Boyfriend And Church...

[Icandoallthings]

Hi ladies, I'm new to this particular board but I'm seriously seeking some adivce. I've been with my current boyfriend for 5 months and I'm not quite in love, but our care for eachother is pretty strong and pretty apparent. I've always been raised to have a "man" by your side who respects God as much if not more than you do, but he doesn't seem to be all that interested. I talk to him about God, but he says I'm "pressuring" him. I ask him to go to fellowship with me, but he doesnt' want to and doesn't know why. I go to a small home run church that can be found in any state and a few international countries, so I was thinking maybe he thought he'd get called on to pray so he didn't want to go.... but even after I explained that they wouldn't AND all the people in the fellowship expressed how much "potential to be a leader" he had, he STILL just doesn't want to go to my church or ANY church. I'm really at my wits end because the lord means so much to me and yet not too much at all to him... Ladies, please help... What can I do?

 

[CandiceC]

Hi ladies, I'm new to this particular board but I'm seriously seeking some adivce. I've been with my current boyfriend for 5 months and I'm not quite in love, but our care for eachother is pretty strong and pretty apparent. I've always been raised to have a "man" by your side who respects God as much if not more than you do, but he doesn't seem to be all that interested. I talk to him about God, but he says I'm "pressuring" him. I ask him to go to fellowship with me, but he doesnt' want to and doesn't know why. I go to a small home run church that can be found in any state and a few international countries, so I was thinking maybe he thought he'd get called on to pray so he didn't want to go.... but even after I explained that they wouldn't AND all the people in the fellowship expressed how much "potential to be a leader" he had, he STILL just doesn't want to go to my church or ANY church. I'm really at my wits end because the lord means so much to me and yet not too much at all to him... Ladies, please help... What can I do?

Is this what you believe? If so, why are you with him?

 

[PrincessDiva]

This is why God asks us not to be unevenly yoked . If you want a Christian man its best to get one instead of trying to make one. Just ask God to touch his heart. Keep inviting him but don"t press the issue by getting upset or nagging him. We can"t change people so you may have to separate yourself from him . Good Luck, Luv Diva

 

[tatje]

I'm sorry to hear this. Atleast your not in too deep. God comes first in everything and if he can't be a leader and set the example of how to love and worship God or even make an attempt because it's something that you want (God could be using you as a vessel to get him closer to the church) or he himself wants, then it time to call it quits now because you will have conflicting issues on how you will situations and how you view things. You may be in a situation where it you think "What would Jesus do?" and he may be in the same situation thinking "What would I do?" This aspect of him will show in everything you guys will have coming your way. Whether you believe in giving 10 percent of your earnings to your church and he doesn't, it will be a conflict.

So if you feel that you cannot hang on in there and you have done everything in your power (and prayed for it) to atleast accompany you to church, then it's time to call it quits. You need/want a man of God.

 

[kbragg]

Dump him and pray for him. Trust me. I was in a relationship with a man like this before. I thought I could influence him but instead he influenced me, got me pregnant so I married him thinking it was the right thing to do, was abusive, tried to kill me, dragged me down with him into a life of sin. When I broke free from him I went into a downward spiral of rebellion and promiscuity that I am still recoving from. The man doesn't love God and he doesn't love you. Men do this all the time, use a girls faith to get in her panties and end up ruining her life. He is NOT on God's side, he lives for the devil and trust me, the devil WILL use him to make you fall if you don't use wisdom and get away from him. Trust me on this one, GET OUT!

 

[Cichelle]

Asking him repeatedly or otherwise nagging, begging, etc. is most likely not going to work. You might be turning him off more to the idea. I don't know. But I suggest that if it is very important to you that your SO be of the same mind and faith, as it seems to be, then maybe you should reevalute whether you want to stay in this relationship. You can see the trouble the issue is causing already and unless he changes his mind, it's only going to cause you further heartache.

 

[melodee]

Everyone gave sound advice. Your taking a stand may cause him to rethink his lack of committment. If it doesn't then, maybe God is shielding you. Be bold, be strong!

 

[Crissi]

Yes, i'd say becareful he doesn't sound like he's equally yolked. However i don't like to speak on this topic much me and my so have been together 19 months, we were bestfriends first - and prior to bestfriend we've known each other 7yrs. Anyway i wasn't a Christian and we never really spoke about God until we were in a relationship, all i knew was that he was a christian left it at that. Cut a long story short all i can say is if it wasn't for God using him i don't think i would ever get saved. So you never know you may be able towork for him but it depends - i was always open to God, just not religion, and hypocrites etc etc. Just continue to pray on it.

