Dating and the Military

[UrbainChic]

Are any of you dating or married to someone in the military? Or are you in the military?

What things should someone who is unfamiliar with the lifestyle be prepared for? Are there challenges that are faced when someone is in the military as a career that are unique?

 

[NOEChic]

Are any of you dating or married to someone in the military? Or are you in the military?

What things should someone who is unfamiliar with the lifestyle be prepared for? Are there challenges that are faced when someone is in the military as a career that are unique?

I am military. Be prepare for them to come home and then have to go right back out, not be able to discuss things with you. Have to work 12 hr days and not want to do anything but sleep when they come home.

When you are on the base you fall under them so anything you do that can get you in trouble actually really get them in trouble.

 

[Prelude to a Kiss]

I've been married to my soldier almost five years now. I've been through bootcamp, AIT, TDYs, and 1.01 deployments. (The .01 is because he just deployed.)


I know it's long, but here is a really good description.

Keep in mind that your experiences will depend on what he does and whether he's enlisted or an officer.

Be prepared to be alone for at least one week (or a year) at a time; it's not uncommon for your SO/DH to leave for training, field work, school, or deployments.

Abbreviations...there are about a million of them! Trying to learn them all at once is futile. And even if you don't think you'll need to, learn military time and the military alphabet. It'll save you time you weren't aware you needed.

Be prepared to be really, really flexible.The military is a whole lot of "hurry up and wait". Example: I was waiting for my husband to get his orders to tell us what our next duty station would be. He got them sooner than we thought. The good news? We were moving to Germany. The bad news? He would be going away to school... and wouldn't be back until a week before we had to board the plane--I would be the one dealing with the movers, closing of bills, etc. The worst news? The movers came two months early and left me with absolutely nothing in our apartment. And, yes, we still had two months to go on our lease! Luckily for me, I had some really great friends that I could stay with for the rest of the time.

The friendships! I kid you not when I say that some of the fastest (and deepest) friendships you will make will be with some of the other spouses. They will know exactly what you're going through or where to find a job and can be a major relief when Thanksgiving/Christmas/your anniversary/the birth of your baby come around with no SO/DH in sight.

Oh and whatever your career is-- check your certifications! There's nothing like moving to a new post only to find out that you can't work the job want because you're not certified.

I'm sure there's a bunch of other things I'm missing but that's all for now. I really HTH.

 

[justicefighter1913]

Very good question! Bumping for more responses!

 

[Seeking8Rights]

I'm a military spouse and have been for 8 years. DH is in the AF.

Um, there is a lot of things to learn and be prepared for as a mil spouse. But really, the best advice I was ever given was to expect nothing and have fun. Try not to let military directed circumstances that arise get in between your marriage. Military marriages have a higher divorce rate than the overall national rate, so just learn how to distinguish between normal marital woes and woes that a trigger by the military lifestyle.

Depending on the branch of service, be prepared to move more often than most American families. It's a great reward, but can get tiring. We have moved every 3 years so far.

The most important thing for any military husband is to have a home that is created like a sanctuary. However that may be for you two. They work hard and under stressful conditions so their home is their retreat.

When he is deployed, please rely on family (whether it be military or native family) and friends. Too many times, I have seen the spouses take on this "I can do this myself, I will be okay" attitude when the mil member is deployed and end up going into depression or having breakdowns.

Ask questions and if he cannot answer them, use your resources - military family resource centers, the web, mil spouse forums, neighbors or spousal groups. Never be afraid to network within the military community. You will be entering into a very tight knit community where many spouses have been through or going through a situation similar to you.

Know that whatever you do is a reflection of your husband and the military. It's okay to let your feathers down (I'm very laid back and love to have fun) but just make sure in doing so you keep in mind that your actions can impact him (and vice versus). This would be the case where (and I have seen this) a spouse will develop friendships with other military spouses, host parties and the events (think the worst) that took place end up being the subject of a conversation between the husband and his supervisors.

Remember that one day, you will too have to help and give guidance to a newly married mil spouse, so be willing to help when and where you can in this area.

There is no such thing as separating yourself from the military. Once you marry military, you have essentially joined yourself.

If you have more specific questions, please feel free to PM me and I would be glad to help out where I can. There are so much to share about life as a military spouse, one post wouldn't be enough.

But I love my life as a mil spouse and wouldn't trade it in for anything.

 

[justicefighter1913]

Can someone answer this for me please? How does a non-military spouse's actions impact those of the military spouse? I've heard of this happening in many cases. Let me give you a hypothetical: A man and his Sgt. wife live on a military base. The Wife begins to have an affair with her supervisor, who also happens to be a Sgt (male-for simplification). The Wife's husband discovers that she is having an affair and he goes out and destroys her lover's property (let's just say, a car). What happens to the non-military spouse and what happens to both of the Sgts. who carried on the affair. Let's say all of this went down on the military base. Is there a rank demotion? Also, what code guides these parties conduct? Does this code also goven the conduct of the non-military spouse and if so, is it just while they are on the base?

Just wondering...b/c I'm not well versed in military life or law and I've run into situations that are similar to this. I only deal with the legal consequenes of their actions (i.e. the destruction of another's property) but I know that their are military consequences as well. I'm just curious since I'm so unfamiliar with the military in this context.

