Do i need to be checked? (Hair Rant)

[TamaraShaniece]

My boyfriends mom suffered from alopecia from having tight cornrows under weaves and baldness from glueing tracks directly onto the scalp. I told her to massage JBCO on her scalp daily. NO WEAVES! It's been 2 months and she has growth. Now I always wear my hair in a protective style. For the holidays I finally lady my length show.

Now my boyfriends mom insist that she trims my hair, she offered to color and relax my hair. I politely declined. She said it doesn't make sense for me to pay someone to do when she will do it for free. She said my hair will fall out if I don't get a relaxer soon. I always say nicely....I'm ok thank you or not sure what I'm going to do with my hair.

Inside I feel like I kno wat I'm doing w/ my hair. I don't your help. Im helping you w/ visible results. I don't trust anyone except 2 ppl with scissors near my head.

Do I need to be checked? I can handle it ladies. Am I being mean by declining her offer every week? I would feel bad if I paid my ONLY trusting hairdresser to do my hair, walk in my boyfriends house, and she will say "Tammy why u waste ur money to get ur hair done wen I would do it for free?" -smh help

 

[Dee_33]

No need to be checked, you're saying no not HELL NO so she shouldn't be offended. I've had family members ask why I pay for rollersets when they can do it for free. I just tell them thanks but no thanks and keep it moving.

 

[alive]

just keep being firm and polite as you've been doing. if it starts getting to you, ask your boyfriend to talk to her.

he probably knows the best way to approach her so she gets the message once and for all

 

[southerncitygirl]

TheEspressoHair

Consider the source as my my mom would say. This woman is now only growing hair cause you helped her.She had/ or still has horrible hair practices. Whether you are transitioning to natural or stretching your relaxer your SO's mom is being disrespectful by offering to do your your hair every week and she needs to be checked by your So and you. You couldn't pay me enough to let her her paws touch my hair and you should feel the same way. You are not overreacting. You know your hair will not fall out so what she says is irrelevant.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

ETA: ^^^^ OMG you're right...She can barely take care of HER OWN hair...and she wants to put her hands in yours? Oh no ma'am...

She needs to back off. She just wants to chop some of your hair off!

 

[faithVA]

Stick to what you are doing. If you allow her to do your hair and she messes it up, then there will be unnecessary drama. You aren't being mean. She is being manipulative. To ask once is fine but if she it is doing it over and over she does not have your best intentions in mind.

She doesn't know how to handle hair. You already know this. Trust your instincts.

 

[TamaraShaniece]

Thanks lady. I'm always nice to ppl, I don't mind sharing, always giving, etc but 2 things I don't play about. My whole milk and hair. I don't share my milk after i already poured it n my cup. And my hair. I'm nice in saying no...I wasn't sure if I was being rude by turning down free service. Thanks ladies :whew:

 

[Ash25]

I think she’s feeling a little insecure about her hair care abilities and needs someone to test them out on to validate what she thinks she knows about hair care. I don’t think your overreacting at all. No one has touched my hair since my hair dresser over processed me on one side and I had to cut 4 inches off.....that was in 2007.

Why is she so persistent? Dosent she care that its making you uncomfortable to have to keep turning her down....that is kinda selfish of her.

 

[FrazzledFraggle]

Thinking of the large and various can of worms that could be opened up if she touched your hair and things went awry.

You are making the right decision!

 

[Anakinsmomma]

Nope. You are right. I wouldn't trust her.

 

[Marand13]

I have this thing about ppl with bad hair trying to do others hair. No way she would touch my hair. But then no one has touched my hair since I was a kid... lol

But IMO she is the one being rude by asking every week. after the first 2 declines she should have taken the hint and moved on. She just wants to play in your hair thats all.

 

[Aireen]

Nope, I wouldn't give in AT ALL. I don't trust just anyone to manipulate my hair. I'm thinking, like some of the ladies stated:

- She wants to validate and possibly refresh her "skills" on your head. Basically you're gonna be a lab rat... risky. erplexed
- She wants to "accidentally" chop off some hair...
- Wants to take credit for all your hard work if your hair still happens to flourish under her care.
- She feels insecure about you offering her some very crucial, possibly embarrassing advice and (again, as stated above) needs to do your hair to validate herself.

Honestly, no means no and you're not being rude. You need to be more firm and to discuss with your BF/SO that his mother is making you feel very uncomfortable with the constant asking. He'll probably be able to get the message across loud and clear or will be able to give you the green light to be a little bit more direct in your responses to her. Goodness, I hope it works out because I do NOT want to see a thread titled "MY BF/SO's MOTHER JACKED UP MY HAIR!"

 

[cynd]

... I always say nicely....I'm ok thank you or not sure what I'm going to do with my hair. ...

TheEspressoHair, assuming she has no ulterior motives and simply wants to repay your kindness, when you say "Im not sure what I'm going to do with my hair" she may be hearing "I'm don't know what I want to do with my hair now, but ask me later". Try being firmer with her and close the door on the conversation. I realize you want to be nice and not create problems, but there is nothing wrong with telling her that you appreciate her offer but you have a plan that's working well for you and your hair and you are committed to sticking with it. Good luck.

 

[sharifeh]

Noooo stay away ...

 

[NappyNelle]

I'm with you; no thanks. I like to pull the, "I am soooo tenderheaded! You would get tired of my tears if you tried to do my hair." It's not exactly true, but I'll do my own hair, my own way.

 

[havilland]

NO but thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is what you say and K.I.M.

stick with what works!

DO NOT LET HER TOUCH YOUR HAIR!!!!

NO, YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE CHECKED!

i wouldn't let anyone, good hair, bad hair, bald headed or whatever touch my hair. i have a stylist i trust. end of story.

a very good stylist gave me this advice when i was 16 years old and wanted to change relaxers "if something ain't broke, don't fix it. stick with what works. ALWAYS."

i can tell you for sure, with RARE EXCEPTION, EVERY TIME I DIDN'T LISTEN to that simple piece of advice, i had a setback i regretted.

as recently as 2010 i jumped on a bandwagon for a growth aide, even though my hair was doing fine. what happened? my hair got damaged and i had to cut 3 inches off.......i know better and so do you.

don't come in here with a setback story if you let her mess in your hair.....i don't want to have to come looking for her. LOL

 

[JustGROWwithIt]

Thanks lady. I'm always nice to ppl, I don't mind sharing, always giving, etc but 2 things I don't play about. My whole milk and hair. I don't share my milk after i already poured it n my cup. And my hair. I'm nice in saying no...I wasn't sure if I was being rude by turning down free service. Thanks ladies :whew:

LOL at the bold print. I don't share my milk once it's in my cup either!
And as for your BF's mom, I completely agree with you. I only trust one person to out scissors to my hair too. And that's not unusual! I don't see why she would keep asking...seems weird to me. I say stick to your guns!

 

[auparavant]

Relaxer plus color? Not at all. Don't feel pressured either.

 

[cocosweet]

Inside I feel like I kno wat I'm doing w/ my hair. I don't your help. Im helping you w/ visible results. I don't trust anyone except 2 ppl with scissors near my head.

Well there it is. I agree with those who say she just wants to play in your hair. Don't be her hair test dummy.