Does it EVER go away?

[Kiadodie]

I mean, can it and is really possible to fully get over an ex? I was staying away from him and where he goes for a while. Then, I thought I was good and I ran into him and BAM my heart goes pitter patter and I am all
emotional.

On the other hand, I heard a week after that, that he is seeing someone else and it CRUSHED me. I think it's written ALL over my face when I run into him which doesn't help the situation cause he feeds off of it.

My mind stays on him . I dont know why and how to get rid of it. I've been praying on it HARD for like 3 months and it seems to be getting worse.

When will I ever get over it completely. It seems like men get over it faster than women do..why is that??? erplexed

I just need some support, advice and anything else helpful. erplexed

 

[luvn_life]

I believe you do. It just takes time. Are you going out and having fun and meeting people? Or are you not doing much because when you aren't occupied its easy to dwell on the old good stuff and not remember that you are broken up for a reason. It definitely doesn't help when they look darn good.You will definitely get over it one day if you choose to. When a thought comes in your head you have to quickly dismiss and keep doing it even when they come back several times a day. I know it is definitely easier said then done but if you take it one day at a time you'll look up and realize that you are over it. And you'll be surprised and happy at the same time.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Yes. It does. Just not immediately for some.

 

[BKVincy]

It took me years to get over an ex with unfinished business...not the person himelf...I didnt get to relay to him how much of an arsehold he really was

 

[Kiadodie]

I believe you do. It just takes time. Are you going out and having fun and meeting people? Or are you not doing much because when you aren't occupied its easy to dwell on the old good stuff and not remember that you are broken up for a reason. You have will definitely get over it one day if you choose to. I know it is definitely easier said then done but if you take it one day at a time you'll look up and realize that you are over it. And you'll be surprised and happy at the same time.

Thing is, we used to hang in the same spots so I started avoided those same places for awhile, then I when I thought I was stronger I started going back and feelings came back when I thought I was good .

Soo now I feel like I have to start all over again. The bolded is a good point. I find my mind stays on him and the more I fight it the more I think about him.

And

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Is there a part of you that feels like you still want him or he was the one? If so, that may your issue. You have to come to terms with the fact that he wasnt right for you and the one for you is right around the corner.

 

[Sunnrayy]

Huggs I know how you feel and I just wanted to give you some love. I broke up with my ex 3 months or so ago and it was
an awful experience for me. I havent had the misfortune of running into him yet but I know it will happen sooner or later since we run in the same circles.

My friends suggested I start dating and I knew I shouldnt have but I did anyway and got into this rebound thing that was a disaster. Avoid that at all costs. Break-ups are HARD. I pray about it everyday. Try to stay open to love even though it hurt really badly. Because this breakup could actually be what God wanted to open the door for who he REALLY has for you. The things that helped me most was praying and taking time away with my true loved ones. I took a vacation with my sister and mom. I went away for a couple of weeks and got my head together and it took my mind off of him completely.

 

[Kiadodie]

Is there a part of you that feels like you still want him or he was the one? If so, that may your issue. You have to come to terms with the fact that he wasnt right for you and the one for you is right around the corner.

YES to the bolded!! Sadly, a part of me still love/want him. I do, and I can't help it.

But in therapy (please don't judge me), I discovered what I really wanted was the validation from him (comes from feeling invisible as a child). Also, a part of me wants to know why he didn't want me. But I know I"ll never get it.

So I am working thru it. I am trying but a part of me does NOT want to let it go. ITs almost like I'm against my own self. UGH

 

[Bunny77]

YES to the bolded!! Sadly, a part of me still love/want him. I do, and I can't help it.

But in therapy (please don't judge me), I discovered what I really wanted was the validation from him (comes from feeling invisible as a child). Also, a part of me wants to know why he didn't want me. But I know I"ll never get it.

So I am working thru it. I am trying but a part of me does NOT want to let it go. ITs almost like I'm against my own self. UGH

The majority of us on this board are pretty supportive of therapy, so you won't have to worry about being judged.

