Brother's Girlfriend Stays over too much-I need advice
- Thread starter Sarophina
- Start date
I understand you being uncomfortable but if your mom is cool with the situation it's her house and her rules.
I know your heart is in the right place but sometimes we can spend too much time being judgemental because someone else is making us uncomfortable. We are not promised as Christians that we will live comfortable lives and not be exposed to sin in others. Basically us being against something is not enough to further the kingdom in a particular situation or environment.
The bible actually does not instruct us to pray for people to get saved (controversial statement, but it's really not in the Word). The thing you can do is be a godly example to your brother - love on him and his girlfriend. Pray that God would bless them both - we know that God's blessings provide an avenue for good things and growth in our hearts and lives. Also pray that God will help you not to view your brother and his girlfriend according to the flesh...
I know your heart is in the right place but sometimes we can spend too much time being judgemental because someone else is making us uncomfortable. We are not promised as Christians that we will live comfortable lives and not be exposed to sin in others. Basically us being against something is not enough to further the kingdom in a particular situation or environment.
The bible actually does not instruct us to pray for people to get saved (controversial statement, but it's really not in the Word). The thing you can do is be a godly example to your brother - love on him and his girlfriend. Pray that God would bless them both - we know that God's blessings provide an avenue for good things and growth in our hearts and lives. Also pray that God will help you not to view your brother and his girlfriend according to the flesh...
Laela
Sidestepping the "lynch mob"
The Bible instructs us to mind our own business
1 Thessalonians 4:11
And to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you.
I believe the Bible is instructions for Christians, not sinners. It's one thing to judge a situation concerning Christian conduct, according to Scripture; it's another to decide for someone else how they should live their life.
I understand how you feel though; it's VERY hard seeing family choose to live one way, one that leads to heartache, destruction, etc, when you're trying to live for God. ITA w/ Raspberry...focus on your life as a Child of God and leave the rest alone... God instructs us to love others, in spite of their situations..and that situation seems to be the house rules, according to your mom. God also tells us to honor our parents, whether we agree with them or not.
By doing so, we honor God and that trumps any "fit" we may have about whether something is wrong or right....
If you absolutely cannot live under those circumstances, have you considered living on your own or with someone else?
1 Thessalonians 4:11
And to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you.
I believe the Bible is instructions for Christians, not sinners. It's one thing to judge a situation concerning Christian conduct, according to Scripture; it's another to decide for someone else how they should live their life.
I understand how you feel though; it's VERY hard seeing family choose to live one way, one that leads to heartache, destruction, etc, when you're trying to live for God. ITA w/ Raspberry...focus on your life as a Child of God and leave the rest alone... God instructs us to love others, in spite of their situations..and that situation seems to be the house rules, according to your mom. God also tells us to honor our parents, whether we agree with them or not.
By doing so, we honor God and that trumps any "fit" we may have about whether something is wrong or right....
If you absolutely cannot live under those circumstances, have you considered living on your own or with someone else?
Prudent1
Well-Known Member
No you are not being a prude nor are you wrong with your line of thinking. They know what's up but sin feels good...initially. I do agree with what Raspberry said about you being somewhat limited by what you can do in this situation
. You do have to lead by example. That may not seem powerful but it is. Ppl are soooo tired of others saying one thing and doing something else
. Life is full of unpleasant situations many of which you will be the outcast in. Stay in prayer for you and your family. Ask God how He wants you to behave? When, what, and if you should say anything? If it may be possible for Him to change your living arrangements etc.? What types of things He would have you learn from this period in your life? Is moving into your own place out of the question?
Hang in there. It is when we face adverse times we learn what we are made of. If we lean on God, we come out with the upper hand. Remember Sodom and Gomorah? The story is actually told starting in Gen18:16 but Gen19 focuses on the destruction. If you don't know the history of those cities basically anything you could imagine was accepted. Beastiality, you name it. If it 'felt good, do it' was encouraged. The history of that area outside is fascinating and puts any modern day porn to shame
! Reading of Lot's predicament may help encourage you.
Gen 19 - Passage
. You do have to lead by example. That may not seem powerful but it is. Ppl are soooo tired of others saying one thing and doing something else. Life is full of unpleasant situations many of which you will be the outcast in. Stay in prayer for you and your family. Ask God how He wants you to behave? When, what, and if you should say anything? If it may be possible for Him to change your living arrangements etc.? What types of things He would have you learn from this period in your life? Is moving into your own place out of the question? Hang in there. It is when we face adverse times we learn what we are made of. If we lean on God, we come out with the upper hand. Remember Sodom and Gomorah? The story is actually told starting in Gen18:16 but Gen19 focuses on the destruction. If you don't know the history of those cities basically anything you could imagine was accepted. Beastiality, you name it. If it 'felt good, do it' was encouraged. The history of that area outside is fascinating and puts any modern day porn to shame
! Reading of Lot's predicament may help encourage you.Gen 19 - Passage
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You are the Light in the midst of the darkness which dwells in your mother's home. Keep shining and do so in love and in peace.
