Dating Someone with a Terminal Illness....

[ellennicole]

I have a question for you ladies. I have recently met an amazing man..... If any of you read my post early this summer, I really was not looking to meet anyone. I have never in my life been able to converse and be myself completely as I have with this person. If I had a list of all of the qualities I wanted in a man (none of them superficial) he DEFINITELY HAS THEM.


I never thought I would meet someone so much like myself, someone so passionate about his beliefs about life. I've NEVER had this much in common with a man before. I can definitely see myself with him long term and he's expressed the same to me....

THE PROBLEM

He told me that he's facing a terminal illness (stomach cancer). He didn't tell me this initially, and I understand that to a point, but right now I really dont know how to feel. I want to continue to get to know him (he has good and bad days), but I am not sure what the future holds for him healthwise. (He's 37).

THE QUESTION

I really am not sure how to go about this anymore. I want to continue to get to know him, but I am not open to completely falling for him for fear that he may not be here. A part of me his angry that after 34 years, I've finally met a man that I can truly vibe with on so many levels... only to learn that he's ill.... He keeps talking about taking a trip next summer to Jamaica.... I am excited, but part of me doesn't/cant' take it too seriiously. I told him that I just wanted to focus on the here and now and not think too much about the future..

Okay, there really wasn't a question, I just needed to express... and get some feedback...

 

[audacious1]

I have a question for you ladies. I have recently met an amazing man..... If any of you read my post early this summer, I really was not looking to meet anyone. I have never in my life been able to converse and be myself completely as I have with this person. If I had a list of all of the qualities I wanted in a man (none of them superficial) he DEFINITELY HAS THEM.


I never thought I would meet someone so much like myself, someone so passionate about his beliefs about life. I've NEVER had this much in common with a man before. I can definitely see myself with him long term and he's expressed the same to me....

THE PROBLEM

He told me that he's facing a terminal illness (stomach cancer). He didn't tell me this initially, and I understand that to a point, but right now I really dont know how to feel. I want to continue to get to know him (he has good and bad days), but I am not sure what the future holds for him healthwise. (He's 37).

THE QUESTION

I really am not sure how to go about this anymore. I want to continue to get to know him, but I am not open to completely falling for him for fear that he may not be here. A part of me his angry that after 34 years, I've finally met a man that I can truly vibe with on so many levels... only to learn that he's ill.... He keeps talking about taking a trip next summer to Jamaica.... I am excited, but part of me doesn't/cant' take it too seriiously. I told him that I just wanted to focus on the here and now and not think too much about the future..

Okay, there really wasn't a question, I just needed to express... and get some feedback...

IDK know what to say, except that I'm listening. ((HUGS))

 

[Trinity1]

Any happiness we enjoy in this life is a blessing from God. Dont deny yourself happiness because of what may happen in the future...because in reality we are all only here for a season anyway.

TeeTee2

 

[Allandra]

(((((ellennicole)))))

I think we learn something from everyone we meet. I also feel there's a reason we meet certain people.

 

[Laginappe]

Ditto Tee Tee2 and Allandra.

 

[Much2much41]

I think since you like this man, you could try and see what happens. I think it's a beautiful opportunity to see the world through the eyes of someone who no longer takes things for granted. Everything he experiences he will make the most of, because he doesn't know what tomorrow might bring. It is actually the way each of us should live, because tomorrow isn't promised, but we don't. Anybody can make plans that fall through, so why not make the plans and let next year take care of itself? He could be here for many more years; his illness should not stop the two of you from living your lives. This man will live each day to the fullest, and it is a privilege that he's asked you to come along for the ride and witness it with him. Can you imagine how deeply this man could fall in love with you? Would you really want to miss out on being loved like you've never been loved before? You have plenty of other things in life for which to use your head; this time, follow your heart.

 

[Honey6928215]

I can only imagine what you are feeling. You found a great guy and now there is a likely chance that he want be around much longer. Please remember he didn't ask for this illness. It's not his fault that he came down with this. I'm sure if he had it his way he wouldn't be sick period. Put yourself in his shoes. Would you want someone to abandon you because of your illness? So you will have to understand what he is facing here.

What you can do is be a true friend to him. He needs all the support he can get and let him know that you are willing to stand by him. Treasure every moment with him. He will appreciate it and so will his family. Also, you may want to prepare yourself when the times comes. I know this hard but we will never know what tommorrow brings. Learn everything from him and let him learn from you.

When he overcome this illness he will remember all the things you have done for him. But with it being stomach cancer, well I don't want to be negative but let's be honest, I don't know anyone who have survived it. But I have heard miracles happen. Let us know what happens. Keep praying for him.

 

[Lindy]

Oh my gosh... that is so sad. I can understand your feeling as though you're not sure how deeply you want to become involved with this man. It's true that we are all just here for a season, and no one knows what life will bring from one day to the next, but at the same time, to knowingly become involved with someone who has a terminal illness is a whole nother ball game. Essentially it is like setting yourself up for a whole lot of sorrow in the long run. I also have issue with him not letting you know this information up front (although I do understand why he didn't). I think you will have to weigh it out for yourself and decide if this is something that you will be able to deal with. Personally, I have to admit that I don't think I'd be strong enough. Good luck to you, whatever you decide.

 

[blackmaven]

ellennicole

Sound likes you have already fallen for him unbeknowst to you.

Hang in there human emotion is not that easy to just cut off walk away.

Sounds like you meet the man of your dreams nothing in life is permanent.

It is hard watching love one suffer but when they have good days it is great.

If you need a little breathing space sometimes let him know continue on

cancer is uphill battle.

 

[blackmaven]

I think since you like this man, you could try and see what happens. I think it's a beautiful opportunity to see the world through the eyes of someone who no longer takes things for granted. Everything he experiences he will make the most of, because he doesn't know what tomorrow might bring. It is actually the way each of us should live, because tomorrow isn't promised, but we don't. Anybody can make plans that fall through, so why not make the plans and let next year take care of itself? He could be here for many more years; his illness should not stop the two of you from living your lives. This man will live each day to the fullest, and it is a privilege that he's asked you to come along for the ride and witness it with him. Can you imagine how deeply this man could fall in love with you? Would you really want to miss out on being loved like you've never been loved before? You have plenty of other things in life for which to use your head; this time, follow your heart.

Well said...........ITA

 

[Country gal]

I just watched Montell Willams today. I wish you could of seen the show. Your boyfriend has cancer the cancer doesn't have him. There was a young lady that had liver cancer, she made a documentary about it and fell in love in the process. She was afraid to start a relationship because of her condition. She fell in love and the guy is standing by her.

 

[Much2much41]

I just watched Montell Willams today. I wish you could of seen the show. Your boyfriend has cancer the cancer doesn't have him. There was a young lady that had liver cancer, she made a documentary about it and fell in love in the process. She was afraid to start a relationship because of her condition. She fell in love and the guy is standing by her.

Exactly. There are so many treatments available for all forms of dis-eases. The best thing to have is a positive attitude, and positive people around him. There is no room for negativity in his life, and neither of you should entertain it. I know of a young lady with stomach cancer that is doing quite well. She is using both conventional and alternative medicine, and the doctors are amazed at her progress. OP, if you want to stand by him, stand firm, and enjoy this time in your life.