Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mate?

[cocoberry10]

I've wondered this for a little while, especially after a thread I did in relationships about compatibility using shoes as an example

My question is, do you think that God gives us free will to choose a mate (i.e. as long as certain things are in order, that he's a believer, etc.) OR do you think God would place someone in our life and kind of say "this is who I expect you to marry?"

I mean, how much "free will" do we really have?

 

[Ms.Honey]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

I believe that God presents people to us like He presented Eve to Adam but He gives us the choice to accept or reject. But who would be crazy enough to reject a hook up from Jesus

 

[PaperClip]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

We have complete free will. The all-wise Lord does have ways to "shift" us into His will but He does not force us.

 

[cocoberry10]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

We have complete free will. The all-wise Lord does have ways to "shift" us into His will but He does not force us.

He has definitely SHIFTED me a few times in other areas. I often wonder with this subject if you married someone you "wanted" to marry, as opposed to someone you felt God placed in your life??? I asked that b/c of a thread I started in relationships about those who reject people based on looks only. I mean, what if "the right one" wasn't too aesthetically pleasing? It seems a lot of the ladies said they would reject someone on looks only if they saw him as ooooooooooogly

 

[nychaelasymone]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

I think God expects us to be smart enough to ask him if the person we are involved with is one He approves. Actually....I do think He has someone created just for us. Why do so many of us say we are waiting on the Lord to bring us our mate. That's why I now understand the absolute importance of people waiting until marriage to have sex. The less confusion, the better able you are to hear from God.

 

[discobiscuits]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

I believe that God presents people to us like He presented Eve to Adam but He gives us the choice to accept or reject. But who would be crazy enough to reject a hook up from Jesus

this is my opinion as well. and, like adam, we should recognize what god has made for us when he presents us with it.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

I believe that God presents people to us like He presented Eve to Adam but He gives us the choice to accept or reject. But who would be crazy enough to reject a hook up from Jesus

100% in agreeance.
There was a time I went by my mother's rules of, "If you give your virginity to a man, try to make sure you're at least going to marry him." It ended up being the most abusive relationship I've ever had, and needless to say, even when WE (ex and I ) were in church together, too much was going on that I knew it wasn't for us.

4 years later, I'm in a relationship that "mother, father and church" wouldn't have "approved of" and I'm VERY happy. Sometimes, God just knows when you're ready and He'll place that person in front of you. You won't even know it.

God used my 1st relationship to prepare me for my future husband, courtesy of Ramstein AFB, Germany...

 

[kweenameena]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

So what happens to those that jumped the gun and married who they chose and not the one God had for them? Would God want them to leave that marriage for the "chosen" mate? Would God still bless your marriage? So many questions.......

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

So what happens to those that jumped the gun and married who they chose and not the one God had for them? Would God want them to leave that marriage for the "chosen" mate? Would God still bless your marriage? So many questions.......

I BELIEVE THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE A GOD OF 2ND CHANCES, HE WOULD BE OKAY WITH IT AS LONG AS WE'VE DONE THE BEST WE CAN TO MAKE OUR MARRIAGE WORK. IF IT TRULY ISN'T MEANT TO BE, THEN THE MARRIAGE WILL END.

IF IT'S AN OK SITUATION, BUT NOT WHAT YOU WANT, YOU HAVE TO DO THE BEST YOU CAN TO TRULY MAKE IT WORK BEFORE YOU WALK OUT OF THE DOOR.

GOD WILL BLESS ANYTHING HE IS INVOLVED IN...

 

[cocoberry10]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

So what happens to those that jumped the gun and married who they chose and not the one God had for them? Would God want them to leave that marriage for the "chosen" mate? Would God still bless your marriage? So many questions.......

I BELIEVE THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE A GOD OF 2ND CHANCES, HE WOULD BE OKAY WITH IT AS LONG AS WE'VE DONE THE BEST WE CAN TO MAKE OUR MARRIAGE WORK. IF IT TRULY ISN'T MEANT TO BE, THEN THE MARRIAGE WILL END.

IF IT'S AN OK SITUATION, BUT NOT WHAT YOU WANT, YOU HAVE TO DO THE BEST YOU CAN TO TRULY MAKE IT WORK BEFORE YOU WALK OUT OF THE DOOR.

