Breaking Generational Cycles. Tips For Creating A Better Life

[Maracujá]

My dad had a first wife. DH’s dad had a first wife as well. And those blended families have caused so much grief for decades...not to mention stripped my siblings and I of financial security. My dad died shortly after marrying my mother. So all the wealth he had built had been pretty much spent on his ex and her kids. They had a gigantic house, he paid for their college.

My mom struggled as a widow. I have no inheritance from my dad. I have sizeable student loans. My half siblings hate me for no reason other than their dad left their mom for mine. Same story on DH’s side of the family. Except everyone is alive so it is full time petty drama.

It is exhausting. It convinced me that even though it works for some people, I am NEVER going to have a relationship with a man who was ever married before. And with kids I refuse to get divorced unless there is abuse. If I DO end up divorced I am not remarrying. Maybe I will change my mind. But I doubt it. Drama galore everywhere I see blended families.

My sister has been with her now DH for nearly 15 years, prior to that she was in a relationship with a man for 10 years and he had a child from a previous relationship.

A few weeks ago she gave me this very same advice, she told me never to get with a man that has previously been married or has children from a previous marriage. It's starting to become the norm nowadays, but it does cause a lot of strife.

 

[Evolving78]

My sister has been with her now DH for nearly 15 years, prior to that she was in a relationship with a man for 10 years and he had a child from a previous relationship.

A few weeks ago she gave me this very same advice, she told me never to get with a man that has previously been married or has children from a previous marriage. It's starting to become the norm nowadays, but it does cause a lot of strife.

I don’t know how that is possible for my age. I am divorced with children myself. It would be different if I was younger. I’m not looking to get involved with anyone for now. But one does have to use discernment when getting involved with people who had previous spouses and/or children.

 

[Maracujá]

Maybe the ladies who've had functional family situations could chime in with some pointers. Perhaps what you see most of us doing wrong and what we could improve.

 

[Evolving78]

Maybe the ladies who've had functional family situations could chime in with some pointers. Perhaps what you see most of us doing wrong and what we could improve.

I am learning and believe that we have to focus on what we want for ourselves and the kind of life we want to live. That’s pretty much it. How we stop the curse/cycle is to stop doing whatever it is that brings it on. Change your mindset and inner being.

 

[Choclatcotton]

Sometimes you just don't know what you don't know. I knew my family was dysfunctional, but it took me moving several states away to really see how bad they were. It's like being in a stinky room. You get used to the funk unless you leave and walk back in.

The women in my family are very dominant and lack feminine energy. One relative has controlled her daughter's life since childhood and she also heavily influenced the marriage as well. I observed her undermining her son in law's parenting on multiple occasions.

There's a lot of emotional abuse and negativity, cloaked as "telling it like it is". They think I'm disrespectful but if you come for me, you will get checked. It took me a long time to get to that point though. Therapy, distance, prayer, patience, and boundaries have helped me to not be like them.

YES!! I cant get to the like button fast enough

 

[Maracujá]

bump bump bump

 

[Shiks]

I thought about this thread when I read Beyonce's piece in Vogue.
Therapy has been helpful as has been listening to my gut. I realize I can't change the past but I can work on the futures doing that.

 

[Maracujá]

 

[lana]

My siblings and I are each happily married, gainfully employed, and well settled in life. some are married only a few years, the oldest has been married most of my life.

Many of our cousins of the same age are: on drugs, addicted to alcohol, unemployed or making a living by....? , unmarried with up to four children by different fathers, or in jail for life. Ask me to name a married cousin? Out of fifteen, I can name one.

The difference was God given. It was knowing in our bones that a man can't make you happy, so find happiness alone and then you'll have something to share. The difference was religion, morality, and early exposure to healthy family dynamics.
The difference was having godly standards and marrying men that felt the same way. The children that have come after us into these happy marriages are like nothing I've ever seen...they are happy, well adjusted and they don't know a life without mommy and daddy loving each other and raising the family together. Those children of my blood live each day with an abundance of hope and don't even realize it.

Note: This is not to say we have never experience problems, ups and downs, etc.

If you got this far...lol...please don't quote.