"Churchy" singles events

[SEMO]

Disclaimer: Please forgive me but I need to vent a bit. TIA.

I just want to state that I dislike churchy singles events. You know the ones where everyone is nice, but really awkward, and the fun is mostly forced. I just got back from one. I should have followed my first mind and done something else with my evening.

Plus they charged for the event, and with the money I spent I could have taken myself to the movies twice. And yet the worst of it all is that the women vastly outnumbered the men (as tends to happen at church events). Yet get this: out of the four men that were there, two of them were engaged and there with their fiances. Just tell me, WHY??

Also, it was hosted by a church I don't go to and I figured it would be a good chance to meet area singles that don't go to my church. I figured singles from lots of different churches would be there. Everyone there was from the same church and already knew each other. I was the only stranger. erplexed Everyone was nice to me, but still..... I think next time I get an e-mail forward advertising for one of these events I will say PASS. Okay, I'm done.

 

[inthepink]

I thought about creating a similar post. I understand where you're coming from.

At one church I went to, they sponsored a dating "event" with one of those Christian companies who does this sort of thing. I didn't go but a few friends of mine went and said it was the most awful experience. People were supposed to walk around and mingle it was just all so very awkward. I can imagine.

Even just going to Christian singles group meetings or bible studies, I no longer really even go in hopes that there will be single guys there, I am usually just hoping to at least meet other women my age!

The woman over the group is struggling b/c the church is seeking a Family pastor vs finding someone to really work with the singles. It's like some (many) will do so much for families but when you ask for something to be done for singles - it's "well, go make it happen" with no support whatsoever. Don't they realize that if they gave more support to singles ministries, we could increase the likelihood of marriage? (At least I hope.)

Anyways, I understand where you're coming from.

With the sad state of Christian dating sites and lack of eligibles in the church, I don't know where else to even try to be for a Christian man to find me. (Meaning more likely places - I know you can potentially be found anywhere!)

 

[SEMO]

I can just about imagine how awkward the event was your friend went to. I think the problem with a lot of Christian singles events is that they try to run them like you would a church service, or a "play date" for kids.

Honestly, I think we need to cast a wider net when it comes to dating. Oftentimes when Christian women are looking for a husband they tend to look towards meeting men in church or at a church sponsored event. Yet I have never encountered a Christian man (no matter where he was in his walk with God) who took that approach. They are open to meeting women anywhere. True indeed they may see a woman in church they want to approach, and eventually ask her out, but the thing is, they probably still would have approached that same woman (knowing nothing about her) if they had seen her at the grocery store.

In the first couple dates is where you can find out if there are red flags or spiritual incompatibilities.

 

[Jenibo]

I thought about creating a similar post. I understand where you're coming from.

At one church I went to, they sponsored a dating "event" with one of those Christian companies who does this sort of thing. I didn't go but a few friends of mine went and said it was the most awful experience. People were supposed to walk around and mingle it was just all so very awkward. I can imagine.

Even just going to Christian singles group meetings or bible studies, I no longer really even go in hopes that there will be single guys there, I am usually just hoping to at least meet other women my age!

The woman over the group is struggling b/c the church is seeking a Family pastor vs finding someone to really work with the singles. It's like some (many) will do so much for families but when you ask for something to be done for singles - it's "well, go make it happen" with no support whatsoever. Don't they realize that if they gave more support to singles ministries, we could increase the likelihood of marriage? (At least I hope.)

Anyways, I understand where you're coming from.

With the sad state of Christian dating sites and lack of eligibles in the church, I don't know where else to even try to be for a Christian man to find me. (Meaning more likely places - I know you can potentially be found anywhere!)

The sad state of Christain dating websites?! Hairlove can you please elaborate because i seriously thought of joining one....now you got me kinda scared!

 

[Glib Gurl]

The sad state of Christain dating websites?! Hairlove can you please elaborate because i seriously thought of joining one....now you got me kinda scared!

I am interested to hear about this as well.

SEMO, I'm sorry you had such an awful time . . . I cannot stand it when you go to CHURCH events and folks purposely act all clique-y and exclude folks . . . how very Christian of them But that has been my experience as well . . . I don't go to "singles" events anymore . . . like hairlove I just try to go to regular church events (Bible study, etc.) and hope to meet cool people I can relate to - regardless of gender. *shrug*

 

[SEMO]

I am interested to hear about this as well.

SEMO, I'm sorry you had such an awful time . . . I cannot stand it when you go to CHURCH events and folks purposely act all clique-y and exclude folks . . . how very Christian of them But that has been my experience as well . . . I don't go to "singles" events anymore . . . like hairlove I just try to go to regular church events (Bible study, etc.) and hope to meet cool people I can relate to - regardless of gender. *shrug*

The thing is, everyone was nice to me. I actually didn't feel like they were clique-y. It was actually more like things felt stiff and awkward between everyone there (even after I later found out that they all knew each other). Most of them didn't seem especially close to each other (like they knew each other but didn't normally hang out together).

 

[phynestone]

I've been to a few events and I must say they were rather boring. I'm sorry, but they were. Bible studies are better to me because they tend to be smaller and I can get to know a few people at a time. However, I don't go to Bible study with the intent of finding someone special.

 

[inthepink]

When I mentioned the non-effectiveness of internet dating, you kind of need to take my experience with a grain of salt. Everyone's experience is different.