GOD WILL BLESS ANYTHING HE IS INVOLVED IN...

I agree with what Lauryn said. I assume if God doesn't approve of something, it's because He is trying to protect us. So, there may be added "hardships," but as Lauryn said, if God is in it (whether it was HIS choice or not), He's going to bless it

 

[star]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

We have free will to do anything but a Christian should ALWAY choose God's will. God hand picked everything about us our parents, siblings, hair, eye color, race, gender etc. and He has a mate picked for us too. If we choose to wait on him to expose or reveal him is the key. But, one must be close enough to God to know this; many do not come into the full knowledge or his will until after the fact but even then he can worked it out since you did not know at the time and because He is ALL knowing.

I have problem that God can pick my career, my house, give warm blood in my vain but he cannot pick my MAN. I do not believe it. God has a PERFECT will for all of us it just depends on whether want to go that way or are we blinded to his will based on walk with him. This topic manily applies to Christians since people who do not talk to him cannot be held completely accountable for their mistakes or descions.

 

[Country gal]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

How do you know that the man you meet or dealing with is the one? I feel like God doesn't talk loud enough. Steve Harvey makes great points. He said we have to be patient with GOd. He will answer your prayers. He said he planned on being a player after his divorce but God steered him in a different direction. He ended up marrying his current wife.

 

[cocoberry10]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

How do you know that the man you meet or dealing with is the one? I feel like God doesn't talk loud enough. Steve Harvey makes great points. He said we have to be patient with GOd. He will answer your prayers. He said he planned on being a player after his divorce but God steered him in a different direction. He ended up marrying his current wife.

I love the bolded!

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

How do you know that the man you meet or dealing with is the one? I feel like God doesn't talk loud enough. Steve Harvey makes great points. He said we have to be patient with GOd. He will answer your prayers. He said he planned on being a player after his divorce but God steered him in a different direction. He ended up marrying his current wife.

Well, with my currrent SO, I was going through a period where I decided that I wasn't going to deal with men seriously at all. I just wanted to have fun and enjoyed being by myself. I also prayed hard to God, "God PLEASE remove this MAN from my life if he's not what YOU truly intend for me to have, because I'm not trying to get played or hurt and it seems like there are too many things that can go wrong (time and distance, military, etc., plus my decision not to be emotionally involved with anyone). In other words, I continually requested God to remove this man in my life if he wasn't for me (as opposed to just doing it on my own), and the more I prayed, the more he stayed... to the point where my dad threatened to kick me out if I didn't make this man switch up his plans from going to Atl to see his parents (and I with him) to all of a sudden making him come to NYC, find a hotel and THEN arrange flights to and from Newark ( I lived in Staten Island)... to "meet and show respect" to my parents on my 21st birthday. SO actually didn't mind doing all of that, and he still got me gifts. This was the FIRST time we had met, and to see that much love and devotion had me slightly wary... but as time progressed and I saw how "good" a relationship could be it was comforting. (And not to mention, God put me in a position so I could move 2 weeks after my 21st birthday -when we first met- to Douglasville, GA and we were able to spend time together every two months and now we're just together 2.5 years later)


This is long... sorry but it is an example of how God can put His intervention in things. SO is cute, but upon first knowing him, I never saw the potential... HE and God saw the potential immediately...

So you just have to pray and fervently pay attention.

 

