Calling all ladies on Abstinence Challenge...

[klb120475]

Hey ladies, I just wanted to check in and see how everyone was doing. I've been celibate/abstinent for 9 months (divorcing). Can I keep it real with my Christian sistas?? Although I'm not dating...lately I've been having some urges, I wish they'll just go away and just return whenever I remarry...I need some scriptures....to thy on self be true...surely I'm not the only one dealing with this....

 

[thegirltolove]

No sis, you are not alone in this at all. Although I have never been married, I have been active in the past. Honestly, in order for me to get over the "really bad" desires I had to do some fasting. Not just that "I'm not gonna eat for a few hours and hope that God accepts this" type of fasting. NOOOOOOO, I am talking about lock myself in a hotel room for the weekend with no one around that I knew, no home phone, no TV, radio, internet kinda being before the Lord kinda fasting.

The truth of the matter is that sex is a powerful bond that was originally created to keep that husband and wife bonded no matter what may come. Once those flood gates are opened, they are difficult to close, but not impossible. There are some things that you can pray your way through. There are other things that take a little bit more to get through. "Howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting." Matthew 17:21 KJV. If this is a stronghold for you, maybe a fast is the answer. I am not saying that I don't get thoughts or urges, but trust me, it is not at ALL like it used to be. I am a witness that it works and PRAISE THE LORD THAT HIS SPIRIT IS ALIVE AND LIVING IN US!!!!!

 

[baby42]

HI I AM STILL HANGING IN THERE OVER 3YEARS NOW

 

[klb120475]

No sis, you are not alone in this at all. Although I have never been married, I have been active in the past. Honestly, in order for me to get over the "really bad" desires I had to do some fasting. Not just that "I'm not gonna eat for a few hours and hope that God accepts this" type of fasting. NOOOOOOO, I am talking about lock myself in a hotel room for the weekend with no one around that I knew, no home phone, no TV, radio, internet kinda being before the Lord kinda fasting.

The truth of the matter is that sex is a powerful bond that was originally created to keep that husband and wife bonded no matter what may come. Once those flood gates are opened, they are difficult to close, but not impossible. There are some things that you can pray your way through. There are other things that take a little bit more to get through. "Howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting." Matthew 17:21 KJV. If this is a stronghold for you, maybe a fast is the answer. I am not saying that I don't get thoughts or urges, but trust me, it is not at ALL like it used to be. I am a witness that it works and PRAISE THE LORD THAT HIS SPIRIT IS ALIVE AND LIVING IN US!!!!!

Thank you girl!! That's the type of encouragement I'm talking about!

 

[prettywhitty]

Still hanging in there!

 

[crlsweetie912]

I am with you ladies! I find that when I am "idle" those desires crop up. As long as I keep myself busy, they can be controlled. We need to die of the flesh constantly. It's a never ending thing. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[thegirltolove]

Thank you girl!! That's the type of encouragement I'm talking about!

You are more than welcome. I posted something a few months called "Get Outta My Spirit" that was very personal for me. Here is the link:

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=115119

It dealt with this same subject. It was a struggle and something that the enemy tries to use to keep in bondage, but "Whom the Son has set free, it truely free indeed" so just remember that there is freedom in Jesus. I find that the further away from Jesus that I am, the more things like that bother me. So we all have to remember to stay close to the throne. I will pray for you sis. You can PM me if you wanna talk about this.

 

[klb120475]

You are more than welcome. I posted something a few months called "Get Outta My Spirit" that was very personal for me. Here is the link:

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=115119

Thank you for the link. I am working on a final exam paper that is due in 2 hours. After I complete it, I will read your blog and the thread above. Once again, thank you for your honesty...{HUG}.

 

[thegirltolove]

Thank you for the link. I am working on a final exam paper that is due in 2 hours. After I complete it, I will read your blog and the thread above. Once again, thank you for your honesty...{HUG}.

No problem sis.... God bless you.

 

[Shimmie]

I've been celibate for 25 years and I've learned this...

It's not a 'challenge' it is a Choice and it is also a Beautiful Celebration of the value of my love for Jesus and for myself.

I started out not knowing what abstinence really was other than a 'word'. But I had two 'babies', I was divorced and I wanted something more than a sexual encounter as an unmarried woman.

In many ways, I became high-minded;for no man was good enough to touch me. Believe it or not, that was good. it wasn't because of vanity, I simply wanted more than being a sexual open door.

