Can't deal with the criticism!!!

[keez1979]

Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

I have a quick question. I tend to wear my hair in protective styles (pulled back in a short braid and pinned under). It is not the most flattering style in the world, but I like it. Anyways, I have a friend who always tells me how much better I looked when I was "combing" my hair, etc. My mother also makes discouraging remarks. I have been working hard and I have seen remarkable results. My hair is still short but it has never been this length in my life. What should I say when people try to bring me down and criticize what I am trying to do? Does this happen to anyone else?

 

[inthepink]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

I would just smile and change the subject!

 

[SingingStar12]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

I am going through the same criticism with my family and friends. I try to explain to them that I wear protective styles and use minimal heat so I can foster growth, but it seems as though no one wants to listen to what I have to say.

 

[Guest]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

As long as you like it and it looks cute on you, don't worry about them.

Just say," I know, but My hair is really growing like this and I'm trying to grow it out. Once I get the lenght the I want, I may try alternate styles, but this is quick and easy..."

Though you should'nt have to explain, but folks just gotta comment don't they.

 

[pookeylou]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

I have a story that I remember when I hear comments like that. I've relayed it before...but it fits this situation too:

It's the story of an old man, a little boy and a donkey.
The old man was walking through the town with his young grandson and donkey and as he walked through town, many people gathered to watch the procession.

He first rode into town on the donkey while the little boy walked at his side. Several people started to make nasty remarks about how cruel the old man was for making the "poor little baby walk all that way" while he rode in comfort. So the old man got off the donkey and put the little boy on to ride.

Another group of people along the way made more nasty comments about how "ungrateful and disrespectful" it was for the little boy to ride in comfort when the old man, out of respect, should be allowed to ride. So the old man got on top of the donkey to ride with his grandson.

Several more neighbors saw the procession and began to pity the "poor donkey" who was carrying "all that weight." Tired of those comments the grandson got down and lifted his grandson down as well. He then decided that he and his grandson would walk along side the donkey.

It wasnt long before he heard the neighbors comment about how "stupid" he was for not riding a "perfectly good donkey".

The moral...you will never please anyone. And if you keep trying...you will only end up confused.

Do what is best for you. Learn not to worry about what others think of your decision. If the way you take care of your hair is economical, healthy, keeps your lifestyle simple...then tell the people who give unsolicited comments..."When I want your opinion...I'll give it to you."

Hope that helps.

 

[soulchild]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

I also receive criticism especially from family. If I was you I would just concentrate on your goals and try not to let their remarks get you down. Soon enough, when you have long, beautiful, and healthy hair they'll see that you're doing something right. Hang in there girl.

 

[CrownnGlori]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

Remember Your Goal! . People always say to me, "You have beautiful hair" or "You should were it out more often" I say thats ( my protective styles)exactly why I have beautiful hair.The people who say it hair never looks as good as mine. You want to keep your inches. When you whip it out on them when your ready you'll be happy because you remembered your goal! Healthy Length!

 

[karezone]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

Tell them to kiss your a** and go about your business. Who cares what they think about how you do your hair. If they really cared they would stop criticizing and start encouraging.

 

[keez1979]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

Thank you all for the encouraging words. I had been feeling a little down about it, but now I have a renewed spirit. All of you ladies are truly inspirational to me.

 

[Isis]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

Friends and family especially sometimes feel uncomfortable when they see us make major, positive changes in our personal lives. It could be losing weight, becoming vegetarian, exercising, wearing a protective hair style, or anything. They are forced to change their perception of us and it bothers them. And that's too bad. Let it bother them.

You'll do just fine with all the great suggestions posted here. It's your life to live any way you choose.

 

[i12sitonmyhair]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

I just wanted to offer my support and agreement with everything posted here. They may be laughing now, but they'll be takin' notes later! Stick with it.

 

[Teva]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

Yes to what isis said. People get uncomfortable when they know you are working to make a goal. Jealousy is a strange emotion.

 

[karezone]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

I know my Mom and Aunt used to say that I cared too much about my hair know they are asking me which vitamins to take. I am so informed about conditioners and other aspects of hair care that it kind of impresses my Aunt.

 

[Allandra]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

[ QUOTE ]
hairlove said:
I would just smile and change the subject!

[/ QUOTE ]
D I T T O

 

[sbg4evr]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

I take it with a grain of salt and just smile. When I wore braid extensions I got a lot of praise from friends and strangers but my boyfriend hated it. He wanted my hair straight. Now that I wear my hair natural and twisted I get comments again that I should relax my hair from some men.

 

[SingingStar12]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

Thank you for all the support and encouraging words. I really appreciate it.

 

[Guest]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

Karezone !!!!

Girl, she can't say that to her mom.

 

[dontspeakdefeat]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

The end justifies the means. That's what I always tell people.

