Crying over hair-setback-longstory

[Napp]

I feel so stupid for doing so but tonight was so horrible. i decided to ask my mom for cornrows. my mom dosent know squat for taking care of black hair but i thought my knowledge had rubbed of on her. apparently not. It seems my mom dosent remeber how to cornrow. she hasnt touched my hair in terms of styling in about 5 years. akc when she was still doing it she didnt know so i had to get someone to show her and she did it good for that time. my hair was fairly presentable. but to day she started with some horible parts. one skiny a fat one and then a medium sided one in the size i wanted I was like mom stop let me do the rest( i was just gonna take them out) plus she was pulling them so tight against my head it fealt like i was 6 all over again crying as she abused my hair with the fine toothed comb. I dont know where she got the fine toothed comb from. i remember handing her the wide toothed oneerplexed. when i complained and said please be gentle she yelled at me and said "it isn't gold! its supposed to do that".(break) so shes raking it with the fine toothed comb and my hair is falling allover. after some bickering i told her to stop and just put in regular box braids because she knows how to do those better. so she did those raking the hair again with the fine toothed comb and puling them extra tight. then since a paper bag was near by she decided to show me how to put in old school paper rollers. and she put two in while ripping hairs out my scalp. my head is still sore in that area. my hair is broken all over. ive never seen so much breakage in one session of styling. i lost so much progress and am very sad. plus the braids look so horrible i have no idea what to do with it tomorrow.

heres a pic

but what do you feel about crying over hair? is it really tha serious? is it like crying over spilled milk?

 

[KAT25]

so sorry that this has happen to you

 

[Traycee]

So sorry........We live and learn...trail and error !!! Big Hugs

 

[AfroKink]

Sorry this happened to you

Something similar happened with my mom. Thankfully I was only getting her to do 2 big cornrows. She used a semi-wide tooth comb, but I hear my hair breaking so I complained. She went easy after that. Then I felt her stop at one point, and heard a pop. She was breaking the knots out of my hair, instead of detangling. She was trying to do it secretly



Be sure to do your own hair from now on. No one's going to care for it like you will.

Lys

 

[KaramelDiva1978]

Oh Napp, I'm so sorry you went through that. I do feel your pain and I would probably be crying too. I felt like my childhood days reading about your mom coming your hair. Girlie, that is like classic 'ole school and we survived it then. Our moms used loads of grease, pulled ponytails tight and we retained length and somehow had healthy heads.

 

[gradygirl]

Wow I am sorry about your bad experience. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad or even crying over your hair. You have worked hard to get your hair to where it is now so you have every right to be upset about a setback. Please do not let anyone do your hair that is unskilled even if it is your mom. If it were any other person you probably would have stopped them but I suspect since it was your mom you just let her do her thing and I totally understand because you don't want to be disrespectful but at the same time if she is ripping your hair out then it is time to tell mom to stop. Again I am sorry for your setback and again there is nothing wrong with being upset about the situation but also learn from it.

 

[JustKiya]

Oh, that sucks!! I'm sorry, that's simply unacceptable - mama or not.

One good thing - the braids might make a REALLY cute braid out tomorrow if you take them down and muss them up just a tiny bit! And maybe, if the front is 'poky', pin it back with a pretty hair clip or some bobbypins....

 

[cmesweet]

Wow, I could actually feel the pain by your description.

Your mom does not understand that for those on the forum our hair is like gold. Also, our hair is NOT suppose to pop, no no no.

However, I agree with Kiya, I do see a braid out in that style. I would tied the hair down so when you take down the braids tomorrow the front braided segments will lay down. If not, you can always comb out the braids and wear a puff.

 

[nodisrespect]

I feel so stupid for doing so but tonight was so horrible. i decided to ask my mom for cornrows. my mom dosent know squat for taking care of black hair but i thought my knowledge had rubbed of on her. apparently not. It seems my mom dosent remeber how to cornrow. she hasnt touched my hair in terms of styling in about 5 years. akc when she was still doing it she didnt know so i had to get someone to show her and she did it good for that time. my hair was fairly presentable. but to day she started with some horible parts. one skiny a fat one and then a medium sided one in the size i wanted I was like mom stop let me do the rest( i was just gonna take them out) plus she was pulling them so tight against my head it fealt like i was 6 all over again crying as she abused my hair with the fine toothed comb. I dont know where she got the fine toothed comb from. i remember handing her the wide toothed oneerplexed. when i complained and said please be gentle she yelled at me and said "it isn't gold! its supposed to do that".(break) so shes raking it with the fine toothed comb and my hair is falling allover. after some bickering i told her to stop and just put in regular box braids because she knows how to do those better. so she did those raking the hair again with the fine toothed comb and puling them extra tight. then since a paper bag was near by she decided to show me how to put in old school paper rollers. and she put two in while ripping hairs out my scalp. my head is still sore in that area. my hair is broken all over. ive never seen so much breakage in one session of styling. i lost so much progress and am very sad. plus the braids look so horrible i have no idea what to do with it tomorrow.

heres a pic

but what do you feel about crying over hair? is it really tha serious? is it like crying over spilled milk?

I'm sorry for laughing at that one part, if it's inappropriate I take it back.

