Dealing with Conflict sermon by Dr. Charles Stanley

inthepink

New Member
Wow!!! Just wow!

I was doing my hair and listening to this weeks' sermon by Dr. Charles Stanley. It was all about dealing with conflict.

In the past year, I have been replaying a conflict in my head over and over and over again. A conflict that resulted in the end of a friendship.

CS talks about how to deal with conflict and so many other things about it. I finally had a light-bulb moment!

I realized what I had done wrong and also what I had done right.

I realized the person used me as a substitute. They went off on me because they could. But the person they really wanted to go off on was their father. It has taken me a year to realize this!

Furthermore, I remembered also how we can only control our own responses - not others.

I tried to be Christ-like in responses and from CS's talk, I see that I did a lot of things right but the one big wrong thing I did is try to "talk reasonably" with this very angry person. CS says that is pointless.

CS also said that you need to forgive people for "how" they talk to you. That is something I still working on doing. Maybe it will be easier now.

I've copied the sermon notes from his web page below.

I want to walk around with this in my back pocket!!


http://www.intouch.org/site/c.cnKBIPNuEoG/b.5106673/k.693C/Confronting_Conflict__Sermon_Outline.htm
Sermon Outline

Confronting Conflict

Charles F. Stanley
Scripture: Galatians 2:11-16
I. Introduction: Conflict is an inevitable part of life. But if we choose to react in humility and forgiveness, you and I can avoid becoming bitter and resentful toward others and the Lord. God can use disagreement and criticism to teach us about ourselves, improve our relationships, and mature us spiritually. Let’s take a look at what the Bible teaches about how believers should respond to criticism and other types of interpersonal conflict.
II. Conflict affected the first Christians.
A. Peter said that God “made no distinction between us and [Gentiles], cleansing their hearts by faith” (Acts 15:9). Later, the apostle separated himself from those who weren’t Jews by refusing to eat with them. He acted as if they were still unclean in God’s eyes.
B. When Paul publicly confronted this hypocrisy, Peter didn’t try to justify himself (Gal. 2:14, 16). Instead, he humbly acknowledged his error and changed his stand. First Peter 2:9-10 reveals his conviction that through faith in Christ, Gentiles could now be called “the people of God,” on equal ground with Jewish believers.
III. How can we confront conflict?
A. Recognize the cause. Conflict may result from different opinions, a personality clash, miscommunication, or jealousy. A person who is angry with someone else—or even with God—may take it out on you. Other conflicts have their root in rebellion against authority or emotional baggage from childhood or previous relationships.
B. Consider the effect of conflict. There are at least two wrong responses to disagreements. First, some try to suppress conflict—they recognize a problem but decide to do nothing about it. Second, people may repress it. In other words, they deny that conflict even exists.

When conflict is not dealt with properly, it affects most areas of our lives. Unresolved disagreement divides the mind, contributes to health problems, and hinders our emotions. It causes unnecessary pain and disappointment. If you are holding on to anger toward another person, you can’t truly love anyone. Unresolved conflict also thwarts our fellowship with God and delays personal growth.
C. How can we respond wisely to conflict?

  1. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you discernment. Since disagreements have various causes, begin with seeking God to learn the source in each situation.
  2. Maintain a quiet spirit. Our natural reaction is to defend ourselves when attacked. Instead, let the other person talk, and sometimes he or she will reveal the root of the conflict.
  3. Make no attempt to justify yourself immediately. When people are furious, they can’t listen to your perspective. If God leads you to defend yourself, wait until the other person finishes. He or she will be more likely to hear your side.
  4. Ask the Holy Spirit to guard your mouth. Psalm 141:3 says, “Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.” Don’t blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. Carefully consider what you are going to say, and leave time for God to provide you with wise answers (Luke 12:12).
  5. View the conflict as coming from God. It doesn’t originate with the Lord, but He desires to use everything for good in our lives. When I learned to view discord as something the Father allows, it freed me to view such situations objectively. This perspective protected me from becoming bitter toward God or critical, resentful, and angry at others.
  6. Ask the Holy Spirit whether you are at fault. If you were wrong, immediately apologize and ask for forgiveness. When you feel unjustly condemned, learn to say, “I appreciate that you felt free to tell me this. I will prayerfully evaluate your criticism. Do you have any other suggestion that would help me?” Humility is always the right approach to disagreements.
  7. Forgive the one responsible for the conflict. Even if the other person’s analysis is wrong, forgive him for bringing discord into your life (Eph. 4:32). Jesus provided the perfect example of this. During the crucifixion, He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).
  8. Ask God to reveal His purpose for allowing the conflict. You may not know immediately why the Lord is allowing difficulty. In time, you should be able to see what He accomplished through each situation you faced. Pain, suffering, and heartache mature us spiritually and equip us to help others more effectively.
IV. Conclusion: Conflict may be inescapable, but you and I can choose how to respond. If you are unable to agree with the other person, don’t feel like a spiritual failure. No one can force reconciliation, but you can choose to walk in forgiveness, regardless of any outcome. Ask God for wisdom, and He will be faithful to guide your steps. This hurting world needs a reason to hope—the Father desires that our response to conflict be a compelling demonstration of His power and grace.
 
THank you! This came right on time. I'm having a HARD time witht this girl at work. SHe constantly disrepects me and I've had a talk with her but it hasn't changed. She makes my life miserable here.
I've been praying about it and I"ve asked God to give me understanding as to why He's allowing this to happen. ALso, I"ve asked him to get me out of here. :nono:
 
I love CS! All of his teaching is so on point! and he urges you to seek the word for your own jewels and look for yourself, not to just beleive him because he said it but to beleive what He said to be true! God is sooo awesome!!!
 
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