Credit, Fiance, and where do you start?

[Nella]

Ok,

I'm wondering for those that are engaged, married in any relationships for that matter with a significant other. How did you feel about divulging your financial situation to your mate? I know everyone doesn't have perfect credit but, for those that do have excellent credit that is wonderful.

How do you tell your fiance that your credit isn't perfect? Imagine he has perfect credit and your's is just not so good. You have estalished credit and have done alot to fix yours. You have credit in your name but, in reality it is more your debt to income ratio that tanks your score and two collections.

Your stomach turns at the mere thought of the subject of money. You work full time, make decent money, but you still have a short fall. You have cleared quite a bit of the debt away but, it still feels like a ton when you think about the moment he says lets pull your credit report. Why does it seem so bad? How do you put it on the table and where does it go from there?

If, you've experienced this how did things turn out? Was it as bad as it felt like it was going to be or did things seem easier afterwards? It feels like the most difficult thing you have ever had to do but, this is something that you can't hide from your potential mate.

What is a good way to bring up the subject? How well do you think this will go and if the shoe was on the other foot and you were madly in love with him or her what would you do?

 

[MizzBrown]

Me and my ex were considering moving in together so i said that we BOTH needed to sit down and do a financial evaluation on each other.

Which included him telling me EVERYTHING that he owed, how much he makes, all that..because i said that i need to be able to know if i can carry him if he suddenly loses his job or something happens.

Long story short, we didnt get to that point but i knew he wasn't feeling all that.

Too many issues:

-He had low credit, mine was nearly perfect.
-He had child support to pay...i aint one to pay for someones child unless i have an MRS. behind my name...
-His car note was high as a kite. So high he never told me to this day.
-He didnt like/know how to cook and i wasnt working two jobs to come home AND cook and i was NOT spending money on eating out.
-He doesn't know i got a credit card w/ a balance bigger than his life savings.
-I told him that on top of living together, he needs to save up money for my engagement ring cause he was on an unknown time limit for this shackin up business.

Anyway, money should be discussed BEFORE marriage, moving in, etc...lord knows where i'd be if we ignored all that and just moved in.

 

[Nella]

Me and my ex were considering moving in together so i said that we BOTH needed to sit down and do a financial evaluation on each other.

Which included him telling me EVERYTHING that he owed, how much he makes, all that..because i said that i need to be able to know if i can carry him if he suddenly loses his job or something happens.

Long story short, we didnt get to that point but i knew he wasn't feeling all that.

Too many issues:

-He had low credit, mine was nearly perfect.
-He had child support to pay...i aint one to pay for someones child unless i have an MRS. behind my name...
-His car note was high as a kite. So high he never told me to this day.
-He didnt like/know how to cook and i wasnt working two jobs to come home AND cook and i was NOT spending money on eating out.
-He doesn't know i got a credit card w/ a balance bigger than his life savings.
-I told him that on top of living together, he needs to save up money for my engagement ring cause he was on an unknown time limit for this shackin up business.

Anyway, money should be discussed BEFORE marriage, moving in, etc...lord knows where i'd be if we ignored all that and just moved in.

I must say I totally agree on the bolded. I don't blame anyone but, myself for my mistakes but, I guess its hard having to come out and same it. I've had perfect credit before and am working to get back to that point. I know it doesnt mean a hill of beans now so that point is moot now.

 

[Ms.Honey]

Hi,
First of all you have to forgive yourself for your financial state. People make mistakes knowingly and unknowingly but you have to get past that point. I think that may be a big part of the fear you feel when you think about revealing your financial status to your mate.
Secondly, you have to fix your credit for you as an individual. If you do it for any other reason you're more likely to end up in the same situation. You want to be a financially responsible person for you. You need the security of knowing that if the relationship ended, you'll be financially sound. Have you obtained your free credit reports yet for this year?

 

[princessnad]

I just say be honest about it. Put it all on the table and move forward. In my case, my SO has close to perfect credit. Out of curiosity, I checked mine and was stunned to see how low it was. Come to find out, a hospital had incorrect insurance info for me. I fixed it at the time and they said it was ok. I wasn't aware that there were 3 other bills associated with the hospital visit that weren't taken care of. For a year or so that went into collection. It doesn't help that I had close to no income at the time (I was and still am a student), I had minimal student loans and I had one month on my credit cards late. I had no idea that these things could SINK my credit *AS* low as it was.

None the less, we have a very open relationship. He saw what was going on. He actually read my entire credit report. It was very embarrassing seeing that his was very close to perfect.

He supported me while I cleared up all I needed to clear up and eventually got my stuff together. If you don't have this sort of support from a SO, what is the point of being together? That is just my opinion. It worked out o.k. for me and I am still working on it. But I think it is important to not feel embarrassed (even though I totally empathize with that feeling) enough to stop being open and honest.