Be thankful that God has chosen you to follow Him in the paths of Righteousness for His Namesake and know that he is counting on you to be the one that everyone else follows.
Don't let this get you down, not when you have Jesus to keep you up.
Laela
Sidestepping the "lynch mob"
Iron sharpeneth iron. Amen
PROV. 27
1 Do not boast about tomorrow,
for you do not know what a day may bring.
2 Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth;
an outsider, and not your own lips.
3 Stone is heavy and sand a burden,
but a fool’s provocation is heavier than both.
4 Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming,
but who can stand before jealousy?
5 Better is open rebuke
than hidden love.
6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses.
7 One who is full loathes honey from the comb,
but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet.
8 Like a bird that flees its nest
is anyone who flees from home.
9 P erfume and incense bring joy to the heart,
and the pleasantness of a friend
springs from their heartfelt advice.
10 Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family,
and do not go to your relative’s house when disaster strikes you—
better a neighbor nearby than a relative far away.
11 Be wise, my son, and bring joy to my heart;
then I can answer anyone who treats me with contempt.
12 The prudent see danger and take refuge,
but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.
13 Take the garment of one who puts up security for a stranger;
hold it in pledge if it is done for an outsider.
14 If anyone loudly blesses their neighbor early in the morning,
it will be taken as a curse.
15 A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping
of a leaky roof in a rainstorm;
16 restraining her is like restraining the wind
or grasping oil with the hand.
17 As iron sharpens iron,
so one person sharpens another.
18 The one who guards a fig tree will eat its fruit,
and whoever protects their master will be honored.
19 As water reflects the face,
so one’s life reflects the heart.[a]
20 Death and Destruction[b] are never satisfied,
and neither are human eyes.
21 The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold,
but people are tested by their praise.
22 Though you grind a fool in a mortar,
grinding them like grain with a pestle,
you will not remove their folly from them.
23 Be sure you know the condition of your flocks,
give careful attention to your herds;
24 for riches do not endure forever,
and a crown is not secure for all generations.
25 When the hay is removed and new growth appears
and the grass from the hills is gathered in,
26 the lambs will provide you with clothing,
and the goats with the price of a field.
27 You will have plenty of goats’ milk to feed your family
and to nourish your female servants.
Commentary: Matthew Henry's Commentary - Proverbs 27 - HTML Bible
PROV. 27
1 Do not boast about tomorrow,
for you do not know what a day may bring.
2 Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth;
an outsider, and not your own lips.
3 Stone is heavy and sand a burden,
but a fool’s provocation is heavier than both.
4 Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming,
but who can stand before jealousy?
5 Better is open rebuke
than hidden love.
6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses.
7 One who is full loathes honey from the comb,
but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet.
8 Like a bird that flees its nest
is anyone who flees from home.
9 P erfume and incense bring joy to the heart,
and the pleasantness of a friend
springs from their heartfelt advice.
10 Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family,
and do not go to your relative’s house when disaster strikes you—
better a neighbor nearby than a relative far away.
11 Be wise, my son, and bring joy to my heart;
then I can answer anyone who treats me with contempt.
12 The prudent see danger and take refuge,
but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.
13 Take the garment of one who puts up security for a stranger;
hold it in pledge if it is done for an outsider.
14 If anyone loudly blesses their neighbor early in the morning,
it will be taken as a curse.
15 A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping
of a leaky roof in a rainstorm;
16 restraining her is like restraining the wind
or grasping oil with the hand.
17 As iron sharpens iron,
so one person sharpens another.
18 The one who guards a fig tree will eat its fruit,
and whoever protects their master will be honored.
19 As water reflects the face,
so one’s life reflects the heart.[a]
20 Death and Destruction[b] are never satisfied,
and neither are human eyes.
21 The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold,
but people are tested by their praise.
22 Though you grind a fool in a mortar,
grinding them like grain with a pestle,
you will not remove their folly from them.
23 Be sure you know the condition of your flocks,
give careful attention to your herds;
24 for riches do not endure forever,
and a crown is not secure for all generations.
25 When the hay is removed and new growth appears
and the grass from the hills is gathered in,
26 the lambs will provide you with clothing,
and the goats with the price of a field.
27 You will have plenty of goats’ milk to feed your family
and to nourish your female servants.
Commentary: Matthew Henry's Commentary - Proverbs 27 - HTML Bible
You are the Light in the midst of the darkness which dwells in your mother's home. Keep shining and do so in love and in peace.
Be thankful that God has chosen you to follow Him in the paths of Righteousness for His Namesake and know that he is counting on you to be the one that everyone else follows.