[Ms.Honey]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

While I do believe that God presents people to us (plural) I don't believe in "soul mates", people destined to be our spouses. I believes that He presents MANY people to us to fellowship with not necessarily marry. That's our choice to make. He does this when we're in line with His will and have had quite a few experiences with Him, after we've been obedient to His will not just because we've been praying for one.
The bible says that we can marry who we want to as long as it in the Lord, a converted Christian.
To marry or not to marry is our choice. Paul said if you CHOOSE to marry you're not sinning and if you CHOOSE NOT to marry you're not sinning.
I think we need to careful when attributing our relationships to God just because we're happy for the moment. If and when they end badly, we tend to blame the Lord for sending that person to us, for not warning us or beg for the return of the person and look like fools to others in the process. Every good gift comes from above (paraphrasing). If there's a lot of drama attached to it(pre-marriage) it's not from Him. We have to remember that the devil is a counterfitter, he gives gifts too but to weaken us and to destroy us in the end. AND He'll send us someone who LOOKS like a saint, the answer to our prayers but one who does not have our best interests at heart at all.
We are not obligated to stay in any relationship pre-marriage and we need to remember that the other party is under absolutely no obligation to remain either and can end it at any time. So it's best not to get wrapped up emotionally with someone we're not married to. If they dump us they have the freedom to do so.
God will not bless our mess! If He tells us not to marry and we marry anyway then we will receive His chastisement not His blessings. He does not reward disobedience. While we are still bound to that person we will have to endure what He tried to save us from and He will strengthen us to do it. If we marry before knowing the Lord to someone He would not have approved of after conversion, in that situation I believe He will bless the marriage because He is a forgiving God. He frees us of our sins that we committed before salvation but He says we're accountable for those we commit after receiving salvation.

 

[Trini"T"]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

I agree with you MsHoney, I don't believe in the whole soulmate thing either. In Corinthians 7, the way marriage is talked about doesn't sound like it has to be this one special person that you were born to marry. Corinthians 7:39 "A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord". It sounds like there there is a lot of freedom there. In Corinthians the emphasis is mostly on whether or not you were called to marry(I guess if you have the desire, because Paul didn't) and if the person is a Christian.

Then we have my favorite...Corinthians 7:9 which basically says that it is better to marry than to burn in passionate lust. That too sounds like there is a lot of freedom there. I of course believe however, that it is important to seek God first before you get into any sort of relationship.

 

[cocoberry10]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

While I do believe that God presents people to us (plural) I don't believe in "soul mates", people destined to be our spouses. I believes that He presents MANY people to us to fellowship with not necessarily marry. That's our choice to make. He does this when we're in line with His will and have had quite a few experiences with Him, after we've been obedient to His will not just because we've been praying for one.
The bible says that we can marry who we want to as long as it in the Lord, a converted Christian.
To marry or not to marry is our choice. Paul said if you CHOOSE to marry you're not sinning and if you CHOOSE NOT to marry you're not sinning.
I think we need to careful when attributing our relationships to God just because we're happy for the moment. If and when they end badly, we tend to blame the Lord for sending that person to us, for not warning us or beg for the return of the person and look like fools to others in the process. Every good gift comes from above (paraphrasing). If there's a lot of drama attached to it(pre-marriage) it's not from Him. We have to remember that the devil is a counterfitter, he gives gifts too but to weaken us and to destroy us in the end. AND He'll send us someone who LOOKS like a saint, the answer to our prayers but one who does not have our best interests at heart at all.
We are not obligated to stay in any relationship pre-marriage and we need to remember that the other party is under absolutely no obligation to remain either and can end it at any time. So it's best not to get wrapped up emotionally with someone we're not married to. If they dump us they have the freedom to do so.
God will not bless our mess! If He tells us not to marry and we marry anyway then we will receive His chastisement not His blessings. He does not reward disobedience. While we are still bound to that person we will have to endure what He tried to save us from and He will strengthen us to do it. If we marry before knowing the Lord to someone He would not have approved of after conversion, in that situation I believe He will bless the marriage because He is a forgiving God. He frees us of our sins that we committed before salvation but He says we're accountable for those we commit after receiving salvation.

thanks. I like this perspective!

 

[cocoberry10]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

Bumping for more responses!!!!!!!!

 

[kandake]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

I voted "heck yeah, God is God, What he says goes." but I don't necessarily agree with the word "importune". But thats just semantics.

I have thought about this a lot in the last year or so. I'm married. I've been married for almost two years but have been separated from my husband for over a year. We are both Christians. While we were dating he came to me and told me that God told him that I was his wife. We went on with our lives and I believed that I received conformation from God that this was infact that man that HE wanted me to marry. Long story short we get married and as I just mentioned we are now separated. I am at my wits end trying to figure this thing out. I don't know if he was God sent and this is the the devil interfering with our marriage (you know he comes to kill steal and destroy right). Or if he wasn't supposed to be my husband and God has intervened to get us back on track to finding the people that we're truly supposed to be with. I also want to add that God hates divorce; so I don't know how this plays into it. I don't understand why he would allow us to marry someone thats not for us if He doesn't like divorce. Anyway, I digress.

