Called to Singleness
- Thread starter aribell
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username12
Well-Known Member
Absolutely not, it doesn't make sense.
God create man and woman to join together as one.
He gave us the desire to unite as one (in psychology, all humans have the desire to be loved and accepted by others).
He created marriage.
He gave us sexual feelings, and told us not to fornicate. What sense does that make to create sexual feelings but not marry?
God told us to be fruitful and multiply
How can God build His army if Christians aren't marrying and raising children with Christian standards?
Song of Songs is a book talking about love and attraction, if God didn't think it was important, then why is it in the Bible?
I don't think God calls anyone to singleness, it doesn't follow nature's plan or God's plan.
God create man and woman to join together as one.
He gave us the desire to unite as one (in psychology, all humans have the desire to be loved and accepted by others).
He created marriage.
He gave us sexual feelings, and told us not to fornicate. What sense does that make to create sexual feelings but not marry?
God told us to be fruitful and multiply
How can God build His army if Christians aren't marrying and raising children with Christian standards?
Song of Songs is a book talking about love and attraction, if God didn't think it was important, then why is it in the Bible?
I don't think God calls anyone to singleness, it doesn't follow nature's plan or God's plan.
HeChangedMyName
Well-Known Member
For the time being, I have. He showed me that until I can love him properly and also receive his love properly that I can't love anyone else in a relationship or marriage. I wasn't trying to hear that a first, but I know it's just a season and I'm willing to go through the process. I feel like Esther, I'm being prepared. 
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
Jesus said: "Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. 12For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuch for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it." --Matthew 19:11-12
A eunuch being, in so many words, a lifelong celibate person, Jesus acknowledges that some people will be such for various reasons. Some people have physical defects which cause this, others are made such when older (castration was something practiced in biblical times), but some people will choose to be eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom.
Paul also echoes this in I Corinthians by saying that it is better for a man if he not marry and that those who are married are distracted by their desire to please their spouses, whereas those who are single are free to focus on holiness. While not everyone will be able to bear a life of singleness, some people can.
I am not called to singleness but sometimes I wish I was. I can definitely see how husband and family concerns, or even desires for such take up a lot of space in your mind. I really value those times in my life when I am completely content and free of earthly concerns before God.
username12
Well-Known Member
In those instances, I totally agree with you. I'm a strong advocate for periods of singleness for time to work on ourselves. I don't believe some people are good for marriage because of their personalites, but that is social learning. I don't think anyone should just into marriage b/c of pressure. People can choose to be single for life, and I totally respect that.
However, we are sexual beings. That's just how God created us. Some can surpress those desires, but many can't. I don't get how God can create us to be sexual beings, yet call some to be single, it contradicts itself. I'm not really speaking on your thread, but pastors who tell women that they won't get married.
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
I am at a place now where I cannot say that the Lord is calling me to a lifetime of singleness, but in reflecting more and more, I think that my own attitude is going to be one of indefinite singleness. If I happen to meet a man and it seems good and glorifying to God that we should marry, I will be open to that. But otherwise, it is not something that I intend to intentionally seek any longer.
That's not meant to be a prescription for how everyone is supposed to approach things. It's just that in reflecting upon what has brought the best fruit in my life, it has unquestionably been when I have been solely focused on working for God's Kingdom without any concern whatsoever about dating or marriage. I had the most spiritual peace and did the most productive work in the church when I thought very little about being a wife or finding a husband. I regret lost time and energy that could have been used for something eternal.
I caught everything but the bolded...
That's not meant to be a prescription for how everyone is supposed to approach things. It's just that in reflecting upon what has brought the best fruit in my life, it has unquestionably been when I have been solely focused on working for God's Kingdom without any concern whatsoever about dating or marriage. I had the most spiritual peace and did the most productive work in the church when I thought very little about being a wife or finding a husband. I regret lost time and energy that could have been used for something eternal.
I caught everything but the bolded...
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loolalooh
Well-Known Member
For the time being, I have. He showed me that until I can love him properly and also receive his love properly that I can't love anyone else in a relationship or marriage. I wasn't trying to hear that a first, but I know it's just a season and I'm willing to go through the process. I feel like Esther, I'm being prepared.
This is me to the tee. There are moments when I'm still not trying to hear it, but He knows what's best and I must follow. I know that it is eventually in my future that I marry, but not anytime soon.
Guitarhero
New Member
how did this go double?
