Do you know someone who knows that their SO is cheating?

celiabug

celiabug

New Member
They aren't in denial or anything but they stay with them even though they are cheating. I know a few people like this and maybe I'm wrong but I always thought that if your SO cheats you leave them. Is this not always the case?
 
celiabug said:
They aren't in denial or anything but they stay with them even though they are cheating. I know a few people like this and maybe I'm wrong but I always thought that if your SO cheats you leave them. Is this not always the case?
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Is cheating or has cheated? Either way I have known both. Some handled it better than others. When I was younger I thought the same thing- everyone leaves when they get cheated on. I now know it's way more complicated than that for a whole lot of people. I'd go so far as to say the majority of men and women I know that were cheated on in a serious relationship are still with that person. If they did eventually end it cheating was only part of the reason. It's not the deal breaker people say it is when ish gets real.
 
I know a number of couples who worked through infidelity issues. As for knowing and allowing their partners to cheat... I'm not sure.
I agree that as things get more serious and lives are more intertwined couples are more willing to work through their issues.
 
Yes and like you I never understood why they continue to stay with that person. But like the previous posters stated, it's a lot more complicated especially when you have kids involved.
 
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Yup, I know of one person who is married and her spouse has cheated and her reasoning is a very common one, "Well he always comes home to me". He cheated openly before they were married, so she knew what she was getting in to. She thought marriage would change him. I ask her why, did she think that, since she approved of his cheating. She swears that she doesn't approve of his cheating. I am like, whatever gets you through the night girl.
 
My best friend. It honestly sickens me because the host of problems they have did not start with the cheating. He has physically abused her, in addition to the mental and emotional abuse.

He played mind games with her about another girl/coworker, and a week ago finally admitted he had been cheating with that said girl. He also claims he only continued to cheat because he was AFRAID that the cowork/other girl would tell my friend.

Their relationship has been rocky because of the SAME chick for over a year now. He calls her at 2am, gets rides home from her, invited her into his apartment & bedroom, etc.

This manipulating, calculating fool pulled the wool over her eyes again and took him back. I honestly cannot understand this at all. I know where she gets in from though, her mom continues to stay in a marriage with a husband that cheats.
 
celiabug said:
They aren't in denial or anything but they stay with them even though they are cheating. I know a few people like this and maybe I'm wrong but I always thought that if your SO cheats you leave them. Is this not always the case?
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If they're in an open marriage/relationship, then its cool. But in all other cases, I still tend to think that they're in some form on denial, or have a self-esteem issue. eta: People who stay for the kids burn my soul though.
 
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It's sad to say that all the relationships that I know of involve couples in which the male has cheated numerous times and the wife is aware of it. In one extreme case I know one woman whose husband has produced several outside children and even attempted to sleep with his stepson's girlfriend :look: . Despite this they continue to stay together.
 
Yep, a good friend of mine. They were in a LDR for a couple of years when he moved away for work. Cheated on her from day one even with another friend of mine. In my defense this is a fairly new friendship - the cheating went on when we were not friends. All along I was convinced she didn't know but we were on our way back from a concert last night she blurted out "... I know he was cheating while I was away."

Now I kind of have a dilemma - do I tell her that he cheated on her with my friend? I think if she forgave him for the cheating will it really matter who it involved? She is not friends with my friend though they meet occasionally when I invite people over. And, no my friend is not a home-wrecker he told her that he has broken up with and that he was single. This situation is way to messy for me - and to top it all off they are getting married next August. I told her guy that if he ever cheated on her again and I had evidence I would tell her though I'm-not sure if I would really do this because I honestly think cheating is not a deal breaker for her (even though she says it is).
 
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MayaB12 said:
Yep, a good friend of mine. They were in a LDR for a couple of years when he moved away for work. Cheated on her from day one even with another friend of mine. In my defense this is a fairly new friendship - the cheating went on when we were not friends. All along I was convinced she didn't know but we were on our way back from a concert last night she blurted out "... I know he was cheating while I was away."

Now I kind of have a dilemma - do I tell her that he cheated on her with my friend? I think if she forgave him for the cheating will it really matter who it involved? She is not friends with my friend though they meet occasionally when I invite people over. And, no my friend is not a home-wrecker he told her that he has broken up with and that he was single. This situation is way to messy for me - and to top it all off they are getting married next August. I told her guy that if he ever cheated on her again and I had evidence I would tell her though I'm-not sure if I would really do this because I honestly think cheating is not a deal breaker for her (even though she says it is).
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You should definitely stay out of it. She knows he's a cheater, don't get involved.
 
Yes. Both women have been married for almost 30 years and claim sex is for the mistress to take care of, not them. They even have rules about where the mistress can go - like they can't come to the house but the husband can go to theirs. I was shocked years ago when they told me, but not anymore.
 