Don't let this get you down, not when you have Jesus to keep you up.
Sarophina
Well-Known Member
Thank you everyone for replying.
Hi @Raspberry I know it's not written directly in the bible. But, if it's the Lord's will that all come unto salvation then technically I would be praying according to His will that my brother see's his sinful state. He thinks he's "basically a good person" and that will get him to heaven. I couldn't die knowing that I did not pray for him or all my other loved ones everyday. People prayed for me and I got saved. I know it was God's will from the foundation of the earth but still the Lord tells us to ask. I do agree that I should show him and his gf love.
Hi @Laela Unfortunately I can't move because I'm a full-time student (1 year left) and I only make a part-time income. Living with my mom has been a blessing in every other aspect except this. I agree that it is her household and I need to show her honor and respect. TY for the Proverb. I love Proverbs.
Hi @Prudent1 Your response was super encouraging to me. TY. I will def. be reading about Lot. I try to pray that if it's God's will for Him to have me leave this household or if it's His will to have my brother leave this household. My brother negatively influences our youngest brother in a number of ways unfortunately. I see demonic strongholds on the both of them. It's heartbreaking, walking in such a marvelous light and to see my family stumbling in the darkness.
Hi @Shimmie TY also for your very encouraging response. You have a spiritual gift of encouragement
When I saw your response it brought a sense of peace to my heart. In that moment I released it unto God. Like Moses I feel ill-equipped to represent such an awesome God. But, I love him so I will do as he has said.
Hi @Raspberry I know it's not written directly in the bible. But, if it's the Lord's will that all come unto salvation then technically I would be praying according to His will that my brother see's his sinful state. He thinks he's "basically a good person" and that will get him to heaven. I couldn't die knowing that I did not pray for him or all my other loved ones everyday. People prayed for me and I got saved. I know it was God's will from the foundation of the earth but still the Lord tells us to ask. I do agree that I should show him and his gf love.
Hi @Laela Unfortunately I can't move because I'm a full-time student (1 year left) and I only make a part-time income. Living with my mom has been a blessing in every other aspect except this. I agree that it is her household and I need to show her honor and respect. TY for the Proverb. I love Proverbs.
Hi @Prudent1 Your response was super encouraging to me. TY. I will def. be reading about Lot. I try to pray that if it's God's will for Him to have me leave this household or if it's His will to have my brother leave this household. My brother negatively influences our youngest brother in a number of ways unfortunately. I see demonic strongholds on the both of them. It's heartbreaking, walking in such a marvelous light and to see my family stumbling in the darkness.
Hi @Shimmie TY also for your very encouraging response. You have a spiritual gift of encouragement
When I saw your response it brought a sense of peace to my heart. In that moment I released it unto God. Like Moses I feel ill-equipped to represent such an awesome God. But, I love him so I will do as he has said.
Poohbear
Fearfully Wonderfully Made
John 8:7 says, "So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her."
Sarophina,
Would you be able to cast the first stone on your brother? Have you checked your life and made sure that you are not doing anything offensive in the eyesight of God?
I see that you put that your brother is unsaved... are you judging that based on his girlfriend "shacking" with him?
Not trying to be mean or rude but I see alot of post like this that talk about another person's sin, but yet, everyone says that all Christians sin. And more times that not, people talk about others' sins to either make themselves look better or feel better about something wrong they are doing. But I'm sure you may be genuinely concerned.
My advice would be to just continue to show love to your brother and pray for him. Maybe even help his girlfriend find a job. Don't judge him nor look down on him. And if you have sin in your life, work on being more like Christ and being a godly example to your brother.
Sarophina,
Would you be able to cast the first stone on your brother? Have you checked your life and made sure that you are not doing anything offensive in the eyesight of God?
I see that you put that your brother is unsaved... are you judging that based on his girlfriend "shacking" with him?
Not trying to be mean or rude but I see alot of post like this that talk about another person's sin, but yet, everyone says that all Christians sin. And more times that not, people talk about others' sins to either make themselves look better or feel better about something wrong they are doing. But I'm sure you may be genuinely concerned.
My advice would be to just continue to show love to your brother and pray for him. Maybe even help his girlfriend find a job. Don't judge him nor look down on him. And if you have sin in your life, work on being more like Christ and being a godly example to your brother.
Sarophina
Well-Known Member
Hi @poohbear,
To answer your question yes I'm sure he is unsaved. He has told me he doesn't believe in the bible and trust's in his own good merit to get him into the gates of heaven. You are right that I shouldn't judge him. I think it just makes me upset that he's going the wrong path in life. But, I'm realizing that I just need to mind my own business. This relationship is not healthy from a natural and a spiritual standpoint. But, it's not my concern. I'm the oldest sister so I have a habit of making things my concern
But, I could always use a dose of humility and continually seeking to purify my attitude toward my brother and I'm glad you pointed that out.
