Compromise or take him as he is?

[AnnDriena_]

I've been listening to a lot of dr. laura or as some of you might say "lucifer" I too thought that way until I started listening to her. And there is a common theme among the FEMALE callers. Granted most callers are female but these women call and complain about something that is bothering them about their "perfect" fiances and want to know what to do about it. How about NOTHING. She has to set these girls straight about getting a man the way he is and then trying to change him.
Too many women say things like he would be perfect if he didn't always have to be right. Well if you don't want to marry a man who always has to be right why are you engaged to one? This always seems to be the light bulb moment when they whole compromise thing seems to be examined a little more closely. What things are some of you expecting a man to compromise on?

Me ,personaly, not that much. I don't have a magic wand and there are certain things that annoy me and I can't seem to get around them. So if he is not what I want he's gone. And nobodys perfect (I hate that saying. That should go without saying) but there is someone who is perfect for me.

 

[ChocalateDiva]

I alway try to change my men into what I need them to be!! It aint worked yet, but I keep trying. LOL

 

[sugarose]

I'm one of those people who believe that you (generally) shouldn't try to change the person you are with. I'm also an avid Dr. Larua listener so that might have something to do with it.
I can understand the reason behind it, but I don't want a man that I have to mold into someone who will work for me. Too much work! And I would feel awful if I knew someone thought of me as a fixer-upper.
I want to love someone for exactly who they are and I want him to love me the same.

 

[amwcah]

OMG I was just thinking about this the past couple of days. Am I wrong for not accepting them the way they are? I find myself always trying to change men as well. The other day I was asked, "Can't I do anything right?" I immediately apologized because my ex use to say the same thing. I knew then I needed to work on me and accepting people(men and women) the way they are. It is difficult though.

 

[MissScarlett]

Pretty much what Dr. Laura says is right. Its a man not a tire, you can't fix them And trying only frustrates both parties.

Going into a relationship or hoping to marry someone thinking "oh I can fix that" WRONG IDEA!

I think there is something wrong with all men, some small little detail you would like to correct but to me, you have to look at the overall person and see if they generally fit the package you want in a man. If its a major major character or personality flaw, move on. Who needs that but something minor, I think can be overlooked.

We have flaws too, but I doubt men are saying, I don't want to date her b/c she can't cook or she can't wash clothes or she should be a size 8 and not a 10.

 

[klb120475]

Pretty much what Dr. Laura says is right. Its a man not a tire, you can't fix them And trying only frustrates both parties.

Going into a relationship or hoping to marry someone thinking "oh I can fix that" WRONG IDEA!

I think there is something wrong with all men, some small little detail you would like to correct but to me, you have to look at the overall person and see if they generally fit the package you want in a man. If its a major major character or personality flaw, move on. Who needs that but something minor, I think can be overlooked.

We have flaws too, but I doubt men are saying, I don't want to date her b/c she can't cook or she can't wash clothes or she should be a size 8 and not a 10.

You on point!

 

[mscocoface]

I have never run into anyone who said look and see how I fixed him?!

Anyone going into a relationship to do that is going to be sorely disappointed. The key is asking for grace and mercy to accept everything about him.

Now that does not mean stuff that is just way out there but, the small things that can be irritating. I was just recently married and went through a marriage class as well as a step family class.

These were very enlightening. Neither one of us are perfect but we check in with each other and not just since the wedding we have been dating for 4 years. We check in with each other and will ask "How is your heart?" Is there something I need to be aware of.

I think that has helped us stay in love with each other during this 4 year, loooong distances (2900 mile) relationship.

It takes work mainly working on yourself to be the person you need to be in the relationship. If you are both making a real effort then it is the best and what is realistically expected.

In my humble opinion. It has worked for us.

 

[lana]

I read a book by Danielle Steel and in it there was a foreward that said something like:

Every person is wrong in some form or fashion. The key is to find someone to love that is wrong in just the right way.

It basically means that none of us are perfect, don't expect perfection from others, instead try to find the person that perfectly matches your own imperfect self.

I thought this was lovely. My man is the perfect imperfect match for me.