I won't deny that I've had and do still have desires; indeed I still do and yes I've 'dreamed' of being 'married' and making love to my 'husband'...the one man who is good enough to touch me, but I love how the Holy Spirit has taken a hold of my dreams and how He calms the storms of my emotions and my sexual desires and re-directs my focus to still waters and green pastures; He restoreth my soul. I allow Him to lead me away from those thoughts and desires and focus on where I am with Him...my Lord.

The way that I 'live' is that I want better. I will not yield until I am with 'him', the one, the one who is good enough and thinks even more of me and he has to be of Jesus. I've set extremely high standards and I want nothing less. After being with Jesus, you learn what 'better is' and you will not settle for any man less than the Lord.

Once of the best 'releases' is enjoying Praise and Worship; My church; my family and friends, talking my sweetheart, my Dancing, going to Walmart is Top prioirty and heres' the best... prepping for the semi-annual sales at Bath and Body works whch is just a few short weeks away.

Ladies, you just have to stop seeing abstinence as a challenge, and see it as a beautiuful choice and a beautiful celebration of you and Jesus. For if you see it as a challenge, that's exactly what it will be. And I have 25 years to back up what I've just shared.

Celebrate Beautiful You and your Beautiful choice.

 

[klb120475]

Celebrate Beautiful You and your Beautiful choice.

Thank you Shimmie...I knew you would chime in with words of spiritual wisdom.

 

[klb120475]

I am with you ladies! I find that when I am "idle" those desires crop up. As long as I keep myself busy, they can be controlled. We need to die of the flesh constantly. It's a never ending thing. I will keep you in my prayers.

So, true! I can relate to Paul when he said "my flesh dies daily".

 

[PaperClip]

There's got to be a better word than "challenge" but please understand that I know it can be very challenging. Trust....

In hopes that this will be helpful, I wanted to offer this information about a book a perused over the weekend. God bless us all with strength and promises fulfilled RIGHT NOW!

Soul Virgins: Redefining Single Sexuality (http://www.soulvirgins.com/)

Soul Virgins takes a look at the issues confronting Christian singles related to the area of sexuality from a refreshingly honest perspective. Written by Christian counselors who are pioneers in the field of sex therapy, it offers a unique perspective to weary travelers along the road of sexual purity and chastity, introducing a new language for real discussion around the common issues singles face.

Some of the topics covered include:
The definition of “soul virgin” (and why it’s important)
God’s design in creating single adults as sexual beings
The importance of deliberate choices in dealing with sexuality
How godly attitudes motivate godly behaviors
Why virginity matters to God
How soul virginity differs from physical virginity
How to pursue healing from past sexual shame
Understanding the differences God created between men and women
What to do with sexual “surging”
How to encourage others in their pursuit of soul virginity
The importance of a real relationship with God and godly friends
Pursuing healthy relationships with a possible soul mate as a soul virgin
Avoiding common “viruses” that threaten God’s design for couples
Setting godly boundaries in dating/coupling
Maintaining a healthy balance in dating/coupling relationships

 

[klb120475]

There's got to be a better word than "challenge" but please understand that I know it can be very challenging. Trust....

In hopes that this will be helpful, I wanted to offer this information about a book a perused over the weekend. God bless us all with strength and promises fulfilled RIGHT NOW!

I agree with you and Shimmie with the wording "challenge". I simply piggybacked off of the terminology of the sticky above. I don't feel my lifestyle to honor God first is a challenge in that respect. I guess, this is new to me. My issue is dealing with desires that come out of nowhere. I can be minding my own business driving, listening to gospel music, getting my praise on and out of nowhere begin to have urges down there. This doesn't happen often, of course the first thing I do is go in prayer taking authority over my body and bringing my flesh under subjection.

Thank you for the book review....I will be going to Christian book store to check it out.

 

[PaperClip]

I agree with you and Shimmie with the wording "challenge". I simply piggybacked off of the terminology of the sticky above. I don't feel my lifestyle to honor God first is a challenge in that respect. I guess, this is new to me. My issue is dealing with desires that come out of nowhere. I can be minding my own business driving, listening to gospel music, getting my praise on and out of nowhere begin to have urges down there. This doesn't happen often, of course the first thing I do is go in prayer taking authority over my body and bringing my flesh under subjection.

Thank you for the book review....I will be going to Christian book store to check it out.

It's alright about the word! Part of that is just me and my anal self about words, writing, etc. I was a journalism major so words and me, we got a thing goin' on!

