Did anyone tell DH/BF BEFORE their BC?

[yougrowgirl!]

I BC'd about an hour ago! Yes! Finally did it, and so happy with my decision. I called my husband at work to tell him my hair has gone from shoulder length relaxed to half an inch of curls all over and to my surprise he was super-upset with me! He said I should have talked to him about it before I did it, which I found strange because I'm always in a weave or in wigs as I love switching things up and that probably won't change for a while. I was just surprised he was so bothered not like him at all and when we started dating I had a really short cut

 

[MrsJaiDiva]

I told my Dh before I chopped, but not for permission or anything. Just like "I'm going to do it! I'm gonna cut off all the relaxed ends!" The only thing he said was, don't relax it again then. And after I chopped, he looked at me and said "It still looks the same...and your hair Still isn't curly!"

 

[tiffers]

Congrats!

Cutting off your hair is a major decision, and like all major decisions, the men-folk like to feel like they have a say in it.

I told my husband before I chopped-- wasn't asking for permission, it was more like "I'm cutting my hair off now, k? I'll be out in a minute"

We'd talked about it before, so it wasn't a big shock to him. He was like at the thought of me walking around with a TWA, but he supported me and luckily he really likes it now!

I think more than anything, your husband is feeling unimportant right now because you didn't consult him before doing something so drastic. Just apologize for not talking with him about it first and when he gets home, have him feel all up in the curls and act really excited about the new change. Him seeing you so happy will help him accept the chop.

 

[Afrobuttafly]

Congratz! I hope we get to see pictures..
At the end of the day it's your hair honey. It would have been nice to give him a heads up. but you are his wife and not his child. If you want to cut your hair you can. That said, I understand his surprise/anger to some degree because it was totally unexpected. Maybe he had grown fond of longer hair on you even though he didn't have a problem with it being shorter in the beginning. Or maybe it's because it will not be straight, but curly this time. I don't know. Those are things you and him do need to discuss. What's done is done now. Continue to switch it up and enjoy your versatility. If he isn't too anti natural or short hair he will probably come around with time.

Make sure to talk with him about your reasons for doing it and how it makes you feel and ask for his support. Maybe even apologize for not preparing him first. But rock it fiercely and I want to see it!!! LOL

 

[NikkiQ]

I didn't tell him a thing. He knew that I had been battling with dealing with the 2 textures and it was stressing me out more than I already was (I was in the middle of planning our wedding). I went home from work early one Friday and chopped it all off while he was at work. He came home and I told him I had a surprise for him and walked out of the bathroom. He just looked and said "you did it! look at all that hair baby!" and kept on truckin like it was no big deal.

 

[Afrobuttafly]

Oh and I didn't have a bf to tell..but I didn't tell anyone else pre chop either. It will be met with mixed reactions..but that's a part of the journey.

 

[kandiekj100]

For my very first chop DH (just SO back then), knew that I had been contemplating it, but when I finally did the chop he didn't know until he got home. I know one of the things he liked about me and attracted him was my hair, but he didn't say anything about it and he didn't show any anger.

 

[HairPleezeGrow]

Congrats on your chop! Nope I did not tell him when I did it that I was going 2 do it but I was hinting around to him for some days b4 I did it so he wouldn't be suprised. Needless to say he still acted like he was shocked lol but he got over it though. Your husband will eventually get over it to may take time but he won't stay mad. I find it interesting that our men (well mine anyway) could care less what style I would do to my hair or I would ask him how he wanted me to get it done & his response I don't care its your hair but when you cut it they have a say then lol.

 

[Ogoma]

I am a planner and in the weeks before the day I talked about it non-stop, bought hair products, and watched tons of you tube videos so he had no choice but to be aware of it. To be honest, I think he just hoped once I was done, I would stop boring him with the details of my hair. He had no idea that was just the beginning. For whatever reason, he is just not vested in what I do with my hair; I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing.

I think your husband just feels excluded and will probably be back to normal by the end of the work day.

 

[Darenia]

I did call and tell DH right before I cut it. Like Mrsjaidiva, not for permission but just to let him know. But my DH and I are like that, we both understand we don't need each others permission for certain things (we grown) but as a courtesy to one another. He just said I like your hair long, but I like it short too, so whatever you wanna do.

I think sometimes DH/SOs just want to know you consider their opinion not so much need their permission.

 

[indarican]

i told my SO before only because when we first started dating he said the only two things he looked for in a women really was good hair and good teeth. i had my hair straight shoulder length since we got together so when i decided to cut after my transition i was like, "how would you feel if i had a head full of curls" "what do you mean like what" says he "like the curls i have in the front of my head" ( I had about 10 months of new growth and the curls was poppin all over the place along my hairline) "curls huh, that would be different, nice"

i feel like he was prepared for the change and whether he liked it afterwards or not he already knew what was going on. lucky for me he seems to enjoy playing in my new found curlies.