I think for me, the only thing I can think of to explain my lack of success is age. I'm 36 and almost 37 and seems like since I hit age 32, the quality of men on the interrnet interested in me has gone down significantly. I can only attribute it to age. Men I'd be interested in (30-somethings) are more likely to be interested in someone 32 or younger. I RARELY (pretty much never) get any interest from anyone even under the age of 40. Many are in their 50s or late 40s and that's too old for me.

This is just my experience. I really want to do a test and see what would happen if I changed my age just for a day.

 

[Ramya]

That's exactly why I don't go to those events. It's usually AWFUL. I go to the fellowships but the mixers and meet-ups are a big NO!

 

[Duchesse]

You ladies have scared me away from any and all singles events at my church.

 

[SEMO]

You ladies have scared me away from any and all singles events at my church.

Lol, my intent wasn't to scare you or anyone else off from going to them. I just know that for me, I don't like them. It had been awhile since I had been to an event like that so I had forgotten how awkward and weird they can be.

But every church is different. I wouldn't write the events off at your church until you at least tried one. Go expecting to meet new people and have fun. But remember, if the number of women in your church vastly outnumber the men, don't expect it to be different at the singles events (if fact, the ratios may be worse at singles events--which men seem reluctant to come out to).

 

[natural_one]

I hate Christian singles events, actually I hate any type of single event. The ones I have been to has had people sitting around complaining about not having a mate. Its really irritating. I feel like if you have prayed for a mate then God will send you a mate in His time. Its not necessary to sit around and keep discussing it. Thats not going to make them appear any quicker.. I know not all singles events are like that, but the majority of the ones I have been to are that way.

 

[inthepink]

I hate Christian singles events, actually I hate any type of single event. The ones I have been to has had people sitting around complaining about not having a mate. Its really irritating. I feel like if you have prayed for a mate then God will send you a mate in His time. Its not necessary to sit around and keep discussing it. Thats not going to make them appear any quicker.. I know not all singles events are like that, but the majority of the ones I have been to are that way.

I'm with you. I don't enjoy discussing singlehood with friends offline. Of course, at a singles' event, it is still pretty much the elephant in the room!

 

[inthepink]

You ladies have scared me away from any and all singles events at my church.

I would encourage you to try them anyway. Everyone's experience is different. While many people don't meet someone in a singles' group, there are some people who do. What doesn't work for one may work for another.

 

[Raspberry]

With the sad state of Christian dating sites and lack of eligibles in the church, I don't know where else to even try to be for a Christian man to find me. (Meaning more likely places - I know you can potentially be found anywhere!)

I haven't attended any singles events but I've met a lot of interesting guys lately by going to events and bible studies held by groups at different churches other than my own - just last week I went to a BBQ held by a church college and career group that attracts mostly singles (some marrieds) that range in age from 21 to early 30s. It's easy for Christians to just focus on their own church but there are probably plenty of other churches in your area that hold similar views and practices to your own. Take a chance on attending a bible study or event..bring a friend with you, you never know what connections or friendships you might make.

I guess I should also mention that I tend to branch out racially so there's a lot more Christian single men I come into contact with who are non-black as well.

 

[Jazzmommy]

I hate Christian singles events, actually I hate any type of single event. The ones I have been to has had people sitting around complaining about not having a mate. Its really irritating. I feel like if you have prayed for a mate then God will send you a mate in His time. Its not necessary to sit around and keep discussing it. Thats not going to make them appear any quicker.. I know not all singles events are like that, but the majority of the ones I have been to are that way.

Good point.. God will send you a mate in His time... Just peeking in although I am not single I did meet my husband through a singles' fellowship ministry. So, I just wanted to tell you all to stay encouraged. My church at the time was pretty small and had about 150 people and most were women, so God can bring your husband into your church too... He's not limited. Okay... didn't mean to high jack the thread..

 

[inthepink]

I haven't attended any singles events but I've met a lot of interesting guys lately by going to events and bible studies held by groups at different churches other than my own - just last week I went to a BBQ held by a church college and career group that attracts mostly singles (some marrieds) that range in age from 21 to early 30s. It's easy for Christians to just focus on their own church but there are probably plenty of other churches in your area that hold similar views and practices to your own. Take a chance on attending a bible study or event..bring a friend with you, you never know what connections or friendships you might make.

I guess I should also mention that I tend to branch out racially so there's a lot more Christian single men I come into contact with who are non-black as well.

I'm racially open so that's not an issue for me either.

I just realized I will have to start branching out into other church activities. Not that I haven't in one way or another since I just found a home church! I was looking into one very large well-known church but gosh, it's probably a 2 hour drive from my house! I'll continue to look around though.

Problem is that I already lack Christian female friends so I get intimidated doing certain things alone.

I am planning to go to a BBQ next Saturday but it's singles and marrieds - 20s to 30s. I've already met some of the people so I am only a little shy about going. Don't think I'll be bringing a swimming suit though!

 

[inthepink]

Good point.. God will send you a mate in His time... Just peeking in although I am not single I did meet my husband through a singles' fellowship ministry. So, I just wanted to tell you all to stay encouraged. My church at the time was pretty small and had about 150 people and most were women, so God can bring your husband into your church too... He's not limited. Okay... didn't mean to high jack the thread..

You didn't hijack....and you're right, it IS possible. I even know a few myself. There is just a TON of weeding and a TON of disappointment sometimes. erplexed

 

[Jazzmommy]

You didn't hijack....and you're right, it IS possible. I even know a few myself. There is just a TON of weeding and a TON of disappointment sometimes. erplexed

I hear ya...

 

[SEMO]

Don't think I'll be bringing a swimming suit though!

For some reason that was hilarious to me.