 

[Keen]

I just say be honest about it. Put it all on the table and move forward. In my case, my SO has close to perfect credit. Out of curiosity, I checked mine and was stunned to see how low it was. Come to find out, a hospital had incorrect insurance info for me. I fixed it at the time and they said it was ok. I wasn't aware that there were 3 other bills associated with the hospital visit that weren't taken care of. For a year or so that went into collection. It doesn't help that I had close to no income at the time (I was and still am a student), I had minimal student loans and I had one month on my credit cards late. I had no idea that these things could SINK my credit *AS* low as it was.

None the less, we have a very open relationship. He saw what was going on. He actually read my entire credit report. It was very embarrassing seeing that his was very close to perfect.

He supported me while I cleared up all I needed to clear up and eventually got my stuff together. If you don't have this sort of support from a SO, what is the point of being together? That is just my opinion. It worked out o.k. for me and I am still working on it. But I think it is important to not feel embarrassed (even though I totally empathize with that feeling) enough to stop being open and honest.

I agree with your view point. People makes mistake. What are you doing now to fix your mistake? You can't just go by the number? You have to think about what exactly happened? You'd be surprised how many people's credit are jacked up because of medical bills. So you have to look beyond the numbers.

 

[Nella]

Well ladies I certainly appreciate your input and I'm sure things will be ok. I will be sure to post an update to let you know it went. I know this is a subject many don't want to discuss but, money is always the biggest problem in any relationship.

 

[princessnad]

What are you doing now to fix your mistake? You can't just go by the number? You have to think about what exactly happened? You'd be surprised how many people's credit are jacked up because of medical bills. So you have to look beyond the numbers.

I wasn't sure if these questions were directed towards me personally or just in general. For me, I opened another credit account that I am very careful with because we can fix and dispute what is already there, but we have to BUILD credit also. I have subscribed to a credit monitoring agency so if anything like this happens again, it won't take a year for me to fix it. I am just overall more diligent. It is a shame that I really wont be able to have stellar credit for a while because I am a student and will not be making "money" for almost another decade, but at least it will be decent.

 

[Farida]

Well, everyone has problems. An SO would be more willing to stick around if they know what issues led to your problems and what has changed. What are you doing to fix it. My advice is usually to set yourself a goal for when you'll be debt-free (with the exception of student loans or a mortgage) basically of debt that was spent on things that weren't going to give you a return on the investment, anything you know was frivolous or way out of your range.

Now, if you approach a guy and say, "my credit is bad, yeah." He will most likely run or stick around to see what you'll do about it. If you explain, "hey, when I was in college or having a hard time I made the mistake of XYZ because of ABC and now I have been cleaning up my mess for the X years and I have the intention of being done by ______." he is more likely to admire you for it, and maybe even still marry and help you because he knows you know how to handle yourself now.

I pretty much think apart from seeing a person's credit history, if you keep your eyes open while dating you can get a sense of their spending habits and know whether it was all about mistakes or current self-discipline.

So, OP, you need to look at yourself today, are you still making the mistakes that got you in the mess? Do you think SO looks at you and thinks, "this is a woman who handles her finances?" If not, perhaps you need to make some changes, and perhaps that is why you are afraid to discuss it. I hope I don't come off as offensive, I don't mean to at all. I'm just trying to see if I ca help you figure out why it is so hard for you to discuss (apart from the usual awkwardness that comes with any shortfall a person has).

 

[Connie]

Ok,

I'm wondering for those that are engaged, married in any relationships for that matter with a significant other. How did you feel about divulging your financial situation to your mate? I know everyone doesn't have perfect credit but, for those that do have excellent credit that is wonderful.

How do you tell your fiance that your credit isn't perfect? Imagine he has perfect credit and your's is just not so good. You have estalished credit and have done alot to fix yours. You have credit in your name but, in reality it is more your debt to income ratio that tanks your score and two collections. I haven't been fortunate to have had a SO who had good credit. There are actually brothers out there with good credit?

Your stomach turns at the mere thought of the subject of money. You work full time, make decent money, but you still have a short fall. You have cleared quite a bit of the debt away but, it still feels like a ton when you think about the moment he says lets pull your credit report. Why does it seem so bad? How do you put it on the table and where does it go from there? Nowadays my stomach will turn at the subject of money because I always made much more, and that automatically made me an ATM with legs who paid the lion's share of the bills. Yes, I made a couple of really bad SO choices when I was younger.

If, you've experienced this how did things turn out? Was it as bad as it felt like it was going to be or did things seem easier afterwards? It feels like the most difficult thing you have ever had to do but, this is something that you can't hide from your potential mate.

What is a good way to bring up the subject? How well do you think this will go and if the shoe was on the other foot and you were madly in love with him or her what would you do?

I won't hide the fact that I started out with good credit and horribly mismanaged it to shreds, and that I have (hopefully by the time I meet a potential SO) successfully re-established my credit/finances. However, if dude has bad credit or makes way less money than me, I have to be real---I'll step. I've been financially burned BAD by the SO with the good heart and the best of intentions and I'll be damned if I let that happen again.

I used to think that guys who would think twice about dating a woman with bad credit/low income were shallow, but now I understand where they're coming from.