Big Hair....?

[Soliel185]

I'm almost 9 months into my transition back to natural ( I was relaxed for 1 1/2 ys) and this past weekend I decided to straighten my hair.

Needless to say - with 9 months of fro under there, my hair is straight and swinging, but also has TONS of volume. If I didn't know me, I might think it was a wig.

I'm committed to my transition, but over the last 2 days my SO has looked at me and gone "Why is your hair so BIG?" Today he said it looked like I was preparing to star in Cadillac Records with Beyonce. I like it, but his comments are getting me down a little. I mean - my hair is only going to get bigger from here, and even with more length (I'm an inch from APL now) it will not be super sleek. I don't think he's against the natural thing - but I met him relaxed and I don't think he's ever dated anyone that wasn't, and his comments make he think he doesn't quite understand how much bigger this poof is going to get.

How can I tell him that a: him ragging on my hair hurts my feelings and b: I'm committed to this change to he'd better get used to it?

and if any of you ladies have pics of you looking swexy with your big hair please post them! It gives me something to work toward.

 

[*closer*2*my*dreams*]

AWWWWWW...I really don't know what to say...my SO is supportive, but sometimes he makes disparaging comments, but in the end, I know he loves me and wants the best; just tell him how you feel and what your hair goal is and that all you ask is for his support and understanding...

 

[Simply_Kelz]

I don't think he meant any harm, just let him know, thick hair isn't anything to be ashamed of, your're going natural, so it's only uphill from here, it hurts for him to make sly comments and jokes, if he care's he'll try to understand

 

[ajacks]

I don't think he was trying to be mean, but I would let him know that it hurts your feelings. Maybe show him some old pics of your natural hair if you want him to see what it will ultimately look like. BTW... your hair in your avatar is big and sexy, so you have nothing to worry about.

 

[Iluvsmuhgrass]

Mine looks but he says nothing except,"It's getting thicker." lol. Good man.

Girl your hair is incredible. You're a beautiful lady! Just tell him in a diplomatic way that it's old already and he needs to stop because it's hurting your feelings. If he's not mature enough to understand and apologize or at the very least be supportive of your transition....then he needs to "kick rocks".

 

[Soliel185]

I don't think he meant any harm, just let him know, thick hair isn't anything to be ashamed of, your're going natural, so it's only uphill from here, it hurts for him to make sly comments and jokes, if he care's he'll try to understand

Yeah -- I dont think he meant any harm either. But it seems like the only time he's not criticising my hair is when it's in a bun or french roll. I'd just like to wear it down every once in while w/o thinking everyone - including my SO - is looking at me like some kind of circus freak.

I don't think he was trying to be mean, but I would let him know that it hurts your feelings. Maybe show him some old pics of your natural hair if you want him to see what it will ultimately look like. BTW... your hair in your avatar is big and sexy, so you have nothing to worry about.

I showed him some pictures and he seemed okay, but I think pictures and then seeing it in reality are just two different completely different beasts.

 

[snowbal2200]

Soliel185 I am transitioning in order to acquire the look that you currently have. Your hair is gorgeous. It looks just like a wig. This is what I want so badly. I am taking my vitamins regularly and caring for my hair consistently. I will get to where you are one day, I know it.

Okay, enough of my wishful thinking. Your significant other. Hmmmm........how can I put this lightly without being offensive. Making the decision to transition to 100% natural is one thing, sticking to it and accomplishing what you have, is success, in my opinion. Your hair is simply gorgeous. I am sure your SO is not aware of this but women pay big bucks to have hair like your's (Diana Ross, Chaka Khan). It is obvious that you take to heart what his opinion of your hair is so I can respect that. Perhaps you need to just meet in the middle. I mean, a plus is that he thought of Beyonce when he saw your hair. Beyonce pays thousands of dollars for her hair to look like that and for you it came naturally. Honestly, if your hair is such a big issue to him that it puts a strain on your relationship, then I think it would be wise for you to evaluate the whole relationship. I feel he just prefers other styles but he is not a hairdresser so he is not expressing himself correctly and instead he is unintentionally hurting your feelings. Get creative, add curls sometimes, flat iron other times, give him different looks. You have a lot to work with which is great! You should make him know that his comments hurt your feelings. He probably has no idea that his comments are effecting you in that way. But whatever you do, please remember, dont do anything to your hair that will damage it, as a result of trying to please someone. In a relationship, couples should always please each other, which means meeting in the middle at times. However, a loving partner would never want his/her significant other to do something that would result in harming his/her physical being or health in any way. Ask him how you should do your hair. If what he suggests is not healthy for your hair, explain why that suggestion will not work and then give him a chance to come up with something else. Don't stress it will work out fine.