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Guitarhero
New Member
For me, sex is only part of the desire to marry. I want someone to love, cook and clean for. I truly do. I want to be in a family way and have big weekends with big family. Communing with a man spiritually is number one on my list though. Sex sure is the icing on that cake and babies are the cherry on top. Thank goodness that most of us are not called to singlehood. It's probably those of us who aren't who are most disturbed by those who know they are. Me included. I feel you on this one.
LifeafterLHCF
New Member
LOL yes some people shouldn't marry..its bad for both parties..I think of myself and I cringe when men are even in my house so I don't know if that is a sign that I may never ever get a man in my life time..I use to think it was all about the look and that I needed to fit into that look but now I can see maybe to I'm too hard to marry even though I have dreams of little vanilla/chocolate swirl kids..
Bunny77
New Member
I'm totally with both of your posts (as you could probably guess), but I do think Nicola was speaking of a different type of situation than the bolded (as you also noted... I just wanted to address both instances that I see).
The people whom I believe are called to singleness -- whether forever or for a certain period of time -- usually embrace it wholeheartedly. They will also know without a doubt that they have been called to remain single. They find joy in whatever they're doing as singles. Now, might they have some sexual temptation and desires? I'm sure they do. I have no idea, for example, what Paul went through to fulfill his calling, but for him, the calling to do God's work took precedence over whatever sexual needs he might have had.
That being said, I think the number of people called to singleness is VERY small. Most of us are supposed to be married. I've never quite understood the "logic" behind the idea that because you are single now or struggling with your relationships, that means you are "called to singleness." Or the pastors that look at the BM shortage (which is debatable) and use to that tell BW that many of them won't get married and that they just might be called to singleness, so they better get used to it.
Um, no.
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
See, that's so interesting to me with the bolded. Singleness has always made sense to me. I have never felt any deep need or profound desire to be in a relationship. Or, as mentioned above, that desire when present was never a good or productive thing, more a sign of something being "off." Sometimes it would be nice, and I do enjoy the company, but idk. I remember taking my art teacher who was a nun seriously when she suggested that I consider that calling. I still toss the idea around in my mind from time to time...
Bunny77 said:
I think the bolded is a good way of putting it. Paul did say that it is better to marry than to burn, but I don't think that he as a single man was completely free of sexual desire and/or temptation. But the purpose he felt in doing his particular work in the Body overcame that, as he said: "Do we have no right to take along a believing wife, as do also the other apostles, the brothers of the LOrd, and Cephas? Or is it only Barnabas and I who have no right to refrain from working?...Nevertheless we have not used this right, but endure all things lest we hinder the gospel of Christ."
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Love Always
Well-Known Member
This phenomenon is beyond me and sadly enough you hear this in a lot of black churches...they especially say this to the women. I believe that men aren't being told that they're called for singleness 
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aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
This phenomenon is beyond me and sadly enough you hear this in a lot of black churches...they especially say this to the women. I believe that men aren't being told that they're called for singleness
That just seems kind of cruel honestly...to recognize that women want to get married but not do anything to promote marriage. Just an "oh well, you're probably going to be an old maid then."
Kinda ot, but pastors telling women they just won't get married doesn't add up to me. I know there's the whole numbers thing, but I would think that if they cared they would at least try. Sometimes things like this can be a source of pride/superiority for some and that's why they don't reach out. My mother has been single for years and attended a service at a church where her friends husband is the pastor. She told me he actually said from the pulpit, "You single ladies, don't be jealous, don't be mad because you aren't married to good black men like us."
In that instance, the fact that there are single women who want men like them, or single women who want what married women have, makes a lot of people feel better about themselves. They aren't going to reach out and help.That just seems kind of cruel honestly...to recognize that women want to get married but not do anything to promote marriage. Just an "oh well, you're probably going to be an old maid then."
Kinda ot, but pastors telling women they just won't get married doesn't add up to me. I know there's the whole numbers thing, but I would think that if they cared they would at least try. Sometimes things like this can be a source of pride/superiority for some and that's why they don't reach out. My mother has been single for years and attended a service at a church where her friends husband is the pastor. She told me he actually said from the pulpit, "You single ladies, don't be jealous, don't be mad because you aren't married to good black men like us."
Wow, that's awful..what's that about
erplexed. I agree that some people derive significance from the perceived scarcity and status of marriage partners.
HeChangedMyName
Well-Known Member
I dedicate this song to all the single ladies. . .and the married ones too who need it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDawGvkhvD8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDawGvkhvD8
weaveologist
New Member
This is very interesting. When writing my next book, I came across some ministry that also said that God calls some to singleness because it gives them the freedom to do God's work. I also found ministry that said if you're approach to being single is that a man will improve your life, God will not send you a mate.