Crissi, x

 

[calliope]

Dump him and pray for him. Trust me. I was in a relationship with a man like this before. I thought I could influence him but instead he influenced me, got me pregnant so I married him thinking it was the right thing to do, was abusive, tried to kill me, dragged me down with him into a life of sin. When I broke free from him I went into a downward spiral of rebellion and promiscuity that I am still recoving from. The man doesn't love God and he doesn't love you. Men do this all the time, use a girls faith to get in her panties and end up ruining her life. He is NOT on God's side, he lives for the devil and trust me, the devil WILL use him to make you fall if you don't use wisdom and get away from him. Trust me on this one, GET OUT!

I agree with this completely. One of the biggest mistakes that a woman can make is thinking that she can change a man. You can't change anyone- especially a man. Pray for him, be a nice friend, but I'd say to re-think your relationship before you get into something where you didn't start out on the same page and you never get there either. I mean, if you were to marry this man, he would be the head of your household. Do you really want to submit to someone who does not submit to your Lord? Re-think and pray hard and good luck.

 

[baby42]

This is why God asks us not to be unevenly yoked . If you want a Christian man its best to get one instead of trying to make one. Just ask God to touch his heart. Keep inviting him but don"t press the issue by getting upset or nagging him. We can"t change people so you may have to separate yourself from him . Good Luck, Luv Diva

MY SAME THINKING

 

[Choclatcotton]

Great advice, I was in this same situation years ago, I wanted God and a family, He wanted basketball games on Sundays so I broke it off with God's help and power becuz I was emotionally attached and alllll wrapped up but God soon healed my heart. I prayed hard for him and gave him a Bible to read and consider but he still refused and said he wasnt ready to go to church, commit his life, he wasnt ready for marriage and wanted to live together, He wasnt ready to call me his girl friend just his friend so I told him I wasnt ready to live life on what he wasnt ready to do and we parted ways. He later wrote me with regret but still was not ready. He even came to Church and heard a message preached about the dangers of Hell but he still walked away. Next few years I had heard from my mother. She heard a report about him on the evening news that he was hiking in the mountains with a well known Sierra Club, and had a freak accident and fell in a deep hole and had died all they recovered were his back pack because he had strayed away from the group. SO glad I listened to God

 

[Nice & Wavy]

Great advice, I was in this same situation years ago, I wanted God and a family, He wanted basketball games on Sundays so I broke it off with God's help and power becuz I was emotionally attached and alllll wrapped up but God soon healed my heart. I prayed hard for him and gave him a Bible to read and consider but he still refused and said he wasnt ready to go to church, commit his life, he wasnt ready for marriage and wanted to live together, He wasnt ready to call me his girl friend just his friend so I told him I wasnt ready to live life on what he wasnt ready to do and we parted ways. He later wrote me with regret but still was not ready. He even came to Church and heard a message preached about the dangers of Hell but he still walked away. Next few years I had heard from my mother. She heard a report about him on the evening news that he was hiking in the mountains with a well known Sierra Club, and had a freak accident and fell in a deep hole and had died all they recovered were his back pack because he had strayed away from the group. SO glad I listened to God

Jesus said..."my sheep knows my voice and a stranger they will not follow." When we listen to His voice, we are taken away from harm.
Thank God you listen. To bad for your friend. I just pray that he gave his heart to the Lord before his death.

Blessings.

 

[Lotus]

What can I do?[/B]

Pray or him... not so that he comes around for you, but so that he has a relationship with God for himself.

Make sure you are Christ-like in your conduct. Lead by example.

Don't nag him about fellowship or his relationship with God. If you do, in he may see 'church' as a battle between him and you vs something that you both can enjoy together. Sometimes the more you push, the more they pull.. ya know.

IMO- God should instruct your boyfriend what his roll w/be in the church. It matters not what types of 'potential' the congregation sees in him... until God says it is for him, it's not and based on what I've read- I dont think this young man is ready to be groomed for leadership in the Church... no matter how charasmatic he is.

Speaking from experience- Since you guys are casually dating... I dont think you should break things off with him completely. Instead, be a light, give him some rope and see what he does with it. I went through a similar situation with one of my exes. We are no longer together, but he is now saved and a leader in the children's ministry in his church.

 

[InnerSoul]

Asking him repeatedly or otherwise nagging, begging, etc. is most likely not going to work. You might be turning him off more to the idea. I don't know. But I suggest that if it is very important to you that your SO be of the same mind and faith, as it seems to be, then maybe you should reevalute whether you want to stay in this relationship. You can see the trouble the issue is causing already and unless he changes his mind, it's only going to cause you further heartache.

