Can a Single Go to the Bank?

[dicapr]

I have always wanted children. I am in my early thirties and I have no prospects of getting married. I also have some medical issues and I am unsure if I will be fertile in the next 10 years. I really want a baby and believe that I will be a good mother. I have thought about adoption but I do not want to go threw the ups and downs of having a child and bonding with it only for the parent(s) to change their mind. Is there anything wrong with going to the s. bank and just having one that way. I make decent money and would be able to provide for a child. I am afraid time is not on my side and would love to have a child. Is there any biblical reason for not going to the bank and have a child that way?

 

[Shimmie]

I have always wanted children. I am in my early thirties and I have no prospects of getting married. I also have some medical issues and I am unsure if I will be fertile in the next 10 years. I really want a baby and believe that I will be a good mother.

I have thought about adoption but I do not want to go threw the ups and downs of having a child and bonding with it only for the parent(s) to change their mind. Is there anything wrong with going to the s. bank and just having one that way. I make decent money and would be able to provide for a child. I am afraid time is not on my side and would love to have a child. Is there any biblical reason for not going to the bank and have a child that way?

I don't know, Angel. But whatever you decide, I'll never judge you. I see you as someone who has so much love to give.

May I share this with you? :Rose:

• I can only say this from personal experience, that to be a single mom is a 'heavy calling'.
• You will need a strong support system. Very strong.

One day you may fall in love and wish to marry.

• How will being a single mom, affect this?

I am one who strongly believes that a child needs both , Mommie and Daddie, both male and female parents.

• Even in the most sucessful of single parenthoods, the 'void' of the missing mother or father was still prominent and still very mch needed.
• As humans, we need the healthy balance of both male and female in our lives.

Sucessful female parents were 'successful' because they 'had' to be and they sacrificed whatever was necessary to be such and all for love of their 'babies'.

Finances

* It takes serious finances to be a parent. Yes, 'we' made it, but the struggles were still there.

* You've shared that you make good money. Baby have huge Needs, Child Care and other expenses, will eat it up like candy.

Again, these are my thoughts from personal experience; for you they are my heartfelt concerns, not judgement. For I meant what I said earlier, I support your decison and wish you nothing but God's Joy and the Best of Life.

Stay in Prayer, Angel. God has your Destiny and if this is His plan, you need but only to 'follow' His lead.

In Jesus' Name, Amen.

 

[dicapr]

Thanks Shimmie. I am still undecided. Right now I am in grad school so it will give me some time to pray and listen to what God has for me. I am just weighing all of my options.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

Have you thought about the emotional aspects of a child without a father? Yes, single women can have children but G-d's design is the family unit consisting of both mother and father. There's so much to raising children. We single mothers out there wish our families were whole. It's not easy. And children do miss out on certain things and often feel singled-out.

Purposefully having a child from birth as a single might not be the best thing to do, christian-wise. Have you considered adoption of older children who are in need of a loving home? Please know that I do not mean this to judge you in any way. But two-parent homes lend more emotional and psychological stability (I'm talking about healthy homes).

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

I don't know, Angel. But whatever you decide, I'll never judge you. I see you as someone who has so much love to give.

May I share this with you? :Rose:

• I can only say this from personal experience, that to be a single mom is a 'heavy calling'.
• You will need a strong support system. Very strong.

.

I so agree with what you said!!!!! That strong support system is so necessary, for sure. When you're sick, will you be able to take care of self and small infant? What about when the child is sick and your job demands you be on duty? Coming home so stressed out and tired and having to put it all aside for the sake of the children because no one "has your back" is the toughest for me. I've actually lost employment for having to put family first. Thank you so much. For some reason, that post took some pressure off my back...there's one who has inside knowledge of that which we don't quite share with others openly.

 

[Shimmie]

I so agree with what you said!!!!! That strong support system is so necessary, for sure. When you're sick, will you be able to take care of self and small infant? What about when the child is sick and your job demands you be on duty? Coming home so stressed out and tired and having to put it all aside for the sake of the children because no one "has your back" is the toughest for me. I've actually lost employment for having to put family first.

