Bursting his bubble....how do I do it nicely??

^^I agree. I don't think crushing his ego is a major concern because, while he probably doesn't mean any harm, the reason why he's so nonchalant with stuff like you waiting for so long and being told to do something for your birthday, yet STILL thinks he's a great boyfriend is because he's probably used to people fawning over him and women treating him like it's enough to just be in his presence. He's probably not a bad guy but it seems like his ego could handle a downward notch or two :look:

I'm not saying be rude or anything and you obviously don't want to be, but I do think you have enough room to be honest about how you feel like he's not rising to the occasion without worrying about his feelings.
 
I know a lot of guys in sports so I understand that they can be a tad self centered. Just remember setting boundaries early can be the best thing you can do for your relationship.

I'm sure when ever you put the cards on the table he will work to make things better. Especially because he prides himself in being a good guy.
 
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InchHighPrivateEye said:
^^I agree. I don't think crushing his ego is a major concern because, while he probably doesn't mean any harm, the reason why he's so nonchalant with stuff like you waiting for so long and being told to do something for your birthday, yet STILL thinks he's a great boyfriend is because he's probably used to people fawning over him and women treating him like it's enough to just be in his presence. He's probably not a bad guy but it seems like his ego could handle a downward notch or two :look:

I'm not saying be rude or anything and you obviously don't want to be, but I do think you have enough room to be honest about how you feel like he's not rising to the occasion without worrying about his feelings.
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I agree that his ego needs to be checked, I just don't want to crush it completely. I'm trying to be nice because its still new because in the past I would've gave him the business and kept it moving. I truly think he is just clueless because he is used to people catering to his every whim that's why I want to go about this in a nice way.
 
Lymegreen

My EX was an athlete as well and he was a HOLY TERROR! So I was drawn to this new guy because he seemed different but now I see that the arrogance is still there and I'm not interested in kissing no ninjas arse. I'm just not sure how to broach the subject especially since I had the perfect opening and let it pass.
 
My thing is don't . Don't kiss his butt. I think you may have let an opportunity to discus this pass.

He probably breathed a sigh of relief when you didn't blow up! You had every right to be mad. But going to him after the fact is a little problematic. But, it probably gave you a chance to think things over.

Maintain decorum as a lady. No cursing etc... but I would be curious to know if you expressed hurt (I never like to say anger) after sitting around for hours would he look you in the face and wonder why you were upset.


I think you'd be giving a 'nice' gesture by waiting until (or if) something happens again. Short of that I can't think of a nice way to let him know.

If you are too nice he may think it's a play for attention and that nothing is really wrong. Afterall he's such a great guy how could you complain?

If you catch him in the act he will have a hard time looking you in the face and say that you are over reacting. Also, the focus will not be on his ego but on your feelings.
 
ms.mimi

I'm really feeling that may be what needs to happen cuz I'm not interested in dealing with this mess, I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt though just based on other things he has told me, if nothing changes after I break it to him then I'm chucking the deuces.
 
Lymegreen said:
My thing is don't . Don't kiss his butt. I think you may have let an opportunity to discus this pass.

He probably breathed a sigh of relief when you didn't blow up! You had every right to be mad. But going to him after the fact is a little problematic. But, it probably gave you a chance to think things over.

Maintain decorum as a lady. No cursing etc... but I would be curious to know if you expressed hurt (I never like to say anger) after sitting around for hours would he look you in the face and wonder why you were upset.

I think you'd be giving a 'nice' gesture by waiting until (or if) something happens again. Short of that I can't think of a nice way to let him know.

If you are too nice he may think it's a play for attention and that nothing is really wrong. Afterall he's such a great guy how could you complain?

If you catch him in the act he will have a hard time looking you in the face and say that you are over reacting. Also, the focus will not be on his ego but on your feelings.
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I think I may have too....the weird thing is that he always manages to slip in some comment about how good he treats me so at this point I'm going to bide my time until he says something again and try to slip it in nicely.
I wouldn't say that I expressed hurt but I wasn't my normal cheerful self when I saw him, I was a little cold and withdrawn. He later told me he thought it was because I wasn't feeling well... I did have a cold but it wasn't that serious.. to his credit he did apologize for that whole waiting fiasco.

I really like your advice Lymegreen , thank you!
 
This sounds like a catch 22 relationship. I was in a relationship that progressed just like this. The first 4 months were the bomb and after that things went numb and it seemed like he took my kindness for granted. Deep down I knew he was a good man, no doubt about that but he was so self centered. When I pointed things out to him, instead of acknowledging them, he pointed out my faults. It was like some teenaged high school BS. My mom told me I was likely the first woman he had been with that called him out on his mess and he couldn't handle it. I eventually did what I have always done best when I wanted out of a relationship............I stopped answering the phone. It was hard but I felt why give you an explanation when I've been trying to address issues all along!
 