At least you know what the deal is so you can work on those things and truly get past this guy.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

YES to the bolded!! Sadly, a part of me still love/want him. I do, and I can't help it.

But in therapy (please don't judge me), I discovered what I really wanted was the validation from him (comes from feeling invisible as a child). Also, a part of me wants to know why he didn't want me. But I know I"ll never get it.

So I am working thru it. I am trying but a part of me does NOT want to let it go. ITs almost like I'm against my own self. UGH

Nothing wrong with therapy at all.

Him not being with you may not have to do with him not wanting you. It may be him not knowing what he wants period. You just got caught up in the cross fire of him figuring out where he wants to be.

If it is him that doesnt want you, you have to begin to get an EGO (aka higher self-esteem). You really dont understand who you are and what you true worth is. If you know you are a great catch, ANY man would be lucky to have you. Begin to full in love with you. Its nothing you have to verbalize to anyone. Its a state of mind that says...I am worth being love and I will be adored by anyone that comes my way. Everyone has their faults and flaws but you are wanted and wantable. Believe that!

I understand where you are because I've been there. Looking for validation, wanting desperately to be accepted by this ONE particular man...Trust me, it passes.

Especially, when God sent me a truly loving, wanting, affectionate man.

 

[Kiadodie]

Nothing wrong with therapy at all.

Him not being with you may not have to do with him not wanting you. It may be him not knowing what he wants period. You just got caught up in the cross fire of him figuring out where he wants to be.

If it is him that doesnt want you, you have to begin to get an EGO (aka higher self-esteem). You really dont understand who you are and what you true worth is. If you know you are a great catch, ANY man would be lucky to have you. Begin to full in love with you. Its nothing you have to verbalize to anyone. Its a state of mind that says...I am worth being love and I will be adored by anyone that comes my way. Everyone has their faults and flaws but you are wanted and wantable. Believe that!

I understand where you are because I've been there. Looking for validation, wanting desperately to be accepted by this ONE particular man...Trust me, it passes.

Especially, when God sent me a truly loving, wanting, affectionate man.[/quote]


Whew, thanks for understanding...and I'll be so darn happy when it passes cause it's one of the worst feelings...it just feels like i'm "stuck".

You're right. It does boil down to self esteem...and I am working on that.

I"m praying the right man for me comes sooner rather than later. Thank you for understanding.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I mean, can it and is really possible to fully get over an ex? I was staying away from him and where he goes for a while. Then, I thought I was good and I ran into him and BAM my heart goes pitter patter and I am all
emotional.

On the other hand, I heard a week after that, that he is seeing someone else and it CRUSHED me. I think it's written ALL over my face when I run into him which doesn't help the situation cause he feeds off of it.

My mind stays on him . I dont know why and how to get rid of it. I've been praying on it HARD for like 3 months and it seems to be getting worse.

When will I ever get over it completely. It seems like men get over it faster than women do..why is that??? erplexed

I just need some support, advice and anything else helpful. erplexed

Awww....

Poor thing. I know exactly how you feel. I'm having trouble getting over someone also. I even have to still see him at church every week.

BUT!! I have hope and faith that it DOES get easier over time! Time heals ALL wounds...I know that sounds so cliche, but it's true. Before I was fighting w/myself too about even getting over him, but now I WANT to get over him because it's hindering the rest of my life.

So, in time the pain will go away. You may still feel a bit hurt/awkward when/if you run into him, but I think that over time each "run-in" feel less and less painful.


Don't feel bad about still having feelings for him. We women can't just turn off our feelings like a lightswitch. It probably took you some time to love him, and it will take you some time getting over him as well. But it IS possible. Plus, you can care for someone, but know that they are NOT right/meant for you.

I believe that there is more than one person in this world for us. We can fall in love with a multitude of different people.

Sad to say though, I think the pain only goes away completely when you have found someone NEW who makes you happy.