Thank you so much. For some reason, that post took some pressure off my back...there's one who has inside knowledge of that which we don't quite share with others openly.

Single moms are among the least understood and yet the more they love and will sacrifice for their babies, just to give them more than they had.

We strive to give our children 'better', no matter how much it costs, and both consciously and subconsciously, we're trying to compensate for the 'absence' of 'Daddy', Husband, and Father.

In the movie "The Pursuit of Happyness' (Will Smith), he was tucking his little boy into a 'shelter' bed. His son reached up to his face with his little hand and embraced his 'Daddy's' chin; and he spoke these loved filled words, "You're a good Papa".

GV, God and your children embrace you and lovingly say, "You're a good Mama". And you are dear one. You are.

You've moved Heaven and Earth and all in between, just to give your children a safe, happy life.

Keep doing what you're doing, and know that always, 'You're a good 'Mama'. No one can take that from you. :Rose:

 

[Shimmie]

Thanks Shimmie. I am still undecided. Right now I am in grad school so it will give me some time to pray and listen to what God has for me. I am just weighing all of my options.

Blessings on your Grad School venture. I wish you much success. Your baby has a 'smart mommie'.

You never know, you may be happily married by Graduation...with new baby to follow after the Honeymoon. Nothing is impossible...with God. :Rose:

 

[Child0fGod]

Have you thought about the emotional aspects of a child without a father? Yes, single women can have children but G-d's design is the family unit consisting of both mother and father. There's so much to raising children. We single mothers out there wish our families were whole. It's not easy. And children do miss out on certain things and often feel singled-out.

Purposefully having a child from birth as a single might not be the best thing to do, christian-wise. Have you considered adoption of older children who are in need of a loving home? Please know that I do not mean this to judge you in any way. But two-parent homes lend more emotional and psychological stability (I'm talking about healthy homes).

agreed.

dicapr,
especially if it's a boy child being raised in a single-parent (specifically female) household... it's a big deal... also do some research of your own and read some articles/research studies on boys raised in a single-parent (again, specifically single females) household. you'll learn a lot and may end up changing your mind.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

I have always wanted children. I am in my early thirties and I have no prospects of getting married. I also have some medical issues and I am unsure if I will be fertile in the next 10 years. I really want a baby and believe that I will be a good mother. I have thought about adoption but I do not want to go threw the ups and downs of having a child and bonding with it only for the parent(s) to change their mind. Is there anything wrong with going to the s. bank and just having one that way. I make decent money and would be able to provide for a child. I am afraid time is not on my side and would love to have a child. Is there any biblical reason for not going to the bank and have a child that way?

I dont have advice but I just wanted to give you a professional view about the bolded whilst this has happened in the past and I believe it still happens this is not the norm there is only a 0.1% chance for your child after the adoption procedure to be taken away from the adoptive mother and given back to the bio mother. Sad fact is most women who do give up their children (for adoption not fostering) have no plans of taking them back and bringing them up themselves. Its true some people really do change their mind after birth but the screening and laws are now so rigorous to protect both parties, all those movie scenarios (i've seen it in a lot of movies) does not actually happen in real life and potrays a grossly inaccurate view of the adoption process. If you want to know more about the process please PM me or else I'll end up writing a novel LOL.
So if you want to adopt then dont let that stop you. Heck I want to adopt too at some point and there are loads of babies out there who need someone as loving and giving as you.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

Well, when I'm talking about the traditional home and that was the norm until there was a change in the family, I'm referencing the child missing the absent parent and the opportunities to engage him/her in school activities and whatnot. I'm not saying that it's automatic criminalhood or teen parenthood for those children of single mothers...not at all. Afterall, we're all striving on that moral road, right? There are many variables.

Everything rests on the relationship the mother/father has with the child and the resources they pull from. If that is strong, then there is success. What I'm indicating is the above-and-beyond difficulty of having to go it alone. It's not impossible...but it is difficult and the stresses are enormous. Badly-raised children who turn to bad behaviors is not automatic simply because there are not two parents in the home.

 

[PinkPebbles]

Have you thought about the emotional aspects of a child without a father? Yes, single women can have children but G-d's design is the family unit consisting of both mother and father. There's so much to raising children. We single mothers out there wish our families were whole. It's not easy. And children do miss out on certain things and often feel singled-out.