Thanks ladies for indulging me and educating me

 

[Seeking8Rights]

Can someone answer this for me please? How does a non-military spouse's actions impact those of the military spouse? I've heard of this happening in many cases. Let me give you a hypothetical: A man and his Sgt. wife live on a military base. The Wife begins to have an affair with her supervisor, who also happens to be a Sgt (male-for simplification). The Wife's husband discovers that she is having an affair and he goes out and destroys her lover's property (let's just say, a car). What happens to the non-military spouse and what happens to both of the Sgts. who carried on the affair. Let's say all of this went down on the military base. Is there a rank demotion? Also, what code guides these parties conduct? Does this code also goven the conduct of the non-military spouse and if so, is it just while they are on the base?

Just wondering...b/c I'm not well versed in military life or law and I've run into situations that are similar to this. I only deal with the legal consequenes of their actions (i.e. the destruction of another's property) but I know that their are military consequences as well. I'm just curious since I'm so unfamiliar with the military in this context.

Thanks ladies for indulging me and educating me

justicefighter1913

In this scenario, here are the answers to your question:

Damaged took place on military installation (government territory and property)

What happens to the non-military spouse?
The non-mil spouse can be charged with a destruction of property on a military installation. But the civilian spouses actions would be handled in civilian court according to federal and/or state laws. But in certain locations, the spouse is held to UCMJ laws.

What happens to both of the Sgts. who carried on the affair?
Both military members will be punished according to the UCMJ. Adultery is a UCMJ violation (article 134 or 92 in the AF) and can warrant a dishonerable discharge and imprisonment (in a military prison). If found guilty, they both will have a reduction in pay and rank. The problem sometimes is most men/woman in uniform who cheated will not admit it, either one or the other will deny it and in this case, there is no "proof" of the adultery unless there are pictures, credible sources, documentation (emails, text, etc).

Is there a rank demotion?
Yes. Amongst other things.

Also, what code guides these parties conduct? Does this code also goven the conduct of the non-military spouse and if so, is it just while they are on the base?

Military - UCMJ
Non-Mil Spouse - Fed law and depending on where they are located the UCMJ. Like on foreign soil (overseas) the spouses are held accountable to the UCMJ as well.

I'm not an attorney, but this is only general knowledge that I learned as a mil spouse.

 

[Lady Slim]

Can someone answer this for me please? How does a non-military spouse's actions impact those of the military spouse? I've heard of this happening in many cases. Let me give you a hypothetical: A man and his Sgt. wife live on a military base. The Wife begins to have an affair with her supervisor, who also happens to be a Sgt (male-for simplification). The Wife's husband discovers that she is having an affair and he goes out and destroys her lover's property (let's just say, a car). What happens to the non-military spouse and what happens to both of the Sgts. who carried on the affair. Let's say all of this went down on the military base. Is there a rank demotion? Also, what code guides these parties conduct? Does this code also goven the conduct of the non-military spouse and if so, is it just while they are on the base?

Just wondering...b/c I'm not well versed in military life or law and I've run into situations that are similar to this. I only deal with the legal consequenes of their actions (i.e. the destruction of another's property) but I know that their are military consequences as well. I'm just curious since I'm so unfamiliar with the military in this context.

Thanks ladies for indulging me and educating me

It really depends. It (cheating) happens ALL the time but often goes unreported. If it is reported to the spouse's chain of command (supervisors) then the guilty party could lose rank. There really isn't any "punishment" for the non-military spouse except humilation (word travels fast in military couumunities)

 

[hopeful]

I'm not a military spouse but married for years to a man that used to travel a lot. I was/am fortunate that dh has never missed one single holiday or birthday. However because of his work he used to travel a lot and it was very very hard on our family, our marriage, and me personally. It can be very lonely and frustrating. Things seem to go wrong just when he is gone, and you have to deal with plumbers, handy men, etc. Children can get used to daddy being gone and count on you primarily for emotional support. Many many nights alone in your bed wanting to be held. Everyone is not cut out for it, not built for this kind of life.

It was hard on me and I didn't have to worry about his safety and he was never gone more than a week at a time. To have a husband gone months at a time to me would be unbearable. I would highly recommend thinking long and hard before marrying a man who is in the military or travels a lot.

 

[justicefighter1913]

Seeking8Rights and Lady Slim: Thank you both for breaking it down for me...I wasn't sure about some things. I'm not a JAG and I deal with situations involving military crimes few and far between, but when I do get them, I always wonder what happens after the case has been adjudicated (Federally). Yikes! Those are some serious consequences.

Lady Slim, you are so right, news does travel fast within the military. I don't know the logistics, but someting big happend down here recently with a high ranking military official, a civilian worker and the civilian worker's husband. It was published in some military newspaper, but I heard about it second hand. Very messy indeed.

 

[brg240]

you are so right, news does travel fast within the military. I don't know the logistics, but someting big happend down here recently with a high ranking military official, a civilian worker and the civilian worker's husband. It was published in some military newspaper, but I heard about it second hand. Very messy indeed.

that reminds me how much i miss the police blotter. I wished they never pulled it from the base paper. I loved reading what people did. 1st sergeant insert name was arrested and received an article 15 for this offense. A general's wife was banned from aafes for stealing $367 worth of makeup.

My friend is married to a navy guy and this is what she told me. Sometimes I feel like a part time wife. Her husband would be on the ship weeks or months at a time. Right now he's gone for a year i think.

 

[UrbainChic]

Do any of you know military married to diplomatic persons? I know these are random questions. I may just PM some of you....

 

[thetall1]