Sometimes we hold onto to past loves (even if they were BAD for us) simply because we don't have anything better at the current moment. So, don't be afraid to go back out there dating again. Go slowly, and only start dating again when you feel comfortable. But please...don't hold off TOO long from dating other guys...even if it's just one or two dates. Sometimes they can give you hope that there is life AFTER "the ex".

 

[Kiadodie]

Awww....

Poor thing. I know exactly how you feel. I'm having trouble getting over someone also. I even have to still see him at church every week.

BUT!! I have hope and faith that it DOES get easier over time! Time heals ALL wounds...I know that sounds so cliche, but it's true. Before I was fighting w/myself too about even getting over him, but now I WANT to get over him because it's hindering the rest of my life.

So, in time the pain will go away. You may still feel a bit hurt/awkward when/if you run into him, but I think that over time each "run-in" feel less and less painful.


Don't feel bad about still having feelings for him. We women can't just turn off our feelings like a lightswitch. It probably took you some time to love him, and it will take you some time getting over him as well. But it IS possible. Plus, you can care for someone, but know that they are NOT right/meant for you.

I believe that there is more than one person in this world for us. We can fall in love with a multitude of different people.

Sad to say though, I think the pain only goes away completely when you have found someone NEW who makes you happy.

Sometimes we hold onto to past loves (even if they were BAD for us) simply because we don't have anything better at the current moment. So, don't be afraid to go back out there dating again. Go slowly, and only start dating again when you feel comfortable. But please...don't hold off TOO long from dating other guys...even if it's just one or two dates. Sometimes they can give you hope that there is life AFTER "the ex".

Yup, this is so true. I think if I had another man in my life right now who I really cared about, the ex would not even be in my mind but there is no one that I"m interested in. Hopefully that'll change soon. Thanks

 

[Country gal]

I went through a similar situation. I am now in a very happy relationship. I realized that the man I was pining away for was not the one for me. I rarely think of him now. Just focus on being stronger and as time goes by you will get better.

 

[FlowerHair]

Yes, it goes away!

Let yourself heal and try to go out and have fun and be romanced by other men. That will keep your mind off your ex.

Also, when I was heart broken, I tried to exercise more, see friends more often etc - tried to stay busy busy every single day and not spend too much time alone.

Baby sitting my godson was perfect because he never shuts up so my mind stayed on him all the time

Divert your thoughts and replace them with something positive

 

[BillsBackerz67]

I did...it was easier when I was finally tired of the situation and said enough was enough.I dropped the christmas present off (the gift that he gave me) at his door and we havent spoke since . To make sure he couldnt contact me I changed my phone number, blocked him from my email, and changed my name on facebook. I am completely over him.

 

[gn1g]

Honey it's called soul ties. In time . . . Time heals all.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I did...it was easier when I was finally tired of the situation and said enough was enough.I dropped the christmas present off (the gift that he gave me) at his door and we havent spoke since . To make sure he couldnt contact me I changed my phone number, blocked him from my email, and changed my name on facebook. I am completely over him.

Are you dating someone new now?

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Are you dating someone new now?

No I am not...I wish I was though. But that's how I knew I was fed up with him. We have a mutual friend and he tells me that he thinks I stopped seeing him because of someone else. However while we where taking a "break" <---- never again will I ever do this, he met someone else in the interim and basically tried to talk to her and I at the same time. I wasnt going for that. As far as I know now they are together now but he's miserable. He had no clue what he wanted, but I do, so I cut it off.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I did...it was easier when I was finally tired of the situation and said enough was enough.I dropped the christmas present off (the gift that he gave me) at his door and we havent spoke since . To make sure he couldnt contact me I changed my phone number, blocked him from my email, and changed my name on facebook. I am completely over him.

Great post. It boils down to simple being done with the dude. You may still have feelings but ultimately you know that its over for good. That when you can truly just start to move one.

