movingforward13
I do what I want...
When you have broken up with a serious boo- what was the reason?
Breakups
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LovelyLouboutin
Well-Known Member
ElizaBlue
Well-Known Member
That constant back and forth over "a" something...cheating, suspected cheating, disrespect, missing a bday, things that would seem insurmountable...like you couldn't imagine he did that...and you're just done.
Maybe to some at some age it's forgivable...but to me that just leads to back and forth. I'm saying for me now...I would see that event as proof of irreconcilable differences and it would be over....the first time...I no longer allow men to take months...years to convince me they're the wrong one.
lovely_locks
Well-Known Member
Growing apart. I know that this is a total cliche, but it's true. My husband and I got married at 21 and who knew that two people who spend years together all the time could grow up into different people. We just saw the world different. Non of us were wrong, we were just too different.
preciouslove0x
Well-Known Member
I rarely hear this. I wonder how often this type of thing happens.
I believe it happens a lot, and I'm surprised you dont hear it often. I have heard it from quite a few women who got married in/before early 20s.
iheartcouture
Well-Known Member
Same for me. It was always something and eventually (not soon enough) you just get tired of it.
CaraWalker
Well-Known Member
i usually end relationships because the person doesnt want me the way i want to be wanted. now im sort of subconsciously setting the bar that high and its keeping me single 
i think there are things now that i just instinctively no longer put up with that i would have considered and debated in the past. and its weird because i cant even relate to that anymore. it really is true that when you decide what youre worth you wont settle for anything less... for better or worse
i think there are things now that i just instinctively no longer put up with that i would have considered and debated in the past. and its weird because i cant even relate to that anymore. it really is true that when you decide what youre worth you wont settle for anything less... for better or worse
shasha8685
Well-Known Member
The biggest lesson that I have learned from my 20s is that it should not take years to figure out if a person is right for you. In the past I overlooked a lot of red flags just for the sake of holding on to a relationship.
Now, if a person's words or actions are not aligned with what I want or need out of a relationship (e.g.- reciprocity, dating with the goal of being in a relationship, being treated as a priority), it is much easier for me to end things right as I see them.
Now, if a person's words or actions are not aligned with what I want or need out of a relationship (e.g.- reciprocity, dating with the goal of being in a relationship, being treated as a priority), it is much easier for me to end things right as I see them.
CaliiSwagg
Well-Known Member
I chalked most of my breakups up to incompatibility, immaturity, and learning what you do and don't like and making adjustments.
BillsBackerz67
Well-Known Member
I know everyone is different but for myself I could not even imagine being serious with anyone before the age of 25....in fact 19-24 was a huge blur to me. I legit I don't even remember being 19! Yikes! My goodness. I am a completely different person.
naija24
Well-Known Member
honestly, we should have broken up sooner for a multitude of reasons. let's just call them red flags:
--sexist and misogynist, says wives should expect their husbands to cheat after they have kids if they are no longer hot.
--overdominating. example--if I were watching a tv show and it had say...a lot of fat people on it, he would grab the remote and change the channel because he thinks fat people are disgusting.
--he would go complete silent treatment on me if he didn't get his absolute way. he would abruptly end conversations to "teach me a lesson" or because "i act like a 3 year old" child when i would be livid (i cry when i'm really upset) that he hurt my feelings
--talked mad **** about select members of my family and friends but then come back and say he was joking and that i'm "overreacting"
--did a lot of gaslighting manipulation, like habitually
--was super controlling about who i hung out with and how i looked. he almost never outright banned me from doing anything but he would always threaten to leave or make me feel guilty and it was hurtful.
--refused to take my anxiety problems seriously which was a danger to my mental health at times
--not supportive in my times of need. would tell me to talk to my gfs or family or god forbid, just get over it and move on. would compare all my problems to Syria and then say "see, not that big a deal".
in hindsight, i had some great times and i really and truly loved him. but flags should never be ignored. it's ultimately my fault because i didn't establish strong enough emotional boundaries and as a result, i got severely burned for it. so while i'm sad it's over, i'm relieved it's over.
wow....that was a lot......i may delete this post later hahaha but i guess i had to get that off my chest?
--sexist and misogynist, says wives should expect their husbands to cheat after they have kids if they are no longer hot.
--overdominating. example--if I were watching a tv show and it had say...a lot of fat people on it, he would grab the remote and change the channel because he thinks fat people are disgusting.
--he would go complete silent treatment on me if he didn't get his absolute way. he would abruptly end conversations to "teach me a lesson" or because "i act like a 3 year old" child when i would be livid (i cry when i'm really upset) that he hurt my feelings
--talked mad **** about select members of my family and friends but then come back and say he was joking and that i'm "overreacting"
--did a lot of gaslighting manipulation, like habitually
--was super controlling about who i hung out with and how i looked. he almost never outright banned me from doing anything but he would always threaten to leave or make me feel guilty and it was hurtful.
--refused to take my anxiety problems seriously which was a danger to my mental health at times
--not supportive in my times of need. would tell me to talk to my gfs or family or god forbid, just get over it and move on. would compare all my problems to Syria and then say "see, not that big a deal".
in hindsight, i had some great times and i really and truly loved him. but flags should never be ignored. it's ultimately my fault because i didn't establish strong enough emotional boundaries and as a result, i got severely burned for it. so while i'm sad it's over, i'm relieved it's over.
wow....that was a lot......i may delete this post later hahaha but i guess i had to get that off my chest?
Last edited:
aviddiva77
Well-Known Member
THIS. And a narcissist.
daydreem2876
carpe diem
THE EX... he was certifiable and did not want to get treatment
A few times, his ego/insecurites got the better of him and he felt the need to "take me down a peg"
A few other times, I just figured it wasn't me he wanted but the just stereotype of what my external represents.
A few times, his ego/insecurites got the better of him and he felt the need to "take me down a peg"
A few other times, I just figured it wasn't me he wanted but the just stereotype of what my external represents.
PlainJane
Well-Known Member
[QUOTE="naija24;21060277"
--not supportive in my times of need. would tell me to talk to my gfs or family or god forbid, just get over it and move on. would compare all my problems to Syria and then say "see, not that big a deal". [/QUOTE]
Oh I feel your pain on this one. I could never vent to my ex about ANYTHING without him making me feel like it wasn't that big of a deal because he went through"this or that as a kid" or he had a family member locked up or someone died a few months ago he knew or whatever else he could think of to belittle my feelings etc etc
You made a good move.
--not supportive in my times of need. would tell me to talk to my gfs or family or god forbid, just get over it and move on. would compare all my problems to Syria and then say "see, not that big a deal". [/QUOTE]
Oh I feel your pain on this one. I could never vent to my ex about ANYTHING without him making me feel like it wasn't that big of a deal because he went through"this or that as a kid" or he had a family member locked up or someone died a few months ago he knew or whatever else he could think of to belittle my feelings etc etc
You made a good move.
curlcomplexity
formerly qtslim83
MY last ex and I broke up because he was emotionally abusive and a drunk. I felt the lowest I've ever felt in life with that man...and I've been though a lot in life. It took me a long time to finally leave for good and now I thank God everyday that I did.
destinyseeker
Well-Known Member
It definitely happened to my ex and I. We got married at 21 and by the time we got divorced at 35 we had "grown up" to be two very different people who were not compatible.... Just living parallel lives. Close to one another but, not sharing a real connection.
Grown up me would have never chosen him as a life partner.
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