or with spite in my heart - and that puts me at a disadvantage. I'll be at their mercy and even though I may "appear tough," (telling them a piece of my mind), they are the ones who are really in control.

When we allow how others treat us to get to us to the point of torment, we are subjecting ourselves to evil. God tells us to not allow this to happen. If someone disrespects me or continually treats me poorly yet I show them love and respect (iron sharpeneth iron), I won't feel like a doormat. Why? I'm not so easily offended because I am in control of my emotions, allowing them to be who they are while keeping myself from being overcome with evil (thinking bad thoughts towards them, resenting, hating). This is true freedom to me.

Further down in that same chapter of Romans, God says that "If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men." IF IT BE POSSIBLE: This means it's not always possible to live at peace with others and the best remedy is to keep some distance, for the sake of peace. Does that mean I don't love them. NO! It means I've done all I can in the Natural to live in peace and the other person just won't meet me there. I leave the rest to God, as he says for me to do, and my heart is at peace.

It's fascinating to me, every time I read God's Word, what he really is saying to me.

Laela- Every word in this post is so true...thanks for sharing!

God showed me this past weekend that I passed this love test with a certain individual. A couple of months back it appeared in the natural that my kindness looked foolish. However, God worked everything out for my good and that person was put to shame .

I do not take pleasure in anyone's pain or suffering. Therefore, I prayed that this individual would seek the Lord, repent, and walk into the knowledge of Jesus Christ.

Overall, I've learned if we take heed to God's instructions and principles we will ultimately have the victory!

 

[inthepink]

That's great information. Thank you for sharing.

 

[Poohbear]

Thanks Laela for this thread! I have felt easily agitated toward my father, and it does seem like that means he has some control over me especially when I react negatively. About 2 weeks ago, I decided to leave the church that he pastors. It's been a lil hectic (he has said harmful things and has started to shun me), but I have gain much peace of mind and relief, and I do not entertain any of his words. And he no longer has as much control over me. Now, I just have to move out and get my own place so I can be totally free. And more importantly, find a new church home where I can worship and praise God and fellowship with other Christians.

 

[inthepink]

This is such a good thread....just had to say it again.

It made me think of how when you allow negativity that's breeding from someone else into your life, that eventually (sometimes sooner, sometimes later) that is what you start to put out yourself. Why let someone else have control of what you put out there in the world?

I realized this from a personal experience. I let someone else's "poison" into my life. I realized that people have poison based on their own experiences and in order for them to feel better about themselves, they will give that poison to someone else. But, we don't have to accept someone else's poison. However, I did...I took someone else's poison for too long of a time and eventually started putting out that same poison. I realized I had to forgive and let go. I was so mad at myself for letting someone else's poison steal my joy.

 

[PinkPebbles]

This is such a good thread....just had to say it again.

It made me think of how when you allow negativity that's breeding from someone else into your life, that eventually (sometimes sooner, sometimes later) that is what you start to put out yourself. Why let someone else have control of what you put out there in the world?

I realized this from a personal experience. I let someone else's "poison" into my life. I realized that people have poison based on their own experiences and in order for them to feel better about themselves, they will give that poison to someone else. But, we don't have to accept someone else's poison. However, I did...I took someone else's poison for too long of a time and eventually started putting out that same poison. I realized I had to forgive and let go. I was so mad at myself for letting someone else's poison steal my joy.

Hairlove -

I can relate to this as well. Once I asked God to help me to forgive and let go that's when I was able to get my joy back. That person no longer had control over my emotions / feelings. I was able to react in godly love and self-control and that was truly the power of God working on the inside of me.

 

[Vonnieluvs08]

This is such a good thread....just had to say it again.

It made me think of how when you allow negativity that's breeding from someone else into your life, that eventually (sometimes sooner, sometimes later) that is what you start to put out yourself. Why let someone else have control of what you put out there in the world?

I realized this from a personal experience. I let someone else's "poison" into my life. I realized that people have poison based on their own experiences and in order for them to feel better about themselves, they will give that poison to someone else. But, we don't have to accept someone else's poison. However, I did...I took someone else's poison for too long of a time and eventually started putting out that same poison. I realized I had to forgive and let go. I was so mad at myself for letting someone else's poison steal my joy.

Thank you for this post. By reading your experience it has reinforced what I had been feeling all along about my situation.

I just finished my internship in July and was moving back to my home area to live with my then boyfriend (I was in a different state of mind/spirit then). Well things fell apart as they will when you aren't abiding in God's word and his path and I wasn't going to have a place to stay when I moved. God through my mother gave me a place to stay until I could get my own place. I was hesitant to move in with her because she has an addiction and being around her is intolerable. I had to let my pride go and accept what was being given to me and I am grateful for it because it was a blessing. I've been trying to get into my own place but I've had to be patient but the negativity that goes on this house is not helping me get myself together in the least. I know the stress of my housing situation effects other aspects of my life and I am now giving it to others which is not what I should be doing as a Christian or a person. I know this attitude is nothing but the devil trying to take me back by putting negativity in my life and my heart.

Thank you ladies for your insights. I learn so much just from reading your posts and following it with the Word.

 

[Laela]

PinkPebbles,

ITA praying for someone instead of taking pleasure in their pain/demise is what's best... it's an act of love (compassion) while the other is an act of evil.. of course, one is easier than the other, and I tell you prayer does wonders when testing comes.

2 Corinth 12:10
Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

I'm glad you past the love test this weekend..thank you for sharing that.

Laela- Every word in this post is so true...thanks for sharing!

God showed me this past weekend that I passed this love test with a certain individual. A couple of months back it appeared in the natural that my kindness looked foolish. However, God worked everything out for my good and that person was put to shame .

I do not take pleasure in anyone's pain or suffering. Therefore, I prayed that this individual would seek the Lord, repent, and walk into the knowledge of Jesus Christ.

Overall, I've learned if we take heed to God's instructions and principles we will ultimately have the victory!

Pooh, I'm happy to see that you are stepping out in faith ... I wish you all the best with finding your own place and settling in. I can relate to the desire to be free to worship God without distraction or even guilt.

Thanks Laela for this thread! I have felt easily agitated toward my father, and it does seem like that means he has some control over me especially when I react negatively. About 2 weeks ago, I decided to leave the church that he pastors. It's been a lil hectic (he has said harmful things and has started to shun me), but I have gain much peace of mind and relief, and I do not entertain any of his words. And he no longer has as much control over me. Now, I just have to move out and get my own place so I can be totally free. And more importantly, find a new church home where I can worship and praise God and fellowship with other Christians.

Hairlove, it's good to see you again

ITA about allowing someone else's poison to influence and cause us to step out of character. Good point!

This is such a good thread....just had to say it again.

It made me think of how when you allow negativity that's breeding from someone else into your life, that eventually (sometimes sooner, sometimes later) that is what you start to put out yourself. Why let someone else have control of what you put out there in the world?

I realized this from a personal experience. I let someone else's "poison" into my life. I realized that people have poison based on their own experiences and in order for them to feel better about themselves, they will give that poison to someone else. But, we don't have to accept someone else's poison. However, I did...I took someone else's poison for too long of a time and eventually started putting out that same poison. I realized I had to forgive and let go. I was so mad at myself for letting someone else's poison steal my joy.