Did I mess up or dodge a bullet?

Been there. Got the T-shirt to prove it.

You definitely would have got your feelings hurt worst in the long run. You have feelings. He's looking to ease the pain. You will always be more vulnerable then you need to be.

And you can be the last woman standing, but by the time you get what you think you want, he would have used you up and spit you out so many times...the 'getting' wont even be worth it anymore.
 
And you can be the last woman standing, but by the time you get what you think you want, he would have used you up and spit you out so many times...the 'getting' wont even be worth it anymore.
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DEEP!

You might be onto something here because I did feel some resentment growing and I will admit my dignity felt a lil' trampled on.

1-dodging the bullet! yay!
 
I'm just sitting here :blush: at how similar your situation is to my last relationship prior to meeting DH. Based on my experience, I STRONGLY discourage anyone from being a man's first attempt at a relationship or anything remotely resembling one after the termination of a serious relationship (marriage, engagement, or long-term relationship) ended by his ex :nono: no way, NO how. :nono: Keep it PURELY platonic or keep your distance.
 
However why do you advise to never be the first attempt? Interesting point @MD Lady
 
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You didn't mess up. There is nothing wrong with asking your partner where a relationship is going because you have a right to know. Its your relationship right?
He pulled away because that isn't what he wants. Plain and simple. He just wants the fun. Doesn't sound to me like that would work for you.
I'm not sure if you are serious about the "last woman standing part" but no man is worth such a gamble.
In my opinion not all connections lead to the type of love you are expecting from this man. Yeah, he may have brought you around family and said somethings. All that means is he likes your company and probably thinks of you as a good friend he is also physical on some level with. Introducing you to family and offering to come and meet your grandmother doesn't necessarily translate into intentions to committ. He might just want to feel close to someone as he heals from his last relationship. Its only been 4 months since the last one right?
 
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BeautifulFlower said:
Been there. Got the T-shirt to prove it.

You definitely would have got your feelings hurt worst in the long run. You have feelings. He's looking to ease the pain. You will always be more vulnerable then you need to be.

And you can be the last woman standing, but by the time you get what you think you want, he would have used you up and spit you out so many times...the 'getting' wont even be worth it anymore.
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ITA with the bolded been there and I'm just now getting over it after almost a yr ago break up. Emotionally unavailable men and serial monogomists are the worst types to be involved with they can charm the skin off a snake but when the time comes to do the work it takes to sustain a meaningful healthy relationship they can't because of the baggage they carry.

BTW You dodged the bullet
 
Sosoothing said:
You didn't mess up. There is nothing wrong with asking your partner where a relationship is going because you have a right to know. Its your relationship right?
He pulled away because that isn't what he wants. Plain and simple. He just wants the fun. Doesn't sound to me like that would work for you.
I'm not sure if you are serious about the "last woman standing part" but no man is worth such a gamble.
In my opinion not all connections lead to the type of love you are expecting from this man. Yeah, he may have brought you around family and said somethings. All that means is he likes your company and probably thinks of you as a good friend he is also physical on some level with. Introducing you to family and offering to come and meet your grandmother doesn't necessarily translate into intentions to committ. He might just want to feel close to someone as he heals from his last relationship. Its only been 4 months since the last one right?
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tks!!!!!!!!!!
 
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Dodged a bullet. You should NEVER compete to be last woman standing, NEVER. Either he's crazy about YOU or not, don't settle for less.
 
You, dodged a bullet! Know you don't see it now, but you can't miss what you never had. So, you did good chica!!!
 
hopeful....he told me he was crazy about me LOLOLOLOLOL

Remember that cat food commercial "lies, lies, I dont' believe a word you say..."
 
As soon as I read that he was emotionally unavailable, in my mind you dodged a bullet. You wouldn't want to be the last woman standing with him.
 
Fine 4s said:
hopeful....he told me he was crazy about me LOLOLOLOLOL

Remember that cat food commercial "lies, lies, I dont' believe a word you say..."
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Perhaps he was and perhaps he thought he was crazy about you but if he was emotionally unavailable & set on dating other women it really doesn't matter. On the last episode of Drop Dead Diva the lead character had to drop the guy because even though he was crazy about her he was not willing to date only her. She dumped him and I was so proud of her, she said she just couldn't do it. Don't feel bad that you want a guy all to yourself, that is a very normal and healthy desire. And remember you guys have known each other for years. If you were the one he would have tried to lock you down awhile ago. He is just biding time until the one shows up. Good for you for not letting him waste your precious time.
 
I'll let you ladies know exactly what made me desire him...

Nothing! lol
 
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I know it may not feel good but you dodged a bullet!

Change your perspective - you don't want to be "chosen", you want it to be a mutual choice. You don't need to prove how lovely, wonderful you are, you are lovely and wonderful just because!
 
Ahhh...the wounded bird. Had my share of those. :violin::rolleyes:

He did you a favor. For what it's worth, if a guy is into you, you will not have to ask where it's going, because he will be actively taking it there. I think if all women could learn to maintain distance as long as the relationship is not where they want it to be, they could enjoy dating a lot more. They could date like men, without all the random sex. But it's hard, I know. It's all perspective. I still rec that book "he's just not that into you." It's so simple, and once you adopt the philosophy, it's such a time saver! LOL
 
Fine 4s said:
Soooooo are you saying that I'm going to meet my husband next MD Lady teehee?!!!

Oh, I'm not his FIRST attempt, I'm the first GROUP!!! LOL He got a whole flock of women chillin' with him and I know because he told me last week LOLOL
Yet, another possible hint from him to 'leave me alone.'

However why do you advise to never be the first attempt? Interesting point @MD Lady
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Thanks! :up: As far as the bold goes, people need time to work through their pain... and they need to do it by themselves. :look: My ex was a GREAT guy and didn't want to pull me into his healing process, but since we decided to start dating (we had quite a history prior to this and that greatly contributed to his comfort level with dating me- again :look:) that's EXACTLY what happened. I was able to work through my feelings fairly quickly, but if I had to do things over again, my decisions would have been driven by my realism more than his optimism.

By the way, based on what you've written in this thread, you dodged a bullet BIG time.
 
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Fine 4s said:
I hate to be re-hashing over and over the details but I think it's also important to place actions in the proper context and also to listen to what a man SAYS more so than their ACTIONS. Or, at the very least focus on the actions that carry more weight. The struggle for me was determining which actions HAD more weight. Because I LOVE my grandmother so much, him wanting to meet her melted my heart. In my last relationship, the guy had no desire to meet my grandmother or my barely there father. But in the end it didn't mean much afterall....How does one LEARN HOW to read these things....WTH? lol

Contrary to what we hear often 'actions speak louder than words,' I thought his actions DID show me there was progress. Listen, didn't only fool ME, he fooled my homegirls too! They LOVED him (lol) and my dogish male friend also thought that he might be getting 'closer.' Then again, that was based on what he HEARD from me (with the rose colored glasses on) This mess cracks me up when I think of it all....

Great advice @Cherokee-n-Black.
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Interesting post...

When I was younger I had a guy who said EVERYTHING I wanted to hear (like he was reading my mind), but never backed it up with action. I can't imagine how confusing it must be to have someone saying AND proving with actions. I have no advice just hugs...That must really play with your mind and heart...

If it is any consolation, he will definitely miss your awesome hair, not to mention your personality!
 
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