I do know that God is soverign and omnipotent; he has ALL power. To add to that I want to say that our lives or predestined. God knows what's going to happen in our lives before we come out of womb. So, I have a hard time believing that we truly have freewill.

With that said, I believe that God has handpicked a mate for us just as he did for Adam. The problem is that we get in the way of His will. We do things the way we see fit. Oftentimes we pick mates without his consultation. We don't pray about it and we don't ask for His guidance. But God allows us to marry those individuals. For what reason, I don't know. I had a Sunday school teacher that called it God's "permissive will as opposed to God's perfect will."

I said all that to say that yes I think that God has a handpicked, predestined mate for us. But we have to be careful to not operate in our own freewill or else will get off course and God will have to bring us back into alignment with HIS perfect and sovereign will.

In the meantime I'm still trying to figure out what happened in my situation.

 

[HeChangedMyName]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

I think God has a specific plan for each of us but he allows us to choice and make decisions based off what we want. The problem is that it usually takes us a lot of unnecessary trial and error to figure out that what God wants for us is the best. It's better than what we thought we wanted so I think that if we don't mess up and stray too far away, that mate that God has for us(for those of us who are gifted to be married) will still be available.

I know I am gifted to be someones wife so I am waiting for my chance to sleep at my Boaz's feet. I have submitted the search up to God so that he can give me to my husband, apparently I'm not good at this free will thing when it comes to relationships because I am single, yet again.

with that being said, I think we can use our free will and chsose to marry someone who God didn't choose for us and it can work but not be perfect like God planned it.

 

[cocoberry10]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

Kandi, I'm really sorry about your situation and separation. Personally, I think no matter what (whether your husband was sent by God or not, God WANTS to work it out between you). As you said, God hates divorce, and not because he is judging people who get divorce, but because of all the hurt, pain and sometimes drama it causes. I don't know what's going on between you and your husband, but I do think God CAN work things out if you give Him a chance. He never said things would be perfect, even when we follow His perfect will. I am struggling now with a life situation (not marriage). I am trying to do something that's God's will, and I know it's God's will, b/c I was doing my own will for a while. I know that this is world-changing stuff, and trust me, I'm meeting opposition at every corner. Sometimes, you are fighting a generational curse and you don't even know it. I'm not sure about you (or your husband's) family history, but maybe divorce, separation, adultery, abuse, alcoholism, or something else is a problem. So, even though you entered your marriage intending so, it's not just your battle you are fighting but generations of battles. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers!

I voted "heck yeah, God is God, What he says goes." but I don't necessarily agree with the word "importune". But thats just semantics.

I have thought about this a lot in the last year or so. I'm married. I've been married for almost two years but have been separated from my husband for over a year. We are both Christians. While we were dating he came to me and told me that God told him that I was his wife. We went on with our lives and I believed that I received conformation from God that this was infact that man that HE wanted me to marry. Long story short we get married and as I just mentioned we are now separated. I am at my wits end trying to figure this thing out. I don't know if he was God sent and this is the the devil interfering with our marriage (you know he comes to kill steal and destroy right). Or if he wasn't supposed to be my husband and God has intervened to get us back on track to finding the people that we're truly supposed to be with. I also want to add that God hates divorce; so I don't know how this plays into it. I don't understand why he would allow us to marry someone thats not for us if He doesn't like divorce. Anyway, I digress.

I do know that God is soverign and omnipotent; he has ALL power. To add to that I want to say that our lives or predestined. God knows what's going to happen in our lives before we come out of womb. So, I have a hard time believing that we truly have freewill.

With that said, I believe that God has handpicked a mate for us just as he did for Adam. The problem is that we get in the way of His will. We do things the way we see fit. Oftentimes we pick mates without his consultation. We don't pray about it and we don't ask for His guidance. But God allows us to marry those individuals. For what reason, I don't know. I had a Sunday school teacher that called it God's "permissive will as opposed to God's perfect will."

I said all that to say that yes I think that God has a handpicked, predestined mate for us. But we have to be careful to not operate in our own freewill or else will get off course and God will have to bring us back into alignment with HIS perfect and sovereign will.