Purposefully having a child from birth as a single might not be the best thing to do, christian-wise. Have you considered adoption of older children who are in need of a loving home? Please know that I do not mean this to judge you in any way. But two-parent homes lend more emotional and psychological stability (I'm talking about healthy homes).

GV and Shimmie thank you so much for sharing....

My mom was a single parent and I love her for doing the best she knew how to do. She sacrificed a lot to make sure that I succeed in life. However, I still see the emotional affects in my life from being without a father.

Dicpar - I wish you the best in life...and may God lead and guide you with all of your decisions so that you can receive His best for your life:Rose:.

 

[Kerryann]

You are your own woman but i think you should wait and get down ojn those knees and pray to god to send you the type of guy you want and i guarantee you that he will come

 

[dicapr]

I do not date and men tend to see me as just a sister or friend. I have not had a date in 5 years. The probability of me meeting someone is next nothing. I have prayed for years that God send me a husband. I am running out of time. I still hope to get married, but the chance to have a child of my own decreasing with each passing month. I know that having a child on my own will not be easy. I also know being married does not mean that my child will be raised by two parents. I was raised in a two parent home but my mother was basically a single parent because my dad was in the military. I know it is difficult, but I cannot imagine myself never being a mother.

 

[JinaRicci]

Trust God, lady. He can do anything & all things beyond what probability predicts.

Since you've been praying for a husband, what is God saying? Who is He bringing into your life? What about the men who are your friends? What are you doing differently since 5 yrs ago?

You've already been given great advice from ladies who have done it and are doing it but might choose differently if they could. No matter what you decide- I hope you do get married and have a husband to share those responsibilities.

 

[Bunny77]

Trust God, lady. He can do anything & all things beyond what probability predicts.

Since you've been praying for a husband, what is God saying? Who is He bringing into your life? What about the men who are your friends? What are you doing differently since 5 yrs ago?

You've already been given great advice from ladies who have done it and are doing it but might choose differently if they could. No matter what you decide- I hope you do get married and have a husband to share those responsibilities.

I was just going to say this.

It's good that you have been praying for a husband, but what else makes up your strategy in regards to getting married? Do you have one? You should!

And that doesn't mean hunting and chasing down men... but Christian women can pursue and plan for marriage in active ways... faith without works is dead.

I recommend Candice Watters' book "Get Married," and Debbie Maken's "Getting Serious About Getting Married." They are both Christian.

Watters also has a website... www.helpgetmarried.com

Best to you...

 

[Child0fGod]

boundless.org

Watters also has a website... www.helpgetmarried.com

Best to you...

i see the author of this site as made a post about boundless.org. this is an overwhelming chocked-full website of such HELPFUL and PRACTICAL information on a wide range of Christian topics. i recommend ALL add boundless.org to their list of favorite websites/bookmark it/share it with someone you love!

 

[Child0fGod]

...I recommend Candice Watters' book "Get Married," and Debbie Maken's "Getting Serious About Getting Married." They are both Christian.

Watters also has a website... www.helpgetmarried.com

Best to you...

i knew "candice watters" sounded too familiar!
just dawned on me that watters writes for boundless.org.
have read many of her articles.

DOH!

anywho,
boundless.org.

lol

 

[Renewed1]

I thought about the samething Dicapr. I don't want to adopt, because I want a child after myself. I'm waiting on God to hear HIS answer on this issue. But I'm going to wait and trust in Him.

 

[dicapr]

A year later and I want a child more than anything in this life except salvation. I am still single . I am beginning to accept that I will never marry. I also have found out that I will be disiplined by my chuch for the decision to become a single mother through artifiical means. So now I have to face possible removal from my church or give up on my dreams of becoming a mom. I know adoption is an option, but it isn't easy for a singel woman to adopt a child. Add to that fact that I have to reveal that I have RA. My chances of adopting are even lower. My heart is breaking. All I have ever wanted was a family. Now I have to accept that if I have a family I will have to give up my church. If I hold to my church, I will never have a family. My church is not my "family" in any since of the word. I feel alone and abandoned.

