kayte
Well-Known Member
It's been a challenge to keep my head up or even bowed as it were,these days. I have been receving rejection one after the other in an industry I felt God had given to me years ago on a silver platter and I just kept saying okay God I am open to where YOU will lead me...then some real hurt and rupture occurred in a beloved relationship...........and I felt the testing was just TOO too much and stated asking the questions Christian try not ask ....WHY WHY WHY
Isn't enough I have put down...........name-your-favorite-vice
In't enough I still forgive people who ought to be in jail
isn't enough...haven't I suffered enough ..the litany/inventory of my good was there... like I had bargained my way out of any more tests...
but that God had somehow cheated me of rightful blessing that I had more than paid enough dues for. WHERE WAS MY RAM? My mom used to say the Lord has a ram for you....in times of severe sacrifice
I went to bed just in such despair...I cant put words to it
Then I went to sleep... the kind of sleep where you cryyourself tosleep w/all your clothes including shoes on ...and every light blazing and tv... because you can't care anymore.The only consolation I had... was in spite of deep disapointments.....I KNOW I love the Lord with everying in me and HE knows my heart...I also knew there was TOO much to be grateful for to get in this mindset.....the Lord gave me... enough..even though one cancelled....but enough appearances to pay my exhoribitant rent this month....doing what I love to do.but stll the gratitude cld not penetrate
I dreamt and in my dream...I saw Jesus...surrounded by disicples and may be angels......I know it sounds crazy.....HE looked like the figures you see in the illustrated bibles ......HE filled the space ... yet there was a softness like a light but there was no visble light....HE was the LIGHT
there was such a feeling of sweet peace and love that I woke up still hurt but renewed in being open to the Lord's Will.... Lord I am trusting YOU another day....
At church the last hymn was Jesus Loves me
Now.....I am sure....nearly half the churches in the country were singing that hymn and yet I knew the Lord was speaking to me...a minister of the Senior Citizens ministry asked to take me out to lunch to talk about conducting a short series of writing wrkshps for the seniors for the fall and I said ..YES ....tho I was rejected by the same industry almost every week
as I left church.....I saw a car license with the word ..empowered
So it is....
xoxxo
Isn't enough I have put down...........name-your-favorite-vice
In't enough I still forgive people who ought to be in jail
isn't enough...haven't I suffered enough ..the litany/inventory of my good was there... like I had bargained my way out of any more tests...
but that God had somehow cheated me of rightful blessing that I had more than paid enough dues for. WHERE WAS MY RAM? My mom used to say the Lord has a ram for you....in times of severe sacrifice
I went to bed just in such despair...I cant put words to it
Then I went to sleep... the kind of sleep where you cryyourself tosleep w/all your clothes including shoes on ...and every light blazing and tv... because you can't care anymore.The only consolation I had... was in spite of deep disapointments.....I KNOW I love the Lord with everying in me and HE knows my heart...I also knew there was TOO much to be grateful for to get in this mindset.....the Lord gave me... enough..even though one cancelled....but enough appearances to pay my exhoribitant rent this month....doing what I love to do.but stll the gratitude cld not penetrate
I dreamt and in my dream...I saw Jesus...surrounded by disicples and may be angels......I know it sounds crazy.....HE looked like the figures you see in the illustrated bibles ......HE filled the space ... yet there was a softness like a light but there was no visble light....HE was the LIGHT
there was such a feeling of sweet peace and love that I woke up still hurt but renewed in being open to the Lord's Will.... Lord I am trusting YOU another day....
At church the last hymn was Jesus Loves me
Now.....I am sure....nearly half the churches in the country were singing that hymn and yet I knew the Lord was speaking to me...a minister of the Senior Citizens ministry asked to take me out to lunch to talk about conducting a short series of writing wrkshps for the seniors for the fall and I said ..YES ....tho I was rejected by the same industry almost every week
as I left church.....I saw a car license with the word ..empowered
So it is....
xoxxo
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