I moved on from my ex when I realized being a "nice guy" isnt enough. I always deserved better than he gave me. I just stopped calling and burned ALOT of bridges. And the healing began.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

No I am not...I wish I was though. But that's how I knew I was fed up with him. We have a mutual friend and he tells me that he thinks I stopped seeing him because of someone else. However while we where taking a "break" <---- never again will I ever do this, he met someone else in the interim and basically tried to talk to her and I at the same time. I wasnt going for that. As far as I know now they are together now but he's miserable. He had no clue what he wanted, but I do, so I cut it off.

Oh okay. No I'm just wondering. I'm actually glad you're not dating anyone yet, because then this dispells my theory that in order to completely get over someone, you have to have found someone else. So, actually this gives me some hope!!

I think it's hard to break up with someone in general, but it's ESPECIALLY hard when the guy wasn't really a "jerk" (as in my case). The guy I liked wasn't really a "jerk" or a "loser"...it just didn't work out between us. Maybe different timing in our lives I guess.

So I think it's easier to get over a guy if he's cheated on you, or if he was a complete jerk and idiot while you two were dating. But if he was pretty decent and you guys broke up or went seperate ways...it can be very very hard to move on... trust me.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Oh okay. No I'm just wondering. I'm actually glad you're not dating anyone yet, because then this dispells my theory that in order to completely get over someone, you have to have found someone else. So, actually this gives me some hope!!

I think it's hard to break up with someone in general, but it's ESPECIALLY hard when the guy wasn't really a "jerk" (as in my case). The guy I liked wasn't really a "jerk" or a "loser"...it just didn't work out between us. Maybe different timing in our lives I guess.

So I think it's easier to get over a guy if he's cheated on you, or if he was a complete jerk and idiot while you two were dating. But if he was pretty decent and you guys broke up or went seperate ways...it can be very very hard to move on... trust me.

This is EXACTLY what happened with us. He really wasnt a bad guy and I still love him but hot darn I was just sick of the BS and the back and forth and it turned me off from him. It might be easier to get over someone if you met someone new...but as we all see that rarely works out and thats why the rebounding always happens. At least Im over the guy becasue I wanted to be and not because someone else distracted me from him. Unless the new guy is totally the one and you know its a wrap with your ex, its only a matter of time before the new guy cant hold your attention and your mind wanders back to the ex. I see it all the time with my friends.

 

[Country gal]

For me, I was feeling like the person was not giving me their all. I was a layaway chick for him. He would give me just enough attention to keep me interested. I got tired and forced the issue. I am glad I did because I ended up opening myself to recieving and giving love and I found it.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

For me, I was feeling like the person was not giving me their all. I was a layaway chick for him. He would give me just enough attention to keep me interested. I got tired and forced the issue. I am glad I did because I ended up opening myself to recieving and giving love and I found it.

The key is right there..opening oneself up to receiving and giving love..it will find you, whether it is another person or the best love..self love!!!!!!!! Patience and not allowing the ex and his movements to dictate your movements..go out to the places you enjoy...he may be there but you be self assured, happy and nonchalant about his existence. Shine like the stars..he'll see what he threw away:ha:

 

[HairQueen]

I mean, can it and is really possible to fully get over an ex? I was staying away from him and where he goes for a while. Then, I thought I was good and I ran into him and BAM my heart goes pitter patter and I am all
emotional.

On the other hand, I heard a week after that, that he is seeing someone else and it CRUSHED me. I think it's written ALL over my face when I run into him which doesn't help the situation cause he feeds off of it.

My mind stays on him . I dont know why and how to get rid of it. I've been praying on it HARD for like 3 months and it seems to be getting worse.

When will I ever get over it completely. It seems like men get over it faster than women do..why is that??? erplexed

I just need some support, advice and anything else helpful. erplexed

I want to know the answer too, its been over a year and I still think about the person almost every day. Doesn't help that having met NOBODY better since we split, I foolishly (out of loneliness) made contact with him hoping to get back together (although I never directly said it ) he just continued to play with my emotions because he knew I still liked him and wanted to test how much. So now I feel twice as distraught as I did when it first ended and he really could not care less...

