Can You All Name What is Possibly Abusive or Is Controlling Behavior?

[chicacanella]

I can think of a few but I want to know what you all think is controling/possesive/or possibly abusive in a relationship. This behavior should be done by the man to his woman.

Thanks

 

[Highly Favored8]

Verbal Abuse
It can mean a man who puts a woman down by calling her out her name.
Saying abusive things about weigh/appearance.



Controlling
Wants to know her every move.
Who she is with.
When she is out with her family, and friends the man may not want his lady too talk to many people too long.

 

[Cincysweetie]

This thread was SO enlightening for me:

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=146467

 

[Highly Favored8]

I just saw it!

 

[chicacanella]

thanks you guys. I was just reading another thread and the poster says Ambient abuse is unknown by most of the people in this situation.

Ambient abuse is the stealth, subtle, underground currents of maltreatment that sometimes go unnoticed even by the victims themselves, until it is too late. Ambient abuse penetrates and permeates everything – but is difficult to pinpoint and identify. It is ambiguous, atmospheric, diffuse. Hence its insidious and pernicious effects. It is by far the most dangerous kind of abuse there is.
It is the outcome of fear – fear of violence, fear of the unknown, fear of the unpredictable, the capricious, and the arbitrary. It is perpetrated by dropping subtle hints, by disorienting, by constant – and unnecessary – lying, by persistent doubting and demeaning, and by inspiring an air of unmitigated gloom and doom

 

[tocktick]

* hitting
* name-calling (especially if unprovoked)
* lying about the woman's friends or family in order to keep her away from them
* demeaning the woman (instilling in her that she's worthless)
* sexual abuse
* constant nit-picking at things the woman does (not constructive criticism but downing every small thing she does)

 

[chicacanella]

bump...............

 

[crlsweetie912]

Separating woman from family and friends
Wanting to be included in EVERYTHING the woman does
Negative Remarks about things that drew said man to the woman in the first place
(ex, you met woman in club with booty shorts on, she ALWAYS wears booty shorts, now he wants her to wear floor length, shapeless skirts and dresses.)
Speaking ill about woman's family and friends ALL THE TIME
Wanting to know all about her money, or being tight with access to money. Questioning where/how she spends her money.

 

[FlowerHair]

I was in an abusive relationship once. Since then I have noticed that the very first potential bad sign is men who come on really strong in the beginning of a relationship.

For example, they buy flowers and gifts excessively or say "I love you" early...too early!

Normal men want to do those things as well, but hold back a little out of respect and trying to give the woman some space and time to fall in love.

 

[Mena]

Whenever you feel you can not be yourself around your SO. You are afraid of what your SO may think or react. You change yourself to fit your SO wants and desires.

 

[sdot]

This is a really good topic!. I agree with everything everyone has said.

One other thing is if your SO asks you to always do stuff for them just to test you and see if you will do it. It will be hard to notice but hindsight is 20/20 and i noticed my ex did it to me.

 

[MD_Lady]

Not respecting sexual boundaries. We all have wants and needs, but respecting your SO should be at the top of that list.

 

[Mitre]

Always wants to be right.
Tell you who you are and what you think.
Implies that you are wrong or inadequate when you donot agree.
Feels attack when question.
Doesnot seem to really hear or see you.
Is threatened by people who are DIFFERENT

 

[JFemme]

thanks you guys. I was just reading another thread and the poster says Ambient abuse is unknown by most of the people in this situation.

Ambient abuse is the stealth, subtle, underground currents of maltreatment that sometimes go unnoticed even by the victims themselves, until it is too late. Ambient abuse penetrates and permeates everything – but is difficult to pinpoint and identify. It is ambiguous, atmospheric, diffuse. Hence its insidious and pernicious effects. It is by far the most dangerous kind of abuse there is.
It is the outcome of fear – fear of violence, fear of the unknown, fear of the unpredictable, the capricious, and the arbitrary. It is perpetrated by dropping subtle hints, by disorienting, by constant – and unnecessary – lying, by persistent doubting and demeaning, and by inspiring an air of unmitigated gloom and doom

very interesting, thanks for sharing...

 

[yokoyokogirl]

Anything that makes you feel like less of a person is abusive...
If you hate going home because of what you have to deal with...
If you find yourself crying or depressed all the time, when you "used to be so happy"...
If you find yourself thinking "If only I was smarter, prettier, skinnier, had longer hair, more money-etc, he would love me more and treat me better"...
If you try talking to him about all of this or writing him a letter, suggesting counseling, and he just yells at you, breaks things, rips up your letter, laughs at counseling and tells you, "Your blocking the tv"...
If he has split personalities, super nice in public, but evil and mean at home...
any of this andHe's abusive.
If he doesn't want to get help, you need to get out.
It's not worth being miserable together, when you could be happy alone-trust me I know.

 

[HAIRapy]

Here's some things I think a possibly abusive man would do:

Separating you from your friends and/or family

Belittling you

Being physically agressive

Being overly suspisious and wanting to know your every move