ThickHair said:
He cheated openly before they were married, so she knew what she was getting in to.
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And this is what I'm talkin about!!! I mean he was effin up before you got married but now "he's my husband, we're married" and everyone goes woo woo woo and then or before then yall have children and well it's "I can't leave cuz of the kids" and that's supposed to shut people up too....there's nothin wrong with tellin the truth or not sharin the info...you don't wanna leave, you're upset, but you'll get over it like you have in the past......there's nothin wrong with ventin but it can make people sick after awhile when it's the same thing esp when something happens and push comes to shove you'd choose dude over everyone....friends, family, and in alot of cases your kids (whether he's the father or not and you're married or not)...
 
I do not know them personally but DH has friends who worked through it. Both of them were cheating and they decided to work it out.
 
II am a true believer in once a cheater always a cheater...they say their "I'm sorries" and as soon as things get back to normal so to speak, the cheating happens again.

I have an ex who i found out was cheating with everything walking smh....boy bye..keep ur future diseases to urself, it ain't that deep to have a man...and that ain't love. If there are children involved then that's all the more reason to get out of the relationship.

Kids can sense everything and they don't deserve to live an unhappy life just because the parents wanna stay together for convinience or fear of being lonely...put the kids first...LEAVE...especially if it has happened more than once...kids need healthy parents or atleast one who will be strong enough to leave before a deadly disease has been given.
 
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Yes, one of my good friends knows her boyfriend cheats on her. She even caught him at the movies with another girl but she's still with him. She's not innocent though because she slept with one of his best friends in revenge.
 
I knew someone who was the mistress. The wife suspected about her and the husband. She chose to ignore the situation and even take advantage by having the mistress babysit regularly (three kids) or help with household chores while pretending ignorance. The wife would tell people at her church that she didn't care because the mistress was a "good little worker bee" and laugh about it, cause in her heart she believed the husband would never leave.

He did. He later married the mistress and they now have two kids together.

Its never good to be complacent. The "at least he comes home to you" mindset may not always be the case.
 
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dominiquej

I know I'm late, but what happened with the stepson. The mother may want to stay married, but doesn't this cause turmoil for the whole family?


dominiquej said:
It's sad to say that all the relationships that I know of involve couples in which the male has cheated numerous times and the wife is aware of it. In one extreme case I know one woman whose husband has produced several outside children and even attempted to sleep with his stepson's girlfriend :look: . Despite this they continue to stay together.
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I don't know of any couples who know about continous infidelity and stay. I do know of couples who have worked past infidelity.
 
I know of a couple where the man cheats and she just basically ignores it because is more or less the provider and "treats her good" otherwise. It's not a good look IMO.
 
carcajada said:
Yes. Both women have been married for almost 30 years and claim sex is for the mistress to take care of, not them. They even have rules about where the mistress can go - like they can't come to the house but the husband can go to theirs. I was shocked years ago when they told me, but not anymore.
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What part of the game is that????? How does this come up in conversation?? So who does the wife have sex with? :nono::nono::nono::nono: This is crazy on some many levels.... Who brought up these rules the husband or the wife??? :nono::nono::nono: So it it an open marriage??:nono::nono::nono:
 
celiabug said:
They aren't in denial or anything but they stay with them even though they are cheating. I know a few people like this and maybe I'm wrong but I always thought that if your SO cheats you leave them. Is this not always the case?
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This is usually not the case. Folks can say whatever they want but most people do not leave a relationship, especially a marriage, after they have been cheated on.
 
BrickbyBrick said:
I knew someone who was the mistress. The wife suspected about her and the husband. She chose to ignore the situation and even take advantage by having the mistress babysit regularly (three kids) or help with household chores while pretending ignorance. The wife would tell people at her church that she didn't care because the mistress was a "good little worker bee" and laugh about it, cause in her heart she believed the husband would never leave.

He did. He later married the mistress and they now have two kids together.

Its never good to be complacent. The "at least he comes home to you" mindset may not always be the case.
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Ha! She thought she had a good little concubine vs wife scenario until her husband dropped #1 for new new.
 
yep. couples, young and old. one of them is finally getting a divorce, they claim
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, and the rest of them seem to overlook it.
 
One of my friends is still with her husband who gave an STD. Not a fatal one, but still an STD. I think she stays b/c they have a daughter together, but I wonder what she's really teaching her beautiful little girl.
 
Yes. The wife claims to have stopped caring about the infidelity, but yet, other women I have known who made that same claim put themselves into high gear: bettered their looks, went for and got promotions, made independent investments, traveled, even took lovers themselves--all whilst staying married and/or in process of divorce or separation. This particular wife? She quit her job and blamed it on health issues, became a hypochondriac, made eating a hobby and doubled her weight (now has hypertension, knee problems and borderline diabetes), developed a frivolous shopping habit, found religion and not in a good way, cut herself off from most friends and family and claims she's just doing her. Divorce? Separate? Not even on her radar. She says she's given up on trying to fix him, but knows God will mend it. IMO, she's given up on herself.
 
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