I think the way it ended makes a difference in how u getter over it, did he treat u bad or good? Mine treated me bad and part of my hurt and anger is at myself for not standing up for myself more. When I tried to it was always a fight (becasue he always had to be right) so I would give in and he just disrespected me more and more to the point where he treats me now as if I am nothing and nobody.

 

[loved]

Yes. I would recommend finding something that's beneficial for you to occupy your time that allows you to interact with other people.

Funny story - when I was going through a similar situation, I threw myself into a new church I joined. I would go during the week and I became active in different activites. Who is at my first new members' class but my ex and his new woman (and major drama had gone down between all of us). It was jarring, but I stayed and continued at the church and I met one of the kindest men I ever dated while at that church. My ex's new girl and I even attended the same seminars where she would talk about the wonderful, supportive man she was with - that used to make me laugh to myself because I would think - give that @#$%&* a minute.

Remember that he's your ex for a reason, and probably a darn good one.

 

[Innocent_Kiss]

I haven't gotten to ready every last response, but these ladies are giving you some really good advice. Sometimes, time doesn't heal wounds, and people drown in depression and low self esteem for years. I believe God heals all wounds. Know that it is absolutely normal to feel the way you do. I left my ex of two and a half years about 5 weeks ago. I stayed in that relationship unhappy and discontent for so long, when I did finally leave I was nore relieved than grieved. One thing that I must disagree with is that it takes someone else to fill that void. I'm sure the ladies didn't mean to give you harmful advice, because that can seem true. That mentality creates emotional dependency. I love your signature, it brings me back to something that I quote to myself "No one can make you happy but you, and to expect otherwise creates a dependency that disempowers you." -Ebonie Nicole Flynn

You have to be whole before you can dare share yourself with anyone else. I'm not sure of your spiritual beliefs, but I've committed myself to making God my source because I believe He is love. There's a website I ran into during my healing process called http://innerbonding.com. It speaks more about this idea of loving from your wounded self instead of your adult loving self.

I definitely recommend indulging in constructive things that will build you up. Learn a new hobby, start a small business, work out, learn to sell on eBay, take a continuing education course, vacate, etc If you need someone to talk to, you can always always always at absolutely anytime get in touch My YIM (Yahoo! Instant Messenger): is heelznbanglz

I hope this helps and God bless in your progress.

P.S. Ladies keep me in your prayers. I want to use my experience to help other women cope with break ups, emotional wounds, domestic and sexual abuse, single motherhood and the other challenges that face so many of us. I'll keep you all posted!

 

[guudhair]

Yes, it goes away...when you start loving yourself more than you love(d) your ex...when you realize your self worth...when you truly know/feel/believe that no one other than you can "validate" you...

Embrace this time alone and know that everything will be alright, in due time...just hang in there and go through the process of healing and "finding yourself"...

 

[song_of_serenity]

Yes. I would recommend finding something that's beneficial for you to occupy your time that allows you to interact with other people.

Funny story - when I was going through a similar situation, I threw myself into a new church I joined. I would go during the week and I became active in different activites. Who is at my first new members' class but my ex and his new woman (and major drama had gone down between all of us). It was jarring, but I stayed and continued at the church and I met one of the kindest men I ever dated while at that church. My ex's new girl and I even attended the same seminars where she would talk about the wonderful, supportive man she was with - that used to make me laugh to myself because I would think - give that @#$%&* a minute.

Remember that he's your ex for a reason, and probably a darn good one.

I'm curious. How did it turn out?

OP. I understand what you mean, trust me. I thought I buried my feelings of my ex, dead and gone, but like zombies, suddenly, 8 months later, they rise from the grave. I think it's because I saw a blog of one of the girls he dated and it solidified there is an "after me."