There's nothing wrong with crying over hair. I'm going to be crying over my hair if come August I still haven't made any serious gains on my goal. The silver lining that I see is your hair is at least at a decent enough length - you aren't snap bald or anything - so at least you got plenty to work with, right? I know it sucks having to try to find a way to style your hair at an awkward length - I know (whether it's PC or not to say so) I hate wearing my hair in a stupid bun and ponytail everyday with people looking at me like I don't know how to comb my hair or wondering why I don't straighten it with my thirty seven textures... but all I keep thinking about is how much it's gonna be worth it in another year or year and a half when I am at a decent length and every other black girl I know is still with a short broken off do or a weave and I will be able to proudly rock my real hair. You're just at a rough patch is all, it will be worked over eventually.

 

[AsTheCurlzTurns]

Ohhh Napp, so sorry to hear what all you done went through. Even though you've had a setback, don't let this get you down. Just take this as a stepping stone to getting your hair back into a healthy state. But only YOU can do it, no one else, since you will be the only one who knows what your hair needs.

As for what to do about the braids, umm I have no experience with this, but I'm not sure if you can possibly do some braid outs over texturized hair? I've had a texturizer previously before I went natural, but it was never long enough for me to try doing a braid/twist out on. So maybe try doing that and see, unless you've already done that? But other than that, I'm thinking you can possibly maybe coil the braids around each other and make some coiled braid-outs, I dunno. But I'm sure you will be able to come up with something, especially with all those cute styles you have in your fotki! Just keep your head up, things will get better!

 

[MonPetite]

Wow I am sorry about your bad experience. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad or even crying over your hair. You have worked hard to get your hair to where it is now so you have every right to be upset about a setback. Please do not let anyone do your hair that is unskilled even if it is your mom. If it were any other person you probably would have stopped them but I suspect since it was your mom you just let her do her thing and I totally understand because you don't want to be disrespectful but at the same time if she is ripping your hair out then it is time to tell mom to stop. Again I am sorry for your setback and again there is nothing wrong with being upset about the situation but also learn from it.

I absolutely agree! Hair like a great set of abs, well-kept skin, great nails, it all takes work. Is it all superficial, so to speak...yes. But you worked for it! No one likes to see hard work and sacrifice go to ruin!

Shed your tears....

Then buy some Redken Smooth Down Butter Treatment and let your hair know "It's gwon be a'ight!"

 

[Lucky's Mom]

I am sorry honey.
My momma cannot do my hair. She has ZERO acces to my head.

 

[vestaluv1]

So sorry about your experience. Your hair looks fine from the picture though.
My mum has always been rough with my hair and her hair and my sisters hair...tugging it from the roots with any available comb and not really thinking that the breakage was excessive. This is probably one of the reasons why I thought my hair 'wouldn't grow'.
She hasn't touched my hair for a good five years or so and 2 b honest, I love my mum but she won't be touching it again.

 

[Mook's hair]

OK...I'm sorry this happened to you .

BUT... Tough-love time.

Why did you sit there the whole time and let her do that. After the first 3 weird parts and uncomfortable braids...It was time to get up and roll out.
I'm kinda mad that you asked her.

"I decided to ask my mom for cornrows. my mom doesn't know squat for taking care of black hair but i thought my knowledge had rubbed off on her."
Er-um-Uh... I wish a I lived near you so that I could do your hair and you wouldn't have to depend on people who aren't dependable.

You're entitled to a very good cry. Now it's time to pick up the pieces and fix the problem. You need to learn how to cornrow. I'll help you as much as I can. I just posted 2 more cornrow videos in my fotki. Feel free to ask me any questions if you have any.


And now...some home-girl tough-love... Don't be lettin' no people who can't do hair...do your hair gurl!
What's wrong with you?!?! Even if it is your Mom.

You needed to hear that.

 

[Hair Iam]

No mama no..Please forgive her ..we are a new bread..we look at our hair different glasses than our predecessors . It will be o.k

 

[Platinum]

Awww, Napp...I'm sorry to hear this. We live and learn so I agree with Mook, you should learn how to cornrow (I should take the same advice. I can save lots of $$$ instead of paying way too much for sew-ins). Anyway, I don't think there's anything wrong with crying over hair, especially since you worked so hard to take care of it.

 

[Napp]

OK...I'm sorry this happened to you .

BUT... Tough-love time.

Why did you sit there the whole time and let her do that. After the first 3 weird parts and uncomfortable braids...It was time to get up and roll out.
I'm kinda mad that you asked her.

"I decided to ask my mom for cornrows. my mom doesn't know squat for taking care of black hair but i thought my knowledge had rubbed off on her."
Er-um-Uh... I wish a I lived near you so that I could do your hair and you wouldn't have to depend on people who aren't dependable.

You're entitled to a very good cry. Now it's time to pick up the pieces and fix the problem. You need to learn how to cornrow. I'll help you as much as I can. I just posted 2 more cornrow videos in my fotki. Feel free to ask me any questions if you have any.


And now...some home-girl tough-love... Don't be lettin' no people who can't do hair...do your hair gurl!
What's wrong with you?!?! Even if it is your Mom.

You needed to hear that.

Thanks everybody for the kind words and understanding but this ^^^is true. my moms hair grew back from her perm and every time i washed she kept asking me to braid it so i gave in. In a way i felt bad for her because shes getting kinda old and i thought she felt that she wanted me to need her for something.I didnt have to but I did. I tried getting up a few times but momma pushed me down saying "no no let me finish!" i wish i could do a braid out the the other side is worse. im wearing a scarf today. im gonna try to cornrow it myself after school. my only issue is parting(not even) and starting up the braid(to big).

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Girl, if your mom is anything like mine, the house better be on fire if you stop her from doing something to your hair. I'm sorry U went thru that.