Do People Get Mad At You

[Guest]

When you try to give them the healthly hair tips you learned? Or should we not even bother???

I had a couple people, one my own daughter get mad cause I suggested a daily moisturizer, she has a perm and just got hi-lites which is dryin her hair out even more, it looks broke and choppy in the back, so I suggested - this is exactly how I said it:

"Now that you've Hi-lited your hair, it may dry it out, make sure you use a good moisturizer daily so it does'nt break".

I did'nt think that was mean or anything what do you guys think? Anyway, she said "YOUR OBESSED", Quit being so Obessed with hair I know how to take care of my hair.!

I was just trying help.

The other case was a lady at church her hair is gummy and plastered with grease all the time. Now she said to me, "Your hair always looks nice" I said thank you I complimented her first, I said: You have a nice lenght too you should choose a nice moisturizer instead of grease cause the grease weighs it down..

Again, I did'nt say it mean (I don't think) but she went beserk saying Oh everybody dont have good hair some people NEED grease and whatever else it takes.

She had an attitude and all. Should we just not try to help people??

I don't know how else nicer to say it, I wanted to say you really don't know how gummy and nasty your hair looks do you.

But I refrained..

 

[queenofmean68]

I sometimes get the same reaction from folks at times. We think we are offering help, but they take it as an insult. I don't even bother anymore! Now if folks ask me about my hair I just tell them, "Thanks, I've been working on it." If they ask for a suggestion, I tell them to "try different products to see what works for you."

 

[Allandra]

I give them advice if they ask for advice. Otherwise,

 

[Guest]

I guess, that's what I'll start doing. Some people think your stuck up and don't want to share so I try do help I hate seeing people with tow up hair unneccesarily.

But from now on I'm gonna do that if they don't specifically ask for suggestions I'll shut up.

I was kinda hurt by daughter though cause her boyfriend is cute and quite popular and I see him eyeing girls with long hair and she had long hair when the met but she is lettin it go downhill. In fact a friend thought she cut it and she said I did'nt get it cut....

Sooooo, she should really take that into consideration. Plus she's always saying how long my hair has gotten so she knows it works.

 

[myco]

I think with things that are very sensitive like hair, phrasing and delivery are just as important as content. If the person did not ask a point blank question, I always try to relate everything to me. I would say something like "I really like light moisturizers on my hair because they don't weigh it down," or something to that effect. That is a lot easier to digest as an option than me dissecting their regimen and telling them what I think is wrong with it - especially when they didn't ask. When people feel like their methods are being questioned, they naturally go on the defensive. Even if that wasn't the intent of the advice giver. It's kind of like the way a parent feels when someone else tells them how to raise their kid. Because we are just sharing conversation as opposed to me lecturing, they might feel more comfortable relating their own situation and then asking for suggestions.

Just my unsolicited $.02.

As a rule though, I try to only make suggestions to specific questions - you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. When people start to see your consistent results they will ask, you won't have to hunt them down to tell them what to do. Once I answer your question, it's out of my hands.

 

[Guest]

Good Point Myco..

I do know when my mom starts in on me about losing weight, I get defensive and angry.. I know she's just being a mother and being concerned but I hate when she does that.

I already know I need to lose weight I need encouragement not "boy look how big your gettin".

 

[CrownnGlori]

Advice is not always appreciated if it isn't wanted. Personally, my hair is such a part of me that if it doesn't look good,( condition wise) I feel bad and when someone gave me unsolicited advice I felt worse. My first reaction was attitude. Its only a protection because basically...I know and I didn't ask. Being emphathetic, I know only give advice if it is welcomed. No use

.....

 

[myco]

So true. Weight and hair are like dynamite.

 

[Allandra]

[ QUOTE ]
myco said:
So true. Weight and hair are like dynamite.

[/ QUOTE ]
Yes indeed!

 

[Guest]

Unless it's something that the person is requesting, just let it go, don't give advice when it's not wanted

 

[karezone]

I just quit. My Aunt asks me for advice on vitamins and supplements but I don't volunteer hair info. Nobody i know believes that water=moisture.

 

[Isis]

[ QUOTE ]
Caramela said:
Unless it's something that the person is requesting, just let it go, don't give advice when it's not wanted

[/ QUOTE ]

Ditto!

 

[Guest]

[ QUOTE ]
karezone said:
I just quit. My Aunt asks me for advice on vitamins and supplements but I don't volunteer hair info. Nobody i know believes that water=moisture.

[/ QUOTE ]

I KNOW!!

Why is that? I laugh on the inside when someone says that washing your hair too often will "strip" it

Sometimes I try to explain different but other times I'm just too tired. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

 

[CrownnGlori]

What about you need dirt to make it grow. No, carrots need dirt.

 

[pebbles]

[ QUOTE ]
CrownnGlori said:
What about you need dirt to make it grow. No, carrots need dirt.

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL, ain't that the truth!

 

[Dutchess]

There is a lady at my job who always compliments me on my hair and asks how I get it so nice. (hers is relaxed,dry, overprocessed and I can see the breakage). So when I tell her about "MY" hair, I tell her how "MY" hair used to be dry and breaking and how "I" learned how to take care of "MY" hair and everything that "I've" learned. Since I made it all about me she didn't internalize it, therefore she started asking if she could do the same things that I did. Now her hair in on the road to recovery, there's a big difference now and her hair is growing. She had the nerve to tell me that I shouldn't tell other women how to grow their hair - that I should keep it a secret. I was thinking, you selfish woman, here you were looking like a chicken head and I helped you. So yea, people are funny, but I just like helping people.

 

[metalkitty]

Hey Mindy, you sound like a really nice mom. Being barely more than a teen myself, I think your daughter was just getting an attitude cuz of your know- how and she overreacted. Maybe if her hair starts breaking a little you can take her out to buy something and have a girls night in. Until she asks for help or it starts to break, I'd let her be snotty

. Thats how I learned heh.

 

[Guest]

[ QUOTE ]
. Until she asks for help or it starts to break, I'd let her be snotty . Thats how I learned heh.


[/ QUOTE ]

Thank you (((((Metalkitty))))) I gonna ask you for advice when I gotz to deal with Miss Thang.. LOL

That helps alot

 

[karezone]

Yeah you can do condtioning treatments on each other and stuff.