 

[Xerxes]

A year later and I want a child more than anything in this life except salvation. I am still single . I am beginning to accept that I will never marry. I also have found out that I will be disiplined by my chuch for the decision to become a single mother through artifiical means. So now I have to face possible removal from my church or give up on my dreams of becoming a mom. I know adoption is an option, but it isn't easy for a singel woman to adopt a child. Add to that fact that I have to reveal that I have RA. My chances of adopting are even lower. My heart is breaking. All I have ever wanted was a family. Now I have to accept that if I have a family I will have to give up my church. If I hold to my church, I will never have a family. My church is not my "family" in any since of the word. I feel alone and abandoned.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up!

Forget the baby/hubby, get a new church! Your depressed and need help for your self first!

Firstly, what is your denomination? I have never heard of being disciplined in a contemporary church. It sounds like you face excommunication for your personal choice to be a single mom and that is a pretty archaic view.

As far as should you become a mom, I see this in more of a common sense/moral view than a traditional religious view since I don't know your faith/denomination.


I see a couple of things in your post that worry me about your ability to be an effective single parent.

1) You are now in desperation. Your esteem seems low since no prospects have shown up and your church is about to give you the boot.

2) You have not mentioned a support system. Raising a child requires an adequate support system-- namely, a father and or an extended circle of family and friends you would trust your child's life with. You have not mentioned having any of those ready to assist you at all.

3) You mentioned being in grad school still. Your focus should be on finishing that grad program before you bring a baby into the mix.

4) You have RA. Arthritis is no joke and this physical impairment literally cripples you when it comes to effectively running after a child on your own. I can only imagine how much harder it makes pregnancy.

5) Finally and most importantly, you seem at odds with your church. In fact you said, "My church is not my "family" in any since of the word. I feel alone and abandoned."

This is unacceptable. Your most important goal is not having a baby or husband/family. You need to be in a place where you feel God's presence and love. If that church does not express God's love and let you feel loved and welcomed, run like OJ and find a church that does.

Your soul and spirit needs to be able to worship God in love, joy and in abundance. You are being stifled right now and need a spiritual intervention. Don't bring an innocent baby into your problem.

Hit your knees now and cry out to God for discernment as to which new place of worship you should go to and join. Forget the baby/husband/family crap for later.

Once you get in the right church home for you, and you feel His true love, turn over your desire for a hubby/family to God, then follow the example of other women who wanted children/hubbies in the Bible and make your appeal/offer to God (ie. Hannah, Elizabeth, etc).

I am doing this right now and see it already working. Basically, I made sure that my personal life, Christian lifestyle, career goals, health were in order, and that I was ready for the mental aspects of my desire and then I made my appeal to God for a mate. I offered him my terms of continued abundant tithing and I asked for my mate chosen by Him to give me a sign.

You need your spiritual life in order first. I pray that you take your situation seriously and get the right new church home and there you will get the opportunity to get out of your depression, finish grad school and finally volunteer with kids at church and pray for God to show you the right path for parenting. God bless.

 

[dicapr]

You are right. My church issues are huge and I have begun praying for the Lord to reveal a church home for me. My depression comes from the fact that such a personal decision is seen by my church as "public" domain. The decision to become a single mother is between me and God-no one else. I have not had a church home for years and finding a new church is difficult because I am a Sabbatarian-I believe in keeping the original Saturday Sabbath. In the area I live in there are not many churches that I can choose from. My RA is not a major factor in my life exept it seems to kick up around PMS time. Because my RA is under control it would be a good time for me to go off my meds. My brother has already offered to take a active Uncle role to be a positve male role model should I decide to do this. My mom has agreed to help me out and I have plans to move closer to my parents so that I can have a support system for during the pregnancy and after the baby is born. I have already started saving for my child and our future. I have been given myself a year to pray and look for God's guidence in my endevor. Marriage will not be a reality for all of the singles out there no matter how much time we put into getting ourselves together. Its up to God and it is all in his hands. Even having a baby is in God's hands. I just wish people would let God judge and focus on their lives and not other people's decisions.