Dating While Seperated..

mxdchiq86

mxdchiq86

New Member
for the ladies that have been married, or anyone who can offer their perspective, what do you think about dating outside of your marriage while legally seperated from a spouse?

is it okay? not okay? how long into the seperation do you wait to begin dating? are there specific rules to dating that you should follow?
 
In NC, the other person (you) can be sued for damages for up to 3 years if the spouse finds out that their husband/wife dated while separated. This includes criminal conversation (just talking on the phone).

Most people don't know that law, but my suggestion would be to leave it alone.
 
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I've dated someone who was separated. But his divorce was finalized 3 weeks after we met. The entire process from start to finished took about 3 years :look: He had a lot of assets and his wife kept taking him to court, so it took forever to finally come to an agreement based on her terms. So under those terms I didnt mind dating him. But if he was newly separated I wouldnt bother. Cant be worrying about if he is or isnt going to try and work it out with his family or not. Plus he wont be looking for anything too serious after his divorce.
 
I'm not married, but I'd say that unless you are definitely going to divorce, don't do it.
 
I was separated for 4 years until we actually divorced.

It's hard because when you tell someone you're separated, you lose people.

I'd say do it. Esp if you know you're going to eventually end up divorced, which can take time.
 
I wouldn't date while separated, because if I wanted to be with someone else, I'd get a divorce. If I didn't want to get a divorce, I'd just be using someone. But that's a female perspective.

If I were looking at a man who had not bothered to get a divorce, absolutely not. He's still tied to his wife. He needs to handle that before he gets near me.
 
If you and me had to go as far as separate, then IMO seeing other people cannot help or hurt us anymore than "we" already did. I would communicate with the other party that I had plans to communicate with others, but I wouldn't make it very obvious or clear. It's my decision whether or not I do.
 
I know for some the marriage was over way before the papers were filed.

I would hope if I were in that situation I'd take the time before the divorce was final to re-examine my marriage and my life before jumping into something again. If I had kids I definitely would wait till it was completely over, if at all. But I've never been there, so yeah...
 
Depends on the reason for separation and if you are looking to reconcile. I think both parties should let it be known that they are dating others. For some reason, I thought there was a law regarding sex while separated but I'm not sure. I've never been married though.
 
*Happily Me* said:
I was separated for 4 years until we actually divorced.

It's hard because when you tell someone you're separated, you lose people.

I'd say do it. Esp if you know you're going to eventually end up divorced, which can take time.
Click to expand...

I too was separated for about 4 years before my divorce was finalized...(not for lack of trying on my part buts thats a whole other thread)...I dated because I knew I was getting a divorce for sure..
 
I think being separated means you are trying to work on the marriage. If you're dating someone else, to me it seems like you're "dividing" yourself and not able to fully focus on reconcilliation.

I know this sounds crazy but I always think a man will go back to his wife more than likely but when women are done--we are done. When we leave, we don't often go back.
 
I did because I knew that my marriage was OVA. In PA there is no such thing as a legal seperation, all states are different. In PA you are married or divorced, you seperate yourself from the other person. But you do have to wait 2 years if one won't sign. My ex waited until 1 week shy of the 2 year period to sign, just cause.
 
Whatever happened to dating as in going out and having fun...? Dating does not always have to involve sexing or search for commitment. I have dated while separated to my first husband. I had FUN. To this day, I felt there was nothing wrong with it, as we had no children together, and I'd be darned if I was going to stay home watching TV and knitting. However, if there were children in the marriage, I would wait until the divorce is final.

Would I date a separated man? Not if he has young children, and not if I am looking for something permanent.
 
I didn't date until almost a year after my divorce was final, and was separated for 1 and a half years before the divorce. I just felt i had too much emotional baggage to start a new relationship
 
DragonPearl said:
Whatever happened to dating as in going out and having fun...? Dating does not always have to involve sexing or search for commitment. I have dated while separated to my first husband. I had FUN. To this day, I felt there was nothing wrong with it, as we had no children together, and I'd be darned if I was going to stay home watching TV and knitting. However, if there were children in the marriage, I would wait until the divorce is final.

Would I date a separated man? Not if he has young children, and not if I am looking for something permanent.
Click to expand...

Even that is illegal in NC, where the OP is.
 
I dated while separated but my husband was in prison. We got divorced 4 months after he was released. I think if the marriage is over and there are technicalities preventing you from filing, then yeah. If it is a trial separation to see how the two of you do apart, then no.
 
In my opinion, it's adulterous, whether physical intimacy occurs or not. One is still married. I wouldn't date a man who was separated. Beside morality, I think that one needs absolute finality in a failed relationship, legal and whatnot.
 
I wouldn't.

I understand that from the time you decide you want to get divorced, and actually getting divorced can be a long time - but I'd want to wait at least 2 years - personally - to be with myself and readjust myself to no longer being wife, but single woman, instead.

I mean, a marriage is an intense relationship, and I'm a fan of the 'single for a month for every 6 months we were together' mindset - I think hopping from one relationship to the other is downright unhealthy. Women so caught up in looking/doing/being/acting like whatever the latest 'thing' is to get a new man, and never take the time to really strengthen their relationship with self. :look:

If after two years, we still ain't divorced, then yeah, I might start dating - might.
 
sunshinelady said:
Even that is illegal in NC, where the OP is.
Click to expand...

actually, dating is not illegal. those particular laws do not govern who you associate yourself with. i'm asking moreso from an emotional standpoint. i'm aware of the legalities.

thanks for the input everyone. great advice.
 
mxdchiq86 said:
actually, dating is not illegal. those particular laws do not govern who you associate yourself with. i'm asking moreso from an emotional standpoint. i'm aware of the legalities.

thanks for the input everyone. great advice.
Click to expand...

I gotcha. Male companionship/friendship while separated. That's different than dating.
 
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