Hi @poohbear,
To answer your question yes I'm sure he is unsaved. He has told me he doesn't believe in the bible and trust's in his own good merit to get him into the gates of heaven. You are right that I shouldn't judge him. I think it just makes me upset that he's going the wrong path in life. But, I'm realizing that I just need to mind my own business. This relationship is not healthy from a natural and a spiritual standpoint. But, it's not my concern. I'm the oldest sister so I have a habit of making things my concern
But, I could always use a dose of humility and continually seeking to purify my attitude toward my brother and I'm glad you pointed that out.
Sarophina :Rose:
You are so humble.
All I sense from you is a warm and loving spirit. Thank you for sharing such a warm heart with us. It is no small wonder that God would single you out to lead your family to Him. And it is your loving compassion and not undue judgment which has you so passionate about your family's salvation. As Believers we are to feel such and you do so, in such loving humility. For Love follows Love and you are indeed 'Love'.
God bless you and give you total peace throughout this 'journey' of your faith. For truly this is what it is, a journey; one that you have to travel, yet one that Jesus is right there with you to guide you along the path that He has cleared for you to make it completely through, with family and other loved ones following... straight to Jesus with open arms for all.
LifeafterLHCF
New Member
I say mind your business that the one thing as christians alot of times we want to butt in to things that dont concern and the old saying goes you can show better than you can tell..if it bothers you so much get up and move out if your in a position if not stay in your quarters and limit your time around that but make sure your pure and prestine so there will at least be some type of good representation around which may alter his actions..I hope I didnt come off mean but Im tired of christian folks trying to butt into the lives of others ..the way you affect ppl is by your light and making sure your light is bright as it can be so it can attract others
Prudent1
Well-Known Member
Sarophina,
How blessed they are to have you praying for them, concerned for them, even if they never fully realize it. We should love the things God loves and hate the things God hates. We should feel ill at ease in ungodly situations. When you've done all you can sometimes all that's left to do is to stand and allow God to move. He will move too. I cannot tell you how many times I have been minding my own business when someone approached me asking me why I was happy, different, or not effected and responding in the same way to calamity taking place around us at the time. That's when you have those it's the God in me moments to share. What they do with the info is up to them. Keep being salt in your home as long as you are planted there. A lot of salt makes folks thirsty you know. When they get thirsty, give them a drink from the word
.
Matt 5:13-16
Salt and Light
13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.
14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
John4:13-15
13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
How blessed they are to have you praying for them, concerned for them, even if they never fully realize it
. We should love the things God loves and hate the things God hates. We should feel ill at ease in ungodly situations. When you've done all you can sometimes all that's left to do is to stand and allow God to move. He will move too. I cannot tell you how many times I have been minding my own business when someone approached me asking me why I was happy, different, or not effected and responding in the same way to calamity taking place around us at the time. That's when you have those it's the God in me moments to share. What they do with the info is up to them. Keep being salt in your home as long as you are planted there. A lot of salt makes folks thirsty you know. When they get thirsty, give them a drink from the word. Matt 5:13-16
Salt and Light
13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.
14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
John4:13-15
13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
You are not wrong!
It's not really a christian thing : who would like such a situation, as a sister?!?
But if your mom is cool with it, just be quiet and
Sarophina
Well-Known Member
Thank you guys for the words of encouragement and support)
Today was a rough day but God upholds me.
"Persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed".
Shimmie-Thank you for the kind words. You have a way of saying the right things at the right time. I'm blessed to have met you.
Prudent1- I love the analogy of being so salty that they will need a glass of water. I will even write that in my spiritual journal for encouragement on the troublesome days, Thanks
) Today was a rough day but God upholds me.
"Persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed".
Shimmie-Thank you for the kind words. You have a way of saying the right things at the right time. I'm blessed to have met you.
Prudent1- I love the analogy of being so salty that they will need a glass of water. I will even write that in my spiritual journal for encouragement on the troublesome days, Thanks
Laela
Sidestepping the "lynch mob"
Prudent, I'm glad you shared that salt and light scripture... I was watching Arthur Blessit yesterday and he was recounting his early years when he started his Cross Walk across the World (back in the '60s). He said to share Jesus, we only need to know Him personally, no need to worry about having good debating skills, full knowledge of the Word, scripts for questions, etc... just talking to people about what we know and if we know Jesus that's all we need to know to make an impact. As an example, once he was sharing the Gospel and a man came up to him and told him "I don't like or believe what you're preaching, but I sure do love being around you." 
His very presence is what pulled this man... I believe that man saw Jesus in him.
His very presence is what pulled this man... I believe that man saw Jesus in him. Sarophina,
How blessed they are to have you praying for them, concerned for them, even if they never fully realize it
Matt 5:13-16
Salt and Light
13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.
14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
John4:13-15
13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
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