 

[Pompous Blue]

Told DH I was doing it. He was very supportive through the 6-month transition and has been supportive every since.

 

[kandake]

Congrats on your BC. I BC'd this time last year. It was 12/12/10.

At any rate. I didn't have an SO at the time. But, I think it's fair to at least worn them that you may do this at some point. But when I really think about it. My BC was a rash decision and I didn't even know I was going to do it until I was in the mirror with scissors in my hands. So I probably wouldn't have been able to talk to an SO about. So IDK.

 

[Ronnieaj]

I talked with my BF before even deciding to transition. I needed someone I could trust to bounce the whole concept off on. He was super supportive then, and when I decided to chop, the only thing he said was that he wanted pictures! I did it over Christmas break back in CA, so when I returned to VA he was SO excited to see my hair . He has been by far my biggest supporter . Now he says that his concept of what's "beautiful" has changed from straight to natural, because of me.

 

[yougrowgirl!]

This is how I feel! I've rocked all sorts of styles, long, short, colored, what's the big deal now? Heaven knows what he expects to see when he gets home- some Brittney Spears ish?!

 

[30something]

I told him the day before.. I didn't even considered a BC until minutes before I told him. He said it was fine, I know he has tendency to either not to care or not listen to the magnitude of what im saying if it "girl stuff". The next day I told him I cut it off while he was at work. Took a picture and showed him..he said "it looks good." Many months later come to find out that he was pissed and upset that I cut it so short.*shrug* Well that was just too bad I was loving my hair at that point anyway.

Now My mother ..I didn't tell her until months later

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I had kinda mentioned to my DH for a few months before that I was going to go natural and cut my relaxed hair off, and he said go for it. I didn't tell him the day that I was going to cut, so he was a little shocked when he saw my 1/2" hair My hair wasn't long to begin with, a short pixie cut, so it wasn't like I went from BSB to no hair at all.

If he didn't like my BC he never let me know, but he does love my natural hair.

 

[Afrobuttafly]

I hope my bf or dh or w/e if i ever get one is as supportive and cool as some of yalls were. There is something so sexy about a man not only accepting but embracing a big chop. It's such a big change and takes getting used to, but I imagine it can be difficult when the person closest to you doesn't support your decision and offer encouragement. That's what I want...a man that likes natural hair or at least learns to..mmmhmm.

 

[LoveCraze]

I had been hinting around for about 2 weeks that I was going to cut my hair and that I wanted him to help me do it. DH kept delaying and saying that I should transition a little longer, but I was ready to do it already. So before he left one evening, I told him that I was probably going to BC while he was gone. When he came home and saw it, his frist comment was that he thought it was going to be shorter. All in all he has been very supportive of my hair journey.

 

[discodumpling]

Yeah I told him.

Me: Yo! come help me with this
Him: What?
Me: Here hold this *places scissors in his hand* CUT here
Him: You sure about this?
Me: CUT HERE
Him: Ok

I really just needed him to cut what I coudn't see in the back. The whole front and sides were gone by the time i asked for his assistance!

Good luck to you when your DH gets home!

 

[lesedi]

I had just started dating someone new but I did tell them that I was going to BC. Not that it would have changed my decision.....I felt bad kinda cos he was always bragging on my 'loooooong' APL hair lol and then before I even got a chance to meet the people he was bragging to, I had a TWA

 

[Nonie]

I would have told hubby-mine if I had known a BC was going to happen. Only mine was a surprise "gift" from a SHS so we were both equally shocked and pissed about the unsolicited service.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

many men are emotionally connected to our hair. we're not the only ones.

my mom and dad got into a heated argument about a hairstyle she wore once. it was a french roll so it wasn't even as drastic as a cut. yeah, some men

My aunt's husband who is like be most awesome guy did tell her that they should have discussed her hair cut before she cut it into a chin length bob.

if i want to get my bf antsy i just mention cutting my hair.

 

[winona]

If I new what a BC was then I would have told him. I just "hey babe, I am getting rid of the hair that has perm on it." He had no idea how much that was since he hadn't seen me in 10 months (I was on deployment). The harsh water overseas made the decision for me but I am thankful it did. Sometimes I wish I new about LHCF back then because my relaxed hair probably wouldn't have been such a HAM.

 

[Anakinsmomma]

No, I didn't tell him the actual day I chopped, but he did have some warning (i had been dropping hints for months) At the end of the day, it's my hair and my body.

 

[SimJam]

I spoke about my wanted to cut off my hair ... but didnt tell him when I did it. Actually he was away for 2 weeks when I BCd, went to pick him up at the airport with a caeser , from APL hair LOL

he was shocked but he liked it

 

[yougrowgirl!]

Update: Soooo, he asked me to text him a pic of my hair and I did. He text back a smiley face and wrote that he had picked up a gift for me...then he text me a pic of a Yankees baseball cap! The nerve! He's cool with it, but that initial reaction was so unlike him