PLEASE DON'T STRESS!! YOU CAN MAKE YOUR HAIR FALL OUT AND I KNOW HE DOES NOT WANT TO SEE YOU BALDHEADED!

 

[BostonMaria]

Men can be so insensitive sometimes. They really have no idea how much our hair means to us

My husband thought he was giving me a compliment when he said my hair looked like a LION. He was like "your hair... its so big... Like a LION"
I wanted to punch him in the gut
Instead I told him to keep his compliments to himself. He was all confused, talking about "Oh but I LIKE Lions" I told him to stop while he still could

The only thing I would say is that I have The Surpreme's hair and buying a Chi ceramic flatiron finally gave me the straight and flat hair I was looking for. Buy a Chi or get a new boyfriend, either way you win

 

[snowbal2200]

BostonMaria, I love that comment "buy a Chi or get a new boyfriend." That is funny.

Soliel185's boyfriend has no idea what he has. A young woman who is naturally pretty with her real hair. He better recognize. You let that hair down girl. It is gorgeous. But dont let it down too much.....remember protective styles, protective styles. You must maintain the health of your hair so dont let it be exposed to the air too much. I am such a hair fanatic.

DO YOUR THANG SOLIEL185!!!!!!!!!! YOU ROCK GIRL!!!

 

[Soliel185]

Thanks, Ladies!

I love my SO, and we have a good relationship. The hair thing is not even that big an issue - just a difference of opinion I guess.

I started this thread b/c I am not changing my hair for anybody - I'm past that now, so I wanted to get it together and just tell him that his "opinions" are unsolicited and unwanted w/o it becoming a fight. Men and Women operate on different levels, I knew that if I went into it all emotional I wouldn't get my point across.

I have a sneaking suspicion that he thinks I should just go to "the shop" and let someone else do my hair b/c I obviously have no idea what I'm doin. I haven't bothered to explain to him that going to the shop is
a: expensive and b: part of the reason why so many women don't have hair on their heads NOW. I like doing my hair, and I think going to a pro would probably just get me an unwanted cut and some permanant heat damage.

 

[Soliel185]

Men can be so insensitive sometimes. They really have no idea how much our hair means to us

My husband thought he was giving me a compliment when he said my hair looked like a LION. He was like "your hair... its so big... Like a LION"
I wanted to punch him in the gut
Instead I told him to keep his compliments to himself. He was all confused, talking about "Oh but I LIKE Lions" I told him to stop while he still could

The only thing I would say is that I have The Surpreme's hair and buying a Chi ceramic flatiron finally gave me the straight and flat hair I was looking for. Buy a Chi or get a new boyfriend, either way you win

That Lion thing is funny. I know EXACTLY what you mean. And then they're like "What..? I was trying to be nice!"

Yeah - I'll show you "nice" mutha..

 

[carameldiva]

Girl, your hair is beautiful. You and your SO should be proud. I love big hair. It never goes out of style.

 

[nomoweavesfome]

Is that the result in your avatar? It is absolutely beautiful! Oh I wish!

 

[msa]

I couldn't even read your post because I was so mesmerized by your hair. It's beautiful.

 

[SouthernStunner]

I must tell you that I feel your pain. I am not natural but I had collar bone length hair and when I got pregnant with twins I did the toni braxton.
For a long time my grandfather and DH would call me boy names. I have a long neck as well so I guess it wasnt to cute. One day I sat DH down and expressed my feelings and since then everything has been cool.

Tell him how you feel

 

[hopeful]

Big hair is the business and your hair is really beautiful. Men can be funny and unpredictable, I am learning to not take them too seriously. My dh said to me this weekend, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I prefer your hair like that." I was wearing a fluffy twist-out. All this time I was secretly thinking he still did not like my natural (and now texturized) hair. He never said he didn't like my hair but I could just tell that initially he felt it was more important to be supportive than voice his opinion, which I appreciated.