I've seen people repent, change and grow many, many times. Usually it requires them hitting rock bottom in whatever manner applies to their particular character flaw, and then leaving behind all the people who could remind him of how he used to be. So, while I believe a man can change his character, I wouldn't hang around waiting to see it happen.
Agreed... for people period, I think it's very hard to change your character and by character I mean more than personality flaws. I mean your moral compass, ethics, value system, kind heartedness, meanness, selfishness, all of the real issues they deal with. I find that people who do change, which it's been rare to see if they do so, it's b/c they've been through something pretty bad. Most people aren't really self reflective enough to really see the cause of such a trait and therefore strive to change it. It can be an incredibly difficult feat. When they do think they've changed, things just look a little better and it may not be as bad as before but that seed is still there just waiting to come out and you push them hard enough and it will strike
True, coming from an old cynic. Here's my analogy:
People might think they've changed, but all they've done is moved the books around the shelf.
In other words, unless a person gets NEW books (new personality, new character traits that they were BORN with), it's still the same damn books on the shelf. They've just rearranged them and fooled both you and themselves that theyve changed. May take a minute, but you realize--dang! SSDD!
Getting new books is very rare. Generally only happens with massive catastrophic life events.
Agreed.. and this is a great analogy.
This is interesting. for the people who feel that people don't change have you not grown any in the last 5-10 years?
I do think people change. Yes, we all have a personality, and I think that is set, but people are capable and do shed their bad habits over time (and sometimes go backwards and shed the good ones too).
Now if we are talking along the lines of the Maya Angelou quote, the one about believing who people show themselves as, then absolutely! We are all actors. I'm definitely not always "prim and proper" at home.
So to the OP: My answer in light of the book is that I do agree that his character won't change. If you are in the dating world, it is quite unnatural to wait around 3 years to figure out if an a-hole is going to change.
To answer your question, YES of course I've changed within the last 5 -10 years, however --- my morals and character has remained pretty steady and it's not something I try to do,
it just is. However, other things have changed about me, but the root of who I am has remained pretty constant and I feel that way about a lot of people. Ex, a friend I met freshman year of college - off bat, she was very very kindhearted, simple, not a jealous person at all, very naive, just a good hearted person. Well, I met up with her this summer and she is still the same gentle soul. Of course, she may not carry on w/ the same antics as she did when she was 20 b/c she's older and more mature but the crux of who she is has remained the same. She said the same about me, that I've def matured since college but I'm still the same Brittny, she just shook her head and laughed.
Likewise, I have a friend that I was very close to for years and it took some time for me to really realize her main character flaws and when the veil was lifted from my eyes, I stopped talking to her b/c I felt our whole friendship was a joke, the joke being on me. Well, I'm still in contact w/ this person and have even been around her several times.. and each time I still see that competitive, like to 'harmlessly' throw shade, self centered, it's alll about me me me attitude. I feel like that is just who she is and until she really sits down, self examines herself and figures out why she feels the need to behave like that she will continue... and she does. She may be a slight less of a jerk but she's still a jerk nonetheless.
Bad habits are much easier to change and proactively try and work on than trying to change your character. I have an ex who had a terrible character. I left him and he used to tell me soooo much how much she's changed and that even his mom noticed. He'd call me crying just apologizing for what a jerk he was. I'd start to hang around and he def had softened up
a lot, matured and changed for the better... but push his buttons and the old him would come out or even if you didn't push his buttons, he just became slightl lesser version of the a$$hole he use to be. Instead of being a big a$$hole, he's a smaller one... but an a$$hole nonetheless.