In the meantime I'm still trying to figure out what happened in my situation.

 

[kandake]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

Cocaberry, thanks so much for your kind words.

 

[cocoberry10]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

Cocaberry, thanks so much for your kind words.

No problem. I pray everything works out for you!

 

[cocoberry10]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

Bumpity bump!!!!!! (Shimmie get in here)!

 

[Cloud06]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

I believe WE choose who we marry. God can show us who we can benefit from and learn and grow from but marriage is not for everyone its a personal choice. God CAN show us potential mates but what you WANT may not be in his plan for you. We need relationships to grow and to change and teach us how to "walk" right.

I got invloved with a young man a while ago and it seem all too perfect, heard he had a fling while with me; it was true. But I stayed anyway and tried to trust. But that man brought all the worst qualities out of me and led me away from God( well I put my relationship with God on the backburner in love of this man) Worst time of my life; thats what I get, Huh?
Point blank listen to God to show you the right choices to make and the right the right people to fool with! I make it a point to put God 1st in every venture I get into in life. If I'm not sure about a person friend or associate, I pray on it! And watch and wait all while stayin true to my morals and beliefs!

 

[Ariana4000]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

I had a LOT of bad relationships before my husband. I got so tired of it. I didn’t meet my husband until I prayed. I asked God to take the selfishness out of my heart. I asked him to send me the man He wanted for me or to take the desire out of my heart to be married. I was ready to just be alone, and like clock work my husband came along. I believe I had free choice though I could have been the old me and not have let the relationship blossom.

 

[poookie]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

While I do believe that God presents people to us (plural) I don't believe in "soul mates", people destined to be our spouses. I believes that He presents MANY people to us to fellowship with not necessarily marry. That's our choice to make. He does this when we're in line with His will and have had quite a few experiences with Him, after we've been obedient to His will not just because we've been praying for one.
The bible says that we can marry who we want to as long as it in the Lord, a converted Christian.
To marry or not to marry is our choice. Paul said if you CHOOSE to marry you're not sinning and if you CHOOSE NOT to marry you're not sinning.
I think we need to careful when attributing our relationships to God just because we're happy for the moment. If and when they end badly, we tend to blame the Lord for sending that person to us, for not warning us or beg for the return of the person and look like fools to others in the process. Every good gift comes from above (paraphrasing). If there's a lot of drama attached to it(pre-marriage) it's not from Him. We have to remember that the devil is a counterfitter, he gives gifts too but to weaken us and to destroy us in the end. AND He'll send us someone who LOOKS like a saint, the answer to our prayers but one who does not have our best interests at heart at all.
We are not obligated to stay in any relationship pre-marriage and we need to remember that the other party is under absolutely no obligation to remain either and can end it at any time. So it's best not to get wrapped up emotionally with someone we're not married to. If they dump us they have the freedom to do so.
God will not bless our mess! If He tells us not to marry and we marry anyway then we will receive His chastisement not His blessings. He does not reward disobedience. While we are still bound to that person we will have to endure what He tried to save us from and He will strengthen us to do it. If we marry before knowing the Lord to someone He would not have approved of after conversion, in that situation I believe He will bless the marriage because He is a forgiving God. He frees us of our sins that we committed before salvation but He says we're accountable for those we commit after receiving salvation.

thank you for that post. i needed to read that.

 

[envybeauty]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

I now believe that we choose. The bible says "he who findeth a wife findeth a good thing." It does not say "he who findeth his only wife" or "he who findeth the wife chosen for him." It says "a wife" --- as in any one he chooses.

 

[Northern_Belle]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

I believe that God can arrange for your path to cross with a partner that can be ideal for you but ultimately we have free choice for who we marry. Not every woman who desires a husband is going to find one. That is not a punishment from God. We have to be diligent to make God the head of our relationships and listen to His wisdom as we establish the foundation that will lead to a healthy and Godly marriage.

 

[divya]

Re: Do You Think God Importunes Us to Marry Someone or Do you think we choose our mat

God makes a way for us to meet an individual, but ultimately, it is our choice to marry. Ms. Honey and SuperNova have explained it very well...