Exactly!!.. also if it is a conflict already now in the relationship because he doesn't want to have any part of your religion...or it's a constant tug of war... this most likely will not change if you decide to stay in the relationship. You will end up being unhappy and miserable in the long run! It will be like only one person is in the relationship not two.. and if you feel so strongly about it...why compromise your religion, faith and beliefs to please him? just something to think about.. these are just my opinions.. hth

 

[firecracker]

This is why God asks us not to be unevenly yoked . If you want a Christian man its best to get one instead of trying to make one. Just ask God to touch his heart. Keep inviting him but don"t press the issue by getting upset or nagging him. We can"t change people so you may have to separate yourself from him . Good Luck, Luv Diva

ITA.

 

[Icandoallthings]

Thank you ladies soooooo very much. I feel like I shouldn't give up on him quite yet, but as I go off to basic training and he goes off to college, I would like him to have some God in his life. I've seen some of the results of my friends going off to college and becoming crazy Godless freaks, so even if he and I don't stay together, I feel like I need to help him find his way to the wonderful light of the Word. I know I can't force him, and that's the one thing I've fixed! I don't nag, I just casually bring things up. If he want's to talk, then we talk, if he doesn't, I don't beat him over the head with it. All I know is that I do care a whole lot for him, and I want him to have the best, and I know that God is the key to this.... Any way, I thank you ladies again for your help. I'll keep you updated on how things go! Thanks a million!!!!!

 

[Icandoallthings]

Pray or him... not so that he comes around for you, but so that he has a relationship with God for himself.

Make sure you are Christ-like in your conduct. Lead by example.

Don't nag him about fellowship or his relationship with God. If you do, in he may see 'church' as a battle between him and you vs something that you both can enjoy together. Sometimes the more you push, the more they pull.. ya know.

IMO- God should instruct your boyfriend what his roll w/be in the church. It matters not what types of 'potential' the congregation sees in him... until God says it is for him, it's not and based on what I've read- I dont think this young man is ready to be groomed for leadership in the Church... no matter how charasmatic he is.

Speaking from experience- Since you guys are casually dating... I dont think you should break things off with him completely. Instead, be a light, give him some rope and see what he does with it. I went through a similar situation with one of my exes. We are no longer together, but he is now saved and a leader in the children's ministry in his church.

Oh, and by the way, they just meant that he's got a warm heart and personality (which he does) and he's not afraid to ask questions. He's a very giving person and, with the right guidance and knowledge in the Word, way way way off in the future, he'd be a wonderful asset to my family (my mother and I) and to our fellowship. They in NO way meant any time soon, lol. But I understand why you may have thought that's what I meant

 

[tmichelle]

Dump him and pray for him. Trust me. I was in a relationship with a man like this before. I thought I could influence him but instead he influenced me, got me pregnant so I married him thinking it was the right thing to do, was abusive, tried to kill me, dragged me down with him into a life of sin. When I broke free from him I went into a downward spiral of rebellion and promiscuity that I am still recoving from. The man doesn't love God and he doesn't love you. Men do this all the time, use a girls faith to get in her panties and end up ruining her life. He is NOT on God's side, he lives for the devil and trust me, the devil WILL use him to make you fall if you don't use wisdom and get away from him. Trust me on this one, GET OUT!

Your response really touched me. I hope things are looking up for you! I do hope people take your advice. You didn't pull punches or mince words and are exactly correct.

 

[Evolving78]

Yes, i'd say becareful he doesn't sound like he's equally yolked. However i don't like to speak on this topic much me and my so have been together 19 months, we were bestfriends first - and prior to bestfriend we've known each other 7yrs. Anyway i wasn't a Christian and we never really spoke about God until we were in a relationship, all i knew was that he was a christian left it at that. Cut a long story short all i can say is if it wasn't for God using him i don't think i would ever get saved. So you never know you may be able towork for him but it depends - i was always open to God, just not religion, and hypocrites etc etc. Just continue to pray on it.

Crissi, x

I was in a relationship with a person that wasn't saved and I wanted to wait to have sex, but he felt that because I wasn't a virgin and he was just coming into his own that I was being selfish and not caring about his feelings. Well I ended up marrying this man and had his child and I will tell you that it is a struggle. But through God all things are possible. My husband did expect Christ, but I think he did it because I was having doubts about marry someone who wasn't a believer.
That's when you need to treat this guy as a Brother in Christ and that is it. You can still be a distant friend and continue to witness to him from a far. Do you practice what you preach to him? Let your light be a guide to Christ.
I am learning myself that if you want to stay in alignment with God you need to have people that can hold you accountable for the things do or decisions that you make. I am only speaking from experience. You do not want to marry a man who is not truly saved.