How do they know? I don't like when people make absolute statements like this because it makes women feel like they need some perfect mindset to be worthy of a mate. Why would I want to get married if I didn't think doing so would improve my life?
I strongly believe that timing is the most important factor for all of God's purposes for us. He alone knows what readiness means for each of us.
I know plenty of Christian women who got married in their early 20s who dreamed of having a husband and kids and got what they wanted - there were no emotional or spiritual hoops to jump through. The timing was right for them (in most cases).. we're all individuals and God has unique purposes/plans for each of our lives.
Bunny77
New Member
I guess I would need to hear the context in which your last sentence was stated.
Obviously, one should not look to man to be your ultimate fulfillment, but why shouldn't one look for marriage to improve one's life? This is not to say that one's life is lacking if he or she is single, but I'm not marrying to make my life worse... being a wife and mother would be wonderful additions to my life and marriage IS a ministry.
I also don't really believe in the idea of God sending people mates either. God is not some kind of cupid who will drop a man/woman in your lap if you do/act like XYZ... I find it interesting that many Christians pick up what I consider to be very Hollywood-ish ideas about courting and marriage and promote these as Christian ministry. That bothers me.
HeChangedMyName
Well-Known Member
God works in mysterious ways sometimes. It's all there in his Word, but we don't all come to understanding about it at the same time. I'm sure there are some married women who never thought they'd be married and there are probably some married women who really wish they were still single.
God's Word says HE knows the plans he has for us, plans to prosper and not harm us. For some people, that prospering may include a mate, for some it may not. But God knows. If we truly set aside our predisposed ideas and listen to him, he will tell us what we all need to know. . .which is His plan.
God's Word says HE knows the plans he has for us, plans to prosper and not harm us. For some people, that prospering may include a mate, for some it may not. But God knows. If we truly set aside our predisposed ideas and listen to him, he will tell us what we all need to know. . .which is His plan.
Laela
Sidestepping the "lynch mob"
Hmmm... Not everyone desires marriage and that's OK. Singleness is a "season" for some, a lifelong choice for others. It's like tithing - between a person and God.
This book is really good and will shed some light on what "singleness" really is.
IMHO, married women don't need to knock the Single women who choose to stay single; Single women don't need to knock the Married women who choose to marry;
God will use His vessels in either situation for the good of the Kingdom.
[ I have an extra copy of this book, to share with whomever would want it.]
This book is really good and will shed some light on what "singleness" really is.
IMHO, married women don't need to knock the Single women who choose to stay single; Single women don't need to knock the Married women who choose to marry;
God will use His vessels in either situation for the good of the Kingdom.
[ I have an extra copy of this book, to share with whomever would want it.]
Laela
Sidestepping the "lynch mob"
I understand this to mean, seeking marriage for selfish reasons??
This is an interesting area of belief and I wish we talked about it more, cause there's deep theological differences and views that are hinted at when we talk of God sending us a mate.
I do believe that relationships are primary vehicle of growth and blessing as Christians. I also believe that God brings people into our lives at different times for particular purposes, especially in the context of the body. We all have unique spiritual gifts meant to bless and encourage each other. The bible has tons of examples of God working through particular relationships.
It's not completely defined what someone means when they say they are "waiting on God." For me personally that means releasing my anxieties to Him. Doing what I know to do but having faith in God's promise to bless and multiply my efforts. Having joy in the present time in all circumstances. Basically never acting out of fear or anxiety but out of faith and love (anything that does not come from faith is sin). The heart of our actions is what really matters so I believe if someone wants to pursue online dating and they are doing it out of peace (the Bible says let peace rule as an empire in our hearts), not anxiety or fear of loneliness, they can have faith that God will help them find the right path.
I've had a check in my spirit and a loss of peace when pursuing certain actions when it comes to dating. Everyone has different areas of weakness and insecurity that have to worked out, and a differernt path that God wants them on. I can't tell everyone what they specifically need to do to go about getting married. We all have to learn to walk according to the spirit and obey what God is saying to us personally IMO.
ToyToy
Well-Known Member
That just seems kind of cruel honestly...to recognize that women want to get married but not do anything to promote marriage. Just an "oh well, you're probably going to be an old maid then."