Hopefully this thread shows you that you are NOT ALONE! The book talks about us being "sexual" beings, not just in terms of physical sexuality. Sexuality is much more than about sex. And you're doing the right thing in terms of using your authority to bring the flesh under subjection and also that we have to be careful and not trust our flesh to make the right choices. We have to watch what we see, here, and position ourselves. We can't go to every movie, concert, etc., or whatever that thing is that gets us hawt! But I am a witness that the Lord is a keeper and a preserver. It is all for His glory....

You'll be alright! I agree with you for that!

 

[klb120475]

It's alright about the word! Part of that is just me and my anal self about words, writing, etc. I was a journalism major so words and me, we got a thing goin' on!

Hopefully this thread shows you that you are NOT ALONE! The book talks about us being "sexual" beings, not just in terms of physical sexuality. Sexuality is much more than about sex. And you're doing the right thing in terms of using your authority to bring the flesh under subjection and also that we have to be careful and not trust our flesh to make the right choices. We have to watch what we see, here, and position ourselves. We can't go to every movie, concert, etc., or whatever that thing is that gets us hawt! But I am a witness that the Lord is a keeper and a preserver. It is all for His glory....

You'll be alright! I agree with you for that!

Ohhh....journalism major...that explains it.

Yep, I just needed to know that I wasn't alone. ...{HUGS}

 

[Shimmie]

Thank you Shimmie...I knew you would chime in with words of spiritual wisdom.

You know what Angel? Thank God for being created a woman. Thank Him everyday for everything that is 'woman' about you ... including those 'urges'. Not for dwelling upon the 'urges' (or the desire for 'love making') but simply that you are alive and well to have every function of your body to be in proper functioning order. And the ability to take charge and to put those feelings into perspective for your marriage.

I'll tell you why I"m thankful for having 'urges' (NOT to dwell upon...NO).

But there are women in Africa whose genetalia is mutilated to keep them from enjoying sex. No anesthesia, no sharp blades (a dull blade is sheer inhuman torture for the cutting process takes much longer), and nothing to endure the pain. And added to this barbarian torture, these women will never enjoy the beauty of being married and being intimate with their husbands. I'm using 'choice' words here.

Now, when I think about this, I am truly blessed to have 'urges', however yet, have full control over. Urges that I can take rule and full authority by just 'ignoring' them; and these feelings really can be easily ignored. But for those poor mutiliated women, they will never have this choice as we do.

So I praise God for victory and for the Grace of overcoming and also for not having been tortured in such a manner as these woman. It makes you stop and think who's really suffering. We can 'choose' our feelings and choose how to deal with them. They can't.

Abstinence for 'us' here in our culture, is no longer so much of a challenge now, is it? Someone else always has it worse. Our sufferings are nothing compared to theirs; nothing compared to those of Jesus our Lord when He suffered and died for us on the cross. I know it may sound cliche' but the Truth is still what it is...the Truth. The 'Truth' being, we really do not know what suffering truly is.

Who ever started that 'Back to Africa' campaign, can leave me off the list.

 

[klb120475]

You know what Angel? Thank God for being created a woman. Thank Him everyday for everything that is 'woman' about you ... including those 'urges'. Not for dwelling upon the 'urges' (or the desire for 'love making') but simply that you are alive and well to have every function of your body to be in proper functioning order. And the ability to take charge and to put those feelings into perspective for your marriage.

I'll tell you why I"m thankful for having 'urges' (NOT to dwell upon...NO).

But there are women in Africa whose genetalia is mutilated to keep them from enjoying sex. No anesthesia, no sharp blades (a dull blade is sheer inhuman torture for the cutting process takes much longer), and nothing to endure the pain. And added to this barbarian torture, these women will never enjoy the beauty of being married and being intimate with their husbands. I'm using 'choice' words here.

Now, when I think about this, I am truly blessed to have 'urges', however yet, have full control over. Urges that I can take rule and full authority by just 'ignoring' them; and these feelings really can be easily ignored. But for those poor mutiliated women, they will never have this choice as we do.

So I praise God for victory and for the Grace of overcoming and also for not having been tortured in such a manner as these woman. It makes you stop and think who's really suffering. We can 'choose' our feelings and choose how to deal with them. They can't.