 

[nita4]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

Been there...smile and change the subject.

If I like it and it works for me, I'm wearing it until "I" get tired of it.

Start something new, create your own style. I have found that in eliminating heat and growing out my hair I've had to create hair "friendly" styles in order to stay true to my goal.

Best to you and remember you aren't alone.

 

[butterfly7]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

Just hang in there. I am wearing protective styles and I mean these are styles I would never have dared wearing in the past, but my hair is growing and I am going to keep my eye on the prize. You should too.

Tell them it's a protective style and don't even worry about trying to explain.

 

[Spagirl]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

[ QUOTE ]
hairlove said:
I would just smile and change the subject!

[/ QUOTE ]

I like that! Don't mean to highjack but wouldn't it be cool to have a smile Graemlin in response to a post like this one (my present post) and continue on subject.

Okay, okay the kids keep me up last night. I'll get off and take a nap or something.

Keez, realize that your mom and friend don't mean you any harm. Just keep you goal in mind. You might have to let them know what your goal is and also let them know that you would like for them to support you by not criticizing you. Then if that fails smile and change the subject.

 

[Guest]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

See changing the subject would'nt work with my mom. She'd be "Girl, did you just hear what I said"

 

[Spagirl]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

[ QUOTE ]
Mindymouse said:
See changing the subject would'nt work with my mom. She'd be "Girl, did you just hear what I said"

[/ QUOTE ]

 

[Nyambura]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

[ QUOTE ]
Just keep you goal in mind. You might have to let them know what your goal is and also let them know that you would like for them to support you by not criticizing you. Then if that fails smile and change the subject.

[/ QUOTE ]

ITA!

You might tell them that you know they care about you but what you need is their encouragement and support, not their negative comments.

At the next criticism, smile and change the subject.

 

[adrienne0914]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

i get the "you should wear your hair out more often" comment all the time, especially since it has grown so much. hell, i prefer myself with my hair down, but i'm trying to achieve a goal. so i continue to wear it up most of the time.

BUT... when i get it did and wear it down, it's like BAM!!! i like that reaction too.

you don't get that when people see it down all the time.

don't let other people get you down. YOU know what you're trying to achieve. maybe they will come to understand eventually. if not, don't worry about it. there's nothing like accomplishing a long-term goal because you knew what it took to get there and stuck with it. chin up, girl!!!

 

[ChocoKitty]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

I understand your situation. I get comments from my mother almost on the daily and it upsets me too. But whenever, anyone makes a comment on how I should wear my hair--I look at not the length but the *condition* of their hair. You'll will always feel better about your hair--I know I do!

 

[Boadicea]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

There are black women in my college with long hair and they wear it down all the time. Sure, their hair is long but you should just see the condition it's in. It's as if they were rubbing the ends of their hair with brillo pads. One girl in my chemistry class (who has elbow length hair) sits in the third row and I can see her dandruff from my seat way in the fifth row!

You know what you're trying to achieve so don't let what anyone says, even your mom, bother you. You'll feel so much more fulfilled in a year or so by keeping up your regimen and growing your hair than you will a year from now if you just bent and went under and wore your hair out to make others happy and it only grow 2 inches or something.

Back in my freshman year of high school, my hair was ear length. The shortest it has ever been in my life and I was born with an ear length afro which was shoulder length hair when stretched out.

I was constantly told that I'd look so much better if I continued to wear my hair out. You know what? I cheated myself out of long hair. In the four years it took to complete high school, I could have had long hair had I stuck to my guns. Instead, it only grew to shoulder length. In FOUR YEARS. I hate to even THINK how long it could have been had I done protective styling. I was too busy making sure I appeared attractive to everyone else.

 

[Guest]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

To

off!

Sorry, but they need to mind their own business. You don't tell them how to wear their hair and since it's your hair, you can wear it any way you freakin' well please!

 

[Brooke007]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

[ QUOTE ]
Blossom said:
To

off!

Sorry, but they need to mind their own business. You don't tell them how to wear their hair and since it's your hair, you can wear it any way you freakin' well please!

[/ QUOTE ]

I think from now on when I get these questions I’m just gonna ask people to PM Blossom or Karezone for an appropriate answer. I can just see their faces after getting their response.

 

[Guest]

Re: Can\'t deal with the criticism!!!

[ QUOTE ]
Brooke007 said:
[ QUOTE ]
Blossom said:
To

off!

Sorry, but they need to mind their own business. You don't tell them how to wear their hair and since it's your hair, you can wear it any way you freakin' well please!

[/ QUOTE ]

I think from now on when I get these questions I’m just gonna ask people to PM Blossom or Karezone for an appropriate answer. I can just see their faces after getting their response.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm tired of people interfering in other people's lives! They need to step back! This is OUR hair! They probably see the young lady's hair growing and already the hate card is in full effect! LOL!