Kinda ot, but pastors telling women they just won't get married doesn't add up to me. I know there's the whole numbers thing, but I would think that if they cared they would at least try. Sometimes things like this can be a source of pride/superiority for some and that's why they don't reach out. My mother has been single for years and attended a service at a church where her friends husband is the pastor. She told me he actually said from the pulpit, "You single ladies, don't be jealous, don't be mad because you aren't married to good black men like us."
That's awful!! I have never heard of pastors telling women that they aren't meant to be married. That is so awful. If you don't know the answer to someone's situation, don't say anything at all!I believe that if you are called to singleness, you also would have had to have consecrated yourself from the start, meaning you have never had sex. The eunochs mentioned in the Bible are virgins, right?
I think I can safely say that the ratio of single non-virgin adults far (far, far) outweighs that of those are virgin adults. I believe that most of us are meant to be married (which is why God saw it fit to create a helper for Adam - Eve), but I do know that a very few selected people are meant to be consecrated unto God for their lifetime.
ToyToy
Well-Known Member
It's true that when you are single, you are (well you should be) less distracted by other things (marriage and all that comes with it) and you have the freedom to be more focused on the things of God (and other things) without needing the input of a spouse. But I also know a lot of married people (both male and female) who are highly active in the work of God, and it doesn't seem to get in the way of their marriage. There are limitations, though, especially when you start having kids.
As to why someone is or is not single...everyone seems to have their own theory (most especially the "specialists"), but the truth is that only God knows why some people get married in their 20s, others don't find their partners until they are in their 30s, others in their 40s, and yet others in their 50s or beyond. It is important that we have our own intimate relationship with God, and find out the truth for ourselves, rather than listen to theories others try to push down our throats.
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Bunny77
New Member
This is awesome! And like you, I've tried to be more careful to discern what people mean when they say that they're "waiting on God" or that one should "be ready" for marriage and that might be why they're currently single (if they desire marriage, of course). It's not always a bad thing... but again, we do need to discuss this more to see where exactly people are coming from when they make these statements.
Your example of online dating was a great one. I know so many people who will not consider this because they believe that they are "not waiting on the Lord" if they pursue this option. Or I've seen people watch a YouTube sermon, hear a pastor, etc., speak against online dating, and then this person suddenly deletes her profile.
Now... if as you said, you did not have that sense of peace in your spirit when you pursued the online option, then I agree, you should not do it. But to look at it as an option not fit for a Christian woman only because someone else told you this? Or made it seem that you were questioning God and showing a lack of faith because you pursued that option? Not cool.
I think God was telling me for years to "DO SOMETHING." When I felt anxiety and a lack of peace, it was because I listened to others who told me that I needed to "wait," or accept that I might not be "called to be married." THIS is my concern...and I think you put it very eloquently that we have to listen to what God is telling us personally about marriage and singleness and then act accordingly.
Your example of online dating was a great one. I know so many people who will not consider this because they believe that they are "not waiting on the Lord" if they pursue this option. Or I've seen people watch a YouTube sermon, hear a pastor, etc., speak against online dating, and then this person suddenly deletes her profile.
Now... if as you said, you did not have that sense of peace in your spirit when you pursued the online option, then I agree, you should not do it. But to look at it as an option not fit for a Christian woman only because someone else told you this? Or made it seem that you were questioning God and showing a lack of faith because you pursued that option? Not cool.
I think God was telling me for years to "DO SOMETHING." When I felt anxiety and a lack of peace, it was because I listened to others who told me that I needed to "wait," or accept that I might not be "called to be married." THIS is my concern...and I think you put it very eloquently that we have to listen to what God is telling us personally about marriage and singleness and then act accordingly.
Yea, it's unfortunate that so many people rely on the conviction of others to base their decision making on. I believe there has been a huge lack of good bible teaching in the church that causes women to fall into that trap. You have, in many cases, well-meaning pastors and leaders who don't trust people to make proper decisions without laying down their own biases and interpretations as rules. God did not intend to live only by what another person tells us. Maybe they are scared people will date and marry all willy-nilly - but they're doing that anyways
, may as well give people the tools to find the right path for themselves. The model of the church set forth in the new testament is one where people are ever growing in knowledge of the Word and in faith. Paul says that we need to "reason together" and become certain of something "in our own minds." Church leaders are supposed to help equip believers to walk according to the Spirit, not just create followers.Some people are going to have strong biases against something like online dating, that's just natural.. my pastor says that if we don't agree with something he says to just sit on our mental shelves and search it out in the Word and pray it about it for ourselves. That's our responsibility as believers.
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