Brighteyes35 said:
This sounds like a catch 22 relationship. I was in a relationship that progressed just like this. The first 4 months were the bomb and after that things went numb and it seemed like he took my kindness for granted. Deep down I knew he was a good man, no doubt about that but he was so self centered. When I pointed things out to him, instead of acknowledging them, he pointed out my faults. It was like some teenaged high school BS. My mom told me I was likely the first woman he had been with that called him out on his mess and he couldn't handle it. I eventually did what I have always done best when I wanted out of a relationship............I stopped answering the phone. It was hard but I felt why give you an explanation when I've been trying to address issues all along!
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Yep! That's exactly how I feel! He once told me that one of his exes got down on her knees and begged him to stay, I truly think he doesn't realize his faults because the other chicks put up with the bull because of the $$$ and let him get away with it.
I know a lot of folks go through periods where they may take their SO for granted but after 4 months?!?!?! I can't wrap my head around it, I'm hoping he accepts what I have to say but if not I'll have to cut it loose. I don't have time to be mistreated.
 
UniquelyDivine said:
Yep! That's exactly how I feel! He once told me that one of his exes got down on her knees and begged him to stay, I truly think he doesn't realize his faults because the other chicks put up with the bull because of the $$$ and let him get away with it.
I know a lot of folks go through periods where they may take their SO for granted but after 4 months?!?!?! I can't wrap my head around it, I'm hoping he accepts what I have to say but if not I'll have to cut it loose. I don't have time to be mistreated.
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Yeah I felt the same way. I'm like dang you couldn't even wait till a year, you waited 4 months! It's really hard to come off of a high like that cause girl let me tell you everything was on point. He was romantic, easy to talk to..........it had been years since I had that!! It was such a disappointment after that!
 
He is arrogant. Women are just commodities to men like him. He is playing a "game" and knows exactly what he is doing to you. The whole key thing that he pulled on you was done on purpose. His arrogance will lead him to be spiteful if you call him out, so be careful. Men like that really do not like you or anyone but himself.
 
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@ThatJerseyGirl needs to come in here. :look:

I stopped reading after the first paragraph because you were doing waaaay too much and you ARE now his PA, not his girlfriend. He is taking advantage and he doesn't give a crap.
 
I've dated a lot of high profile men, football players, politicians & actors. But either way it's all the same to me. Men with money and some sort of status sometimes feel like they don't have to go the extra mile like regular men do.

Plus what urks me about those type of guys is that their schedule keeps them so darn busy that they expect the woman in their life to put up with it and be okay with the forgetting to call, or I got rapped up in a meeting, on set, at practice, press conference, or whatever the case.

I feel like they all wine you and dine you, sweet talk you in the beginning because how the hell else are they gonna get you.

But forget about his feelings you have to think about what it is that you want. No matter how you break it to him, his schedule, lack of time focus isnt going to change unless he leaves whatever industry he is in.

Unfortunately this comes with the territory of high profile guys. Trust me been there done that
 
*lights up a newport one hunnit*

wassup Nique.... let me just say that you were doing too much and you made yourself too readily available and he has no respect for you or your time at all. none. all dat cookin, movin, packin, unpackin, phuckin....alluvdat needs to stop cuz dats a bit too much. men like him like a challenge and ur not a challenge to him....and ur too nice.

side note -- i don't believe a woman got on her knees and begged dis bama to stay. unheard of. i'm not buyin da bull.

see, ur first mistake was going to spend time with him on YOUR birthday. it shoulda been da otha way around. you took your friend with you on YOUR birthday to visit him? <<< re-read that again. u had expectations of him and he had no respect for you. then he gotchu a piece of cake from da grocery store *shudders* cuz ur friend mentioned it. yet, you were there to see him. On your birthday. sorry, but u played urself on dat one cuz i'd be damn if imma get in my car and drive to see some man on MY birthday. then u took ur friend.

then u went back to see him a few weeks afterwards. he calls u a few hours away telling u he had to work late. u should have said "iight den"...turned around and went back home.

what should u do? fade to black. yup, i said it. fade to black. ur too nice. men like him don't understand "nice" and u don't owe him no explanation as to why u want to break it off wif him, cuz see, u gotta show him better than you can tell him. by you telling him its over, its like ur bowin out...cowardly, so to speak. demand ur respect. how? by your actions. he should be kissin yo azzz, he should be waitin for u for hours, not da other way around.

start not answerin his phone calls every single time he call. stop telling him everything, stop being readily ole dependable Unique. stop burnin up gase runnin up n down da highway to see him. Be dat B!tch. hate to say it but it's true.... do unto others as others do unto u. start treating him the same exact way. flip da script....reverse da psychie.....bottom line...change da game.

don't be so quick to let go now....give dis bama a run for his money so that he'll neva forget u.... cuz as my girl Retha would say....R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

At the end of the day, it's all about respect. Don't be scared to stand up to these men and speak ur mind. Just like a child, when these men do something wrong, u gotta punish them, cuz if u keep lettin him slide, then u give him cart blanc privileges to treat u any kind of way and he won't appreciate you....trust me on dis one.
 
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