Abstinence for 'us' here in our culture, is no longer so much of a challenge now, is it? Someone else always has it worse. Our sufferings are nothing compared to theirs; nothing compared to those of Jesus our Lord when He suffered and died for us on the cross. I know it may sound cliche' but the Truth is still what it is...the Truth. The 'Truth' being, we really do not know what suffering truly is.

Who ever started that 'Back to Africa' campaign, can leave me off the list.

Thinking about it from this angle brings about a whole other perspective.

Lord, I thank ya that my body functions as you have created it!!

 

[thegirltolove]

You know what Angel? Thank God for being created a woman. Thank Him everyday for everything that is 'woman' about you ... including those 'urges'. Not for dwelling upon the 'urges' (or the desire for 'love making') but simply that you are alive and well to have every function of your body to be in proper functioning order. And the ability to take charge and to put those feelings into perspective for your marriage.

I'll tell you why I"m thankful for having 'urges' (NOT to dwell upon...NO).

But there are women in Africa whose genetalia is mutilated to keep them from enjoying sex. No anesthesia, no sharp blades (a dull blade is sheer inhuman torture for the cutting process takes much longer), and nothing to endure the pain. And added to this barbarian torture, these women will never enjoy the beauty of being married and being intimate with their husbands. I'm using 'choice' words here.

Now, when I think about this, I am truly blessed to have 'urges', however yet, have full control over. Urges that I can take rule and full authority by just 'ignoring' them; and these feelings really can be easily ignored. But for those poor mutiliated women, they will never have this choice as we do.

So I praise God for victory and for the Grace of overcoming and also for not having been tortured in such a manner as these woman. It makes you stop and think who's really suffering. We can 'choose' our feelings and choose how to deal with them. They can't.

Abstinence for 'us' here in our culture, is no longer so much of a challenge now, is it? Someone else always has it worse. Our sufferings are nothing compared to theirs; nothing compared to those of Jesus our Lord when He suffered and died for us on the cross. I know it may sound cliche' but the Truth is still what it is...the Truth. The 'Truth' being, we really do not know what suffering truly is.

Who ever started that 'Back to Africa' campaign, can leave me off the list.

Wow, thank you for reminding us of this. I remember hearing about this a long time ago. It is so easy to forget when it is not happening to you. God bless the people in Africa.

 

[klb120475]

In hopes that this will be helpful, I wanted to offer this information about a book a perused over the weekend. God bless us all with strength and promises fulfilled RIGHT NOW!

Soul Virgins: Redefining Single Sexuality (http://www.soulvirgins.com/)

Soul Virgins takes a look at the issues confronting Christian singles related to the area of sexuality from a refreshingly honest perspective. Written by Christian counselors who are pioneers in the field of sex therapy, it offers a unique perspective to weary travelers along the road of sexual purity and chastity, introducing a new language for real discussion around the common issues singles face.

RelaxerR, thank you sooooo much for recommending this book to me!!! This book is beyond awesome and it's just want I needed!

Hey all ya'll single Christians......go get this book!

 

[thegirltolove]

I went to the website and it seems very interesting. I believe I am going to get it also. Where did you get yours from?

 

[PaperClip]

I went to the website and it seems very interesting. I believe I am going to get it also. Where did you get yours from?

I got a copy from my local library. Glad that I could read it (free) before spending money to get it. I expect to add it to my collection.

 

[star]

Hey ladies, I just wanted to check in and see how everyone was doing. I've been celibate/abstinent for 9 months (divorcing). Can I keep it real with my Christian sistas?? Although I'm not dating...lately I've been having some urges, I wish they'll just go away and just return whenever I remarry...I need some scriptures....to thy on self be true...surely I'm not the only one dealing with this....

Anoint that area with some blessed oil. In works and make sure you say In Jesus Name out loud. Any where the water hits you can anoint in Jesus name and there power in His name. Be encourage we all struggle but God is a keeping God. You will be so blessed when you time comes for another holy commuinion with your husband.

 

[klb120475]

I went to the website and it seems very interesting. I believe I am going to get it also. Where did you get yours from?

I got it from Barnes & Noble. They didn't have any in stock, so they ordered it for me. It was only $16.

 

[klb120475]

Anoint that area with some blessed oil. In works and make sure you say In Jesus Name out loud. Any where the water hits you can anoint in Jesus name and there power in His name. Be encourage we all struggle but God is a keeping God. You will be so blessed when you time comes for another holy commuinion with your husband.

Alrighty then Star! As much as pull out the blessing oil, I don't know why I never thought of this.....Thank you much!